Guilt from leaving marks

[potatohead]

A short while ago I had an experience with a women who asked me to bite her while we were having sex and she kept asking for me to bite her harder and harder so I did and she loved it during but not as much afterwards. By the end of the week she was covered with bruises all over her body from my bites, neck, shoulders, legs, thighs, arms etc. and I was feeling pretty guilty over it. To top it off, a few days later she had a doctors appointment and the doctor not only measured the bites but wanted to have me arrested! BTW, what would the doctor have measured them for?

How do you deal with guilt that comes from looking at the marks on a lovers body? It's kind of a new thing for me and both of us are learning our limits as we explore.

Thanks in advance,

 

[Kajira Callista]

doctors have to report signs of physical abuse (at least where i live) even if the person denies abuse.
about your question about guilt...what made you feel guilty?
because if she liked it and asked...and you did it *shrug* wheres the guilt?

 

[SweetDommes]

doctors have to report signs of physical abuse (at least where i live) even if the person denies abuse.

Here, they are required to document it, but if the person denies it they can't press charges or even report it beyond their own documentation.
As for measuring them, they are required to measure all bruises, bites, punctures, etc for documentation.

for the guilt question - I'm with kc - you had fun, she enjoyed it, why feel guilty?

 

[graceanne]

doctors have to report signs of physical abuse (at least where i live) even if the person denies abuse.
about your question about guilt...what made you feel guilty?
because if she liked it and asked...and you did it *shrug* wheres the guilt?

I agree. Screw the doctor. On the other hand, I'd be careful. If you two break up, she could get vindictive, and use those photos against you.

 

[SkyBluAngelEyes]

You should not feel any guilt.

It was consensual play, right?

My Master used to leave bruises all over my body. They were all in the course of consensual play. He enjoyed giving them to me, and I certainly enjoyed getting them.

The only time He did feel guilty was when I suffered a rope burn under my breast and it broke the skin and bled a bit. I didn't even feel it. I wouldn't have known had He not told me and ended the session right there. He did not mean that to happen and I believe His guilt was short lived.

What the woman might have done was tell the doctor that the bruises were caused during a bit of consensual sex. He would have understood. It is very helpful to find kink-friendly doctors. They are out there and understand what they might be seeing. One of the gynecologist/obstetricians I worked with was very kink-friendly. He didn’t practice any sort part of BDSM, but took care of a few that did. We used to discuss cases on occasion.

 

[potatohead]

for the guilt question - I'm with kc - you had fun, she enjoyed it, why feel guilty?

I guess because she was in pain from them the next day and for several days afterward. Kind of the "it seemed like a good idea at the time" vibe. Also, they looked kinda nasty and she was wearing long sleeve shirts in the middle of summer in the desert to cover them, she was embarrassed about the appearance of them, which I guess in turn makes me feel bad about leaving them on her body.

And yes, it was consensual between us. We're not highly into BDSM or anything, maybe some light bondage but she wanted to feel pain during sex and was asking me to hurt her and bite her. Apparently the doctor wasn't too happy about it, and she kept telling him that I was back home which is out of state from her.

 

[SweetDommes]

I guess because she was in pain from them the next day and for several days afterward. Kind of the "it seemed like a good idea at the time" vibe. Also, they looked kinda nasty and she was wearing long sleeve shirts in the middle of summer in the desert to cover them, she was embarrassed about the appearance of them, which I guess in turn makes me feel bad about leaving them on her body.

And yes, it was consensual between us. We're not highly into BDSM or anything, maybe some light bondage but she wanted to feel pain during sex and was asking me to hurt her and bite her. Apparently the doctor wasn't too happy about it, and she kept telling him that I was back home which is out of state from her.

so next time, you'll know not to bite so much or so hard ... and keep them where she won't have to dress out of the ordinary to cover them ...

When I bite our boys, I keep it where their normal shirts/pants will cover the marks. It's not that difficult to remember if you have it in your mind when you start.

 

[graceanne]

Well, did she want you to do it the next time you had sex? Cause if she did, then it evidently didn't embarrass her that much. But if it's that big of a deal I agree. Put it where her normal clothes cover it. My hubby likes me to leave hickey's on him, but we are careful to put them under shirt level, since it's not professional looking.

 

[FungiUg]

I'm a biter. I love leaving marks! I don't feel guilty, I feel justifiably proud!

Here's a tip: pick your spot. I've discovered that the top of the inner thighs is brilliant! The butt is fun, but it's actually quite hard to get enough flesh to sink your teeth into properly when you bite someone on the backside. Underside of breasts are also good.

Basically, if you don't bite just anywhere (so stay away from neck, arms, lower legs), then it won't be too much of an effort for her to cover them up.

 

[potatohead]

Sweet & Grace, she asked me to hurt her just about everytime we had sex, which was 2-3 times a day over the course of a week since we were both on vacation. At first I would chomp lightly and nibble but she wanted it harder, though I never drew blood. Well, I think I did once when she was asking me to bite her nipple harder . I kept trying to find new spots because the other ones were too sore for me to bite again.

