Gone But Not Forgotten

[StrongMaster7]

This may not strike a chord with a lot of people, but...

I've been chatting online since the mid-90s. Sex chat. Cybersex. (Not so much roleplay.)

It was so exciting those first few (hundred?) times, chatting casually with a lady and then having the chat suddenly turn sexual. Often it wasn't a perfect experience. Sometimes there was a mismatch in interests. One of us would want something the other didn't. Sometimes my new 'friends' weren't good at multi-tasking and would not provide many of their thoughts while I typed volumes.

And sometimes, a few times over those many years, I would find a lady who

- shared my sexual interests, fetishes, sensibilities
- could (and did) type her share of thoughts in a coherent, understandable way
- had time to 'meet online' for regular chats
- would show an interest in me as a person, in a non-invasive way
- would learn about a lot of my little 'hot buttons' and enjoyed getting me off
- was mature, sane, sexy, smart
- understood our ground rules and respected privacy

I sometimes think back on those ladies and how sexy their minds were. It was so exciting to have a lady reveal her deepest, darkest desires, thoughts, and fantasies. Often they would be afraid that they I would think that whatever it was was just 'too far' or perverted. It was so hot when they would see I was into it too and they would just let out a flood of pent-up desire.

I can honestly say that some of those cybersex sessions were hotter, sexier, and better than some of the actual physical sexual encounters I've had. And my 'relationships' with some of these ladies lasted weeks, even months. It was like having a virtual affair. All the excitement, sexual experimentation, and personal connection, without risk of disease or guilt of actually cheating.

Does anyone else yearn for the 'golden age' of sex chat? What were your best experiences? Worst?

( P.S. I wish I could find an over-40 lady who was into the things I like and some of her own and had the time, ability, desire, and hunger to chat on a regular basis. I have met some nice ladies on the Lit chat utility, but it is becoming rarer. )

 

[pumperguy191]

All of my online chats have been with women I've met here on Lit. Interestingly enough, last night I was chatting with a lady and reminded her that it's been 3 years since we started. We no longer discuss sex in any way (her choice, religious beliefs) but I consider her a close and dear friend.

I can honestly say that the sexual chats have never lasted long. All of the ladies stop responding after a while. I never know if it's me or them that has made it stop, probably me. I do miss the intense chats that I've been fortunate to have from time to time, maybe someday, I'll have another.

 

[Violetaluna]

I've been giving this a lot of thought lately, too.

I've been chatting and connecting sexually online for about the same amount of time as you, although I had some long stretches where I was not very active online for various reasons.

Some of the online relationships I've had were pretty outstanding, lasting anywhere from months to years. I think much of it had to do with how my needs were being met in my daily life. If I had one or more partners then my online activity wasn't as consistent. I had less time to put effort into it and preferred to give time and attention to my physically present partners.

I've had online romantic interests that I've spent hours chatting with on the phone with regularly. Chats about life in general, chats that turned to phone sex, serious chats and silly chats. I've enjoyed turning men on by texts throughout the day and sending naughty pictures and receiving naughty pictures. I love the erotica play through written word and miss it when I only have physically present partners (because although these relationships may start out with more written erotic expression, inevitably real life gets in the way and we focus only on physical and sometimes verbal erotic expression).

I think about the intensity of my first D/s relationship when I was exploring my submissive side. It was a fantastic experience lasting several months and involved many nights of several hour play sessions on the phone. I learned to have multiple orgasms and had many boundaries pushed. I'm not sure at that point in my life I would have been comfortable exploring these things in person. It was an experience that changed my sex life for the better.

I've seen a change in the last few years though, both with online encounters as well as real life encounters (such as dating websites). It seems that a lot of people are wanting a quick fix, random encounter type thing. I compare it to being able to pull up and order food through a drive through instead of planning a nice meal, shopping for it, cooking it at home and savoring the entire experience with close friends. I think there are a lot of people who don't want to put in the time and effort to build these longer relationships (or who think they should just be available without having to put the time and effort into building them).

And then I wonder if I'm the one who has changed. Maybe now I have less patience for other people in general, less interest, less desire? Maybe that is the reason I have not recently made any strong connections with others. Or is it because my time is more limited or that I am striving to have more face to face connections than online connections? I'm not really sure.

 

[StrongMaster7]

Both of you make great points. I think the world has changed and, of course, I've gotten older.

Yes, in some of my online 'relationships' we had many chats that were non-sexual, but for me, it was always mostly about getting some facsimile of female sexual energy, since my wife was not giving me any. And a few of my online friends were very understanding and giving and sometime they or I would just offer to get the other off, like a quickie. In the world I live in, having a sexy friend who will just offer you a quick orgasm is a wonderful thing. I wish my wife would believe this too.

