Goodbye Dick

[Guest]

No, this isn't a new Dixie Chick tune, the sequel to "Goodbye Earl." This is my true life story.

Some of you know that I used to be Crystal on this board and have written a story about fucking a dead girl under that name. I wrote the story about fucking God under my own name, and I suggested a story about fucking chickens under yet another name. Am I fucked up or what?

My life is chaos. I am suffering from Gender Dysphoria. I am a transsexual and have been living as a woman for almost two years now. Due to hormones, breast implants and various surgeries, I now look like the supermodel Frederique.

I love my tupperware and you should see me in an apron.

The only issue to be dealt with now is the SRS (Sexual Reassignment Surgery) and my big fat cock. I'm having second thoughts about having it wacked off. I mean, I'll miss that sucker, and getting it sucked.

I want to be totally a woman and experience everything that you girls experience. My doctor tells me that after the SRS it is quite possible I may be able to orgasm just like you girls do. I know that sounds incredible but that's what the experts say. My doctor told me he will take sensitive tissue from my penis and use it to create my vagina and clitoris which will hopefully provide a degree of erotic sensation. Exactly what degree of sensation, of course, won't be known until some time after the operation. Some 'new' women have no capacity for orgasm but others get off big time. Here's hoping!

Well, here's my question. Do you think I should have a funeral or something for my dick? Really, how do you say "Goodbye Dick" I wonder? Would any of you other guys miss your dick? Maybe I should see a taxidermist and get the sucker stuffed. Any advice will be greatly appreciated. Anybody know that Bobbit dude's phone number?

 

[Svedish_Chef]

They bury animals... why not bury a dick? But I thought they sliced it and put it inside you... oh well one is here to learn.

 

[Wizard]

MISS MY DICK????????????????HELL YEA!!!!!!! I touch that bad boy all day long...what kind of question is that..??????????????????????Holy Fucken Shit...............

 

[Bobtoad777]

Damn Straight I would miss my Dick, though it has yet to see the inside of a woman since birth, i still have grown rather attached to it over the years.

Can't say i understand or agree with what you are going to do Flagg/Flagette/Crystal, but I wish you the best of luck. I would even offer you pray fro swift recover and amzing post operative orgasms, but I know how you fee; abut thie "religious psycobabble prayer crap' as I heard it refered to on the baord one time. Take care, oh and make sure they have you well anthetised, i got to imagine that would hurt like hell if thyey didnt freeze it properly.

Get it stuff and save it for a specail occasion, be one of those people that has it in your purse and when some one tells you to go fuck yourself,wipe that sucker out and lift your skirt and do it.

 

[sallygirl]

lmao

Be one of those people??? What a frightful image! Oh toady, that's too funny! I DO hope I never run into one of those people!

 

[Svedish_Chef]

Fucking magnificent Toadie!

Take care, oh and make sure they have you well anthetised, i got to imagine that would hurt like hell if thyey didnt freeze it properly.

Get it, stuff and save it for a special occasion, be one of those people that has it in your purse and when some one tells you to go fuck yourself,wipe that sucker out and lift your skirt and do it!

And if you do can I have a pic of the wonderful occasion?

Oh please!

Da chef

 

[Always]

you can never be a woman till they give you hormone pills and surgery to give you a uterus, ovaries, and other female parts.

you can't be a woman until you get your first period!! *grins*

 

[Cheri]

I know Halmark doesn't make a card for this occasion!
Although Sorry you lost your Dick but glad you're now a Chick seems appropriate.

 

[Patryn]

Shila, that's the most incompetent, insensitive thing I've heard out of this board in a long time.

 

[Gingersnap]

Okay you wacky webroah before we go slicing up Flagg's sauage for cocktail snacks let me make sure said wiener is safe in the confines of his little leather panties. You know you promised him he could father at least one little flaggette before the snapback reverse. Hugs to you little bro err sis.

 

[Skibum]

Has anyone else noticed that this is NOT Flagg?

 

[sallygirl]

Of course it isn't, skibum. It's Flagg in Drag!

 

[Deborah]

Flagg, I am so sorry to hear about your dilemma. But aren't you a little concerned about possible penis envy?

But listen, you can borrow anything from my wardrobe you like. I have a slitted black tulip-wrap dress you would look awesome in. It's a little too tight for me these days.

Hey, I hope this won't jeopardize our sexual trysts. Well, I don't see why it would since I get the top and you get the shaft.

