Grassroots discussion: cantdog 7/18/04

cantdog

Waybac machine
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Apr 24, 2004
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By the way, gentlemen and ladies, let us start a trend. This year is "twenty-oh-four."

Nineteen-oh-six, nineteen-oh-eight, we say, don't we? And do you really imagine that by the time twenty-twenty-seven (2027) rolls around, we'll be saying "two thousand twenty-seven?" No. Get over the millenium thing, already, it's twenty-oh-four.

Okay.

This was written in response to a German woman who had a dream. I wrote it based on what she told me about her dream, and she likes it pretty well.

It has not been posted here yet, because my editors have not responded with their edits. I thought they would have, and then I could link to it, but they haven't. So it isn't eben submitted. But this means you can make a difference.

Here it is-- "Yacht Club"


Sailing Club-- the blackmail


Andrea stepped quietly outside, to the after deck well. The clouds had come in like a blanket over the moon, underlit by the streetlights of Split. Masts and bobbing small craft could be made out around her in the dimness.

She stowed the towels in the PFD bin and rigged the ladder, fuming and despairing alternately. They asked for her so often! Didn't they understand he only had to wake up once to give it all away?

I can't keep doing this! There has to be a way! she told herself, but the brick wall was still there. Jürgen would never understand. He was such a trusting man! Andrea treasured him that way; she had to keep him that way.

Her dive cut the water in perfect form, making little noise. The salt water liberated her body from gravity, and the feeling cleared her mind for a few precious seconds. She came to the surface meters from the Kriemhild and oriented on the lights of Gerhardt Franck's vessel. Strongly she swam toward it, dread reappearing as a knot, forming in her belly.

She was being asked to do more and more degrading things, now. They exercised their power ruthlessly. But here she was, doing it again.

Fear and worse than fear dominated her so very much these days. They are animals! she told herself, momentarily angry again. She took a grip on the lowered ladder of the Monika Franck and hauled herself gracefully up. Gravity returned, she streamed with water and the lights of the yacht cabin exposed her against the black Adriatic.

Her hair sat heavy on her shoulders as she set foot on deck and wiped the seawater from her eyes. When she opened them again, two Turkish towels slapped her face, and she was looking at the naked, portly body of that animal Kaspar. She took the towels quickly.

"Get that off and come to the cabin, sow."

"Selbstverständlich," Andrea replied. She found them all disgusting, sometimes, but Kaspar she detested as you would a slug on your lips. His sandbag ass wagged off to the ladder and he descended inside. She could hear him laughing and telling the others she had arrived.

Crying, but rushing, she removed the maillot and toweled herself off. She had to be fast, or they would punish her first. Possibly they would anyway. Hell could be no worse than this.

She descended in her turn, naked and damp, into the cabin of her father-in-law's sleek Herreshoff. Teak and brass gleamed in the lamplight, four naked men leered at her. Tittering, Kaspar came forward with a long bunch of hair in one hand and a bottle of lubricant in the other.

"Turn so they can see and bend down, sow. You are about to be promoted-- to a jenny ass!" He laughed unpleasantly and uncapped the bottle.

Andrea turned away and leaned on the bottom stair. At Kaspar's order, she spread her legs, and then three fingers went up her pussy, brutally, and twisted a while. "Nice cunt," Kaspar remarked. The fingers retreated and she stood there a long moment as lube dripped slowly and not always accurately onto her anus. The men made rude jokes. Heinrich Gauss proposed they sodomize her first, but Fritz pointed out that everyone could fuck her ass later on. Andrea sobbed in humiliation, but stood still. Kaspar's fingers agitated her pussy lips again.

"Andrea, you ought to relax that asshole!" he warned. A smooth knob, like plastic, came up against her anus and pushed inward. She tried to relax to accomodate it, but he twisted and pushed too hard and fast, and it hurt her going in. The roomful of men cheered and laughed. She felt the long hair touch her thigh. "Stand up, little ass! Du Eselchen!"

She straightened and felt herself behind. The plug in her ass had a pony tail hanging from it. They laughed again, some of them. "On your hands and knees, now, Andrea," Gerhardt said. "I want you to suck me while Kaspar is punishing you." Her husband's father placed himself before her, kneeling, and held his cock up, gesturing for her to come take it.

Kaspar picked up a paddle and slapped his palm with it. "Don't imagine the tail will protect you! Your ass will be quite red before I get done!"

"Na klar!" laughed Heinrich, "Very red!"

Her shame, her fear and her loathing tightened her stomach more; she was almost made sick by it, and yet she knew she would have orgasms, many of them. That made it so much worse afterwards, when she would feel the awful guilt, looking in her husband's trusting, proud eyes.

She crawled to Gerhardt and sucked him. Fritz handled her breast as the first slaps hit. "Ahh, you bitch, suck me," breathed Gerhardt. "I have a great appetite tonight."
_______________

It had been her introductory night at the sailing club, the night she would meet them. Jürgen had been happy to be able to join the sailing club at last; he had made her anticipate it, too.

Their summer would be spent with some of them on the coasts of Italy, Sardinia, Montenegro and Serbia, sailing together, and the next year they planned the Greek Islands and Crete. It was wonderful to see Jürgen so stimulated. They had trained joyfully on the Bodensee for this summer to come, and she felt ready to act the role of a responsible crew.

But when the evening came, the sendoff party, Jürgen had one of his migraines. He'd seen it coming when his vision doubled and the dizziness began, but he'd been on the highway and didn't get to his pills soon enough. The poor man's head was splitting, lights made his eyes hurt; he appeared to Andrea to be in terrible pain in every line of his body. She helped him to bed.

She knew all the details of the planned voyage as well as he did, though. She could go without him. A group of middle-aged yacht sailors could not make her feel any nervousness. She wanted to take the measure of their wives and girlfriends, too. Quietly she kissed Jürgen's cheek. She loved him so!

Arriving at the waterfront, she had presented her pass and parked in the club's lot. She looked crisp and elegant in the unbleached linen dress and the bone pumps. Her confidence carried her happily into the banquet hall.

A little Italian college girl in her uniform poured her an armagnac at the little bar. Introductions went on constantly, but she was keeping them in order. Although she was meeting most of them for the first time, she knew some of the names already. Her new husband's father was a member, for example.

The hall was nautical, rather than opulent, and the Riviera's sultry heat was dissipated by its openness to the onshore breeze. Everyone seemed friendly, if reserved.

As the evening progressed, she felt included in the camaraderie of these men and women who had done so much traveling together. Especially friendly was her father-in-law, who took her on his arm like a don and introduced her himself to those in the club who were closest to him.

He said he was proud of her. "Such a beauty, and so sensible! You will be very good for Jürgen," he said. He was, of course, Bavarian. They stood close, Bavarians, when they spoke to you, but she hadn't expected him to put his hands where he did. But he did it with a sunny smile, and he was more open and joyful than she'd ever seen him, so she tolerated his familiar touches without complaint. It is good to have the family's approval, and they were on the Italian Riviera!

After the meal-- "the Italians will never do veal like the Germans can," her father-in-law had said, leaning close, palming her hip again-- they went up to the ballroom, where there was a bigger bar, and dancing. Here the breeze was not permitted.

The men removed their jackets and she danced with many of her father-in-law's friends, and with him. He made certain her glass was full, and he kept taking the most extraordinary liberties with her when they danced! She eventually had to chide him, but he laughed and pleaded the heat and the esteem he felt for her. His friends did the same, she was dancing constantly when not drinking.

Then her foot slipped, she was caught by Kaspar just in time to keep from falling. So embarrassing! But they were so good about it! The men gathered around and helped her to sit. Her father-in law massaged her leg, saying a sprain would be kept from swelling if it was massaged quickly enough. Kaspar got her another drink.

