GUNFIGHT 2010: Remec vs. bflagsst

[CharleyH]

This challenge will consist in writing a poem that is epistolary in nature - meaning that it must sound as if it is a letter written to another person. The catch is that the poets cannot use any of their own words to complete this task. Instead, they must assemble a found poem using at least one source from each of the categories below. The final result must, therefore, include lines lifted from at least 5 different sources. This challenge will be 1 and ½ hours (90 minutes) long in order to give the poets extra time to explore their options.

The poems must be submitted to me in a private message no later than 4:00pm EST (9:00pm GMT), at which time I will post them on this thread.

Judges: You have 24 hours to assess/critique each poem and determine which one best adheres to the parameters of this challenge. Please PM your responses to me and once I have all responses, I will post them all simultaneously.

Music
Leonard Cohen: Famous Blue Raincoat
David Bowie: Letter to Hermoine

Letters
Dylan Thomas to his wife Caitlin
Franz Kafka to Felice Bauer

Advertisements
Portuguese Cardiology Foundation
Hugo Perfume

Articles
Huffington Post : John Mayer on "sexual napalm", Jessica Simpson, Jennifer Anniston, porn and his penis
Restaurant review : El Boulli, in Roses, Spain

Art
Jean-Michel Basquiat: Eroica 2
Jenny Holtzer

 

[CharleyH]

Poems

Poem A

I love you. That is all I know.
But all I know, too, is that I am writing into space:
the kind of dreadful, unknown space I am just going to enter.

You sensual and intellectual pleasure, courting distraction,
as far removed from eating to live as bark is to human skin.

I'm not quite sure what I'm supposed to do.
You are perhaps mindless of me?

Let's put some names out there. Let's get specific.
The hand that wrote this letter sweeps the pillow clean.

New York is cold, but I like where I'm living,
there's music on Clinton Street all through the evening.

Poem B

For You


I'm writing you now just to see if you're better;
But I can see it's not okay,
So I'll just write some love to you.

I belong to you.
There is really no other way of expressing it,
and that is not strong enough.

Can I get a rewind?

Moving in and out of control,
a girl who made you want
to quit the rest of your life,
and I will make no peace today,

Take good care of your heart,
and repeat and repeat and repeat.

 

[CharleyH]

Judges

DRUM ROLL ....

CHAMPAGNE1982'S RESPONSE

Thank you so much poets. You've both brought a bit of romance and slight-of-hand to the eve of Lover's Day and I couldn't have found better reading if I tried.

I love you. That is all I know.
But all I know, too, is that I am writing into space:
the kind of dreadful, unknown space I am just going to enter.

You sensual and intellectual pleasure, courting distraction,
as far removed from eating to live as bark is to human skin.

I'm not quite sure what I'm supposed to do.
You are perhaps mindless of me?

Let's put some names out there. Let's get specific.
The hand that wrote this letter sweeps the pillow clean.

New York is cold, but I like where I'm living,
there's music on Clinton Street all through the evening.

The poet who wrote "A" has gleaned all of the softest parts of his sources. This one screams love in a voice best suited to scented linens and musk. I want to tie it up with a ribbon and hide it in a drawer, but not too well since it will need to be read over and over.

The ending feels cut off. I'd have liked to have seen a final declaration to close it up. It would have been wonderful if there'd been just a touch of cliché with all the cloying sentiment that goes along with love letters. Fantastic job, even so Poet A. Bravo.

For You

I'm writing you now just to see if you're better;
But I can see it's not okay,
So I'll just write some love to you.

I belong to you.
There is really no other way of expressing it,
and that is not strong enough.

Can I get a rewind?

Moving in and out of control,
a girl who made you want
to quit the rest of your life,
and I will make no peace today,

Take good care of your heart,
and repeat and repeat and repeat.

Poet B has a marvellous sense of rhythm. I think we can blame it on reading the song lyrics first, maybe. This one's chock full of the sentiment Poem A deigned to provide and to its detriment. It's an admirable feat to bring all of those bits together and create something original, truly, but I feel this one is somehow lacking in just that quality. It's as though the most obvious bits have been grabbed and assembled; leaving me feeling cheated of the possibility of so much more.

