Gray morning

[jinnysub]

It's been a long time since I last visited these boards. Longer than by alterego in the story has been alone. Is there a femalewho would like to join me in this thread? There may be room later for other men, other women, but I'd like to try to get back to writing here by just working with one woman for a while.

Please PM me if you're interested.


Morning. Gray, hint of snow. The tip of a tip of a branch scraped and tapped her window in the light wind.

Throwing back the covers, she lay back and thought of the past summer and the fall, now almost past. She thought of opportunities she had declined, possible partners she had put off until they no longer came by or called.

She looked over at the the top of her dresser and the sight of Bee, her toy, depressed her even more deeply. She no longer even knew whether the batteries were viable or were, like her life, worn out and stale.

The novels on her bookshelf lay dusty and unappealing. Unopened since ... May? June?

Her fingers wandered to her breasts, circling her nipples, pinching but feeling no connections to her brain, to her inner self. No warmth, no hint of warmth.

Almost clinically, her fingers strayed to either side of the exclamation point she left when she shaved. A fleeting thought crossed her mind -- "Why did I bother?" -- as she found no response within her, no desire, not even desire for desire.

With a sigh, she arose, stepped to the bathroom and turned on the shower. She set it as hot as she could stand, stepped in, and realized that she wasn't even reacting this morning to normal bodily needs and functions. With no more thought, she peed there, in the shower, something she hadn't done in ... again? how long?

The hot needles of water did no more than provide physical warmth as she shampooed, conditioned, washed, rinsed the conditioner out of her hair, turned off the shower and dried herself.

Going to her dresser, she looked at herself in the mirror and wondered if she would remember how to smile. Still looking at her image, her right hand went to her lingerie draw and drew out the first pair of panties it encountered.

For the first time that day, a hint of amusement flashed on her face. Gabe, so long ago, had gotten her that pair of split crotch panties more as a joke than anything else. A dare she made him one evening in the mall, to enter the lingerie store, engage a clerk, and ask to be shown a pair of panties that were no impediment -- she insisted that he use that word when he talked to the clerk.

She began to put them aside but chose instead to slip them on. She turned to her closet and found her kneelength "safari" skirt -- plain khaki -- and the burgundy blouse with the epaulettes. Half slip, blouse, skirt. She was dressed, as dressed as she would be for the day.

The blouse was rough against her nipples, and sensations that were earlier absent were fleeting, on and off, as she moved and the fabric encountered her bare skin.

Determined now, she grabbed her keys, purse, and jacket and went out to her car, gasping at the sensations of the cold breeze as it swirled up her skirt. When had she last even worn a skirt? She wasn't sure, but she was sure that the wind was not as cold -- nor as direct.

She drove to her favorite little coffee bar and sat in the corner, sipping her black Sumatra Mandhelig and wondering what the day would bring.

A woman walked in, strode purposefully to the counter and, too, ordered Sumatra, 20 ounce, paid her money and turned to survey the occupants of the room. Her eye caught Jinny's, swept past, and returned.

Her smile was warm, natural. It fit her as well as did the worn jeans and the soft loden sweater she wore with no coat, only a scarf thrown casually over her shoulder.

 

[jinnysub]

OOC: Caspai will be joining the thread. Intriguess later.

 

[caspai]

Sue

The crisp autumn air made her skin tingle, filling her lungs and making her feel glad to be alive. The occasional sneeze was a small price for the beauty of the reds, golds, and oranges around her. Walking along the sidewalk, and shuffling her feet through the bounds of leaves waiting to be raked up, she laughed softly to herself. Sue my girl, when will you ever grow up? Instantly, the child within stuck its tongue out and shouted "NEVER!" Looking up, she saw a coffee shop, and digging in her pocket, found the crumpled $5 bill she had stuffed in there on her way out of her apartment. Just the thing she needed, a coffee to warm her hands.

She didn't know why she had felt so compelled to leave the apartment so quickly. Ty would have told her to take her jacket had he been there, but Ty was a part of her past, best left back where he belonged. She had grown so tired of his constantly reminding her of what she should do, and what she shouldn't. He had said that it was for her own good, that without him, she was such a child, she wouldn't remember where she put her own shoes. It had never occurred to him that her childish behaviour at times may have been a response to his controlling ways.

Shaking her head, she pushed the door to the coffee shop opened, and walked in. As soon as she walked in, Sue saw a rather sad, lost looking woman, and felt something close to recognition within her. She would swear that she had never met this woman before, but there was just something about her....Never one to let a good mystery pass her by, she bought her coffee, and walked over to where the woman was sitting.

Do you mind if I join you? I am in the mood to chat, and you just seemed like someone who might be interesting to chat with.