They stroked her and fussed over her. It seemed suddenly that most of the group was gone and the five of them were alone but for the bartender. Fritz-- dear Fritz!-- tipped him to go home. She was kissed. Jürgen's father massaged up her thigh and gave a nod. She downed the drink and suddenly was lifted by six strong arms!

"Gerhardt!" she squealed, "Stop that!"

"You will have a swollen ankle if this isn't done properly," he replied, and he pulled the pantyhose off while the rest held her up in the air, laughing. She laughed, too.

"But you took everything, Gerhardt!"

"Ja!" he cried, lifting her panties up, "I did!" The men roared with laughter. "Boys, you must put her down!" he cried. To her he said, "Kneel, now!" with no explanation. She did that, and three of them closed in behind her, taking her by the shoulders. She tipped her head back to ask what this was for, and Kaspar kissed her, wiggling his thick tongue into her mouth when she opened it to protest.

Hands felt her breasts! Her zipper came down in back! The linen dress went down to her elbows and more hands pushed down the bra straps, but hard hands held her still despite all she could do.

She came loose from Kaspar's kiss, gasping. Gerhardt had opened his trousers! He stood in front of her, grinning, his cock an inch from her face. "Open your mouth, Liebchen," he said. Her breasts came free of the bra, rude hands were all over her naked chest and neck, and Kaspar held her head between his meaty hands.

Gerhardt's cock passed into her mouth, and he grunted in his pleasure.

A flash went off! Someone had taken a picture! Her protests were muffled by the stroking of hard meat in and out of her mouth.

Gerhardt fucked her face and laughed. Kaspar giggled. Some of the others were removing their trousers altogether. Fritz had an enormous cock! Gerhardt told her to suck. "I don't like to do all the work!"

She closed her lips on it and sucked. She gave him her tongue, and he called her precious and delightful. Her head swam with the drink.

"You will have us all, Andrea, including this"-- Fritz waved the huge cock at her-- "in that wonderful pussy of yours!" They all laughed again, and she smiled a slutty smile, just as another flash came from the opposite side.

Heinrich had the camera, and he passed it to Kaspar and took down his trousers and shorts. Heinrich was young and very rich, perhaps the most wealthy of the group. He stepped in and claimed her mouth from Gerhardt. She turned and sucked the younger man's cock, and Kaspar caught the action on film. Gerhardt stroked her cheek with the end of his, up and down on the silky face.

"Stop taking pictures!" she said indignantly. Everyone assured her they wouldn't do it again. Kaspar made sure she could see he was passing the camera to Fritz. She took Heinrich into her mouth again, and freed her arms.

"Take it in your hand, please, Andrea," Fritz asked, and she did.

Gerhardt slapped her cheek again with his, so she gripped that one, too. Three cocks! She'd never done anything like this. The men called her pet names; they were appreciative and reassuring. Kaspar stroked her breasts from behind.

"You should move from one to the other, Liebchen, so that we will stay even!" Gerhardt's idea sounded reasonable in her hazy state, so she released Heinrich and licked the end of Fritz's big pole appreciatively before stuffing it into her drunken mouth. Kaspar's came to her hand and Heinrich came around and knelt to suck a breast.

They were most polite at first, taking turns nicely and complimenting her on how pretty her breasts were and how well she could suck. But they moved inexorably closer to coming! The atmosphere became charged, men grunted, their cocks pushed greedily at her, they pumped in her hands and mouth, they pushed against her cheek.

She was sucking Kaspar when it happened. The man dropped down on his knees, so that she bent forward. Heinrich and Fritz captured her shoulders to take her weight, and she let go of Fritz's cock to drop a hand to the floor. She glared up at Kaspar's flushed face, scowling, but kept on bobbing her head on his short fat cock.

Suddenly, Gerhardt pulled her linen skirt up into a bunch around her waist, and the two men beside her pulled her toward Kaspar and forward. On hands and knees now, with her naked hips exposed, she felt the questing tip of her father-in-law's cock at the door of her pussy.

"Nein! Das sollst du nicht! Das darfst du nicht! You shouldn't! You mustn't!" she said, and she let everything go and whirled angrily on Gerhardt, eyes flashing, all at once feeling very sober and scandalized.

"But I think that I will, my dear," calmly said Gerhardt. "You would hate for Jürgen to see those photos, now wouldn't you? Or your mother?"

"You wouldn't dare!"

"Oh, yes, I would!" Kaspar said. He laughed. "It would be fun to see his face, I think!"

"Just get back down on all fours, like a good girl. We will all fuck you and then you can go home," Heinrich said persuasively.

"No one will have to know if you just do us nicely," Fritz added. "Even the bartender is gone. It's only us."

"Please. Bitte sehr, Liebchen! It's only sex," Gerhardt said. "Everyone does that! And we will keep your secret."

"But we have the pictures if you say no!" leered Kaspar.

"Well?" Heinrich prodded.

"All right. I'll do it."

"Good!" Gerhardt beamed. "Right, boys?" They all agreed, and held their cocks up again for more. "Lie on the rug, here, so you can use your hands, that's the way. Give me your legs, I'm first in your pussy. You were sucking Kaspar? That's a good girl, now take the others in your hands."

He slid his cock into her very wet pussy while Kaspar giggled and fucked into her mouth. Things got very businesslike after that, and the camera flashed over and over. But she came.

She came a lot; the entire night was very exciting-- cocks everywhere, slamming into her pussy, twitching on her tongue and spurting seed into her drunken throat. They filled her hands, they stuck into her body.

Everyone laughed and swore and came, came all over. She had a very good time, and they all fucked her as long as they could still do it.

The shame came later, in a great wave while she was trying to find where Gerhardt had thrown her panties, when she heard Kaspar laughing with Fritz about her. Her pussy ached in a way that no woman can know who hasn't been the center of a gang fuck. It felt good, that ache. She tingled with the memory of her endless comes, and burned with remorse for her poor husband. What would it be like now, to travel with these people all summer? How could she face them, after this?

Heinrich met her at the door of the ladies', as she was ready to leave.

"You were wonderful, Andrea," he began.

"Please, don't talk to me, I must go home. My poor husband--"

"But we have ruined the linen. You must buy a replacement; here, accept this. I loved your body and especially your mouth-- Please. I must finish.-- but I did not intend that you should have your clothes ruined. Please. It is just money; I have too much. I want you not to hate us too badly."
She made no move to take it, so he tucked it into her bag. She ducked her head and moved past him into the open air and the car, and then home.

It was over.

And then the 'phone calls began. She would have to come and do it again, to Heinrich's yacht, to Gerhardt's yacht, over and over. And they were no longer so kind or so gentle, no, indeed. She had to sneak out and let them have her, and later, they had her swim over at night, during the tour, wherever they dropped anchor.

Genoa, then Elba. Napoli, then Messina, Catania, Taranto, Dubrovnik, Bari-- in port after port, she would leave her husband's side and swim across to another boat to be passed around by these men.
_____________

"Enough for a moment, Kaspar, she's sucking me!" growled Gerhardt.

"I want her pussy besides," Fritz said. "Put her on the bench like before!"

"All right!" Kaspar said. He lowered his paddle. "She's bruising anyway. Come, Herr Franck, I want her mouth next."

"I'll take her right where she is," Fritz announced. He dropped to a knee, inserted and knelt behind her. Taking her hips, he jammed his large cock into her pussy. It bumped her womb and she only took part of it, but he hauled back on her hips and forced her to stretch.

