god

[Gave Up]

if i ever thought this was a lie
i woulda kept myself, i had to try
coulda believed in something real
instead i washed myself with what's surreal

mass genocide you have done
was that all in the name of fun?
seven plagues ran over the earth
just because of your son's fucking birth

ignorance is my healthy shade
cut myself with your heavenly blade
asked for help, need to see it through
hurt myself, now, where the fuck were you?

mass genocide you have done
was that all in the name of fun?
seven plagues ran over the earth
just because of your son's fucking birth

this control you try and hold
your soul i know you went and sold
influence through those made of skin
look inside, you will see your sin

mass genocide you have done
was that all in the name of fun?
seven plagues ran over the earth
just because of your son's fucking birth

 

[BooMerengue]

Did you put this here to be critiqued? Why didn't you submit it? Or did you? I'll go look.

 

[Gave Up]

i didn't submit it at all. just put it here to be critiqued. i am using it elsewhere in a project i am working on.

 

[wildsweetone]

is bogusbrig still around?




hi Gave Up. another song? i'm lousy with songs but found the rhythm (once i got used to it) seems to flow fairly well.

a typo i think in here:

your sould i know you went and sold

i'm not going to comment on what the content says.

good luck with your project.

 

[Gave Up]

hi Gave Up. another song? i'm lousy with songs but found the rhythm (once i got used to it) seems to flow fairly well.

a typo i think in here:



i'm not going to comment on what the content says.

good luck with your project.

thanks, yes, it was a typo. sanks content doesn't really fit into what you believe?

 

[wildsweetone]

you're welcome.

what i believe? my beliefs are personal and meaningful to me.

 

[Gave Up]

you're welcome.

what i believe? my beliefs are personal and meaningful to me.

fair enough.

 

[wildsweetone]

out of curiosity, and please dont answer this if you prefer not to, do you believe what you have written, or did you write this 'in another character'?

i have written a fair amount that i would state is 'in another character'. it gives me a chance to explore Life.

 

[Gave Up]

out of curiosity, and please dont answer this if you prefer not to, do you believe what you have written, or did you write this 'in another character'?

i have written a fair amount that i would state is 'in another character'. it gives me a chance to explore Life.

i am kinda in between on it. i was raised JW, so the god thing was forced on me. but then, as i grew up, i got all rebelious and went atheist. and now where i sit is more of: if there is a god, fuck you for what you have done w this world, and for what has happened to me in my life, so i guess the answer, would be, yes i do.

 

[eagleyez]

interesting perspectives.

God to me resides in the simple kindnesses and sacrifices that warm my heart and make me light in the feet.

Mystery abounds and it tantalizes me.

To quote Tom Waits, a religious man from both sides of the block.

"one thing you can say about mankind
there's nothing kind about man."

As Steinbeck wrote about the Arthurian legends, a courtly Knight realizes his imperfection, but still strives for it.

Then he may go impale an enemy he doesnt perceive with a weapon of death.

Such as it is.

I pray for peace, and this may be folly, but I feel it deeply as a foil to the river of misery.

In the final hour, Ive seen this peace descend on the one who goes to sleep.

 

[bogusbrig]

'Between nothing and nothing we are the something inbetween'

To quote a line from one of my own poems but I can't help but think I've lifted that from somewhere but I can't find out where. Maybe Ted Hughes but I've never been able to find the line.

We don't worry about where we have come from so why worry about where we go to.

If there is a god, he/she/it must be a bit of a sadist to enable us to contemplate our own demise. Such a god is not worth considering. Not believing in god does not preclude us from pondering the mystery of existence, though it seems to me the mystery is within and not out there in the world somewhere.

Jesus is the wrong target to be criticizing. I think you should be criticizing the theologians that come up with all the babble and our culture for taking such nonsense on board.

 

[4degrees]

nice gif, gave up.
carry on.

 

[Angeline]

God may be a concept by which we measure our pain but faith has the capacity to to lead people to acts of both great and simple goodness as well as destruction.

If I say fuck god because the world is ugly and hateful, I'm part of the problem. I prefer to keep a good thought and the purest heart I can conjure and be part of the solution.

Gave Up, your poem sounds like a lyric to me. Is it? There are some awkward passive phrasings, like this:

mass genocide you have done

and

this control you try and hold
your soul i know you went and sold

I think these would be improved by switching them to the active voice.

