Lying Eyes
Really Experienced
- Joined
- Dec 16, 2001
- Posts
- 181
Here it goes...
Title: Atkins Diet Disaster
Genre: Lesbian
Discription: Sweet cravings leads to lesbian seduction
Link: http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=136093
Original idea was to create a humorous lesbian story involving food, original working title was going to be "Maple Syrup Mayhem". As I fiddled with the idea I incorporated the the very popular low Atkins diet into the story and changed the title hoping it would peak the interest of more readers. As I continued to work on it I moved it to a more sombre note pushing the idea of the main character lacking self esteem due to her figure and food having more signifance then just being food. Also the main character is suppose to be straight at first.
This story has not been anywhere near as well recieved as my other two stories. It has the same failings as my other pieces, such as over use of "I" and too much thinking in the characters head, but that didn't seem to bother readers in those other stories so I don't think it was the big problem. I thought this story was at least better then my first piece which lacked substance so I didn't entirely understand why it wasn't anywhere near as popular. Going by the lack of votes compared to views and very little feedback it must of been a disapointment to readers. So I put it up to be discussed why it failed and to confirm my thoughts on why.
I think I failed by trying to do too much in such a short story. Do you agree? I think I bit way more then I could chew.
Some questions on particular elements of the story:
Flashbacks: Was it a mistake on my part to put them in? Should I have deleted them? Do you understand why I put them in? It was a last minute addition and I dont know if I did the right thing including them. Probably could of least have written something better.
Seduction: Some advice for my pevious piece was the character suddenly turning and having lesbian feelings was too rushed. I tried to slow the pace this time before the character finaly submited towards the other woman. Did I drag it out too long?
Humour: Originaly was suppose to be entirely a light hearted tale. Does the humour work? Does any part actually make you grin or smile? Does it seem corny or stupid? Does the humour clash too much with the more sombre side to the story?
Any mistakes you think I did, please let me know.
Title: Atkins Diet Disaster
Genre: Lesbian
Discription: Sweet cravings leads to lesbian seduction
Link: http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=136093
Original idea was to create a humorous lesbian story involving food, original working title was going to be "Maple Syrup Mayhem". As I fiddled with the idea I incorporated the the very popular low Atkins diet into the story and changed the title hoping it would peak the interest of more readers. As I continued to work on it I moved it to a more sombre note pushing the idea of the main character lacking self esteem due to her figure and food having more signifance then just being food. Also the main character is suppose to be straight at first.
This story has not been anywhere near as well recieved as my other two stories. It has the same failings as my other pieces, such as over use of "I" and too much thinking in the characters head, but that didn't seem to bother readers in those other stories so I don't think it was the big problem. I thought this story was at least better then my first piece which lacked substance so I didn't entirely understand why it wasn't anywhere near as popular. Going by the lack of votes compared to views and very little feedback it must of been a disapointment to readers. So I put it up to be discussed why it failed and to confirm my thoughts on why.
I think I failed by trying to do too much in such a short story. Do you agree? I think I bit way more then I could chew.
Some questions on particular elements of the story:
Flashbacks: Was it a mistake on my part to put them in? Should I have deleted them? Do you understand why I put them in? It was a last minute addition and I dont know if I did the right thing including them. Probably could of least have written something better.
Seduction: Some advice for my pevious piece was the character suddenly turning and having lesbian feelings was too rushed. I tried to slow the pace this time before the character finaly submited towards the other woman. Did I drag it out too long?
Humour: Originaly was suppose to be entirely a light hearted tale. Does the humour work? Does any part actually make you grin or smile? Does it seem corny or stupid? Does the humour clash too much with the more sombre side to the story?
Any mistakes you think I did, please let me know.