For Andrea, Fritz's assault caused the first sexual excitement of the evening. She always responded to the feel of the long, thick monster stretching her. Damnably, it affected her more the more brutal he was.

Because he was made to stop, even Kaspar's paddling just added a heat and a tingle to the feeling. That cock! God, it was so animal!

Her eyes slitted; she swirled her tongue around Gerhardt. He tasted good to her now with Fritz's cock meat sliding in such long strokes, strumming the lips of her wide-open pussy and shoving so uncompromisingly at her womb. Heinrich was playing with her breasts.

They dangled straight down and swayed with every slap of Fritz's brutal rape. The younger man's soft fingers played over her nipples, his hand stroked her back and her flanks. She could feel his cock, already hard, poke and slap at her ribs when he reached across her body or onto the upper swell of her ass cheeks.

Sensation built upon sensation; Andrea was approaching her first come, and it would be strong! The first tingles, sweet and irresistible, built in her pussy and rose like champagne bubbles from Heinrich's fingers on her nipples. Her breath came short and noisy from her nose.

She arched her back to tip her hips onto Fritz's cock more solidly, to take him in more deeply. The smell of male sweat and her own abused pussy came to her nostrils.

Gerhardt grunted and his cock leapt and threw a stream of his come onto the top of her mouth. She let it drool out the side; they loved to see it spill over like that. Gerhardt's hair was shot with white, but his massive hips carried a lot of momentum. He jacked his pelvis forward and his old cock poked the back of her throat. At one time, it would have gagged her, but she had no difficulty now. She worked the muscles for swallowing and he squealed like a piglet to feel it.

Soon he fell back. He would need some time to recover; Kaspar stepped in, his cock hard in his fingers, and grabbed her by her damp hair.

"Lick my balls!" he said. Andrea ducked to follow his pull on her hair and rolled one on her tongue.

"Let's put her on the bench, Fritz," Heinrich suggested, "so she can have her hands free."

"A moment!" gasped Fritz. He was in her to the hilt now, she pushed back to meet him all on her own. She just got better every time, the woman was hot! He watched her lick fat Kaspar's hairy balls and fucked without restraint. She gave forth little moans when he bottomed out in her soft, clinging pussy; she met him strongly with a shove of her hips. He looked at the ponytail's little dildo, swallowed by her ass.

"Andrea!" he said, "Oh, fuck-- !" Her ass was tipped up and so sweet!

Deep inside her came the swelling of his cock head to even greater dimensions, then jet after jet of fluid! Andrea came hard, uttering a scream and pressing her ass hard against his hairy hips. She felt Heinrich's hands as electric sources, her breasts tingled, her pussy seemed to shudder. The sensation swamped her fear entirely, her come made her wriggle around Fritz's invading pole of hot, twitching gristle. How fine it was! And the thing in her ass, making it open, felt so evil and so fabulous. Come drooled out of her in a thick wad to the floor. She lapped Kaspar's bag, she tasted his sweat.

"Heinrich, take it out and fuck my ass!" she said. "I want you in my ass now!" Her attitude had passed from dread to joy, as it always did. These men were not enough, they couldn't satisfy her once she'd been given her first come.

Acting like this made her shame and despair the worse afterward, but now! Now was now, she wanted all of it! She fought upwards against Kaspar's loosened grip and sucked his cock deep into her throat.

Heinrich circled around and gently twisted the plastic plug from her.

Her anus hung open in an o. Fritz sat back on his heels, Heinrich placed his knees and levered himself higher with his arms braced on her hips.

One insistent push, and he felt the ring of muscle cede, the inner ring part, and the delicious silky walls slide along him as he descended into her ass! Her full mouth made urgent noises, but she bobbed fiercely on the fat man, whose eyes widened. Heinrich watched Kaspar's amazed face as she took her pleasure on him. Kaspar leaned on her shoulders and stared at her beautiful face, so intent, sucking him out of sight into her very throat with each stroke! Fritz moved to the side to watch Heinrich enter her asshole, and played with a breast.

Heinrich pulled back and stuck her deeply again. He saw he would need more of the lubricant, and he asked Fritz to pass it to him. Shortly he was fucking her as well as she could wish. The old man, Gerhardt, stirred and lifted himself up from the floor.

Andrea, eyes closed, savored the sodomy and deliberately sucked a little too strongly on Kaspar. Giving him pain added to her enjoyment.

Heinrich, in her tingling ass, brought her another come of a different quality, and she writhed her pelvis on the young man's cock to feel it more intensely.

"Heinrich! Kaspar! Put her on the bench now," demanded Gerhardt. "Let us see if she can take me in her cunt at the same time!"

"Ja, gut!" replied Heinrich.

Kaspar nodded, and with some relief pulled his aching cock from her mouth. He always obeyed Gerhardt, but she was sucking him cruelly hard and he was quite willing to have it stop a minute. He lent support to her shoulders and nodded at Heinrich.

Heinrich laid gentle hands on Andrea's flanks, their eyes met, and they made the transfer together, still inserted. Heinrich lay beneath her, she opened her legs and tossed back her hair, challenging Gerhardt with her eyes.

Her father-in-law drove into her pussy, Heinrich took up a subtle rhythm in her ass, and she looked down to see Fritz suck her nipple in and felt his rough tongue scrape across it. Heinrich licked her other nipple.

She cradled Fritz's head in her arm and leaned her head back. A cock for her mouth would complete it! Where was that asshole Kaspar when you needed him? Her whole body shook with each slam of Gerhardt's weight. She didn't see Kaspar's cock!

She heard his silly titter, though, and his doughy ass suddenly occluded her view of the cabin. Kaspar pushed his hips down in her face. "Lick my asshole, you sow, lick it! Lick it!" He tittered again. His balls lay over her nose.

That grotesque clown, she thought. His fat ass sank down over her face, it almost made her gag, and she lost the edge of her arousal. The other men felt to her like they were trapping her now, preventing her escape.

Both cocks still drove into her, but the sweet approach of another big orgasm was thwarted. She had been almost ready! This fat pig! Andrea was furious.

She released Fritz's head, snaked her slim hand in by her face, and gathered the loose sack in her fingers. With a strong clutch, she suddenly gave a twist of her wrist, and then a harder one of her entire arm as Kaspar lifted frantically away, shouting madly, as loud as his lungs would let him. She made a fist of her other hand and hammered her father-in-law's face with it with all her force.

"Let me up! Let me up now!"

Gerhardt fell off her after the third sharp blow to his nose and eyes, Kaspar lost his footing and fell also, his scream rising to a squeal and dying suddenly in a little gasp as he fainted from the pain. Heinrich squirmed frantically to escape, but she managed to elbow him in the solar plexus, quite by accident, as she stood up.

She stepped on Fritz, who had taken most of Kaspar's dead weight on his back, and, suddenly in the clear, took the stairway to the rear deck in three bounds. The cool air struck her, she took an exultant deep breath, and with hardly a pause, dove from the gunwale into the dark waves and away. The threats and curses of the men were cut off by the rush of water past her ears.

Naked, clear of mind again, Andrea let the water clean her mouth and kicked strongly, extending the distance from the Monika Franck in the clean black isolation of the quiet nighttime sea. She bobbed up, found the silhouette of the Kriemhild, and swam, in no hurry now.

I will tell Jürgen now; I'm never doing this again, she thought grimly. Jürgen loves me-- nothing he will do can be as bad as those pigs were.

Andrea's victorious mood slumped, then; she thought woefully of the consequences which might follow her rebellion. But I hope he does not send the photos. I would hate that!

Such a miserable trap,
she thought. But I can't let it change my mind! This stops here.

