Guys, have you ever been abused by a girlfriend/wife?

[freakygirl]

A spin off of Marxists thread.

My brother was in an abusive relationship. A few days after Christmas his girlfriend had him arrested saying he was beating on her. He spent a few weeks in jail for this.

After doing extensive research his attorney found out that my brother was the abusee not the abuser. The girlfriend would hurt herself intentionaly and tell the police he had done it. In the mean time, my brother would have bruises and red marks but was to ashamed to say anything.

In jail when asked why he was there, he was honest and told them his girlfriend abused him. He was teased (which is why most men won't admit to it)

Yes, my brother is an alcoholic, but he isn't a mean person when drinking. He is the kind that passes out and can not be woken up. (he hasn't had a drink for a month now and is attending AA on his own will)

So, my question to you guys is.. have you ever been.. or are you now in an abusive relationship?

post as Unregistered if you prefer, I completly understand.

 

[Shy Tall Guy]

Not while we were married; but after we splitup I suffered a hell of a lot of heavy verbal and mental abuse everytime I went to pickup my daughter. That went on for about 7 or 8 years until she stopped being so pissed at me for the divorce.

Had I let her, I do believe she would have either cut my throat or messed up my face with that broken ashtray I described in Marxist's thread - and it was a struggle; I was sitting down and she was above me, and she did leave a scar on my hand.

 

[EthiopianPrince]

A spin off of Marxists thread.

My brother was in an abusive relationship. A few days after Christmas his girlfriend had him arrested saying he was beating on her. He spent a few weeks in jail for this.

After doing extensive research his attorney found out that my brother was the abusee not the abuser. The girlfriend would hurt herself intentionaly and tell the police he had done it. In the mean time, my brother would have bruises and red marks but was to ashamed to say anything.

This is a good example of how the law favors women in domestic violence and abuse cases. As men, we should excercise caution to not end up in situations like freakygurl's unfortunate brother.

 

[Guest]

I've never been abused, per se.

But I've been in a relationship where my girlfriend would go occasionally go into these intense fits of rage. She would break things. She was/is a very unhappy person. It made me feel guilty that I couldn't make her happy.

Did you ever see that movie "Blue Sky" with Jessica Lange? and her military husband Tommy Lee Jones? My girlfriend wasn't normally that bad, but she had her moments . Fortunately for me, I hadn't made any commitment. As much as it may have hurt her, sooner or later self-preservation kicked in and I was out of there.

When I stopped dating her, she (probably) surpressed these emotions inside. She doesn't seem quite as expressive, anymore. I am friends with her, now. She still needs me, and I like her okay as a friend. But I need to keep my distance.

I'm sure she would tell the story differently, implying that nothing was her fault. It's the world conspiring against her. But it doesn't really matter whose fault it is if things never change, does it?

 

[Marxist]

bump.

 

[Moridin187]

Abused? It depends what you mean.. Physically? No. Mentally/Emotionally.....

Yes... By several women.. I seem to attract them... my last real relationship was with a girl who I loved more than anything else on this planet.. I would gladly have died for her, and she knew it.. She used it against me... She was constantly flying into these fits of depression.. She'd beg for me to help her.. and after I had exhausted everything I could possibly think of, all to little or no avail.. I'd ask her what she wanted me to do, and she'd say she didn't know.. I'd ask her how I could help.. she'd say that I couldn't.. Everyday.. for months.. And when I didn't go along with what she wanted.. she'd go into an even deeper depression.. and talk about killing herself... and she'd cut on herself.... That was a very bad time in my life.. and you can thank LDF for the fact that I'm still breathing...

 

[SimplySouthern]

Re: Re: Guys, have you ever been abused by a girlfriend/wife?

This is a good example of how the law favors women in domestic violence and abuse cases. As men, we should excercise caution to not end up in situations like freakygurl's unfortunate brother.

