Going to extremes

[RJMasters]

Perhaps it is me, but I have been thinking alot lately about "extremes". I may be just rambling here, but wonder if anyone else shares some of my thoughts along simillar lines.

It seems so often that in the pursuit of more, better, hot etc... there is this mentality for the need to be extreme. Push the limits, thrill seeking and riding on the edge.

I wonder at times if we ever stop and think about what it means to be consistent and content. I don't mean to imply dull or get stuck in a rut as much as I mean to be able to be reliable in a consistent manner.

Some time a hug, a kiss, a look, a word, or a touch can be extreme all by themselves. I guess what I am trying to say is that often extreme doesn't always have to be about how big the butt plug is or how deep the bruise from a cane might be. Sometimes it is the person who makes even the simpliest of things extreme.

In my way of thinking, this is part of the magic and a critical part of any D/s relationship that intends to move beyond living from a scene to scene mentality.

I watch people burn out and I often see this associated with chasing the extreme carrot all the time. Perhaps some of you have experienced this or were in a relationship where this happened.

Sprinters and long distance runners are both extreme in their own ways, however one type lends itself to endurance. As far as relationships go, neither are neccessarily wrong, but depending on what one wants, one is definately more right than the other.

I like extremes as much as the next person, however of late, I have reminded myself that being extreme is not always about what a person does. It has alot to do with that connect between you and the other person and the way they look at you. If we would spent more time and energy developing this special connection, perhaps even the simplier things would be extreme and satasfying. The result might allow for more contentment through out the entire relationship as opposed to getting it from scene to scene.

There is a subtly here in the shift of focus, but it can make a huge difference. Maybe I am swinging for the bleachers here...or trying to walk on water...but I guess I am still naive enough to believe that one might be able to share an extreme experience with nothing but a whisper spoken or getting an expression of delight and approval from something done while serving to please.

 

[AngelicAssassin]

There is a subtly here in the shift of focus, but it can make a huge difference.

Extremely satisfying beats the shit out of extremely intense any time stud. i'm not saying they're mutually exclusive, but they're not necessarily inclusive either. Whether you fall out of bed laughing together, or simply lie next to each other (exhausted/content) that's all that counts in the end. Unless of course you have a buttplug with a digital readout of smacks applied to an ass while inserted in said ass, but we're off into another extreme again.

 

[leeroy jenkins]

I will answer this in a general way and a bit from my POV. I think as a people if we can make it beyond the sky then anything is quite possible. I think your goal in a relationship is preferable. What I took away is that a look, word, or caress would set your SO afire and this is what you are seeking to find. I think personally this is control at its best. To know what little things that can drive us ie people, crazy is or would be such a head rush.

I think M'Lady found such a thing with me during our first play time together. Just a simple running her nails over my body and tickling me is or almost is worst then the pain she gave me during that session. The sensations she causes are just so intense and I love her for it. I can't say I consider this extreme but I know but I do like the power it gives her over me.

 

[Pure]

hmmm...

rj said, 6-18-06

rj: Knife in hand after she is bound...making sure she sees it. This will make her heart race like crazy. Put blind fold on...this wil make her start sqirming....grab a ruler with a dull metal edge instead of the knife and drag it across her skin or put it to her throat. Then pretend she has been a cock tease and now your gonna teach her lesson.

P: sounds pretty extreme to me, rj,

pure

 

[Kajira Callista]

The ability to be/think extreme is very different then the need to be.

 

[Pure]

sorry, kc, i don't get your point... lots of us act out of 'need' in many areas.

 

[Kajira Callista]

sorry, kc, i don't get your point... lots of us act out of 'need' in many areas.

I kind of think you are missing more then one point.
There are people who never "need" to act out a scene like that to show their dominance...then there are people who must act out the scene to show dominance.

I'm pretty sure what RJ was asking was if a simple word or look can create in a submissive the same reaction as what you quoted would. My answer to RJ is yes, it can.

 

[Let_it_come]

Due Process.

First I fantasise.
Then I masturbate.
Then I share the fantasy.
Then we masturbate each other.
Then we start to act it out by degree in roleplay.
Then we reach a point where it isn't roleplay anymore, it's just us.
Then we take it as far as we are able. Right up to the most our bodies can do.
Then we fantasise of even more...
Then we masturbate each other even more...

The bodies' extremes are soon met. The extremes of the mind can go on and on forvever...

Deep & meaningful, eh?
I'm just waiting for my boy to get home now to fuck me all over the bed.
Who doesn't on a Friday night?

Jen.

 

[graceanne]

I've seen that in people, always wanting the extreme, the next best thing, etc. I call em adrenaline junkies. Like people who do extreme sports they're addicted to the adrenaline rush they get when they do something 'extreme'. Unfortunately after a while you won't get an adrenaline rush doing whatever it is, and you gotta go look for something else 'extreme' to do. It's a nasty spiral.

 

[RJMasters]

Extremely satisfying beats the shit out of extremely intense

Perfectly said.

Not saying they're mutually exclusive, but they're not necessarily inclusive either.

Sound of hammer hitting nail.

Unless of course you have a buttplug with a digital readout of smacks applied to an ass while inserted in said ass, but we're off into another extreme again.

Only when the readout count is above old Roman law, then we are off into another extreme.

 

[RJMasters]

The ability to be/think extreme is very different then the need to be.

Nicely said.