It felt good to make that decision, but the closer she came to her own boat, the more she dreaded telling Jürgen what she'd done.

"Jürgen! Jürgen, darling, wake up, it's me!"

"I was not asleep. Where did you swim to?"

"I went again to your father's boat." She swallowed hard; her emotions were all mixed, she hardly knew what to say first. "It's what I must tell you! But first, please, please, let's weigh anchor right now, and go away, toward Trieste, tonight. I'll tell you everything, but we have to go from here!"

"You are trembling, Andrea! What is it?"

"It is over now, in a way; but it is horrible, Jürgen; you will hate me! I hate myself! Please, can we go away? I beg you, darling-- "

"Yes. Let me dress. You dress too. We will go if you wish it. They have been laughing strangely around me the entire voyage; I knew something had to be wrong."

"Oh, God, please don't hate me!"

"I can never hate you; stop shaking! Here, hold me; there. You know I love you always. There, now." He cradled her and spoke to soothe.

Andrea cried while he held her. She felt cold from the sea, and she wept so bitterly.
_____________

Kriemhild arrowed across the lines of light chop. The dawn diluted the blackness of the sky over the distant horizon behind her. She showed her lights and there were yellowish lights in the cabin amidships. Jürgen had set the steering mechanism; the craft would hold a course well enough, barring a change in the wind.

Within the cabin, Andrea knelt on the bed with her head low. Her hands, on each asscheek, held her hips open wide. Wet slick lines of lubricant glistened down her thighs, and she was moaning softly in a wordless song of sheer pleasure. Jürgen pushed his hard cock again and again deeply into his wife's ass.

Her ass! And she so sweet and so sheltered! She had never done that for him until this night, but she would now! Now and ever after. There were several new tricks she had learned on this trip, but this and her new throat tricks were the best. He spanked her reddened ass again and ground his cock in as deep as possible, savoring her cry. Then picking up the pace, he fucked her fast and hard.

Andrea was very content. She had a taste now for being treated less like a lady and more like a completely abandoned whore. She enjoyed more than ever the feeling of being a slut, since it was for Jürgen. She changed the angle of her pelvis to let his rapid pounding strokes go deeper still, and pulled herself open still more.

He will come soon, and I will suck him again! she thought. Cock, delicious cock! Ah, Jürgen, my love! Give me cock!

Jürgen could feel his come approaching, too. His Andrea was completely open, so submissive! "Tell me what happened in Catania now. We were on the western set of moorings, yes?"

"Yes. In Catania, Heinrich had put the blue-and-red banner up, so I knew to come to his boat. I made you drink the bottle of Beaujolais, remember? So you would sleep..."

There were so many stories! Jürgen bared his teeth and watched his cock vanish in her anus and reappear. He would know how to deal with his father, and with any pictures. And Kaspar! He knew some things about that ape that he would give a lot to keep hidden. There would be retribution.

And his wife would be so very obedient now; he would also know not to trust her so completely again. He grinned wider. This was not all bad. He listened to her confession and rode her ass. Not all bad.
 
I have mostly good things to say about this one

This sort of gang-bang group sex is not among my favorite perversions. That said, I think it's a good stroke story.

It was shallow enough and fast-paced enough to keep me interested. The dialogue (I thought) was supremely done!

I had some serious believability problem with why/how she escaped her captors. It simply seemed totally out of character and unjustified (psychologically). Almost as a trick, a device to get her to that last "love" scene with hubbie.

You may also need to think about (clear up?) certain details:

1. If the boats are docked or moored in a harbor in the Mediterranean, the water might be conisderably foul -- I don't think that it would be pleasant to dive and swim there.

2. I was lost in the DP scene. Who was in what position and doing what? Group scenes are tricky for the narrator. I had no idea what the scene looked like here.

But all in all, your German "client" should be happy. I think the story does work in the whole.

PS There are a few small grammar errors or awkward constructions. Would be good if you fixed those too.

Didn't they understand he only had to wake up once to give it all away?
This implies that "he" would give it away. That's not what you mean.
Perhaps something like "... to wake up once and the whole thing would come crashing down on them?"

Here the breeze was not permitted.
Huh?
 
DP scene

[color=dark-blue]They're moving her to the bench. Her father-in law requested it so he can jump into the pussy at the same time. She has Heinrich in her ass, and she releases Kaspar from her mouth.[/color]

Heinrich laid gentle hands on Andrea's flanks, their eyes met, and they made the transfer together, still inserted. Heinrich lay beneath her, she opened her legs and tossed back her hair, challenging Gerhardt with her eyes.
----
I'll make this a semicolon:"...lay beneath her; she opened her legs..." I think it makes it a real sentence, first of all; and secondly, I think separating off the bit about Heinrich lying on the bench with her on top makes it come clearer as you read it. To me, the semicolon pulls the trick off by itself.

[color=dark-blue]I include this because I have to figure you are lost by this part, the move to the bench. Because the DP itself, the next paragraph, is not likely to have lost anyone:[/color]

Her father-in-law drove into her pussy, Heinrich took up a subtle rhythm in her ass, and she looked down to see Fritz suck her nipple in and felt his rough tongue scrape across it. Heinrich licked her other nipple.

She cradled Fritz's head in her arm and leaned her head back. A cock for her mouth would complete it! Where was that asshole Kaspar when you needed him? Her whole body shook with each slam of Gerhardt's weight. She didn't see Kaspar's cock!

[color=dark-blue]father-in-law=pussy
Heinrich Gauss=ass
Fritz (just came, guy with big cock)=nipple
Heinrich Gauss licks the other nipple
She cradles Fritz's head and leans back to suck Kaspar.

all present or accounted for.

Unless you don't realize Gerhardt Franck is her father-in-law? Did anyone else not pick up on that identity? It's easily fixed, of course, but I didn't think it was a mystery. If someone else also missed it, I'll take steps to drive it in better.[/color]
the water might be considerably foul -- I don't think that it would be pleasant
She can't swim across to fuck everyone when they aren't in port-- her husband is pretty well oblivious, but he'd probably notice that.

She can't call a taxi.

She can't tell them to fuck off because swimming won't be fun; she has to get there. She's not doing it for fun, she's under coercion to do it.

That leaves the little boat these things have to get to their moorings from the dock-- dinghy, we call them. She could use that, but she doesn't dare awaken her husband. Still, it might be better.

It makes her escape easier if she doesn't have to untie a dinghy and unship oars and all that, though.

===next post for the believability issue.

PS issues... thanks, I gotcha. Good eyes.

cantdog
 
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Story seems quite well done as is. I particularily liked the foreign words, names, places. Really sets the story apart from similer pieces. Not every day you read a story with a character named Heinrich, a reference to a Croation coastal town, and words in dialogue like "Selbstverständlich"! Bravo for giving what might have been a stale piece in another persons hands to something with flavour.


The plug in her ass had a pony tail hanging from it.
This was a really nice touch but I was confused at first with the mention of him holding hair in his hand not realizing it was attached to an object.

She crawled to Gerhardt and sucked him. Fritz handled her breast as the first slaps hit. "Ahh, you bitch, suck me," breathed Gerhardt. "I have a great appetite tonight."

I think it would be better to have the line 'She crawled...and sucked him' after he says "suck me" or change his words to something like "Ahh, you bitch, that's it! Suck me good."

There would be retribution.

And his wife would be so very obedient now; he would also know not to trust her so completely again.

I don't know if it was your intention but this gives me the impresion that you intend to have another chapter.
 
Thanks for weighing in, both of you. I have amended, although not in the post here, certain sentences already, because of your sensible suggestions and sharp eyes. A few such for examples, mostly due to Hiddenself's comments:

into the cabin of her father-in-law's sleek Herreshoff. Teak and brass gleamed in the lamplight, four naked men leered at her.

