Gunfight: Remec vs Magnetron

[UnderYourSpell]

I'm setting up the thread now and please nobody (except Remec and Magnetron on the day) post here until after the results are in.
On the day of the Gunfight if the two poets have any questions they can ask in here not in PM, I will keep checking every so often for any queries.
If you have any questions prior to the day please either ask in the original thread or send me a PM.

You will have 1 hour (and 5 minutes grace) to PM your poems (with a title) to me.
As soon as both are submitted to me, I will post them below and the judges will then have 24 hours to submit their results to me (again in PM).

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Your challenge is to write an 'End of day' Glosa from this stanza from Thomas Gray's "Elegy Written in a Country Churchyard"
.
The curfew tolls the knell of parting day, (a)
The lowing herd wind slowly o'er the lea,(b)
The plowman homeward plods his weary way, (a)
And leaves the world to darkness and to me. (b)
,
A Glosa is comprised of two parts: an introductory short stanza authored by another poet (called the mote, or motto); and the glosa itself, a stanza or series of stanzas that expand on the theme presented by the mote.
The glosa itself must be comprised of 4 stanzas (one stanza for each line of the mote), and each of these stanzas must adhere to the structure and rhyme pattern of the mote ... abab. The first line of the mote must be incorporated into the first stanza of the glosa, the second line of the mote must be incorporated into the second stanza of the glosa, and so on.
.
Examples of this form can be found HERE
and HERE
.
Good luck to both of you. any questions ask here and I will keep checking back.
.
I've decided to open up this thread for other members to cheer on their favourites, boo, hiss or any other distractions. Lets face it they won't notice. They'll be too busy calling me every name under the sun and scrabbling through RHYMEZONE

 

[UnderYourSpell]

There is also an explanation by Tzara HERE

 

[Remec]

Question:

I understand we must keep the abab rhyme scheme going, but do we have to use only the rhymes as set forth in the mote?

ie,
Do our stanzas have to keep to rhymes based off of [ay] and [ee] or just work the lines into our stanzas and use whatever end rhyme we wish as long as we maintain the abab structure?

 

[UnderYourSpell]

As long as the lines are incorporated as per example into the correct lines you can have what rhymes you like as long as they are abab
I hope that makes sense!

 

[HarryHill]

Tagged, I can hear Mags cursing now

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Tagged, I can hear Mags cursing now

At first yeah but he can do it, he writes lyrics doesn't he?

 

[Magnetron]

Balls!

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Poem 1#


End of Day
.
The curfew tolls the knell of parting day,
The lowing herd wind slowly o'er the lea,
The plowman homeward plods his weary way,
And leaves the world to darkness and to me.
~ Thomas Gray

The curfew tolls the knell of parting day
Ghouls peering from their hidey holes glare at me
My chainsaw and boomstick readied to slay
as the Army of Darkness descends upon me

"Let's rock'n'roll," I arrogantly say
over the lowing herd wind slowly o'er the lea
from necrotic slumber they lumber slowly my way
death's smell, breath decay waft towards me

I jump in my 1966 Chevrolet
gun the accelerator with lead foot intensity
The plowman homeward plods his weary way
their putrid bodies explode as I plow the road free

Driving like a bat out of hell, not bothering to pray
abandoned by God, Angels, everything holy
fleeing this realm of witchcraft ( but I fucking stay! )
And leaves the world to darkness and to me

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Poem 2#
.
Glosa for the End of Day

Mote:
The curfew tolls the knell of parting day,
The lowing herd wind slowly o'er the lea,
The plowman homeward plods his weary way,
And leaves the world to darkness and to me.


I hear the notes echoing as the curfew
tolls the knell of parting day, and I
find myself pondering the warm hue
arising from the horizon to fill the sky;

Time for home, even the lowing herd
wind slowly o'er the lea, and through the clover,
each moving in sync—almost absurd--
back to barn or stable, the day being over;

‘Tis not just the animals on the move,
Both the harvester and the plowman plods
his weary way along a too familiar groove,
slowly changing out the day’s façades;

Warm glow cannot last, but fades away
Bit by bit until none can hope to see,
Without lighting the lamps that mimic the day,
And leaves the world to darkness and to me.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Up to you now Judges, you have 24 hours to PM your decision to me ............... Good luck

 

[UnderYourSpell]

I think the boys did good and I'm sure as hell glad I'm not judging!

 

[Magnetron]

I think the boys did good and I'm sure as hell glad I'm not judging!

I don't think there is a need to judge this one.

The winner is fairly obvious.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

I don't think there is a need to judge this one.

The winner is fairly obvious.

You know more than me then because they both have their own merits and I'd be proud to own either one.

 

[butters]

hats off to both 'slingers
some of those bullets were zinging all over the place

annie, that was an evil task you set them. all hail, wordsmiths!

 

[stickygirl]

hats off to both 'slingers
some of those bullets were zinging all over the place

annie, that was an evil task you set them. all hail, wordsmiths!

psst *whispers* could you clear your inbox pretty please? xx

 

[GuiltyPleasure]

hats off to both 'slingers
some of those bullets were zinging all over the place

annie, that was an evil task you set them. all hail, wordsmiths!

Hat's off indeed, boys. You done had one nasty target to hit in jest an hour. I'm twirling under me wig with all the 'sideration goin' on.

 

[HarryHill]

Hat's off indeed, boys. You done had one nasty target to hit in jest an hour. I'm twirling under me wig with all the 'sideration goin' on.

*laughs* you sap yeah, someone says glossa my eyes glaze over,
Larapin work guys

 

[Magnetron]

hats off to both 'slingers
some of those bullets were zinging all over the place

Just as I was in the middle of trying to understand Annie's instructions ...

.. Mrs. Ron calls from the job she hates with news about a potential job opening she'd love ...

... and 10 minutes later I'm back to re-read the instructions that seeped out of my brain.

THEN I was sweating bullets ( on top of having already shot myself in the foot ).

http://i1.ifrm.com/html/emoticons/blink.gif

 

[legerdemer]

This is darned hard, y'all (all right, I might be thinking rather less polite words here). I'm impressed with the poems - y'all came up with those in an hour? With evil Annie's instructions? Lordy! Whoa, Nellie! Glad I'm not judgin'! (I trust the judges have it well in hand, tho. Hmmmmm.....)

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Gunfights are historically evil, those of us who have already been on the sharp end and come through vow to carry on the tradition

 

[Angeline]

The judges will not have an easy time of it. Both poems are really good. I'm glad I'm not a judge lol. Excellent dueling gentlemen.

 

[Neonurotic]

Ya! A gunfight. Haven't seen one of those for awhile and wow. Great duel from both.

I can't do forced rhyme without it sounding... forced, ya. awkward.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Ya! A gunfight. Haven't seen one of those for awhile and wow. Great duel from both.

I can't do forced rhyme without it sounding... forced, ya. awkward.

Don't force it then lol let it flow

 

[HarryHill]

Son't force it then lol let it flow

*assumes Lotus position* Ommmmmmmmmmmm