 

[RJMasters]

rj said, 6-18-06

rj: Knife in hand after she is bound...making sure she sees it. This will make her heart race like crazy. Put blind fold on...this wil make her start sqirming....grab a ruler with a dull metal edge instead of the knife and drag it across her skin or put it to her throat. Then pretend she has been a cock tease and now your gonna teach her lesson.

P: sounds pretty extreme to me, rj,

pure

As I said in my original post, I like extreme as much as the next person. In fact if you look harder I am sure you will find more extreme examples that I have posted.

I am not suggesting extreme activities are bad. I think AA said it perfectly:

not saying they're mutually exclusive, but they're not necessarily inclusive either.

 

[RJMasters]

I kind of think you are missing more then one point.
There are people who never "need" to act out a scene like that to show their dominance...then there are people who must act out the scene to show dominance.

I'm pretty sure what RJ was asking was if a simple word or look can create in a submissive the same reaction as what you quoted would. My answer to RJ is yes, it can.

You are correct in what I am alluding to. And thankyou for your answer.

Question:

Of the two types you mention above...those who need to act out a scene...and those who don't need to. What in your eyes seperates the two?

Or better yet, what is it that you see in a dominant that allows you to have such a reaction from a simple word or look?

 

[RJMasters]

I've seen that in people, always wanting the extreme, the next best thing, etc. I call em adrenaline junkies. Like people who do extreme sports they're addicted to the adrenaline rush they get when they do something 'extreme'. Unfortunately after a while you won't get an adrenaline rush doing whatever it is, and you gotta go look for something else 'extreme' to do. It's a nasty spiral.

Grace,



Such a good example that provides insight. Thank you for contributing it.

 

[graceanne]

Question:

Of the two types you mention above...those who need to act out a scene...and those who don't need to. What in your eyes seperates the two?

The first person, who NEEDS to act out the scene, is not in the control of his adrenaline addiction. The need to act out the scene controls him, he's not in control of himself. The other would be the opposite, he enjoys the scene, but it's not a NEED. If he were to get sick he'd know he's still a dom, that domination comes from the soul, not from the action.

Or better yet, what is it that you see in a dominant that allows you to have such a reaction from a simple word or look?

That he's in control. Not just of me, but of himself.

 

[A Desert Rose]

... If he were to get sick he'd know he's still a dom, that domination comes from the soul, not from the action...QUOTE]

I know several Dominants that fit this description.

 

[Kajira Callista]

You are correct in what I am alluding to. And thankyou for your answer.

Question:

Of the two types you mention above...those who need to act out a scene...and those who don't need to. What in your eyes seperates the two?

Or better yet, what is it that you see in a dominant that allows you to have such a reaction from a simple word or look?

I have rewritten this three times lol.
The ability to see under or passed the face presented to the world.

When someone can touch...inside...then they have achieved getting the response they were seeking.
This probably doesn't make much sense but it is not easy to explain.

 

[graceanne]

... If he were to get sick he'd know he's still a dom, that domination comes from the soul, not from the action...QUOTE]

I know several Dominants that fit this description.

I've met them, but I think they're very rare.

 

[RJMasters]

Off to college...I will be back later tonight reply some more, but thank you for the responses so far.

 

[A Desert Rose]

I've met them, but I think they're very rare.

You're younger than I. Give it some time... ;-)

 

[Daddyslilpet]

Question:

Of the two types you mention above...those who need to act out a scene...and those who don't need to. What in your eyes seperates the two?

Or better yet, what is it that you see in a dominant that allows you to have such a reaction from a simple word or look?

The first word that came to my mind when I read the question was simply control.

 

[Etoile]

I attended a workshop at the 2006 Leather Leadership Conference about whether edgeplay is getting too dangerous. The focus of the workshop was mostly on how-to workshops that get presented - whether it's okay to present something really dangerous and then have newbies in attendance go home and try it. Whether the workshop presenters are at all liable for any problems the attendees might encounter during this.

I do think we're getting edgier. As more vanilla types cross over into the kinky, we kinky folks look for things to make us more distinctive. I think it's all about what individual partnerships want - sexual partners, romantic partners, play partners, etc - what they want for each other, and not what other people think we should be doing to make ourselves distinct.

 

[Pure]

rj ...those who need to act out a scene...and those who don't need to. What in your eyes seperates the two?

P: i think it's one of those first and second person routines:

i'm extreme because i want to, you're extreme because you need to.

i perspire, you sweat.

graceanne said,

G: //The first person, who NEEDS to act out the scene, is not in the control of his adrenaline addiction. //

P: my adrenaline 'rushes' from my repeated behaviors are fruits of my choices and control, yours are evidence of 'adrenaline addiction.'

 

[graceanne]

rj ...those who need to act out a scene...and those who don't need to. What in your eyes seperates the two?

P: i think it's one of those first and second person routines:

i'm extreme because i want to, you're extreme because you need to.

i perspire, you sweat.

graceanne said,

G: //The first person, who NEEDS to act out the scene, is not in the control of his adrenaline addiction. //

P: my adrenaline 'rushes' from my repeated behaviors are fruits of my choices and control, yours are evidence of 'adrenaline addiction.'

I actually don't like adrenaline. I'm talking about people in abstract, so chill out. Not everything is about you. I'm the opposite of an adrenaline junkie, I won't even go on carrosells, they freak me out.

 

[Pure]

everyone likes adrenaline, gracie!



abstract person.