Group Sex Story Needs Your Best Shot

[Rumple Foreskin]

You take four guys, add two gals, then mix thoroughly in one van and you've got a, "Sure Cure For Depression" (Group Sex) at

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=52109

This is my first "gang bang" story. so any and all feedback, whether brickbats or bouquets, will be appreciated.

Rumple Foreskin

 

[Axeltheswede]

Group sex story

Four guys and two women is a very ambitious undertaking. With two women in simultaneous action it becomes difficult to follow the action. I think it decreases the erotic aspect of the story. I found myself trying to keep track of who was doing what to who at any given point. A frantic tone seemed to replace the erotic appeal.

I have written four or five gangbang stories. I always limited the action to one woman and up to six guys. Just my impression, but I think the visual aspect of this kind of action is equal in erotic appeal to the actual sex act. Other than your last sex scene, I didn't see much of that.

Another large aspect of a gangbang is exploring the insatiable sexual appetite of the woman involved. I think that is a big trigger for male readers. You handled this part more by fact than illustration.

All this considered, you did a respectable job with a difficult scenario.

 

[sexual improv]

ah, to own a van again...

you get right in and tellt he story and it moves well. I think you have the start of some chapters here, and can take the girls to;
The Country Club for a Tennis bang
The yacht basin for some swelling gang bangs

many other locales. Keep doing it!

 

[DannyBoyUK]

Maybe one character too many ?

 

[DannyBoyUK]

On second thoughts, I like it as it is - maybe just add a couple of quirks to distinguish the chars

 

[massiffe]

typical lawyer !

 

[Rumple Foreskin]

I appreciate the feedback folks, although the jury's still out on whether I had one too many female characters.

In a move that would seem to fly in the face of her usual, infinite wisdom, KillerMuffin has just posted "Sure Cure for Depression" in the Story Discussion Circle in case anyone wants to pound on it over there.

Rumple Foreskin