 

[jinnysub]

Jinny watched the woman approach and began to wonder if she should bolt. She couldn't, however, and found herself inviting the woman to the closest chair at her table, the chair on her left side.

Again, she was struck by the self-assuredness of this beautiful woman. As she sat, the scents of leaves and vanilla, of cinnamon and coffee, filled her senses, bringing back memories of fall days in her youth, days spent playing football with her friends. The memories of hands "touching" her as she carried or caught the ball, "touch" football whose primary purpose seemed to be more to score a touch than to score a touchdown.

She didn't know why, but the thought of her friend Linda's hands one day finding the crease in her tight jeans instead of her hips, brought a blush to her face that had nothing to do with either the memory of that cold, fall day 20 years ago nor the cold of this morning, either.

She looked down and saw that same crease in this woman's jeans, the seam of a pair of jeans that were comfortable there only because they were old and soft. Her eyes swiftly went to the woman's face, and she saw that the woman had noticed her glance, and the location of her glance.

"God," she thought, "What am I doing? I'm acting like some jerk who is hoping to see down a blouse, whose eyes are fastened on my crotch, someone I wouldn't even think to meet eyes with."

With a shiver, she looked back at the woman and smiled with what she hoped would be interpreted as a warm and welcoming gesture.

"Hi. My name is Virginia. Jinny. What a lovely sweater!"

 

[caspai]

Sue

As she sat down, the feeling of familiarity became almost overwhelming. There was just something about this woman she knew, but then again, not. Smiling, she sipped her coffee before putting it down, and holding out her hand.

Hello Jinny. My name is Susan. Everyone Calles me Sue, though. Well, not my brothers, they insist on calling me Susie. Please don't call me Susie.

Laughing softly, she shook Jinny's soft hand, and that mysterious feeling of connection grew even stronger. Wrapping her arms around herself, she rubbed the soft sweater that covered her, and smiled at Jinny.

I just love sweater weather. This is absolutely my favorite time of the year. You don't have to be bundled up to an unidentifiable lump to go outside, but it is cold enough at night to cover up with blankets and snuggle close to a warm body at night.

Almost biting her tongue off, she waited to see how Jinny would react to that last little bit. What on earth had prompted her to say that? Sighing softly, she hoped that Jinny wouldn't think that she was the kind of person to throw come-on lines like that to everyone. While she was outgoing, Sue wasn't exactly promiscuous. There was that strange energy flowing around Jinny, though. That magnetic draw that Sue just couldn't manage to ignore. There was also something about her eyes...eyes that you could get lost in, if she let you look into them long enough. Her gaze, however, never seemed to stay in one place long enough for Sue to catch and hold it.

Quickly reaching again for her coffee, Sue took a long sip of it, burning her tongue in the process, and beginning to cough.

Oh, my, that coffee is hotter than I thought it was.

 

[jinnysub]

As Sue took Jinny's hand, as Jinny breathed in the scent of Sue, she knew that the unfeeling, unsensing morning had turned into a miasma of sensation, a whirlpool with depths within depths.

"I'm hot, too. I mean...My coffee is hot, too, Susie, I mean Sue. I mean...I'm sorry. I didn't mean to call you by the one name you wish I wouldn't!"

Feeling as if she wanted to fall through the floor with embarrassment, she squeezed Sue's hand and took it into both of hers, then, fearing that Sue would think her ... she didn't know what she was afraid Sue might think of her ... she put her hands back in her lap, looking down at the checkerboard pattern on the table, wondering if anyone actually played checkers or chess there -- trying to remember if she had ever seen anyone in the year she had frequented the shop.

She felt like ... like when she was 13 and John, the boy in her science class whom she had watched for what seemed like years, had come over and sat down near her in the park.

She felt awkward, and then felt also the warmth, the glow that came with those awkward moments in her teens. She looked up partway and noticed that Sue's fingers were long...and her left hand was lying in her lap, almost as if she were touching herself. When her middle finger twitched, ever so slightly, pushing down into the cleft in the jeans and then quickly lay back loose as if nothing were happening, as if innocently Sue were just laying her hands in her lap demurely, she looked into Sue's eyes and saw a hint of amusement. She saw a whisper of a smile play across her lips, and then Sue picked up her coffee and sipped.

"Still hot," Sue said, "almost too hot for comfort."

Jinny knew that Sue saw the blush on her cheeks. She wondered, as Sue's eyes swept lower, whether that blush had found its way below her neck, wondering, too, whether she had left only the top button of her blouse open or whether she had left two unbuttoned. And blushed more deeply.