 

[Flagg]

Its OK - I've come up with a solution. I thought I could preserve it in formaldehyde, dissect it and then exhibit it at the Tate Modern for $1 million. That way I would have more than enough money to pay for the hormone treatments. I could even employ Deborah as a bodyguard - then again maybe it wouldn't be a good idea letting her get that up close and personal. Mmm.

 

[OUTSIDER]

Fuckit keep that sucker and walk both side's of the street, I know there are a lot of girl's and guy's who dig tranny's.

CUT OFF YOUR COCK "NO FUCKING WAY MATE", OUCH.....?

 

[Flagg]

Just a saggy old cloth cat

Thanks for that moment of insight OUTSIDER

 

[Patryn]

Flagg, I hope you don't mind me saying any of this. With my background as a sexuality major, which may change when I get back to taking classes full time again, I have to wonder when you say you are "suffering" from Gender Dysphoria. Are you suffering in a male body? Do you truly feel female? If so, then I think going through with the gender reassignment surgery would be the best thing for you. You do sound like you are going to, though.

Since you were born biologically male, do you consider yourself hetero- or homosexual?

 

[Flagg]

You are either very clever and witty or unfortunately naive in this instance.

I don't even know what Dysphoria means (though at a guess its the opposite of euphoria?) and Flagg in Drag is probably Deborah being bored.

It is comforting though to know that should I lose my senses and want to become a woman you will be there for me.

 

[Patryn]

A combination of both, actually. I noticed it wasn't you, but I was also looking to speak to whomever it might be, on the outside chance that the person in question was actually going through this.

 

[OUTSIDER]

But Emily loved him.

Thank god for that no cock chopping.

BTW is useing someone else's name on, I don't think I like that very much.

 

[Deborah]

Poor Richard, 'er I mean Flagg. He is in denial. Don't you people watch Oprah?

According to the he/shes on Oprah recently, or trannys as OUTSIDER puts it to them, right before the "operation" they all went into a state of denial, which included hallucinations. They all experienced nightmares and woke up screaming, "Where's my dick?"

Fortunately the drug Tetrahydrocannabinol Flunitrazepam can be prescribed to mitigate this psychological trauma known as MMM (Missing Member Mania).

 

[Never]

Hey, Flagg in Drag. Mind packing that thing in ice and sending it over to the states while I live?
I'm thinking a penis would be the perfect way to pick girls up, from what I hear chicks love the dick.

By the by, the proper way to say farewell to your private anatomy is to make sure the doctors keep you awake during the procedure and after they've snipped it and are lifting it away with the crane start your most heartfelt rendition of "I'll be seeing you."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

[Laurel]

This is, without a doubt, one of the most bizarre things I've ever read.

 

[Guest]

Welcome To The Trumpton Riots...

BTW is useing someone else's name on, I don't think I like that very much.

There are shape-shifters all over this board, OUTSIDER. I think I've seen this particular demon before, masquerading as Rachel The Goddess. (She's a Real Deboringah For Love.) Just wear a sprig of garlic round your neck and don't invite strangers into your house.

 

[Deborah]

Bizarre? Kiss my ass, Laurel. (that's me begging not bitching)

I just finished my new story about my transsexual friend, Samantha, who used to be Sam (the names have been changed to protect the innocent). I used some of the real funny shit people said here. I hope ya all don't mind.

Flagg is an inspiration to me. He gets my juices flowing, creatively speaking anyway. Thanks dude! You have contributed significantly to this story and another one I wrote, "Coffin Candy" which I also was able to integrate into the latest chapter of my novel. I'm not submitting any of this new stuff until the new scripts are in place.

I can't really fully explain how some of the bright funny people on this board motivate me to write and fuel my fire. I can only give you examples. Gingersnap egged me on and Roger just being Roger led me to write the two "Roger" stories which I also was able to incorporate into my novel.

But what now? I already did fucking chickens, a big hairy ape who gets more than Wilt Chamberlain did, sex in a septic tank, getting stiffed in a coffin, transsexuals. Click, click. Sorry Flagg.

You know what Flagg? You should write a story about Tate Modern. The chick gets turned on by all this art and jumps your bones under a Picasso painting. Might I suggest that the chick is age eighty, blind and suffers from Alzheimer's disease? You do like older women, yes?

Dang, I just got another idea. I should write a story about Lovely Latina's ass. With pics. Something along the lines that Donald Trump wants to buy it and exhibit it at Tate Modern.