. becomes

into the cabin of her father-in-law's sleek Herreshoff. Teak and brass gleamed in the lamplight. The four naked men, including her husband's father Gerhardt Franck, leered at her.

Despite the swift clutch of dread at her belly, wasn't there also excitement, even anticipation? Did she lick her lips because she was drymouthed, or because she knew she'd soon be taken by four hot cocks?


.
They asked for her so often! Didn't they understand he only had to wake up once to give it all away?

. becomes

They asked for her so often! This often is too risky! Didn't they understand Jürgen only had to wake up once?

.
Heinrich laid gentle hands on Andrea's flanks, their eyes met, and they made the transfer together, still inserted. Heinrich lay beneath her, she opened her legs and tossed back her hair, challenging Gerhardt with her eyes.

Her father-in-law drove into her pussy, Heinrich took up a subtle rhythm in her ass, and


. becomes

Heinrich laid gentle hands on Andrea's flanks, their eyes met, and they made the transfer together, still inserted. Heinrich lay beneath her now; she was sitting in his lap and his cock was deep in her rectum.

When she opened her legs and tossed back her hair, challenging Gerhardt with her eyes, he could see the shaft rise out of Heinrich's hair and disappear like a snake in a hole up his boy's wife's open ass.

Her father-in-law drove into her pussy, making her swear softly and close her eyes to savor the fullness. She leaned back across Heinrich's chest into his supporting arm. Gerhardt fucked the girl. Heinrich took up a subtle rhythm in her ass, and


I am writing an alternate version with the dinghy. The painter is reeved in a loop; she can cast it over a bollard at the stern of the Monika Franck and cast off quickly when the time comes. If you follow me.

This fat pig! Andrea was furious.

She released Fritz's head, snaked her slim hand in by her face, and gathered the loose sack in her fingers. With a strong clutch, she suddenly gave a twist of her wrist,


. becomes

This fat pig! Andrea was furious. The cocks in her belly, the coarse laughs at Kaspar's detestable joke! And Kaspar was not clean! Suddenly her revulsion had pushed her beyond her limit.

She clamped her jaw and growled in her throat. Enough of this! She released Fritz's head, snaked her slim hand in by her face, and gathered Kaspar's loose sack in her fingers. With a strong clutch, she suddenly gave a twist of her wrist,


cantdog
 
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Lying eyes--

Actually, I intended that Andrea didn't recognize the hair in Kaspar's hand as a ponytail plug, either. Her "feeling herself behind" was an acknowledgement that she was still figuring out what had been done. If the reader is also mystified, the problem is of brief duration, and the reader will find out at the same time Andrea does, in only a few sentences.

I'm afraid, then, that I rather intended not to explain the hair in his hand. It actually made me feel gratified to hear that it had worked.:)

Thanks for your kind words. I appreciate the fact that people here are willing to tell me when I'm being a dumpty. Being a dumpty is something I'd just as soon fix!

cantdog
 
I thought it was a very good story with one glaring flaw, which was that I have no idea why she got herself into this thing in the first place. Throughout the story her own reactions and feelings (other than her enjoyment and some later, minor feelings of guilt) are ignored. In the intial sexual encounter at the yacht club, she lets her father-in-law and his friends fuck her with no explanation that I could find. Why on earth would she do this? What was she thinking while it happened? Then it turns into a gang rape and still no reaction. I think she gets upset afterwards, but I mean the main drama in the scene is what’s going through her mind as this is happening? What makes a woman suddenly agree to gang fuck her father-in-law and his friends? It takes more than a bottle of wine, and insofar as the story avoids this, it loses much of its realism.

I’m not a big fan of gang-rape scenes either, not so much because they’re necessarily a turn off, but because they’re hard to write with any level of sustained heat. They’re usually involved too much with the mechanics of sex: who’s doing what where, and they get very confusing. The only way I can make them work is to concentrate on one character and present their perceptions of what’s going on, otherwise there’s too much cross-cutting and switching of perspective and it gets bewildering to me. I think these scenes worked pretty well, though throughout it all I still kept wondering what her inner reaction to all this was. Aside from sexual pleasure, I mean.

There’s so much that’s really good in here that it makes the neglect of her feelings more apparent. I have a prejudice against foreigners in stories. It’s totally unreasonable on my part and I don’t really know why it bothers me. Maybe it’s the feeling of being slightly excluded from the culture, or the name-dropping of exotic places, or the passages in a language I don’t understand, or something else slightly infantile on my part like that. I have to say though that I thought you did an excellent job with the setting and the speech mannerisms. I’ve mentioned before that I think you have a real gift for dialogue, and, like HS mentioned, it really shines through in this.

I thought the descriptions of the sex were very good, and it was hot. There’s plenty of the kind of concrete detail that let you visualize the sex, which is always appreciated. I did get somewhat confused again during the gang rape on the boat with just who was doing what when, and I couldn’t keep the names straight, but I think that’s more my problem than yours. I tend to be a sloppy reader.

One thing I should also mention, although, again, this might just be a stylistic prejudice of mine, but I hate to see exclamation points in exposition. For me it breaks the mood of the narrative and feels like the author’s giving me an elbow to the ribs to make sure I got the point.

Overall, I’ve got to say that I thought this was a very good story, very expressive, detailed, hot, with the characters (especially her father-in-law), nicely depicted. In all this, the one character who comes across with a big question mark, though, is Andrea, the protagonist and center of the story. The story tells us what happened, but I still have no idea why.

---dr.M.
 
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Well, there we are, Zoot

I had a handicap of major proportions, in my ability to ascribe motivations to the Andrea character.

Part of this I solved by having Andrea believe, and act on, two or more incompatible things at once. Women can do this with so little effort that it boggles the mind, dude.

In actuality, men do it also; but if they analyze, they reject one or another of them, to simplify and make consistent their position. Women do not generally bother to inhibit themselves like that.

The reason I didn't know what to make of Andrea's reasons was the real Andrea:

from Andrea in Germany:Here is the dream:

My Father-in-law is member of a sailing club and he invites me and my husband to a party of this club. At the evening my husband doesn't feeel well and so I get to the party alone. My Father-in-law and some of his friends invites me to a boat trip. They give me strong drinks and I start to feel really relaxed. They talk me into dancing with them and they start to feel m up and grope me. They make me really drunken and in the end they all use me and make pictures of it. And with this pictures they blackmail me.

Greeting
Andrea (HornyWife)

I confess I didn't understand myself why she did the initial deed. Her post hints at becoming plowed. I know about people who are stonkered; they'll do anthing, and are very lucky to have any memory of it afterward. (Why are my underwear on backward?)

So I wung it, giving the drinks free play and hoping it wasn't too much of a stretch.

I originally built more resentment into the blackmail/get-her-drunk-and-fuck-her thing. For me personally it was coercion rape; but Andrea said she was still feeling hot and fantasizing whenever she thought about it (in a PM).

Thus the result. I attempted to begin with the drink, to have her find Fritz endearing and her father-in-law merely roguish, and then to have the sensation of being the center of multiple men's attentions be overwhelmingly gratifying and swamp all other concerns. I focused the negative side of it in the person of Kaspar, so that he could finally provide the straw to break the camel's back.

I could have had the affair end with discovery, which is what would certainly supervene in the real world. But, because I was writing it for Andrea, I wanted her to kick herself free on her own, more or less heroically, and find herself with sweet memories.

Excuses, I guess.
 
Hey Cantdog,

I have skimmed some of the comments that have been made already, but not read them fully, so forgive me if I start beating a dead horse.