 

[caspai]

Sue

Playing with heat? Playing with fire?

Smiling, Sue blew on her coffee, enjoying the play of emotions that flew in quick succession across Jinny's face.

Did you ever think that maybe there was a reason that moths were attracted to flames? I can sit in the summer at night watching the moths dance around a light bulb for hours, and when you turn the light off, the moths are lost. They don't know what to do, or where to go. Maybe we all need a little flame in our life to dance around, to feel alive, to give us something to feel.

Sipping her coffee, she smiled.

See? All you have to do is take your time, and know what you want, and you don't burn yourself with the heat. Danger doesn't have to be harmful, sometimes it can be soothing.

 

[jinnysub]

Can you be a moth that is afraid of the flame?

 

[caspai]

Sue

The last question caught Sue by surprise. Looking up quickly, she found that she had caught and held Jinny's gaze.

Fear, Jinny, isn't a bad thing. Everyone is afraid of something, or of someone. Everyone. Fear can be good. Fear, in the right circumstances, can keep you alive. The trick is just figuring out when the fear should stop you, and when the fear should be seen as the spice that makes chili more than tomatoes and meat.

Smiling, Sue reached out and covered Jinny's hand with her own.

Sometimes the only thing you can go by is instinct. A moth can get burned by flying too close to the flame, but not every moth gets burned. You can't let a mistake stop you from living, from trying, from reaching out, from dancing in the sun. Or in the moon. Or even in the shower.

Smiling, Sue leans back, and watches Jinny, guaging her reactions.

When it comes right down to it, life is too short to not grab everything that you can, just follow your instincts as you go.

 

[jinnysub]

My instincts lately have been to run, I'm afraid, Sue.

To run from people, from commitments, from myself.

Do I tell her what is really in my soul? That what I'm afraid of most is to be forever afraid?

I can't believe, though, how I'm talking to you this morning like this. I've not talked to anyone, really talked, in such a long time. What brought you over to my table? Did I look that forlorn? Lost?

The excitement that began to thrill my body just a short time ago faded, dulled, sank bank into quiescence with the feeling that this woman was just being kind, trying to kid me out of my funk. I pulled back my hands from hers and moved my chair back as if to leave.

"I..."

 

[caspai]

Sue sees Jinny about to leave, and can't bear to have this connection broken, not when it was so new.

Oh, no, please don't leave!

Thinking to herself that Jinny may have other obligations, she shakes herself.

No, that isn't right. If you have somewhere you need to go, it is right that you leave. It is selfish of me to want to keep you here. It is just that it is so hard to find people that you feel...

Stopping herself just as she was about to say connected to, Sue gives herself another mental shake.

It is so hard sometimes to find people that you want to get to know better. I don't know what stopped me at your table today. I don't know why I even came in here today. Something was drawing me here. *smile* Maybe that something was you.

 

[jinnysub]

Fear. No, it's not going to drive me off again. I sat back down and looked into Sue's eyes.

"I don't want to leave. I guess...I guess I'm hoping you won't let me, to be honest."

"To be even more honest, I don't want to be alone. Not now."

"And ... would you tell me something? When you had your hand in your lap, did you ... were you ... ? Because ... well ... "

Almost every inclination at that moment was for me to run, to hide, to go back into my apartment and stay there. Lie down. Stare at the ceiling. Almost every inclination. As I stood there, the slightest breeze swirled through the room as someone came in the door, and that breeze reminded me of just what I was wearing under my skirt. It made me begin to doubt that I really wanted to be alone and safe. It reminded me that the warmth of uncertainty, and even a little moisture of expectation, had been ruling my body just moments before. I shivered ... with the sudden cold, with ... hope?

Instead of dropping my eyes this time, I looked into her hazel eyes and held them. Asked all my questions through them, and hoped that the answers I saw there were real and not just the result of my hopes. A dream that began to build.

 

[caspai]

Sue

Watching Jinny intently, listening, and then eyes widening at her stumbling question. Looking down into her lap, she starts to laugh

DAMN! Sometimes this thing has a mind of its own!

Laughing and taking her other hand to lift the one on her lap and place in safely onto the table, pretending to need to hold it down.

You know, they say that everyone has a little bit of the opposite sex within them. If that is really true, I know where my little bit is located. *grin*

Watching Jinny, waiting to see the shock fill her eyes, the shock Sue saw in too many faces when she said something outrageous. Something like what she had just said. Something like what she had just been caught doing. Leaning forward, Sue whispered softly to Jinny.

I have a confession to make. Sometimes I just have to do something completely crazy, just to see if anyone is watching. I know it is just awful, but I just can't help myself.

