Grief Thread

[sweetnpetite]

This is a thread for poeple to express there grief, feelings of loss, memories of those they've lost, and/or feelings about death in general.

It is NOT a thread for condolences, trying to cheer others up, or trying to expolain why death is important and neccessary.

It's just the place where it's ok to hurt.

To cry, to think, to vent...

 

[sweetnpetite]

a family member has died. I won't be able to make the funeral. I wish I could be there with others who are grieving too. Others who know and miss him, rather than others who will just feel sorry for me, for my loss.


"I"ve seen fire and I've seen rain
I've seen lonely times when I could not find a friend.
But I always thought that I see you again."

I tried to attach the song to this thread, but it was too big of a file.

while searching the internet for the song, I found this site, which I think is really amazing:
http://www.memory-of.com/Public/Default.aspx

anyway, you can find the whole song here:
http://mark-bonner.memory-of.com/Medias.aspx

 

[ABSTRUSE]

When I grieve, I grieve hard. I mourn until there's nothing left, then I think about how this is a cycle of life and how fortunate I was to have had that person in my life.
I think about them when I can, like in Sartre's "No Exit", as long as someone is thinking about you, you still exist.

I think about a lot of people.

 

[sweetnpetite]

People just keep dying. There's no ryme or reason. I've lost friends and family of all ages, the sick, the healthy, young old, no one seems to be immune. we never know when our time will be up, or when we'll turn around and someone just won't be there anymore. everything seems fine and then the call comes and another one's gone. Like time is some crazy old guy who's picking us all off one by one. "Ain't none of us gonna get outa this life alive"

He never comes at a convienient time. It doesn't matter how busy we are, what we might be in the middle of. Death never stands and waits and lets us finish what we started, tie up loose ends, complete projects, finish our books or movies. He doesn't come at the top or the end of the hour like a television program. Even though he is the end, he doesn't come at the end- he just swoops right in, he is the great interupter. He doesn't care if your ballanceing the world on your shoulders, the world will just have to topple down without you. Falling, falling, we all fall.

We all fall down.

One minute your there and the next, your gone. Your body is there, but the you that your family loves is no more, and never to be again.

No wonder the color of grief is black. It's the total absense of everything. What once was, is not.

Which one of us is next? Who will be the next to vanish?

No matter how we try, we can never hold on tight enough. One by one the ones we love will disapear. With no warning. It doesn't matter if you close your eyes or not. You can keep them open, they will disapear in front of your face.

we all go the same way. sudden, like a thief in the night. midbreath, midthought, midsentence, midact, midlove.

how do we ever catch our breath?

ashes to ashes...
dust to dust...

as soon as we heal, our wounds are ripped open again.

ashes to ashes dust to dust

how ever catch our breath?

 

[sweetnpetite]

as long as someone is thinking about you, you still exist.

I think about a lot of people.

nods. cries. agrees.

I think about a lot of people too.

 

[sweetnpetite]

and how fortunate I was to have had that person in my life.

Sometimes when you move away, or just because you take for granted that they will be there, people aren't in your life as much as you may have wished.

the person who I am currently grieving is an uncle I haven't seen in probably 10 years. And now I'm thinking I have a bunch of uncles (and non-uncles) I haven't seen in ages. But I've moved away from home and don't have travel funds, so there's probably a bunch I won't see again until I'm at there funeral (if I am even able to attend)

 

[sweetnpetite]

I'm not a public cryer. This is easier, because you can say what you feel and think and no one can see your face.

This site, memory-of.com is really amazing. Poeple can post pictures and music and all sorts of things.

I hope this thead will be good too. Sometimes you just need to be with others who are sufferering the same loss. I guess that's what a funeral is about, amoung other things.

 

[ABSTRUSE]

I'm not a public cryer. This is easier, because you can say what you feel and think and no one can see your face.

This site, memory-of.com is really amazing. Poeple can post pictures and music and all sorts of things.

I hate crying period, so when I'm in mourning it's worse.
I'm better at comforting than being comforted.

 

[Guest]

i have had alot of death in my family and it scares the shit out of me. mortality is not something i care to dwell on as i figure life is too short to mourn the loss of it while im living it.
when dad died, i was very surprised by my depth of loss. we werent all that close but i would have given my arm to just be able to understand him a wee bit better.
i am still mourning the loss of my mother. she was my best friend and someone i cared for for over 5 years on a daily basis while she was bed ridden. some days i wonder if the pain will ever lessen...some days i pray that i can be like her and instill her humor...her love in my children so they can have some of her too.

i dont want the answers to mortality.
dont wanna know who is going next
i just want to enjoy the people who are here...learn about them, love them...grow with them until i draw my last.

 

[sweetnpetite]

I hate crying period, so when I'm in mourning it's worse.
I'm better at comforting than being comforted.

Yes, my sister called me and my first thought was that I wish I could be there with her. for her. (for me too I suppose)

but I'm suprisingly comfortable with just letting others express there grief or just vent without having to try to make them feel better. I think it's an undervallued art.

 

[ABSTRUSE]

Yes, my sister called me and my first thought was that I wish I could be there with her. for her. (for me too I suppose)

but I'm suprisingly comfortable with just letting others express there grief or just vent without having to try to make them feel better. I think it's an undervallued art.

I giggle at funeral homes. It's sick but even death can be amusing. Especially in my family.

 

[sweetnpetite]

I was reading something just the other day on a Catholic site about Halloween. The priest (i think) said it was ok to think of death once a year. That theres nothing evil or morbid about that, it's ok to have a day to reflect on our own mortality and think about loved ones we've lost. He even said if you're decorating for Halloween to go ahead and use skulls and so forth, things that represent death- just stay away from devils and demonic type of decorations. (from a Catholic perspective)

 

[sweetnpetite]

I giggle at funeral homes. It's sick but even death can be amusing. Especially in my family.

I raid the little candy dishes and try to score a callendar.

 

[ABSTRUSE]

I raid the little candy dishes and try to score a callendar.

I collect those little cards...I have a full set of Jesus.

 

[sweetnpetite]

http://www.timelessmyths.com/arthurian/gallery/deathofarthur.jpg

 

[neonlyte]

I spent the afternoon in the MIR scanner, brain and spine, best part of two hours with a cage over my face and tiny mirror to see the nurses/technicians in their control room. They played Elgar for me, it was time to think, time to reflect... but I fell asleep and they woke me because my snores were affecting the scan images. I shouldn't be this relaxed but their is nothing I can do about what they may find, I think sleeping was sensible.