 

[RavenSpirit2k4]

It kind of sounds like you two need to think of some way for you to hurt her during sex besides just biting. Pulling hair is a simple one, but you could also rig up soemthing with restraints and clamps for you to tug on.

 

[AvaAdore]

Heh, when my bf and I first got together, all we did was bite each other. I think I wore turtlenecks for 2 weeks. Also I have long hair, which helps. It's how we discovered we liked pain.

 

[rosco rathbone]

. To top it off, a few days later she had a doctors appointment and the doctor not only measured the bites but wanted to have me arrested!

Same thing happened to me, except it was a belt, not teeth.

I didn't feel all that guilty either, on account of she had it coming.

 

[Justina123]

Sir sometimes leaves marks and bruises, and it is all completely consensual and highly erotic.

However, it is part of my responsibility to let Him know if I have a doctors appointment coming up. We find non-bruising ways to play for two weeks ahead of time (thankfully, I am very healthy and rarely see a doctor!). That way we can simply avoid what I find to be uncomfortable, or more, situations. We live in a small community and kink friendly doctors simply do not exist.

- justina

 

[WriterDom]

subs love their marks. Either lay low before the Doc's appointment or find a kink friendly doctor.

 

[A Desert Rose]

WD is right and we've had several threads and posts from subs who concur.

I plan my sexual activities so as not to interfer with something like a doctor's appointment. Why invite problems or unwanted questions?

 

[graceanne]

It kind of sounds like you two need to think of some way for you to hurt her during sex besides just biting. Pulling hair is a simple one, but you could also rig up soemthing with restraints and clamps for you to tug on.

I agree. Obviously she likes pain, so maybe you should explore that. You could also spank her. There are lots of things you can do to cause pain, and biting is only one.

 

[english vicky]

repeating what most people have already told you, don't feel guilty.

marks can be a lovely reminder of the time you enjoyed. for the submissive, it is a blissful reminder of her feelings and emotions, and what she felt at the time they were created.

enjoy your growing relationship.

 

[AngelicAssassin]

... or find a kink friendly doctor.

Best advice of all, and tell the other asshole to take a flying fuck at a rolling doughnut. Once someone tells any professional to back off, further advice/recommendations on the part of that professional smack of invasion of privacy. That doctor better re-examine his copy of the Hypocratic oath.

Skip the guilt, or skip the act. The first belittles the second if you both enjoy and consent.

 

[graceanne]

Best advice of all, and tell the other asshole to take a flying fuck at a rolling doughnut.

LMAO

 

[Kajira Callista]

The doctor doesnt have to be kink friendly. Why does it seem that people are afraid to tell a doc or nurse bruises or bite marks came from playtime?
My ob/gyn's office has a section at the bottom of form number 5 thousand 27 that you have to fill out before your first appointment with questions that are pretty much asking if you are into BDSM and i live in a tiny town thats not even on maps lol.
Doctors are not there to judge your lifestyle choices they are there to treat physical illness. If they ask how you got the bruise...tell them, let them document it however they need to so that it says consentual.

 

[H0wl]

No guilt here...

Except a tiny little bit for the accidental hickey I left on her neck.

She likes the feel of teeth during sex, and both of us loved the look of the marks on her back.

Just make sure that you put your marks where they're not going to cause embarrassment in public unless you've agreed beforehand that embarrassing her in public is accepable to both of you.

 

[potatohead]

You could also spank her. There are lots of things you can do to cause pain, and biting is only one.

I left plenty of hand shaped marks on her ass too. Actually the first night we were together I took her over my knee and spanked her for misbehaving.

What else could I do besides spanking, biting and pulling her hair?

 

[SweetDommes]

nipple clamps, clothespins ... be creative ...

 

[sweetnpetite]

My ideas.

I left plenty of hand shaped marks on her ass too. Actually the first night we were together I took her over my knee and spanked her for misbehaving.

What else could I do besides spanking, biting and pulling her hair?

You can spank with your hand and rarely leave permenant marks.

If you bruse her with bites, try the old hicky trick of a cold spoon placed on the spot (supposed to fade bruises) maybe try Preparation H or Vanishing Creme, but I don't know. I know there are ways to make swelling and brusing heal faster.

Know when her doc appointments are!!!!!!!

You could try slapping her face. (carefully) you don't have to do it very hard or leave marks for it to hurt a LOT!

If it starts to look like she's setting you up, find a new girl!

OH yeah, twisting her nipples won't nesessarily leave marks.

Be a REAL sadist- when she says 'hurt me!!!" say, "No, I want to make you suffer!"

Save the physical punishment for when she really 'earns' it, and therefore do it less often during each 'event.'

See if she likes non physical pain, like name calling and/or humiliation.

Spit on her! No marks but it's damn degrading. I find that I hate this imesurably, but I love that I hate it.

I hope this helps some.