God spoke to me today: "riff, thou wilt cleaneth thy nest"

[riff]

I could not find my keys this morning. I knew I was pushing my luck when I masturbated at 6:45AM because I must leave the house by 7:10 if I am to make to work on time. So I pull my pud, pant and smoke, shower and dress.

Ready to go and subvert the youth of America with liberal ideas and the skills needed for building the Brave New World.

No keys. I waded through heaps of clothes, empty cigarette packs, porno videos and CDs. I even looked in the refrigerator because I put them there once. No keys. I called our secretary to come and get me.

Half way there I realized I did not take my medicine, so we turned around and came back. She didn't care because it was less time she had to spend at her desk and we seldom get to visit anyway.

"God," I prayed, "Denying your will is like ignoring a stopped up toilet. I will clean my apartment."

 

[unclej]

did god by any chance command you to come clean my hovel when you're through with yours....

 

[T.H. Oughts]

Did you see the note god left on your fridge Riff........

"When you finish with Unclej's place you go over and give TH's a right spring clean."

 

[fgarvb1]

my god, you sound like my wife. you may have heard of her
"The Queen of Procrastination". ya'll must me soulmates.

She also puts off anything sexual to the last moment, hell even if she doing herself.

i expect to come home one day and find her with a broke neck from tripping over some of her clothes and other junk she has not picked up. i'm not kidding i've had to take her to the E R twice from falling down. one slip and one tripping.

how she stayed alive before i came along is a mystery to me.

i'm on a first name bases with the key maker at the hardware store. i try to keep her at least two spare sets on hand.

 

[xMorganx]

I belive God is sending me messages thru the heap of clothes in my laundry room. So far i have been ignoring him, but i know the divine power of no cable or phone line may come so i will go start a load now!
ps-look and see if god left you a note about cleaning out my car, i asked him to give it to you!

 

[GreenEyedGirl]

As romantic as a man living amongst piles of clothing, music, porn, and various and sundry other whatevers seems, cleaning can be oddly liberating. Especially if you clean naked, makes things so much more interesting.

 

[Chantal Marchon]

Where did I put those damn keys!

I have a problem with misplacing my keys constantly. Not necessarily from being messy- just cause I have a bad habit of laying them done in the oddest places. That is why I now have three sets- eventually I find one so I can go to work- I am usually late by this point- happens to me two or three times a week.

I need a secretary.-- oh wait, I am the secretary .

 

[unclej]

if you live way out in the country and drive a really old pick up like mine you can just leave the keys in the ignition and not ever loose them...god, i love my life....