I was very frustrated by this story.

It has good pacing, good sexual description, and economical writing. These things are not at fault, except that I did find myself having to re-read several paragraphs for some reason. I just had a hard time following your prose sometimes, but that could just have been me. The addition of foreign words into the mix no doubt contributed to this phenomenon, but that's not necessarily a bad thing.

As LE said, the foreign language and characters added a kind of freshness to the story that wouldn't have been there otherwise.

The thing is, though, as a story that has sex in it, this one served the purpose. The sex itself is very good. But the truth is, I just didn't care. There was so little revelation of character motivation here that I just found myself actually skimming through the GOOD parts of the story to in order to find something to grab on to. And I never did. It drove me absolutely batty. The best written sex in the world means nothing to me unless I can ascribe some reason and context to what is motivating it. Here there was... nothing. It was terrible. Every time I started to think I understood what Andrea was about, either her or her oppressor's did something that made me go, "What the fuck?"

Why was she there in the first place? I still can't get over that? Obviously she must have liked the idea of being a sex toy for these guys to a certain degree, but that was never explained. By then she's sucking cock and getting groped. But the minute someone wants to stick a cock in her pussy, she protests, and suddenly it becomes blackmail. It's not that this sequence of events couldn't have been written in a way that made sense, it's just that somehow, it wasn't.

Worse, though is the escape, and more importantly the motivation behind the escape. Why the sudden change of mind? Andrea was just too all over the map for me. It didn't seem like you, as the author, could settle on why she was doing things, and therefore I as the reader was even more hopelessly lost. As a result, there was some fantastically described sex in the middle of all that, but to tell you the truth, I couldn't get into it at all. And it wasn't because it was bad sex, or bad writing. It was because what I was seeing didn't make a lick of sense.

By the time she returned to her husband to tell him what was going on (not that I, or she for that matter really UNDERSTOOD what was going on) I just didn't care about her, her husband, or her husband's father and friends. It all just seemed so... pointless and without motivation to me.

I don't know. I'm being uncharacteristically harsh here, and I apologize. I think the reason for that is that I really WANTED to like this story. There were things that I really liked about it, but it disappointed me.

Perhaps I'm missing something. Perhaps I didn't read the story carefully enough (which is certainly a possibility), or perhaps I'm simply just a lazy-ass reader. Perhaps I'm simply not your audience, but for all the great things this story had going for it, the lack of a revealed motives for any of the characters' actions just seemed to completely destroy it for me.

One additional thing I might add is that as the story reads right now, I just don't see anything particularly original here. Obviously nothing is REALLY original anymore, but there's no focus in this story. There's no real theme that I can understand, and the sex, while well presented, is simply typical of your average Lit. story. Aside from the foreign asepcts, there's no real special spark that makes is pop. The characters COULD be that spark, but instead they are shadows--interesting, but untouchable--and for me at least, they became the story's biggest weakness.

Anyway, as always. My own writing has its own terrible flaws (as a number of people here will no doubt affirm) and I'm trying my best to correct them--so take my criticisms with a grain of salt.

For some reason the story frustrated the hell out of me. To me that means it could have been REALLY good, but fell short in critical areas. It's not a bad story at all.

As I've said before, writing sex is simple as pie for me. I can do it all day. Writing plausible feelings and motivations. THAT takes real effort and skill.
 
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After reading others comments, I wanted to add one or two things.

I agree with all of Dr. M's comments. I also wanted to clarify that I don't think the events in this story are of particluar issue. I just think that the reasons for those events taking place need to be much more clear-cut--either through better defined characters, or perhaps more definite flash points that signal a real shift, either in how the characters think, or where the power lies at any given moment.
 
Hoo baby

Thanks, MLyons, for coming forward with this. I am sincere; I do this to get exactly this kind of comment. The fact that Zoot has a similar take makes the thing the more weighty.

Would you have stood still for a buildup of gropes during the dancing? In any detail? No. Neither would I. I refer to it, but perhaps not forcefully.

When Gerhardt strips off her pantyhose and everything, she shares the drunken delight of the room. Before that, she is caught and borne to a chair, handed a drink, all as if on a magic carpet, in "six strong arms." She's been dancing and being increasingly felt up all evening. She's in a very good mood, flown with drink and looking benignly on all these guys, especially dear Fritz, for whatever reason, we don't need that detail either.

I have never been in the room when a freshman is plied with booze at a frat party, but I have taken the victims in for the rape exams and my wife has done the exams and been present for the interviews. It works, okay? Women do this. They do it a lot, every fuckin weekend there is.

She drew the line at anything beyond blowing them, and got upset when they wanted to take it further, or when they wanted to take pictures. Not rational? Neither was she.

That kind of irrational condition-- I'll do this, but nope, not that-- I've experienced personally. It doesn't have to make sense to anyone but the woman, because I am not interested in forcing sex. So I never asked them why they drew that particular line. Maybe you have; if so, tell me.

If there's a female reader with a past, I wish she'd tell me. I tried repeatedly to get Andrea to tell me, but her English wasn't up to it, or she was too flattered, or something.

Anyway, I know it can happen, and I don't know what the inner motives are. It was a dream, so chances are Andrea doesn't know the reason either. The things I want to do in dreams don't always parse when I wake up.

Okay.

I can arrange to communicate a paragraph expressing concretely the whirling dancing, the constant sparring with their hands and kisses, the fact than everything was such sheer fun.

Then the six strong arms can appear as a fabulous thrill and a good laugh; another sentence will do for that.

Then I think I can leave the panties scene as is.

If Fritz does the first cock to her mouth, whereas Gerhardt does the dismissal of the bartender, she may be able more plausibly to accept it. But WHY, I can't say. If it were pussy, I'd do it, myself, but then no one would even ask why. It would be too fuckin obvious why.

What the hell, why can't I use the same reason for her that I would for me? If she has the idea these people are nice and are fun, why shouldn't she want more fun? Especially after mad dancing and drink?

I don't see it as so much of a mystery, at least, no more of a mystery than it ever is, why a woman decides to say yes.

Kaspar's sinister side doesn't bevcome obvious until the gloves are off, later, on the return engagements. I can make that clear with a sentence, too.

But without input from a woman who has done or known someone who has done things like this, I am at a loss to suggest anything further.

If you have one to suggest, ring in, here.
 
Cantdog,

I just want to say once again, that it's not the events that I question. It's not that she decides not to accept cock in her pussy. It's not that I'm bothered by her wish to jump off the boat when the fat guy places his balls on her face, even though she's just enjoyed being gang raped. All of this can be made believable.

Let me tell you the major problem I had with the set up to begin with. It says in the story before all the dancing and groping began that she loved Jurgen. She was with him, and even on a second quick skimming I can't tell if she's married to him at that time or not. If that's the case, and she really did love him, and he satisfied all her needs why on earth would she find herself at a party dancing and allowing herself to be groped by all these guys? Now, the things is there might be REASONS for this--perhaps the thought process when she's drunk leads her the wrong directions, etc... but those thoughts just aren't clear.

The funny thing about fiction vs. real life is that what's irrational in real life has to make sense in fiction. At the very least, the fact that she's making irrational decisions has to make sense. I have no issue with irrational behavior, and lord knows there's plenty of that to go around in erotic stories, but I guess perhaps the crux of it is that YOU yourself aren't convinced, and that comes across in the writing.

As a side note, I've read other threads about your experiences with rape victims and such. I respect IMMENSELY your realization that there are legitimate fantasies to be enjoyed that involve non-consent and even more extreme behavior, even though you've been through enough in the real world that you don't understand them. That's an amazing viewpoint for you to have, and I applaud it. It follows then that I understand why you have so much trouble understanding where Andrea is coming from.