Congratulations! You are both sharpshooters, for sure--but I'm calling this one in favor of Poet A.

Thank you for your leg work in organizing this one Charley. I hope you and that darling belovèd of yours have a sweetly cloying St. Valentine's Day.

Same to all who read this...

p.s. I think Poet B is Remec

CHIPBUTTY'S RESPONSE:

Poem A
I think I like this on an intellectual level more than poem B - it appeals to my 'head space'. I have to applaud the author's use of part-phrases, their interleaving to create a new phrase. This is actually what I expected to find more in both pieces, and wonder if time-pressures aside we would have done. I'd be rubbish doing this sort of thing against the clock, so have only admiration for those who can fire from the hip with such speed and accuracy.

I love the opening, the thoughts those lines create, but can't really offer too much credit since they are a fabulous phrase, a gift. I did like how the author then went on to mix and match the phrasing in a more creative fashion, and although I have to take on board the insertion of a couple of their own words to make it 'fit', that hasn't swayed my judgement. This poem does embody a kind of chilled feeling, one it passes on to me as a reader, but i felt less touched by it overall than I'd have hoped. It feels less poetic than I wanted it to, if that makes sense. I know it's 'letter form' but this does come across to me as more poetic prose than poetry. So while I can appreciate the beautiful language, see and appreciate the skills of cutting one phrase into another etc ... , this didn't touch me in that place i wanted to be touched. A head poem, not a heart poem. For me, at least.

Poem B
Of the two, this poem struck me as being the more original in concept. It is a sad, sweet poem, of caring and comes across as something very individual while avoiding sentimentality. Even though one strophe's made up entirely of one lifted phrase, the author's still done enough to make this feel contemporary, fresh, and relevant by surprising juxtapositioning that makes me think. I like a poem that makes me think.

The author's stuck to the rules, but even that i might have made allowances for, tbh - I checked all the resources, and had to weigh up in my mind who made best use of them, who was less enterprising , and thought about sound and imagery. But, at the end of the proverbial, clichéd, and much maligned day, I took each poem on a separate page, no notes, and read them as 'new' poems. My gut instinct was confirmed by the considerations, not denied. Therefore I chose this one as my favourite of two delightful creations

TZARA'S RESPONSE:

An interesting challenge, well executed by both poets.

As UYS said, the challenge was to write a cento based on limited texts. The poem was to be (1) Epistolary in nature, (2) A cento (or as Charley put it "the poets cannot use any of their own words to complete this task. Instead, they must assemble a found poem using at least one source from each of the categories below") which is more or less the definition of a cento, and (3) One source from each of (Charley's) categories.

Both of the submitted poems are arguably epistolary, as each address a "you" through the poem, and speak to that "you" conversationally. So check, both, there.

Both (as far as I've been able to tell) use lines from the selected texts, so both satisfy the cento requirement. I didn't track down every single line, but probably got 90% of them, so I'll trust that the poets weren't fudging on that.

Both seem to satisfy the distribution requirement (varied categories) as well. I think I found nine categories between the two poems, so the difference is likely my laziness and not non-compliance on the part of the poets.

So, as far as the conditions of the challenge go, both poems make muster.

They're both pretty good poems, too. Centos are hard to write, or at least write well, but I think these both end up being pretty good. I quite liked both of them (and, frankly, have no idea which poet wrote which poem--I thought I would, but I don't have any freaking idea).

Where centos break down is often in things like agreement of tenses or moods, or in discontinuites. I would expect some of these in these poems if for no other reason than the poets were simply not given enough time to work all that through.(Or perhaps the source material was not rich enough to provide the raw material to make a truly smooth transition.)

So, Poem A one has some odd transitions:

I'm not quite sure what I'm supposed to do.
You are perhaps mindless of me?

Let's put some names out there. Let's get specific.
The hand that wrote this letter sweeps the pillow clean.​

While this makes a kind of sense, it seems a bit disjointed to me, more random thoughts or feelings being dumped at the "you" of the poem than a smoothly coherent narrative. I think it works, but in kind of a distracted way.