 

[jinnysub]

"Mind of its own." I sat down like a stone and could hardly stop laughing. Some boyfriend of mine had said that to me countless times. We'd be walking down the street, and he'd pop out with that phrase. School. Mac's.

Funny. Which boyfriend?

Who cares?

"I've got that little bit of the opposite sex, too. He's just been hiding ... for a long time."

"'Completely crazy.' You know...that might not be a bad idea. Except for a little tiny thing earlier today, I haven't done anything that someone could call crazy for a long, long time."

Screwing the last little bit of courage I had, I could hear my mouth saying

"As for your little bit of the opposite sex, Sue ... those jeans are telling me that he must be pretty little, because there isn't a lot of room for him to hide, and everything I can see is definitely not in any way, shape, or form 'opposite.'"

 

[caspai]

Sue

As she listens to Jinny's words, her eyes go wider with delighted disbelief. Throwing back her head, Sue begins to laugh as well, loud and long, her long red curls shaking down her back.

Oh, Jinny, you are simply wonderful!

Catching her breath, eyes beginning to twinkle just a bit, Sue looks at Jinny and grins

As for what may or may not be in these pants of mind, I guess you are just going to have to try to figure out how to find that out for yourself, aren't you?

 

[jinnysub]

Inquiring minds want to know. And they also don't want to hear 'No.'"

In for a penny, in for a pound.

I'd like to know the two of you a bit better, Sue. You and your boyfriend, wherever he's hiding.

If you're interested, I'll be back in a few minutes. I've got to go next door to the drugstore and pick up some batteries. Or come along?

 

[caspai]

Sue

Raising an eyebrow in Jinny's direction

What makes you think I have a boyfriend? Interesting idea, though....*smile* Last one I had wanted to pester me to death about things that he thought I didn't understand, nearly drove me crazy. He finally gave up when I didn't give in. I think he is safely tucked away with someone his sister chose for him. Someone who didn't mind being told not to dance in the rain. Can you imagine? *laugh*

If you don't mind, I think I will come to the drug store with you. I could use some fresh air.

 

[jinnysub]

I meant that little boyfriend in the boat. The one with a mind of his own.

I'm thinking here that it's been way, way too long since I tried throwing a punchline out. Ball one.

We bought the batteries. As we went by the hygiene stuff, my hand rose to the shelf with the Astro-Glide and looked at Sue. My answer was a smile and a little shake of her head.

Hoping that I interpreted her correctly, I said, "No, I don't think I'll need any help either."

As we left the drug store, I realized that I was definitely out of the loop in "situational cool." For that matter, I'd never been in this situation before. Were women as uncomfortable with each other as we were with guys? I sort of thought things would be different in that way.

"Ah. I drove here. Did you? Do you? Where? Who?"

 

[caspai]

I walked here, and since there is no-one at hoome to worry about, I pretty much have all the time I need for anything that might happen. A completely free day.

Smiling at Jinny, I look at her as I say

You know, if you would like to, you could come over to my place. Like I said, I am completely alone there. No room mate, nothing. Not even a cat. Maybe we could just chill out, talk, get to know each other a bit more....maybe?

 

[jinnysub]

"I'd like that. Should we drive or should I leave my car here?"

How little can be said when one's mind is working overtime.

My brain is taking every little phrase of hers and turning it every which way, playing with her words, wondering if the wordplay should be outloud, too.

'Chill out.' I haven't been this warm in almost a year.

'No one at home.' An invitation? Or do I take that at face-value? 'Worry?' Worry about...seeing us? hearing us? or just someone who could get in the way of conversation?

'Cat?' No pussy? Is that what she means?

'No room mate?' Mate? Male? female? Which would it be if she had one? What does she mean by a room mate? A mate? or someone to share rent with?

'Get to know each other a bit more'? Does she want to get to know me as I'm wanting to get to know her? To know myself?

I realize with a start that I don't know much about myself. I've been attracted to women before but never, not once acted on those feelings, not even this far, not even to flirting like this. What about her? Is she like me, new to this (if there IS a 'this'), too?

Are we flirting? Or is it only me?

'Maybe.' So many 'maybe's.'

 

[caspai]

Sue

Wellll.....it isn't too far from here, just a couple of blocks, but it gets dark and cold awfully fast this time of year. I would hate to have you walking back here in the dark, if we lose track of time.

Smiling at Jinny, Sue enjoys watching her mind turning the words over in her head. Jinny has such a wonderfully expressive face. Sue can see every thought as it passes through her mind...interest, insecurity, attraction, disbelief....

I could fix dinner for us, if you would like. I haven't had anyone to cook for in a long time.

 

[jinnysub]

"Then, let's drive. That little red pickup over there is mine."