Thematically, I have trouble relating because I'm not Christian, but that's my problem, I suppose. I have a hard time conceptualizing god in any single ideology.

 

[champagne1982]

Tis too bad that so many blame an almighty entity for things they could make better themselves and even more ironic, things science has an explanation for.

I think that life is too short to rail against how bad we all have it. Look around and be happy that you have a mind to grasp the complexities of sentience.

Don't blame "God" for harshness no more than you would blame the sun for drying out your garden.

 

[bogusbrig]

Tis too bad that so many blame an almighty entity for things they could make better themselves and even more ironic, things science has an explanation for.

Well you can't blame god for war but if you are swollwed by the earth in an earthquake, well I think you can. After all he/she/it made the damn thing and didn't have to make it like it is. If the universe couldn't be made in any other way then god is not omnipotent so what do we worry about god for?

 

[arctic-stranger]

Well you can't blame god for war but if you are swollwed by the earth in an earthquake, well I think you can. After all he/she/it made the damn thing and didn't have to make it like it is. If the universe couldn't be made in any other way then god is not omnipotent so what do we worry about god for?

as a newly ex minister (Of the presbyterian stripe) i feel uniquely qualified to comment on your poem. I dont disagree with it, at least not on the surface.

the fact is, i dont think religion was ever intended to justify behaviour, only to moderate it.

 

[bogusbrig]

the fact is, i dont think religion was ever intended to justify behaviour, only to moderate it.

Since when has religion moderated behaviour?

Wasn't a significant part of the English Civil War (the war of the three kingdoms) fought to moderate the ambitions of the Scottish presbyterians?

 

[Vampiric_Mirage]

Since when has religion moderated behaviour?

Wasn't a significant part of the English Civil War (the war of the three kingdoms) fought to moderate the ambitions of the Scottish presbyterians?

Although I'm not going to get into my actual spiritual/religious beliefs, I believe that what Arctic-Stranger was pointing at was the fact that the commandments, which are a major part of the Christian religion, were supposed to moderate human behaviour. They were a dismal failure, but their intended purpose was to make humanity 'act better'

As for your English Civil War comment, lets also not forget all of the battles for land, oops, I mean the Crusades across land...

Religion, generally any religion, is such a beautiful idea, but similar to Communism, there is a Huge difference between the idea and the actuality...

Okay, I failed in not exposing at least a portion of my thoughts on religion, bad me...

 

[Vampiric_Mirage]

Also, Gave Up, I immediately viewed what you posted as a song. Now I may be completely wrong, but I almost thought it would be similar in tone to Nickelback's song "Because of You." Regardless, I thought it was very good and the lyrics were angry, yet thought provoking. If ever it makes it onto the radio/CD, you'll have to tell us here at Lit. (or at least tell me)

On a completely unrelated note, the pic in your sig. line is disturbing. It's very nice, but disturbing. I can't help but wonder, is that you, or someone you know, or did you just find the pic online and use it? No, I don't actually want to know the answer (I think), I just felt inclined to mention that...

 

[anonamouse]

Let me remind you all, "God" "god" "GOD" are all registered Trademarks of mine. If you persist I shall smite you, or at least have my lawyer send a "cease and desist".

Thank you
God
aka anonamouse

 

[bogusbrig]

Let me remind you all, "God" "god" "GOD" are all registered Trademarks of mine. If you persist I shall smite you, or at least have my lawyer send a "cease and desist".

Thank you
God
aka anonamouse

Well I'm getting to a certain age where I should start thinking about renewing my insurance policy, just in case you are really up there on cloud nine listing my blasphemies anonamouse.

 

[anonamouse]

Well I'm getting to a certain age where I should start thinking about renewing my insurance policy, just in case you are really up there on cloud nine listing my blasphemies anonamouse.

only the ones that are cliches - one point off for "cloud nine"

 

[bluerains]

coming from the perspective

of an eclectic and walking the chain of pearls it wasn't until the light bulb of morphic resonance incorporated with my mulitude of questions...did I see the tape unravel...

http://fusionanomaly.net/morphicresonance.html

and coupled with symbiosis of human ying yang...thing seem to fall into here/now as eternity ....your drawing love into your realm is here/now is really key..into the higher worlds..see...a bit of wisdom from one of my mentors follows...ie/aham...

all units seek the final unity that separates us no more
a minister and his believer,ie shepherd and his flock...the politician and his voter , cop and criminal,
doctor and patient, each has a personality but can not be separate as mortals
thus forming symbiosis and a circle of weakness and might...and personalities adjust to one another thus...

