Great Opening Lines (A Challenge)

[HomerPindar]

Yes, it is just what you're thinking ~ a challenge in line with the STC (and yes, I still want to put other words to those letters, but I digress), but in this case I have a line that I really like, perhaps I am being bold in suggesting it's a great line. The problem, I'm not sold on the poem I wrote, at which point I decide why not see what the rest of the gang can come up with on it. Hence, here you are, being sucker...um...enticed into yet another challenge. Any title will do, so long as it opens with the line in question.

It is the 10th as I write this, and seeing as Wednesday's are the one weeknight I don't have classes, a week from tomorow will give me a free night to read everyones offers (I'm so selfish ), so post the offerings if you're in on the 17th for the 18th reading. This, in turn, will give me a week to edit, rewrite, or what have you. (Told you I'm selfish)

The line:
I sleep 10,000 years each night I close my eyes

As I'm more interested in seeing what comes of it feel free to to take it and roll something so outside the context of the challenge you wonder if it applies and post it anyways. (I might be selfish, but I'm not pushy)

HomerPindar

 

[Rybka]

The line:
I sleep 10,000 years each night I close my eyes

As I'm more interested in seeing what comes of it feel free to to take it and roll something so outside the context of the challenge you wonder if it applies and post it anyways. (I might be selfish, but I'm not pushy)

HomerPindar

How about:
"I count 10,000 sheep each night I close my eyes." - I don't sleep all that well.

 

[Guest]

Re: Re: Great Opening Lines (A Challenge)

How about:
"I count 10,000 sheep each night I close my eyes." - I don't sleep all that well.

Maybe that's because you have a guilty conscience (from all those fish you've been eating, you cannibal!)

How about "Rip-Van-Winkling the night away"?

Xtaabay

 

[Maria2394]

hey Homer

I'll take a stab at it, I kinda like the line, for some reason it brought a vision of the Arabian Nights to mind...

 

[jthserra]

Sounds interesting...

I'll give a go... should yield some interesting results...



jim


and hey, seeing Maria right above me, everybody go read by the koi pond (late winter)

 

[champagne1982]

I'm in on this one. I have 2, can I post them both?

 

[HomerPindar]

I'm in on this one. I have 2, can I post them both?

On the off chance you consider me worthy of such authority, yeah, go fer it!



HomerPindar

 

[The_Fool]

Bump...

I just figured out this is due tomorrow. Does the teacher accept late work???



Fool

 

[HomerPindar]

Don't know...Ang, do you accept late work?

HomerPindar

 

[HomerPindar]

A late reminder, post today...(I fell asleep this afternoon and had not time before class to post this earlier. Gee, I hope my poems get in on time too )

...or tomorow, or the day after that (I'm not very pushy, I'm more interested in seeing what comes of this than anything.)

HomerPindar

 

[The_Fool]

Attempt One

Hey Homer,

I came up with a couple of attempts. Neither one of them were worth a shit or even worse, worth posting. You are welcome to peruse, use and abuse to your hearts content....

I sleep 10,000 years
each night I close my eyes
when you are away
and I toss all night in bed

I cry 10,000 tears
Each time we fight and cry
We cause each other pain
And argue who is right

I smile 10,000 times
When you smile once at me
The sense of joy in you
Makes every day worth while.

I died 10,000 deaths
When you said we were through
What chance have I for happiness
When you leave me feeling this blue.

 

[The_Fool]

Attempt Two

After reading the first attempt, I decided that for Hallmark it might be useful. Attempt Two is more detailed, but still lacking...

I sleep 10,000 years
each night I close my eyes

you are away
a part of me is missing
my life is incomplete
my nights are quiet and hostile
my bed is strange
and uncomfortable

Sleep beckons
I hunger for it
I toss and turn
Tired and desolate
Yet still sleep escapes me
Laughing at my need.

I waken before dawn
The winter moon for company
Cold and white
Wind whistling in the night.
I shiver
With cold and loneliness

The morning brings no rest
No sense of renewal.
Pillows thrown upon the floor
Covers rumpled and askew
Gritty-eyed I face the day
And hope for your return.

