Gunsmoke

[CharleyH]

Okay, I have been waiting a year for a gunfight. Last I recall there was some Tom Jones, no it was some dude in tight leather pants, like the Doors, like Jim Morrison and some chick complaining she enjoyed Champagne from 1983. I have waited enough! I WANT GUN SMOKE!

 

[unpredictablebijou]

Okay, I have been waiting a year for a gunfight. Last I recall there was some Tom Jones, no it was some dude in tight leather pants, like the Doors, like Jim Morrison and some chick complaining she enjoyed Champagne from 1983. I have waited enough! I WANT GUN SMOKE!

Okay.

Draw, Hombre.

bj

 

[Angeline]

Hey Charley baby. How ya been?

Poets, if you haven't seen gunfight threads here before here's how it works. Each pair of poets have a period of time (usually a half hour to an hour) to write a poem. A new, spontaneous, all of a sudden passion suddenly poem. The thread starter (aka Charley) posts the title at which point the clock begins ticking. Post the poem as soon (up to time being called) as you're satisfied with it. Three judges then vote and the winner? Well the winner gets to blow the smoke away from his or her gun dramatically and say "Take that, pardner." Plus you get your poem.

Charley dearest, when do you want this gunfight? I'll be a judge and we need two other judge volunteers. It's fun really. And we don't want to disappoint Charley.

 

[unpredictablebijou]

I won't judge (my inability to judge anything properly is well known) but I'm sorta in the mood to get gunned down like a yellow dog in the middle of a sun-baked street at high noon. Besides, the shop's a bit dead today... so I'm bored. I'd like to be a COMPLETE LOSER this afternoon. Sign me up.

bijou

 

[champagne1982]

I won't judge (my inability to judge anything properly is well known) but I'm sorta in the mood to get gunned down like a yellow dog in the middle of a sun-baked street at high noon. Besides, the shop's a bit dead today... so I'm bored. I'd like to be a COMPLETE LOSER this afternoon. Sign me up.

bijou

The noon is sunhigh. The blow is dust weed tumbled down an empty street. My chaffs are chapping and the smoke has been oiled from my gun. Let's do it now.

 

[champagne1982]

Besides, I'm painfree from the T3's and icepacks...

 

[unpredictablebijou]

The noon is sunhigh. The blow is dust weed tumbled down an empty street. My chaffs are chapping and the smoke has been oiled from my gun. Let's do it now.

jesus she's already started. I'm so doomed. May as well not even load my gun.
sigh.

okay let's go. how's this work, 'zactly?

bj

 

[champagne1982]

jesus she's already started. I'm so doomed. May as well not even load my gun.
sigh.

okay let's go. how's this work, 'zactly?

bj

well, fust we finds us'n a moderator. Them's th' folk what gives us the bullets fer the guns... I won't call 'em pistols, cuz that be whut we is.

Once we have th' form, content and limitations in our holsters, that's when th' judges hide behind the hitchin' rails and we stand out in the middle of the street.

Th' moderator then holla's out ta draw and we'uns start th' shootin' match.

We post 'em when we're done, or when our time's up, 'chever comes fust. Then th' judges disappear into the saloon to deliberate. We commisserate for a bit.

Once the verdict comes down, the undertaker measures one of us for a casket and the townfolk elect the other as sherriff...

You git yer eyes off'n my badge thar ya varmint!

 

[unpredictablebijou]

*digging around for my black hat... ah, here it is...*

 

[Angeline]

Hello there fighters. Two excellent contenders, and I bet they both look hawt in fringed miniskirts and leather holsters and high heels. Which is the spirit in which these gunfights should proceed imo.

How about if we wait an hour for Charley to reappear and come up with a title and two other judges to volunteer. And judges, it's just a vote yaknow? But you should have at least one reason why you choose the poem you choose.

That ok? You cowgirls down with that?

 

[Angeline]

well, fust we finds us'n a moderator. Them's th' folk what gives us the bullets fer the guns... I won't call 'em pistols, cuz that be whut we is.

Once we have th' form, content and limitations in our holsters, that's when th' judges hide behind the hitchin' rails and we stand out in the middle of the street.

Th' moderator then holla's out ta draw and we'uns start th' shootin' match.

We post 'em when we're done, or when our time's up, 'chever comes fust. Then th' judges disappear into the saloon to deliberate. We commisserate for a bit.

Once the verdict comes down, the undertaker measures one of us for a casket and the townfolk elect the other as sherriff...

You git yer eyes off'n my badge thar ya varmint!

You don't want me to decide, do you? I'm in the mood for form poems.

 

[champagne1982]

upbj prolly jinxed herself... I'm betting 30 customers just showed up to ask her for exclusive designs for them, their mom and their three teenaged daughters... in time for the holiday gift giving day thingie...

 

[unpredictablebijou]

You don't want me to decide, do you? I'm in the mood for form poems.

holy shit, NO! Have a little mercy. This is my first - and undoubtedly last - gunfight.