what then would happen if cure for all illness then happened and so on...could the personality of the doctor ie shepherd. exist anymore...a minister can not allow his flock to act according to their inner knowing for they loose faith in him..

now we can see... that might and weakness is the separate parts of us...

instead of finding morphic resonance in the symbiosis of love which naturally creates the longing for closeness...
Every human being is female and male. Inside him this feminine part and
this
male part is connected, related with each other. When a human being
accepts this
concept, the last human symbiotic relationship has been found. Every
human being feels and acts.
At the other hand: Every personality reacts emotional. The human being
living by
the soul feels and acts according what he felt. He can not react.
Inside educated human beings, there is a chasm between feeling and acting, in
which the
personality has found his place. The relationship between feeling
female and
acting male forces a human being to discover the educated blocks of
the personality. internal symbiosis is activated more and
more. When a
human being does not have any more time, when he lives here/now, the
space/time
between feeling and acting is gone. The symbiosis inside the here/now.
We all have to experience it, in some time……
symbiotic might relationships can not been
broken. In spite of this, there are human beings finding their own
individual
path, on which he can manage everything in such a way, how he wants to
live. In spite of the judgments of others.
This seemingly symbiosis is build up in social structures and confirmed
or denied by human beings.


The real symbiosis. This happens inside a unit, therefore inside a
human being.
It happens by love relationships. It creates a direct connection
between the
male and the female part, for merging inside each other inside one
human being.
In this self consciousness the individual human being can surrender
onto the
relationship with harmonic balance....better ...bb..

 

[BooMerengue]

I think you should definitely keep writing, GaveUp. You have a flair for the dramatic, and that is what poetry needs. Drama and passion. That being said,

if i ever thought this was a lie thought what was a lie?
i woulda kept myself, i had to try
coulda believed in something real
instead i washed myself with what's surreal

mass genocide you have done
was that all in the name of fun? God caused mass genocide? When?
seven plagues ran over the earth
just because of your son's fucking birth Mixing Old and New Testament here

ignorance is my healthy shade
cut myself with your heavenly blade I think some Angels may carry blades; not God
asked for help, need to see it through
hurt myself, now, where the fuck were you? Probably watching you, shaking His head

mass genocide you have done
was that all in the name of fun?
seven plagues ran over the earth
just because of your son's fucking birth

this control you try and hold
your soul i know you went and sold Who did He sell it to? I missed that part
influence through those made of skin
look inside, you will see your sin

mass genocide you have done
was that all in the name of fun?
seven plagues ran over the earth
just because of your son's fucking birth

I hope you're not offended, GaveUp, but in my humble opinion this is awful. Sure, your grammar is good and spelling etc. You have your thoughts broken into 4 line stanzas- thats good- makes it look like a poem. Or maybe you are trying for a lyric. It'll work. As long as the music is really cool heavy metal thrash stuff, so loud you can't hear the words. Because they really make no sense. You don't give a specific incident that your pissed off about. It might be different if say... you were born with 3 heads, or dickless, or in some other way less than perfect. The rest of us to whom God gave smooth and groovy lives would understand. This is just Teenage Angst. Shock Schlock.

I'm not a mean person. I understand the doubts and fears we all have as teens and young adults. I understand that we have questions about our own mortality. I understand the changes we go through when we try to decide which way is best for us regarding spirituality. I did 12 years in the old fashioned Catholic schools and then hit the streets as the 60's were taking off, and my friends were dying in some Godforsaken place called VietNam. So I do understand your feelings.

But I feel that if you want to share this misery with the masses you'll have to be a bit more specific, and a lot less insulting to a God that a bazillion people follow. Many of them learned men, not just sheep.

There. Critique #2

 

[bogusbrig]

The real symbiosis. This happens inside a unit, therefore inside a
human being.
It happens by love relationships. It creates a direct connection
between the
male and the female part, for merging inside each other inside one
human being.
In this self consciousness the individual human being can surrender
onto the
relationship with the universal laws. A universal symbiosis becomes
possible

You've lost me completely here blue.

The older I get and the more I learn, it seems to me there are no universal laws. That notion seems to belong to childhood feelings of security. One of the driving reasons behind creativity I think, whether scientific or the arts, is that we use such activities like building blocks for adults, exploring our environment, perception and existence as a whole because we are looking for something solid which we don't have.