going home for the holidays

[msdamgirl]

Would like some feed back on this story please. changed the writing.
witten by me msdamgirl ,title going home for the holidays.incest of a kind



Well I am going home for the Holidays, Its been 22 years, I hope theres not fighting. I have a long drive So leaving in two hours. Wonder what its like back home???

Walk in the house and everyone is glad to see me but they act standoffish a little. I'm told to go to the spare room someones there waitiing to

see you. It's an old boyfriend(dave) he gets up and bumps into thing to get to you. You realize he is blind. You ask him what happened. He

says it doesn't matter he just wants to hold you. So I walk up to him the first thing he touches are my breasts and I jump ,he says sorry but

leaves his hand there a bit longer. I take his hand and put it to my face and he touches my face and says " wow you are beautiful." You smile

even bigger.
The rest of the family are straining to hear whats going on. So you whisper in his ear want to give them something to listen to? He says

"What do you have in mind?" "well lets make love." He says "Are you sure?" "Yes" SO we start kissing and rubbing each other and slowly

get undressed. He takes my breast in his hand and sucks it gentle and caresses the other one..I hold his head tight to my breast it feels so good

it has been so long. He slowly pulls away to move his licking and kissing down my body. I moan with pleasure.He sucks my pussy almost till I

come but I stop him now its my turn. I start nibbleing his neck working my way down his body to his dick. I take his dick all the way in my

mouth and suck on it till it is hard and he is ready to come. I stop when I feel something between my legs and look its my cousin I start to yell

but he closes my mouth with his hand . He comes up to my ear and whipser he can't see whats going on he didn't even know I was down here

so I am going to fuck you while you suck him off. The look in his eyes i did just that. Dave came hard and fast I was soak and wet with my

cousins sperm.he was gone . So we get dressed and finally go up stairs.



Everyone is sitting around the christmas tree and talking when they see us and stop. They act like they weren't listening for the last

hour. I direct Dave to a chair and ask what you all talking bout.? My Aunt says the different things we have gotten over the years that we don't

know what they are or how to use them. Now I am curious and ask like what? My aunt comes back with this big box. I look inside and my face

went pink. I cleared my throat and said I know what these are and what they are for. Who gave them to you? I asked.She said her son my

cousin. I asked her if she wanted to know what they were and how to use them? She said yes.


Here we are my cousin's,aunt,uncle and Dave. The first thing I pull out Is a butterfly and you strap it to your legs and the butterfly

goes against your clit. Dave says show her how to use it laughing . My aunt says yes show me.I say really? Yes she says. So I strap it over my

pants to show her. She says one question where is your clit.? Now I look at her and say Really you have to be kidding. No she says. I say If you

want to know about these gifts everyone must get naked. They all undressed. Wow not the family I remember. So my aunt says can you put

that butterfly thing on me so I can see how it works? Everyones watching. Sure I say and put it on her and turned it on she jumped at first and

then smiled "This is nice. Show us more. "The next thing I pull out is a dildo and nice size. What's that for they ask? For a man or woman to

rub on another womans pussy or a mans behind. My youngest cousin(19) says show me Ilook at my aunt she says ok. I go over to my cousin

open her legs and rub the dildo against her she liked it and started doing it herself. The next was this big vibrator with pearls in it. I said this is

to put inside you once your wet to help you get more excited. You can use it on yourself or a partner can use it on you. My aunt looks me in the

eyes and says we want to see you use it. Well we were all naked and all of us were pretty horny. I said I would use it but my uncle had to use

it on me. My uncle jumped up and said what do I do ? I said turn it on and start rubbing my clit first than down to my pussy lips then enter me

with it. He did and the more he used it on me the more I moaned the harder he got my aunt came over and started sucking him ,my cousin was

cumming by using the dildo. My male cousin came up to me and put his dick in my mouth. There was alot of moaning and cumming going on

Dave sat there listening and masterbated.


We all got dressed .Talked about what santa might bring this year.Sat around the tree and sang Christmas song and drank eggnog.

During dinner I sat there wondering why the house seemed different,but let it go. Now this is the best holiday I will ever have.

When I leave I realize I was Two door away from my home. Merry Christmas

 

[CWatson]

Dear msdamgirl,

There is a large wide button on the bottom of your keyboard. It's called a space bar. Please learn to use it. (Wouldn't hurt you to figure out the "Enter" button either--you know, that thing shaped like a backwards L?)

best,
~CWatson
(who would have read your story if it were readable)

 

[sr71plt]

And is there a question that goes with this posting?

 

[msdamgirl]

when I wrote it in a different site it was spaced ok but when ciopied here it got all clumped together. new here so please give me a break and try not to sound so uppidy.sorry if i offend people. just trying to get help with oput being put down.

 

[CWatson]

It's not about your being new here (or not). It's about standards.

You want us to read your story. Fine, that's all well and good. It's what stories are for. But if so, I want certain guarantees from you. I want to be sure that you have written a story, not just thrown something at the wall to see if it would stick.

And when you hand over your thing which is poorly paragraphed (not necessarily your fault), poorly spaced (yes your fault) and has lots of silly errors that your first-grade teacher taught you not to make, I don't think it's worth spending much time on. I mean, you didn't spend much time on it, and it's your story! Why should I?


Now, as to your work itself.

First off, your narrator switches voices. Sometimes the narrator is "I". Sometimes it is "you". Pick one.

Second, why is your narrator not questioning the presence of this old boyfriend at her family's house? If my ex-fiancée showed up to Christmas I would be extremely confused and ask a lot more questions than, "Hey, wanna have sex?" (And I'm a virgin because she was waiting for marriage, so I'm not just saying that.)

Third, what's up with the brevity of the sex scene? The cousin happens, and then he leaves again, and I'm not entirely sure what went on in the meantime. You said that you did what he said. Okay, so, how did that feel? The hotness of a sex scene has nothing to do with the set-up. If I tell you, "I slept with two girls last night," that's interesting, but not hot. If I describe it to you it gets a lot hotter. Because description is a sex scene. So, if your cousin happens, you can't just say, "My cousin happened." You have to say, "He slid his long hot cousin into my wet and aching" etc.

Fourth, the events of the story itself are not very believable. I know, I know: "But it's a work of fiction, it's by definition untrue." Yes, you are right. But works of fiction still need to be believable. Look at it this way: say I came up to you and we had the following conversation:
"Hey, I flew yesterday."
"What, on an airplane?"
"No, with my wings."
You would look at me, look at my very obvious lack of wings, and decide that you didn't believe my story.

Likewise, when you come up to me and said, "I went in a stranger's house for Christmas and didn't notice it at all," I say, I don't believe you. It's too much of a stretch.

That's all I've got for you. (Except for the lecture about all the grammar, punctuation and capitalization mistakes you made, but I'm skipping that anyhow.)

 

[sr71plt]

Sorry, but I see no foundation of being able to express yourself in writing upon which to build suggestions on how to improve your writing. If you wish to write stories, I'm afraid you need to go back and pick up a whole bunch of grammar and composition training that you either bypassed to begin with or haven't gotten to yet. You need to pick up this training yourself if you want to be able to write anything worth reading. Anyone trying to clean this up would have to become the author of the piece.

 

[mummyspet1]

Hi there loved your story very much, there is cum everywhere. we should write one together.
u