Each night that you’re away
Leaves me eons in decay.

 

[Guest]

I submitted one ealier to day - this one is a reject. I lost my patience and made a funny - kind of.


I sleep 10.000 years
each night I close my eyes
confronting all my fears
exposing all the lies.

I close my eyes each night,
Ten thousand years I sleep
Relinquishing the right
To bow my head and weep.

To sleep my eyes must close.
Shut out ten thousand years
I wait for one who knows
That these are bitter tears

Ten thousand years of night
And eyes that close in sleep
Wake to brilliant light
With memories to keep.

Ten thousand years I sleep
Each night I close my eyes
If t’were not for those sheep
These lines would all be lies.

 

[champagne1982]

There's one approved but not yet showing on the new poems list, Homer's Doubt (triolet) and the other is yet pending.

 

[annaswirls]

I swear I made the deadline eek!

Seems the new poems are up, but mine did not get approved-- I don't think I got it in late, no biggie--here it is:



"I sleep 10,000 years
each night I close my eyes"

well damn
I am glad someone does
certainly not me
10,000 seconds
maybe

please forgive me for saying this
ten thousand of anything is too many
need a new temporal unit

decade century millennium

(too many zeros are good
for no one's confidence)

I age 10,000 years
every day I open my eyes
even when I squint

 

[Icingsugar]

A little late...

I just manage to finish this.

So far untitled...



I sleep 10,000 years every night I close my eyes,
every night behind the barricade of lids.
A room bereft of light, patient prison numbing zeal
that the cycle of a gnawing age forbids.

An ultra rapid zone in a bubble of my own,
a slow-motion clue of notions through a veil.
I live 10,000 lives in the timespan of a sigh,
but I find it so exhausting to exhale.

I take 10,000 breaths every time you look away,
in your underwater freezeframe weary pace.
Composed in common cool, time to manicure the mask,
that you long since know can never be my face.

So press your healing hands to my ancient aching soul,
while I fade away, repair this tearing seam.
I sleep 10,000 years every night I close my eyes,
but I find it hard, so very hard, to dream.



Some neat lines, some plain gibberish. I think of just using the last two lines.


I sleep
10,000 years
every night
I close my eyes,

but I find it hard,
so very hard,

to dream.


/Ice

Edit: Was that "each night"? Oh darn...

 

[SeattleRain]

Re: A little late...

I just manage to finish this.




I sleep
10,000 years
every night
I close my eyes,

but I find it hard,
so very hard,

to dream.


/Ice

Edit: Was that "each night"? Oh darn...

Yes.
That is it.

 

[HomerPindar]

Thanks for participating folks. It was hardly a strong and hardfast restraint, if you felt anything creative came of it, it worked. It's interesting to see how people varied the line, as opposed to the Title Challenges, in the poem.

I'm now toying with another idea, but not sure if it should be a personal project, a challenge, or something even more different.

Loads of help there, ain't I?

HomerPindar

 

[Linbido]

I sleep
10,000 years
each night
I close my eyes

and still
come morning

this panicked
pressure
behind my
temples

mud in mucky eyes
mud in murderous thoughts

a just five more minutes pleeeeease
sorry self delusion
stubbornly clinging
to a dream
of the efficiency
of powernaps
at 7 AM



*yawn* good morning everyone

 

[jthserra]

I just got my poem posted...

It should show up tomorrow... I was inspired by Champagne's Triolet, but put mine in Roundel form....


jim

 

[champagne1982]

The second one promised is posted now too..

Passing

 

[Guest]

Mine's sitting in limbo - I think. *sigh*

 

[jthserra]

Mine hasn't

made the new board... but here it is:

I Sleep 10,000 Years


jim

 

[Machiavellian]

The line:
I sleep 10,000 years each night I close my eyes

I slept 10,000 years each night I closed my eye as my mind drifted to a place beyond reality, a place where I could freely venture and be someone I wished I could be; someone who had no restraints or reservations; someone you wanted me to be.