Good writing/Bad writing?

[TheEarl]

He’d never really given any consideration to handcuffs and spanking before last Saturday, but now it felt like a whole new corridor of doors had opened up in his psyche, leading off to fantasies and dreams that he’d never even considered before.

I am writing a story for a friend and really want to get it done asap. Unfortunately my brain doesn't appear to be playing ball tonight and I'm struggling to organise my thoughts, even with the help of my earliest Christmas present, a chunk of Sodalite.

Corridor of doors reads wrong to me, I know that it's wrong. Yet 'avenue of doors' doesn't seem to work and I can't think of any other way of writing it. A virtual biscuit if anyone can help me rephrase.

Anyone who can think of a snappier way of saying 'handcuffs and spanking' without using BDSM will be given a biscuit too.

Grrr with bad writing.

The Earl

 

[Guest]

He’d never really given any consideration to restraints and punishment before last Saturday, but now it felt like enough doors to furnish a house? had opened up in his psyche, leading off to fantasies and dreams that he’d never even considered before.


Or, instead of using the doors opening metaphor, try something different:

A previously unthought-of maelstrom of ideas had filled his psyche

Just bashing out suggestions here. That kind of descriptive isn't my strong point.

Lou

EDIT! Hmmm, yes, I used BDSM terms there. Not sure how you can get away from that.

 

[wishfulthinking]

Eek. One to get the cogs turning.

I don't know if I like it that the person has started and finished the sentence with essentially the same statement - something they never considered. Maybe you have 2 sentences there.

A new avenue of pathways opened up...

Erg. Nope. Nothing.

 

[LadyJeanne]

'a whole new gallery of options'?

 

[TheEarl]

Eek. One to get the cogs turning.

I don't know if I like it that the person has started and finished the sentence with essentially the same statement - something they never considered. Maybe you have 2 sentences there.

A new avenue of pathways opened up...

Erg. Nope. Nothing.

Very well spotted Wishful. I hadn't noticed that he hadn't considered at either end of the sentence.

He’d never really given any thought to handcuffs and spanking before last Saturday, but now it felt like a whole new section of his psyche had been opened up, leading him to fantasies and dreams that he’d never even considered before.

Or maybe:

Handcuffs and spanking had never really interested him before, but ever since Elsie's confession, whole new vistas of his psyche had unveiled themselves, leading him to fantasies and dreams that he’d never even considered before.

Ooh, I like the second one. Just written on the fly and I'm quite pleased with that. Shocky definitely is a good influence on me.

The Earl

 

[Guest]

Handcuffs and spanking had never really interested him before, but ever since Elsie's confession, whole new vistas of his psyche had unveiled themselves, leading him to fantasies and dreams that he’d never even considered before.

Ooh, I like the second one. Just written on the fly and I'm quite pleased with that. Shocky definitely is a good influence on me.

The Earl

Yep, I like that one!

I never spotted that, Wishful, good on you!

Earl, glad to hear that Shocky is a good influence on someone.

 

[dr_mabeuse]

He'd never considered the eroticism of restraint before, or imagined that a spanking could involve such raw sexual excitement, but now a whole new world of erotic possibilities opened up, a world he was wildly eager to explore.

Well, my guys tend to be wild.

--Zoot

 

[cantdog]

Mab's one beats the self unveiling vistas hands down, Earl. Honest. The vistas do not make it.

 

[TheEarl]

Mab's one beats the self unveiling vistas hands down, Earl. Honest. The vistas do not make it.

What's wrong with my vistas? Seriously, I'm interested. Mab's is better IMHO, but out of character and out of voice for the story. I'm weaving little bits of that in later though.

The Earl

 

[cantdog]

Have 'em just open up, then. Unveiling themselves! Have 'em be unveiled, passive voice, maybe. It tastes like a stretch.

 

[BlackShanglan]

What's wrong with my vistas? Seriously, I'm interested. Mab's is better IMHO, but out of character and out of voice for the story. I'm weaving little bits of that in later though.

The Earl

They lack a concrete image. Vistas (of unstated scenery) don't give the reader something to look at; Dr. M's comments on spanking and restraint do.

The corridor/door image is more concrete and I think might work as a metaphor, but you're right - "corridor of doors" isn't quite right.

Shanglan

 

[rikaaim]

He’d never really given any consideration to handcuffs and spanking before last Saturday, but now it felt like a whole new corridor of doors had opened up in his psyche, leading off to fantasies and dreams that he’d never even considered before.

He never gave consideration to handcuffs and spanking before last Saturday. Now it felt as if a veil had been removed as dreams and fantasies lead to new considerations in his psyche.


Work any better?

 

[oggbashan]

He’d never really given any consideration to handcuffs and spanking before last Saturday, but now it felt like a whole new corridor of doors had opened up in his psyche, leading off to fantasies and dreams that he’d never even considered before.

The Earl

He’d never really given any consideration to handcuffs and spanking before last Saturday. Now he felt that he had found a whole new language of fantasies and dreams. His brain reeled with the impact of the multiple possibilities.

Og