I like the "Clinton Street" ending, but it again seems a bit "pasted in" and not organic to the poem.

In Poem B, the first two strophes seem to me to have selected lines to form a little bit dull or clichéd mushiness. This gets fixed with the "rewind" line, but there is a switch between talking to "you" (first two/three strophes) and "a girl who made you want" (where "you" is the narrator) and back again in S5.

I like the ending "Take good care of your heart, / and repeat and repeat and repeat"

All of that probably sounds like I didn't like the poems, which would be absolutely wrong. I was quite jazzed by both of them and think the poets did a super job, especially on such short notice. (Bastards--I couldn't have done that well.)

I want to vote for both of them, frankly. Either that or flip a coin. But I can't, so I guess I'd have to pick Poem B which, despite the subject and tense change, seems a bit more uniform in theme to me.

But excellent job, both of you. I really don't want to choose. Both are excellent responses to an interesting and excellent challenge.

Remec (Poem B) wins by a hair. Congratulations and thanks to both poets for wonderful entries.

 

[CharleyH]

Anyone can post here now. Post your opinions your musings, your cheers and jeers, and your poetry if you like.

If either poet is having any difficulty understanding this challenge (it has happened before), please ask questions.

 

[Lauren Hynde]

I hope they are online, at least!

 

[butters]

I love this kind of challenge - sounds almost simple, not having to find your own words and being given a wealth of words from which to choose.

ah - but the choosing
the making of the fit
the jigsaw of puzzling, of holding up one piece that seems right only to find it doesn't fit, or has a corner when a dimple or a blob's required

and the not being allowed to use any of one's own words?


not as simple as it sounds. but oh so much fun!

 

[bflagsst]

secret info

a menina é santa

 

[Remec]

Oh, belated question...did you want us to mark what parts came from what sources?

 

[CharleyH]

I hope they are online, at least!

Thank you my love - they are.

 

[CharleyH]

Oh, belated question...did you want us to mark what parts came from what sources?

You can PM me with the sources in case the judges ask. I recognize them (but then I've been working this challenge all day). I see it was TOO EASY for you both.

 

[butters]

I recognise them too, since i went and read them while waiting.

hmmmmmmm
*thinking*


boy, you guys are fast. maybe too fast. we shall have to see

(anyone get a hole through their hat?)

 

[bflagsst]

I recognise them too, since i went and read them while waiting.

hmmmmmmm
*thinking*


boy, you guys are fast. maybe too fast. we shall have to see

(anyone get a hole through their hat?)

I got a hole in my trousers when I saw the sources.

 

[CharleyH]

I got a hole in my trousers when I saw the sources.

Well don't give away which poem you wrote, I know that at least Champagne will have fun trying to figure out which poet wrote what poem!

 

[CharleyH]

bump and grind

 

[butters]

still thinking ... .

 

[CharleyH]

I got a hole in my trousers when I saw the sources.

That's hot!

 

[butters]

this has inspired my muse *nods*

tomorrow, after completing the stuff stuff, i'm gonna write my own. but without the time pressure you guys had.


great stuff from both of the entrants!

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Ballls I missed it

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Ooops please forgive my outburst when I hit the link it missed out the beginning of the thread.
A Cento? I love a Cento !!

 

[EroticOrogeny]

Excellent work by both!
I have idea who wrote each - will wait and see.

 

[champagne1982]

reserved for the judges

My judgment's in... we'll see once all weigh in . I may take a lil whack at a found poemie thing too.

 

[WickedEve]

I'd hate to be judging these two poems. They're both excellent. Can't wait to see the results!

 

[butters]

I'd hate to be judging these two poems. They're both excellent. Can't wait to see the results!

I love the fact we get to review them 'blind'. Best way, imo. My hat's off to both gunslingers, my judgement was sent last night, my reviews this afternoon. In the end it was easier than I thought, though maybe for reasons others might disagree with. We shall see

Two most excellent adventurers. *nods*

 

[bflagsst]

I'm already working on my deathbed speech should I take the fall.

 

[butters]

I'm already working on my deathbed speech should I take the fall.

don't overwork it - leave your audience hungry for more, they'll thank you for it later