I wonder if there is an older-folks sex 'chatroom'. I'm sure there must be. Probably 99% men there too.

 

[Misha_Davis]

I've chatted online for years, dating back to AOL, but I never got into sex talk or cyber sex. It's only the last couple of years, and here on Lit moreso, that I really started to explore sex chatting. I haven't had any longterm relationships with anyone here, but I've had some really nice chats, and some extended talks, sexual and plain chat, with repeat persons. And it's not just guys who have a lady stop responding; I've had my share of guys who either stopped talking, or dropped off completely, usually after they had an orgasm. To say it's frustrating would be an understatement. One guy I really liked just took off one evening. I was upset, but maybe he had a reason. I still like him and forgive him, silly of me maybe. I guess that you have to weigh the good with the bad, and enjoy the good and forget about the bad.

 

[tmmmbrrr]

Likewise with Misha, I chatted online for years before I eventually found Lit. When you think about it, two disembodied voices somehow finding each other in a virtual universe is astonishing -- at least when you find someone who you really, really click with. The first time it happened to me, it became too powerful to keep from intruding into real life. I had to end to it and knew enough to do that in a way that made it impossible for me to crawl back... because eventually I tried.

There've been others. I miss the friendship, the shared creativity, the intimacy -- if and when it comes. I guess on rare occasions, we can be here for each other for as long as one of us has a desire. Its not a forever thing, but its real enough that when its gone, its missed.

 

[littlecordelera]

I miss it. I miss the friendships, the intimacy, and being able to share those very private interests.

I used to chat years ago, and I met some very wonderful people, but as my career advanced and the demands on my time increased, chat disappeared along with my free time. And chat takes a LOT of time!

Now, I jump into these forums for 5 or 10 minutes at a time when I can take a break and then jump back out. It doesn't replace chat, but sometimes it can be interesting and informative.

 

[Misha_Davis]

I miss it. I miss the friendships, the intimacy, and being able to share those very private interests.

I used to chat years ago, and I met some very wonderful people, but as my career advanced and the demands on my time increased, chat disappeared along with my free time. And chat takes a LOT of time!

Now, I jump into these forums for 5 or 10 minutes at a time when I can take a break and then jump back out. It doesn't replace chat, but sometimes it can be interesting and informative.

I miss it as well. I used to have a lot of friends on both AOL and Yahoo that I would chat with. You didn't necessarily have to talk about sex to have fun online. There would be nights I'd be with a group playing card games online and we would chat about almost anything and everything. I know that there are different options for chat nowadays, but it just doesn't seem the same. Plus a lot of them seem to be geared for younger people (does that mean that I'm old? ).

 

[LookingGlassLicker]

I used to enjoy a lot of cyber sex, I met my wife (ex) online and because we had a long-distance relationship it involved a lot of video chat and sharing dirty messages.

Since we broke up I figured I'd see what's out there in terms of chatting. I've lurked a bit on the chat site here but people seem to disappear at the drop of a hat without a word of goodbye. I fear a big part of the problem may be that when the majority of users are online because it's the middle of the night for them, I'm getting out of bed and getting my child off to school. For that reason I prefer sharing longer messages via PM or email. I guess that puts me in the minority though.

 

[bigmane]

I can't help thinking that a science article I once read made a good point
about this.

In fantasy, everything tends to go to plan.

In person, things can go wrong, can't they.

It's been years since I was in a chatroom,
maybe I should start it up again?

 

[OpenMouth]

It points to the wider issue of online relationships replacing, rather than supplementing, traditional relationships. I've found that I've formed what I thought were lasting friendships that ended abruptly with no more contact, and it's baffling. Especially when you were on very good terms, with an 'understanding.'

Is this the future?

 

[dragunov0066]

I've used some dhat programmes too. Especially, I prefer videochat programmes or chat sites. Because, I like to see person who I am chatting and I wanna see my partners reactions. As I wrote before I like to show my body and watch my partnr/partners body. I'vr used Netmeeting, MSN or IC. I could get e friendship females or couples. We were chatting for everything. And sometimes our chat went to cybersex. But nowadays there is no that kind of programmes. There are lots of videochat sites. But there are lots of nude male on those sites and they show their body parts. There is no female or couples. Imissed old kind chat types.

 

[StrongMaster7]

More great thoughts above.

I'm glad I'm not alone in this. Maybe it's like all the other things that have changed because of online accessibility. Music, movies, etc. It's fragmented to where everyone seeks and finds exactly what they want instantly, without any give and take and getting to know you. I've been hurt by how harsh some folks have been to me for not being exactly what they are looking for.