I have to disagree with your above post. I don't think the law favors one gender or the other (at least not in my state). Here in NC, the laws are written to be non-gender specific.

The problem we see with the situation as described by Freakgurl32 is that most men are afraid to come forward. Men who are abusive to women may present themselves at the time of their arrest with marks/buising of their own. Often these are from a violent act against another person that backfired (ie. they threw something and it bounced back and hit them). When the police arrive on a scene, whether concocted by the female "victim" or not, if the man doesn't tell his side of what happened, the police can't possibly KNOW intuitively what took place.

If they don't TELL the police the true situation, I think it's unfair of us as the general public at large to cry "Foul" when no one runs to their aid.

The bottom line with any kind of Domestic Violence is:

You Don't Deserve It.
You Don't Have to Take It.
You Can Get Help.

 

[freakygirl]

Wow.. some responses.. cool!

Thanks guys for responding. My brother thinks he is alone in this. I've done some research on the net and showed him that he isn't, but he just doesn't believe me. He didn't have much self esteem to start with, but damn this has really made it worse.


Moridin187- I used the term "abused" in a generic way.. Mental or physical.. it's all abuse. It's all wrong. It's sad to see that any of it happens.


My own "Domestic Violence" story. 8 years ago.. August 1, 1994 I was taken to jail for "beating up my boyfriend". I didn't know what to do.. so I pleaded guilty to it (big mistake).

I had a guy that was my babysitter, I had come home from work at about 10pm and my kids were asleep in their rooms, and he was passed out on my couch. I tried to wake him up. When he finally woke up I found out he was drunk. Needless to say, I was PISSED! I called him a few choice names and told him to leave. (he had been in a fight earlier that day and had a black eye). He wouldn't leave. I called the police and asked them to come remove him. When I hung up the phone he told me "Take your fucking panties off and get in the bed" I told him no. He came after me, I ducked he hit the wall with his fist. Police showed up and asked what was going on. He said "oh, she's my girlfriend and she punched me. When I tried to get away from her she threw a bottle at me. It hit the wall right there *pointing to the hole he just put in the wall*. I wasn't questioned I was handcuffed and taken to jail. He was allowed to stay in MY house with MY kids (I later called my ex husband and had him go get the kids and had him escort "Tim" out of my house).

Now, "Tim" and I were not boyfriend and girlfriend. I never had any sort of relationship with him other than he was hired to babysit (just for that one night. I didn't know about his drinking problem. I had known him about a year and had never seen him drunk)

Because I had never been in trouble before, i didn't know what to do. I just wanted out of jail NOW! I went to court pleaded guilty got a fine and a no contact order.

So..my point to this story is.. domestic violence laws.. are NOT gender specific.. It's who ever cries the loudest the soonest.

 

[patient1]

Nope. I still believe it happens, I recall reading about it : as you said the men are too ashamed to admit it.

 

[HarlemBlade]

Abuse? Yes...but definitely not as bad as it can get or I have seen in this thread already. My last girlfriend had a lot of personal emotional issues that spilled out repeatedly into our relationship. She had almost no self esteem and no ability at all to express what she wanted or to even bring it to the table. Because of this, even though I was sensitive to it and tried to help her through things, everything was always my fault. It was like I had to be on alert 24/7 for her, which under normal circumstnces I would have been fine with; I did everything for her. But because of the way she was, that 24/7 wasn't enough...it always had to be more because she could never find any basic self-satisfaction within herself. She thought she deserved to be treated terribly so all the good I did went right past her; she never recognized it.

After she broke up with me (which is a crazy, abusive story in and of itself), she continued the pattern when I tried to open a friendship between us again. She took advantage of my good nature , coming to me with all her problems in her new relationship and dangling us getting back together or getting married in my face, then pulling it away again. I finally had the courage after a few months to get out of it, though, and I haven't talked to her since.

It's kind of sad now, though, because she's with a guy who treats her like crap. But that's how she wants to be treated. *sigh*