Honestly, the dynamics of dominance and submission (especially in the context of non-consent) and its relationship with sexual arousal, is one of the things I find the most mind-bendingly challenging, yet rewarding to write.

If you can't at least imagine the excitement that Andrea might feel in that situation, it's going to be downright hell for you to write a story like this convincingly. I would also be interested to hear from a woman who might be able to lend a perspective on this that neither of us are seeing.

I know it doesn't seem like it, but this post is meant to be encouraging. It's not the action, it's just that the actions you've laid out really call for some tricky-dick characterization to pull off successfully. I believe it can be done. You have a great potential story here. I'm looking forward to seeing others' comments.
 
I've read through the comments, but I read the story several days before the first comment was posted.


You've written this at the request of someone and for that purpose it is just important that she enjoyed your efforts and they captured what she was trying to feel. But for this feed back I can only critique it as a stand alone story, one that you might simply post to Literotica.

In that context I think the writing itself is fairly good. However, the plot suspends my believability. I was on the fence during the first section, but willing to go with it and find out how she got there. But when I came to the next part explaining the party, etc, I found myself more and more unable to believe what was happening or find it a plausible reason for her to be blackmailed into. I really thought, oh this is going to be some darn good thing her father-in-law is going to blackmail her with. But, it wasn't.

I think the character Andrea lacks depth in her reactions and feelings about what is happening to her. Another area that suspends belief. Things like having a plug put in her ass, I sure would have alot of reaction to that and being called sow and Jenny ass, as a very few examples of just saying/writing something, but not providing any depth to it.

I know it is hard to write a non consent story with emotions ranging from horror to orgasms.

This story does pretty good on the sex, there is alot of potential there, and there are some very good descriptions in it. I liked the foreign flavors also.

Some great tight deceptions here:

Her dive cut the water in perfect form, making little noise. The salt water liberated her body from gravity, and the feeling cleared her mind for a few precious seconds.

She found them all disgusting, sometimes, but Kaspar she detested as you would a slug on your lips. His sandbag ass wagged off to the ladder and he descended inside.

The hall was nautical, rather than opulent, and the Riviera's sultry heat was dissipated by its openness to the onshore breeze. Everyone seemed friendly, if reserved.


Omni~
 
If this story is believable or not isn't a big issue for myself in this case. I consider this a "stroke" piece. A very well written stroke piece almost to good to be put in with some of the other stories that can be considered pure smut but I don't see anything that strikes out to me that this story is meant to have a reaction beyond making someone aroused. And if it is written only for making someone aroused then it is fine as is in my opinion.

Maybe to this German lady it may have a personal reaction beyond sexual since it is her dream but the rest of the readers not likely at all. So in this case the fact it might not be a realistic scenerio is no big deal at all to me, in fact compared to some completly rediculously hard to believe fantasies written at Literotica this is way closer to believable. If the intention in this story was deeper then the usual stroke piece then I would be much more critical with whether I can believe the situation or not.

If this story is written specificaly for this German lady rather then the general public then it would be a better idea to know what she thinks rather then any of us. If language is a barrier then I sugest you request help on one of the forums for someone fluent in German to help translate exactly what she likes/dislikes and wants out of this story.
 
No, actually, Andrea let me know that it was for her a very good stroke piece! She had enough English for that, and offered to send me a pic of her.

I'm satisfied on that point, and I really did write it for arousal, arousal of a woman, as far as that goes, and for the satisfaction of doing so recalling a dream, and for any other reader, evoking a yacht club doing the trip around Italy. And a particularly callous group of Germans!

I like that, too. Although not being a woman I can only guess what sort of things arouse them, I suppose; but I pay attention and do what I think will do that.

But "why" is always a complex question, daunting to address in another's language, since you have to figure the subtleties will be distorted, even if the answer is written, with time to look things up. My two-year-old daughter used to ask "why" endlessly, because it got her the longest answers.

Andrea ducked that one, repeated that she was grateful and amazed how hot it was, even in English, and hasn't spoken since.

So the reasons are still a mystery. I make her the POV a little too much, maybe.

Hah. How's this? If I keep as far out of her head as I can, maybe people won't expect that I would say more about her feelings and attitudes.

No, damn it, it's her arousal and her response that makes the sex work. Damn.
I found myself more and more unable to believe what was happening or find it a plausible reason for her to be blackmailed into. I really thought, oh this is going to be some darn good thing her father-in-law is going to blackmail her with. But, it wasn't.

I think the character Andrea lacks depth in her reactions and feelings about what is happening to her. Another area that suspends belief. Things like having a plug put in her ass, I sure would have alot of reaction to that and being called sow and Jenny ass, as a very few examples of just saying/writing something, but not providing any depth to it.
These are legitimate gripes, Omni. I was remiss in not painting her reactions to Kaspar's little conceits. There at least is something concrete I can fix.

The blackmail is weak for me, too. I was forced to make her treasure Jürgen's good opinion, to make her his "new wife," and so on to lend point to the blowjob photos being an issue. As they settle in to the first gang fuck at the party, they take more pictures, worse ones. You'd want your mother to see those? Your new husband who's so proud of you?

If I make it too much of a real lock-- the family fortune hanging on her behavior, for example, with Gerhardt-- then she would have to lick the shit off Kaspar's ass and come back for more at Trieste.

I read the thing, and I don't want to lick the shit off Kaspar's ass. I've had it with Kaspar. If it were just the other three, or maybe three Fritzes and then the other two, I would happily arrange to see the group on weekends when we all got home; but Kaspar's ass is the end of it. That one, for me, is a believable point to break it off. I'd take the photos when they come, but there is the absolute line in the sand.

Thanks, Omni. for the kind words about my evocations of the dive, the hall, and so forth.

The dive and the swim have a sensual content that helps set up the sex, for me. I don't feel that, writing about getting there in the dinghy.

cantdog
 
Oh oh

Finally I found the time to read your story and give it some serious thought.

To be honest I had to read the story a second time to find out what was bothering me, to the point of getting me angry. :eek:
You must have done something right there to get that kind of reaction. LOL It only worked the first time reading though.

First: I have to confess to a totally irrational reaction on the German names, a negative one that's probably triggered by them bullying her. Too much WWII films with brutish nazi's perhaps. :rolleyes:
It is irrational because I had a very sweet lover once who was a German. (We met in former Yugoslavia.)

Apart from that, I enjoy reading non-consent so why did this one not work for me? And a gang-bang is not necessarily a no-no either.
I think the answer is that I cannot identify with the female in the story because there is not enough of her.
And what there is, is not psychologically sound, to me at least.

I'll try to clarify:

She was being asked to do more and more degrading things, now. They exercised their power ruthlessly. But here she was, doing it again.

Fear and worse than fear dominated her so very much these days. They are animals! she told herself, momentarily angry again.
In the first paragraph you could have inserted something about how that makes her feel.
You do in the next, but that is only anger. No arousal, no excitement, anticipation. No emotions that can explain her inner workings. Fear and worse than fear would certainly not let me climax. But that could be personal. LOL

I think the anger is good, but it never surfaces again until the end. Why didn't you make her loathing of Kaspar bigger? Him being the only one she really rejects?
She found them all disgusting, sometimes, but Kaspar she detested as you would a slug on your lips.

Her shame, her fear and her loathing tightened her stomach more; she was almost made sick by it, and yet she knew she would have orgasms, many of them. That made it so much worse afterwards, when she would feel the awful guilt, looking in her husband's trusting, proud eyes.
This is where it started irritating me. :D
You say she will have many orgasms, but why is that? I don't see them cumming. ;)

They stood close, Bavarians, when they spoke to you, but she hadn't expected him to put his hands where he did. But he did it with a sunny smile,

"Gerhardt!" she squealed, "Stop that!"