And I always come back to the numbers. Lit has so many more men than women. And a lot of those men are younger, in a hurry to get what they want, not afraid to be a little rude, and that puts some women into a defensive mode. I've been scolded for a) not presenting my needs/wants up front so as not to waste time and b) for not taking time to get to know a lady before bringing up sex!

I guess we who are seeking, just need to keep seeking.

 

[LookingGlassLicker]

I've been hanging around Chat a lot today and mostly it's empty or full of guys looking for woman. I have twice though enjoyed RPing with a selection of people, exploring a (until now undiscovered) bisexual streak I have.

I guess if one doesn't have too much preference about who they're talking to it gets a bit easier. When life gives you lemons, go "wayhey, I got lemons, I never knew I liked lemons," or something.

 

[txgent101]

Some Experiences

I have used Lit chat or Lit p.m. cyber quite a few times. Couple of things stand out to me.

One is that I am surprised at how many women want to move the conversation quickly into a sexual mode, minimizing the 'foreplay' or 'role play' aspects of it. True, not all the ladies want this, some do in fact want an extended role play. You have to be conscious that different people want different things.

Second is that I find the chat is often too one-sided for me. I do more of the 'work' than I would like. I find myself being the one who makes the inciting comment(s), often illustrated with picture links, and the responses are monosyllabic or just ‘mmmm’. I would enjoy more of a response.

I bought a headset/mic and use a speech-to-text program on my desktop to make the text comments during the session. This leaves my hands free. You can see what an advantage this is!

But I do not have an historical context to compare to, since Lit is really the only forum where I have engaged in p.m. or Lit chats.

I find I have to be in the right ‘mood’ for it. And lastly, it is work; I find my mind has to be nimble and quick or else the other ghosts away.

 

[Seafoamzone]

The AOL and Yahoo chat rooms were great. Chatted with a lot of fun people and when you could start attaching pics it just went to a whole new level. It was like the wild west of the internet back in those days.

 

[txgent101]

Sudden Endings....

On several Lit chats, the conversation got very frank and open, no holds barred, etc. Frank both ways. On my end I get increasingly strong with vivid descriptions and selected illustrative links. They (she) seem to really like that and the conversation gets down to fucking ala some of the Lit stories, everything stated, by both parties. And then...

...Poof....she is gone. She logs off without warning. Usually right as we get to or after the most vivid and descriptive of the sex acts we are imagining. Just...gone.

This has happened several times. In some cases the women say they are married, perhaps the husband walked in at that moment. I doubt that I could be more sexual or direct in my conversation, nor did she hold anything back. I am prone to believe that she actually had an orgasm and had to stop the chat. Maybe I overrate my own powers of persuasion (although that is the place that both of us were heading and seemingly desired).

The tipping point is usually when the conversation is about actual intercourse and what we are doing, especially what I am doing.

So, curious if others have experienced this sudden ending, and why you think it might be happening. I would rather it ended with a 'that was nice, let's meet again sometime', or, alternatively, 'this isn't working, goodbye'. Or something.

Actually, I would put the question this way: if you are in a chat and it gets to the point where you actually orgasm, would you close the connection without warning? That is, are you so overwhelmed by the experience that you cannot even say goodbye?

 

[LookingGlassLicker]

On several Lit chats, the conversation got very frank and open, no holds barred, etc. Frank both ways. On my end I get increasingly strong with vivid descriptions and selected illustrative links. They (she) seem to really like that and the conversation gets down to fucking ala some of the Lit stories, everything stated, by both parties. And then...

...Poof....she is gone. She logs off without warning. Usually right as we get to or after the most vivid and descriptive of the sex acts we are imagining. Just...gone.

This has happened several times. In some cases the women say they are married, perhaps the husband walked in at that moment. I doubt that I could be more sexual or direct in my conversation, nor did she hold anything back. I am prone to believe that she actually had an orgasm and had to stop the chat. Maybe I overrate my own powers of persuasion (although that is the place that both of us were heading and seemingly desired).

The tipping point is usually when the conversation is about actual intercourse and what we are doing, especially what I am doing.

So, curious if others have experienced this sudden ending, and why you think it might be happening. I would rather it ended with a 'that was nice, let's meet again sometime', or, alternatively, 'this isn't working, goodbye'. Or something.

Actually, I would put the question this way: if you are in a chat and it gets to the point where you actually orgasm, would you close the connection without warning? That is, are you so overwhelmed by the experience that you cannot even say goodbye?

Yeah I've had people disappear at a crucial moment, and people who just don't pull their weight. I generally don't masturbate while I'm chatting, I just enjoy the fantasy we're weaving, but in some cases it's been very clear that the person I'm chatting with has come and gone.

