Group sex story feedback, please

[Flashlight7.5]

My newest story, The Gift, just posted. I'd appreciate any and all comments on it. It's mainly a stroke story, inspired by one of my wife's fantasies.

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=296212

Thanks in advance, everyone.

flash

 

[kbate]

Read it, wasn't overly thrilled. It was simple anonymous group sex. Actions rather than feelings - nothing to get me excited or help me feel what the victim? felt. I would rather feel this story from her perspective than from the Deus position.

Well enough written, perhaps too much passive voice, but overall (as I would expect from you) well written.

 

[DonFox]

Posted my thoughts on, Flashlight. Sorry about the double post!

Hot, but could have been much hotter with more sensory information.

 

[Flashlight7.5]

thanks

Thanks, kbate. I know it's missing something, but I can't find it just yet. I need your help with this, however: "I would rather feel this story from her perspective than from the Deus position."

The Deus position? Is this some S&M / B&D term I don't know?

flash

 

[Flashlight7.5]

good stuff

Great comments, DonFox. I'm still fleshing this out, so your suggestions help.

flash