5'9". And leave a little room in the box for my hat.

bj

 

[champagne1982]

You don't want me to decide, do you? I'm in the mood for form poems.

Is that a loaded gun in your holster or are you just happy to see my mini-fringe?

 

[unpredictablebijou]

upbj prolly jinxed herself... I'm betting 30 customers just showed up to ask her for exclusive designs for them, their mom and their three teenaged daughters... in time for the holiday gift giving day thingie...

Indeed, it did just step up a notch. However, my business podner will be here soon so I might be okay.

bj

 

[champagne1982]

holy shit, NO! Have a little mercy. This is my first - and undoubtedly last - gunfight.

5'9". And leave a little room in the box for my hat.

bj

yeah baby. you c'n leave yer hat on.. and yer boots. Nuttin' worse'n gettin' caught with yer skirts up, pantaloons down and yer boots in a corner, 'sides... Ah likes a grrl with spurs in th' air. YEEEHAW!

 

[Angeline]

Is that a loaded gun in your holster or are you just happy to see my mini-fringe?

I'm always happy to see you and your mini-fringe.

And we'll wait a bit longer for Bij's partner to show and maybe Charley to check in. We can always start before the other judges show, but cmon you lurking poets. Volunteer, darnit. These two are good writers. They can handle it.

Bij. dear girl? You can handle a little form. I promise no vilanelles or sestinas.

 

[Angeline]

yeah baby. you c'n leave yer hat on.. and yer boots. Nuttin' worse'n gettin' caught with yer skirts up, pantaloons down and yer boots in a corner, 'sides... Ah likes a grrl with spurs in th' air. YEEEHAW!

Your drugs are making you scary. Lol.

 

[champagne1982]

I'm always happy to see you and your mini-fringe.

And we'll wait a bit longer for Bij's partner to show and maybe Charley to check in. We can always start before the other judges show, but cmon you lurking poets. Volunteer, darnit. These two are good writers. They can handle it.

Bij. dear girl? You can handle a little form. I promise no vilanelles or sestinas.

LOL you tyrant! We only have an hour to write 'em... Shee-it it takes an hour just to transcribe the rhyme and line schemes onto excel for those things!

.
Wait a doggon minute! Didn't I actually write a villanelly or terzna-thingme for a challenge... sangfroid I think it was...

 

[unpredictablebijou]

I'm always happy to see you and your mini-fringe.

And we'll wait a bit longer for Bij's partner to show and maybe Charley to check in. We can always start before the other judges show, but cmon you lurking poets. Volunteer, darnit. These two are good writers. They can handle it.

Bij. dear girl? You can handle a little form. I promise no vilanelles or sestinas.

There are indeed forms I'd like to handle...

I'm okay at form when I've got LOTS OF TIME TO BE BAD AT IT FIRST. But I won't protest too much on that; I know what it'll get me...

It needs to be pointed out that Champ is going to shoot me dead while crippled and drugged.

Podner sez she'll be here in half an hour. But I can multi-task. Gonna run out and get some lunch - back in ten. I'll need to raise my blood sugar and caffeine levels.

*checking around the shop for stray leftover booze*

bj

 

[Angeline]

There are indeed forms I'd like to handle...

I'm okay at form when I've got LOTS OF TIME TO BE BAD AT IT FIRST. But I won't protest too much on that; I know what it'll get me...

It needs to be pointed out that Champ is going to shoot me dead while crippled and drugged.

Podner sez she'll be here in half an hour. But I can multi-task. Gonna run out and get some lunch - back in ten. I'll need to raise my blood sugar and caffeine levels.

*checking around the shop for stray leftover booze*

bj

It's arguable whether Champ's drugs are a hindrance or a help. She's laying there like a little Baudelaire with poetry running through her head.

And I wouldn't suggest form if I thought either of you would shriek "I hate form poetry!" And we always give a sample with form. And you get an hour plus forever to workshop it here afterwards if you want.

But where are the other judges? *Whines.* I'm baking, too, and you have to help so my snickerdoodles don't dawdle or kerfloodle or whatever.

 

[champagne1982]

LOL... I just woke up! I hope I don't drift off and beat upbj while crippled, drugged annnd asleep! Think what it will mean for the poetry... poor lil rhyme schemes, orphaned and poemless... The horror, the horror.

 

[Tzara]

But where are the other judges? *Whines.* I'm baking, too, and you have to help so my snickerdoodles don't dawdle or kerfloodle or whatever.

I can judge, if we get started fairly soon. The fringed miniskirt thing may distract me, though.


Why is it always a gunfight and not, say, mud wrestling?

 

[champagne1982]

I think Charley just likes comin' in here and stirrin' up a poets' nest. She sets us off on one of these things and disappears with her strumpets and jack daniels, giggling in a corner and sayin' ... "shoot the piano player! shoot 'im!"

 

[Angeline]

I can judge, if we get started fairly soon. The fringed miniskirt thing may distract me, though.


Why is it always a gunfight and not, say, mud wrestling?

Next time we can do mud wrestling if you like. Isn't the arena of imagination cool?

As soon as Bij is back we can go.