 

[Misha_Davis]

On several Lit chats, the conversation got very frank and open, no holds barred, etc. Frank both ways. On my end I get increasingly strong with vivid descriptions and selected illustrative links. They (she) seem to really like that and the conversation gets down to fucking ala some of the Lit stories, everything stated, by both parties. And then...

...Poof....she is gone. She logs off without warning. Usually right as we get to or after the most vivid and descriptive of the sex acts we are imagining. Just...gone.

This has happened several times. In some cases the women say they are married, perhaps the husband walked in at that moment. I doubt that I could be more sexual or direct in my conversation, nor did she hold anything back. I am prone to believe that she actually had an orgasm and had to stop the chat. Maybe I overrate my own powers of persuasion (although that is the place that both of us were heading and seemingly desired).

The tipping point is usually when the conversation is about actual intercourse and what we are doing, especially what I am doing.

So, curious if others have experienced this sudden ending, and why you think it might be happening. I would rather it ended with a 'that was nice, let's meet again sometime', or, alternatively, 'this isn't working, goodbye'. Or something.

Actually, I would put the question this way: if you are in a chat and it gets to the point where you actually orgasm, would you close the connection without warning? That is, are you so overwhelmed by the experience that you cannot even say goodbye?

I've had it happen to me (more than once), and I can say, for me. it was very disappointing. It makes me wonder if I wasn't a good participant or something. I guess that I might be bad at sex chat, maybe excruciatingly so LOL

Then again, maybe their SO was going to interrupt, so they had to make a quick exit. Or perhaps they wanted a quick orgasm before going to bed. At the end of the day it shouldn't upset me, but it kind of does. I just hope it wasn't any personal animosity towards me.

 

[MahoganyAngel]

Something amiss

I've seen a change in the last few years though, both with online encounters as well as real life encounters (such as dating websites). It seems that a lot of people are wanting a quick fix, random encounter type thing. I compare it to being able to pull up and order food through a drive through instead of planning a nice meal, shopping for it, cooking it at home and savoring the entire experience with close friends. I think there are a lot of people who don't want to put in the time and effort to build these longer relationships (or who think they should just be available without having to put the time and effort into building them).

I love the analogy!
I personally do not like role playing or cybersex; I don't have the imagination for it. Also, I feel there is too much of a disconnect or maybe I am wanting too much from the other. After all, we are perfect strangers. I do not believe people want to put in much effort. A user name has now just been objectified by whether or not that other person can provide what is needed for the moment.... and then you move onto the next person to seek your next adventure.

I realize from my experiences, many are married or in some type of relationship. Some are bored or maybe they want to masturbate, but not want to do it alone so they involve another. I have chatted with a guy who would send me porn link pictures on what he likes and what he believe I would like and I believe he would get off on that. I would make my comment on what I did or did not like regarding the photo and eventually there would be silence on his end... then he would sign off. No parting of words or nothing.

I guess he reached his orgasm. I have yet to figure out the people on Lit., but I try my best not to engage in too much sexual conversations, otherwise men don't want to veer too far from it (i suppose there are women who do the same). For me, that can get old quickly. Eventually, I believe people forget that they are dealing with others that require some nurturing. Maybe they have many that they engage in sexual chat with and if you require too much effort, you are wasting their time.

Maybe because so many are "attached"... married girlfriends/boyfriends or whatever, the goal is not to form an attachment to another. Keep it strictly business: Wham, bam, thank you ma'am. Someone mentioned how they wish there were a Lit for those over a certain age... I would like to add to that and wish also there was a Lit. for those who were single.

There are emotions to navigate and there is not just an artificial intelligent sex robot on the other end. In my mind, if we have something other than sex to chat about, something greater can be formed.... maybe a bond?

Anyway, if I were to engage in cybersex/role play, I would want to bask in the afterglow of the connection and not want to part with the person who shared that experience with me and helped with my orgasm. There would be a proper parting.

 

[NCopenMIND]

I miss this as well. I am married now but i have always loved cybersex and sexting. Being married i obviously cant sext with worry that my wife would see, but it has always been so arrousing. I used to sit for hours on AIM and cyber while jerking. I had so many intense orgasms. I miss it. I have really not been able to find a replacement. I used kik for a while but now it is just full of bots. Maybe one day ill find a replacement.

 

[StrongMaster7]

Re: Ghosting

1. The Lit Chat platform seems to be prone to instability. I've been booted off a time or two and I hear others complain about it frequently.

2. There are endless reasons why someone could be forced to bail out without a word. Rudeness is one reason. People have families who may not be privy to their online activities. Some people chat from locations that they do not control.

Whenever I have to leave, I try to at least send a quick message to that effect. I also tell my chat partner if I may have to 'ghost' in advance.

3. I have ghosted without warning a few times and I've had female chat partners ghost on me more than a few times.