"You're going to have to direct me ... every little bit of the way. I'm lousy at following directions. I rarely know where I am, and right now I'm more lost than most days."

I've lived in this city for 3 years now, and right now it seems like everything in my life is brand-new. Virginal. Ever have that feeling?"

VIRGINAL? Oh, god. I can't BELIEVE I used that word!

"New ground. My dad, the farmer, would say the ground may have been plowed, but never by that kind of tractor. That's how my life is right now."

Shut up. Just shut up, you idiot. Every time you open your mouth you're digging yourself deeper. And looking like an idiot.

"That's good, though. This morning I woke up as gray as this day. That pickup was gray. Now it's red."

"Maybe even scarlet."

"Dinner? I'd like that! I'm always ready to eat."

I told you to shut up! Play with words too long, and you say something really stupid even when you don't intend to!

 

[caspai]

Sue

Scarlet is a beautiful color. I think Nathaniel Hawthorne did more to change the perception of that color than any other thing he managed to do. Can you imagine someone buying a book called the Puce Letter? *laugh*

Sue gives her directions, telling her to drive west three blocks, turn left, and then right, and go down half a block.

Everything is new at some point or other. When it is new, and fresh, that is when it is the most intense, you don't know what to expect, or what to prepare for. All you can do is just enjoy each moment for what it is. I think that is precious.

Walking up the steps, Sue unlocks and opens the door, one of the old fashioned ones with an oval insert of heavy bevelled glass. Walking into the apartment, she spreads her arms wide, presenting a comfortable room filled with slightly worn overstuffed couches and chairs, and piles of books everywhere.

Sorry about the mess, I wasn't expecting company today. Not that I mind, though.

Turning to face Jinny, she holds her hand out, waiting for Jinny to take it.

Welcome to my home, Jinny.

 

[jinnysub]

Taking her hand, I shake it as if we were dignitaries meeting for the first time. I look at her, and we both see the absurdity of the entire situation and burst out laughing.

"Sue, thank you for inviting me here. What a wonderful house!"

"You're a reader, too? Fantasy? Romance? What else? I work in a library where all I can find time to read is reviews, but at home I go in waves. A whole fantasy quest series then a romance. Not a lot of romance lately, though. Then I'll go off on a mystery kick."

"Ah...where's the little girls' room? I'm afraid that coffee this morning ..."

After being directed to the bathroom, I sit and collect myself for a minute. Look around a bit. I think you can find out more about a person by their bathroom than their kitchen. Not what's in their cabinets--that's cheating-- but by how they keep things, arrange them. What's left out, what isn't.

Sue has a beautiful, deep and spacious tub, but it looks like she's also one to take showers at times. Good quality shampoo and conditioner, but not extravagant. A little luxury in her brand of bath gel -- the origin of her cinnamon scent. Different, but it FITS her.

Razor and hand mirror on the end of the tub. If she's like me, she's shaving where she can't see, too, by the presence of that mirror. I wonder ...

And soft toilet tissue.

A silent thank you for that.

As I pull up my panties, I'm reminded of this morning's choice of the crotchless ones. Aside from a few reminders by the wind, I'd forgotten that I was wearing these in much the same way that one forgets wearing a ring or a bracelet. I'm hoping against hope that things might get to the point where my panties are part of something, I'm also a bit afraid of whether she'll notice, and if she notices, what she might think. However, nothing to be done about that.

Checking my face, I'm tempted to open the cabinet, but the TV ad where a woman opens the cabinet and has the entire thing collapse on her comes to mind ...

Nope ... not taking that chance ... it's not fair, anyway, I tell myself.

When I come back to the living room, Sue has hung up my coat and already brought out a small tray of cheeses, crackers, and bread.

 

[caspai]

Sue

Placing the tray down on a low coffee table, Sue smiles at Jinny as she comes back into the room.

I didn't know when the last time you had eaten was. The bread is fresh from the bakery this morning. Can I get you something to drink? I was going to have some wine, but I didn't know if it was still early for you.

Walking over to a bar with a chilled bottle of white wine stood, along with an array of wine glasses, Sue picks up two, and turns to Jinny with a questioning look.

If you would prefer, I have some sodas, mineral water, tea...*laugh* Now I am starting to sound like a waitress.

Walking over to the coffee table, Sue puts the glasses and the wind down, and, pulling a cushion off the couch, sits down on the floor in front of the coffee table. Looking over to Jinny, she smiles widely

Please, make yourself comfortable. Help yourself to anything...anything at all.

Holding her hand out once more, Sue smiles softly to Jinny.

Please, come and join me. You are terribly far away over there.