"You will have a swollen ankle if this isn't done properly," he replied, and he pulled the pantyhose off while the rest held her up in the air, laughing. She laughed, too.

"But you took everything, Gerhardt!"
You have the perfect opportunity here to make it hot for me too. LOL
Where did he put his hands? And what happened to her when she felt that? Squealing suggest she likes it, at least deep down. Let us know please. How is she affected by what's happening?
Merely drunk is not enough, she has to get horny from being manhandled or being exposed or being forced or ...

"Ja!" he cried, lifting her panties up, "I did!" The men roared with laughter. "Boys, you must put her down!" he cried. To her he said, "Kneel, now!" with no explanation. She did that, and three of them closed in behind her, taking her by the shoulders. She tipped her head back to ask what this was for, and Kaspar kissed her, wiggling his thick tongue into her mouth when she opened it to protest.

Hands felt her breasts! Her zipper came down in back! The linen dress went down to her elbows and more hands pushed down the bra straps, but hard hands held her still despite all she could do.

She came loose from Kaspar's kiss, gasping. Gerhardt had opened his trousers! He stood in front of her, grinning, his cock an inch from her face. "Open your mouth, Liebchen," he said. Her breasts came free of the bra, rude hands were all over her naked chest and neck, and Kaspar held her head between his meaty hands.

This is a good example. It's very hot but there's nothing from her. Only about her. It's also a point where you could work in her disgust of Kaspar in contrast to the others.

Her eyes slitted; she swirled her tongue around Gerhardt. He tasted good to her now with Fritz's cock meat sliding in such long strokes, strumming the lips of her wide-open pussy and shoving so uncompromisingly at her womb. Heinrich was playing with her breasts.
Here you give something about her side of the story. But that is almost the end. :(

They dangled straight down and swayed with every slap of Fritz's brutal rape.
Wording like that would put me off. That would probably come too close to reality to be fun, for me anyway.

Oh dear, I hope you don't think I'm cutting your story to pieces. I am merely giving a personal opinion. Could be that a female perspective is what's making me complain. :D

I liked your use of German words now and then, very realistic to me. And the names were good too. I think your friend will end up with a good story as it is her tale in the first place.

I have one question on a more personal note. I noticed and commented on it before with other stories and it keeps puzzling me.
Taking her hips, he jammed his large cock into her pussy. It bumped her womb and she only took part of it, but he hauled back on her hips and forced her to stretch.
What is the attraction of hitting the cervix? I have been told some women like it. The few times it happened to me it was merely ouch and double ouch. But what is so good about it for a man?


Of course, you can feel free to toss all this out of the window.
That would be a shame of the time and energy I put into it, but hell, what are friends for?
:D

Edited after reading the rest of the comments:
seems I maybe did have something to contribute after all. LOL
I never did take part in a gang-bang, not even close but the one time I nearly ended up with two guys at once I was so terribly drunk that my body wasn't up to functioning properly anymore. I was in my 20's then and to tell the truth, I have always felt it as a missed opportunity. :eek:
 
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He who hesitates

This is wonderful, Black Tulip; thank you. I was very tentative with Andrea's emotions because I did not understand them. I'll need time with this post to do something with it. But I want to thank you, first, before I do.

:rose:

cantdog
 
I’ve written stuff by request too, especially non-consent although never incest, not even in-law incest. Both my “Zanny” stories and the two chapters of “The Debt” were written for women I’d never met, and both involved non-consent. “Sex-Ed” was another story written for Zanny that involved a gang-rape in a school room. I wasn't sure of their motivation either, but I tried to put myself into the women’s minds and figure out what it was that they found so exciting about the idea of forced sex, and I think I did okay.

The problem with Andrea’s motivation reminds me of something I’ve been thinking about a lot lately, and that’s that a lot of the eroticism in an erotic story t happens inside the characters’ heads. The climax in most of my non-consent stories almost always comes not with the actual sex, but with the woman’s realization at some point that she likes it, that she has a sexual power of her own, and that she’s not the woman she thought she was. That’s the real punch of the story: not what the people do, but what the things they do do to them.

There’s one theory of fiction that says that every story is a story of a person’s changing. The protagonist is not the same person at the end of the story that they were at the beginning, and what the story’s really about is how that change happens, and if I read the comments right, that’s what feels kind of wrong about this story. Did Andrea change? I guess so. She becomes a kind of slut to her husband at the end. But because we don’t know what she was at the start, we can’t be sure whether she’s changed or not. I think that’s what MLyons was getting at about the story being unclear, and Omni and Tulip too.

I’ve got to say that, from my experience, the “I-was-drunk-I-didn’t-know-what-I-was-doing” thing is pretty much a myth. At least, I’ve never seen it, and I’ve dealt with some seriously intoxicated women and been seriously intoxicated myself. Unless you’re totally unconscious, you always have some awareness of what you’re doing. You may be so totally fucked up that you think your father-in-law’s your husband, but by that point you’re too messed up to even respond to sex in any coherent sort of way anyhow. But in my experience you never get to that “Whee! I don’t care what I do!” point of drunkenness we see so often in Lit stories. It’s just a fiction.

From what you say, I gather your experiences have been different. I don’t want to argue about it, so I’d just say that the drunkenness wasn't sufficient motivation to satisfy me, and it looks like it wasn't suficient for the other critics either.

I thought the start of the first gang-rape scene was very well done, and you did a very good job of capturing the kind of risque but playful interplay between Andrea and Gerhardt, but then you just seemed to drop it. I could see Andrea being terribly flattered by the attention of these older, richer, more powerful men. (I think that was the way you were going too.) I think she would have gotten off on her ability to get them aroused. She would have been excited by the way they not only accepted her (she’d been worried about their approval, hadn’t she?), but postively enjoyed her company. That would have made her flirtatious, more flirtatious than she should have been. Men’s attention can make a woman feel very powerful, and being nervous about being accepoted, she would have been vulnerable to that. She would have been the center of attention, and one thing would have led to another (and here’s where her drunkenness would have come in), and then she would have found herself doing things she hadn’t planned on doing.

But she’s in it too far to stop now. She’s naked, or partially so. Cocks have come out, and despite her realization that things were out of hand, she still would have been riding that wave of sexual power and been intoxicated by her own feelings of desirability. Finally you have this kind of mob-frenzy where the men are going to have her no matter what she says, and she, still feeling that she’s the center of attention, might want to show them just how seriously hot she could be. She'd be eager to play the whore for them, just like a kid will take the most outrageous dares to prove to the older kids that he's not scared.

In my understanding, the attraction that the non-consensual sex story has for women is that it’s an acting out of the female fantasy of being so desirable that a man is forced to have sex with you whether you give him overt permission or not. She literally drives men wild, and in the end he (or they if it’s more than one man) end up forcing her to do the things she secretly wants to do but wouldn’t do on her own.

Anyway, that’s the way I played it in my stories. The man’s excitement ignites the woman’s, and she gets off on the terrible lust she causes him.

---Zoot.
 
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Thanks, Zoot! Thanks again, Black Tulip, as well. MLyons should get a tip of the hat, as well. His objection was so specific and so well described as to point the discussion squarely at the problems.

Okay. I will certainly respond if there is more, but for me, the story as it lies is history at this point. I suppose it would be time for the next victim to step up.


I will post an URL here to the story as I post it, so that you will see your claw marks in the finished work!

Thanks to all for the support and the critical eyes.

cantdog
 
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