Go on, feel defiled...

[Jaymal]

My new story Daniella Defiled has just been posted as an entry in the Nude Day contest. It's a kinky BDSM love story for people who don't normally read BDSM. Or love stories. (It's also a sequel to Daniella Bound, but hopefully stands on its own two stilettoed feet.)

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=485163

Hope you'll check it out. It's the nicer side of nasty.

Jaymal.

 

[mia_erotica]

shout-out to the universe

Best ever! I even plugged it on my blog so that the three or so people who read it can fall in love-lust with Daniella Defiled too.

 

[D_K_Moon]

My new story Daniella Defiled has just been posted as an entry in the Nude Day contest. It's a kinky BDSM love story for people who don't normally read BDSM. Or love stories. (It's also a sequel to Daniella Bound, but hopefully stands on its own two stilettoed feet.)

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=485163

Hope you'll check it out. It's the nicer side of nasty.

Jaymal.

Sorry, I tried to read it, but bdsm isn't my cup of tea.

 

[mia_erotica]

you crazy

Sorry, I tried to read it, but bdsm isn't my cup of tea.

Try it, Brian, you'll like it. Or I might have to put you on ignore. (That was my sadistic threat).

Daniella is more of a role/play light bondage thing. Both characters struggling with the roles, really. Daniella's not really s and Eric's not really D.

Mia

 

[D_K_Moon]

Try it, Brian, you'll like it. Or I might have to put you on ignore. (That was my sadistic threat).

Daniella is more of a role/play light bondage thing. Both characters struggling with the roles, really. Daniella's not really s and Eric's not really D.

Mia

Okay, I'll give it another shot later on today.

 

[driphoney]

I've started it. It's a bit long, so probably tonight. I do like certain BDSM stories, but I really wasn't sure of this for a while because of the urine thing, but it was resolved (she got clean!! ) good enough for me. I also was (I'm sure it was just me) a bit confused over it. It appeared that he intensionally made her bladder full, but then seemed a bit surprised that she needed to go so badly? (Again, had to just be my mis-reading of it.) But having said that, the characters are starting to grow on me and I'll definitely finish the read. BDSM is something I need to do when it's quiet and I'm alone.

Good luck in the contest!

 

[moralityloophole]

Great work- I'll definitely read up on some of your others. I heartily agree with your description: "a kinky BDSM love story for people who don't normally read BDSM. Or love stories."

I generally like the idea of kinky BDSM, but in a tamer way than most stories. You did a good job with the safe word, the idea that she's into her "defilement" for the same reason he is, crepe paper bonds, and pissing in the tub.

I liked the exhibitionism/embarrassment potential of exposure to the neighbors. Them being older and having watched her grow up. Now of course that would have had a much dirtier imact if the Malones were not into swinging.

On age, I think would have been appropriate to have Daniela just a little older- maybe second or third year university. It could have worked even better with daddy having cut her off after first year of non-stellar grades or something like that. The main reason I suggest this is that "18 year old" seems almost code for 'as young as possible while being permitted on Literotica'. In this case I don't think her youth is quite so critical to either the character or the plot.

 

[Jaymal]

BDSM and stuff

Thanks for the love, Mia. Glad you enjoyed the further adventures of Daniella and Eric.

D K, thanks for trying, despite your aversion to BDSM stories. Traditionally they're not my style either, but the Daniella stories are more about the characters than the accoutrements.

Glad the pee didn't put you off, driphoney. Eric wasn't surprised at Daniella's need to go, he was being 'wickedly playful'. I'll check that bit to see if it needs clarification. Do let me know what you think of the rest.

Likewise glad you're enjoying, moralityloophole. Daniella is actually 20 - her age is mentioned in the story at least once. It was established in Daniella Bound that she's on summer recess following her 2nd year at university. She's also very mature for her age and takes no shit from anyone (unless it's shit she enjoys).

Anyway, the feedback is great. Keep it coming, people!

 

[moralityloophole]

My apologies for being off on age- I just re-scanned both stories and don't know how I got it wrong. I must have had some blood drain from my brain between the first page and last!

 

[Jaymal]

Good excuse

Not a problem, moralityloophole -

That type of blood drainage is allowed, nay encouraged!

 

[thegrandchef]

Somewhat of a close-reading:

At first, as a non-BDSM'er, I was somewhat put off by Daniella's ability to free herself... I think a BDSM sub would have to work within confines, not think of freeing themselves of their confines... then we can explore their world truly, no?

But then, I like the twist of her self-restraint... the crepe-paper barrier.

"Cuntal walls" walls threw me off, absurd word. Some other distracting word choices, in my opinion... her cunt "turning" moist, rather than "becoming." And the contrast of the word "porno" (seemingly simple and crude) against the more classy/"American Psycho" feeling that is otherwise being created in these first few paragraphs. "Slutlets" "big erections" "frustratedly"...

I like the dymanic of her calling him a bastard. The twist of watersports...

 

[D_K_Moon]

I read and voted on your story. I need to think for a bit before leaving a comment. Also, I think I need to read the first story with these characters.

 

[Jaymal]

Further Thanks

Glad you took the time to read, DK. It's very possible that the original story makes better sense of the characterisation. Let me know what you think.

And grandchef - I stand by my vocab choices, thanks all the same. 'Vaginal', so why not 'cuntal'? Personally I like it. And sometimes I like to undercut a mood. I'm glad you thought the opening had a dangerous quality, but in both Daniella stories the would-be dom turns out to be rather different from how he likes to see himself.

Thanks for your thoughts and comments - they made me think.

 

[mia_erotica]

Daniella Defiles

Might be kind of fun to have Eric and Daniella switch roles in the next installment of their budding relationship. For Eric all was darkness....

Isn't there a summer contest coming up? Just a thought.

Mia

 

[Jaymal]

Now there's a thought...

...and a good one. Sooner or later Eric's bound (haha) to end up undergoing a little tie 'n' tease at the hands of Daniella. It's a logical progression for a 3rd story. I've already got a different summer tale in mind, but we'll see...

Thanks Mia!

 

[rahd]

Excellent!

 

[JazCullen]

Got my vote!

Hey Jaymal.

Lucky you! You get my first ever public comment on the Bulletin Board lol!

BDSM is most definitely not an area I usually frequent, however I did read Daniella Bound when pointed in that direction by another author and I was quick to read Daniella Defiled when I saw it posted up.

I think why this story works to entice non BDSM readers into enjoying it, is because the two main characters are pretty engaging and there isn't a sense of their shared experiences being too extreme. To me it comes across more as slightly rough play with no intent to actually hurt the other party. That's my interpretation of it anyway.

I loved the story! I loved how Daniella kept totally throwing Eric for a loop with her active participation in her defilement. The power struggle between them as they fought for dominance in the various situations was very well done.

Jaz

 

[Jaymal]

Thanks guys

rahd - as one word reviews go, I'm loving yours.

Jaz - I feel lucky indeed. Thank you. Glad you're sold on Daniella and Eric. It's categorised BDSM purely because I've got to pigeonhole it some way and it's only fair to warn readers there's going to be a bit of tying up, etc. I see as much as an erotic coupling/romance story, albeit a bit twisted, maybe something I can emphasise if I get around to a third story in the series. Despite Eric's dubiously mixed motives, there is growing affection between the two, and an ever greater sense that it's Danielle who's calling the shots - that was my intention and I'm glad you saw it that way. My good friend mia_erotica (check out her Fox Hunt entry to the Nude Day contest) suggested a role reversal in the characters' games, which struck me firstly as conceivable, then inevitable. And potentially a lot of fun. Let me know what you think...

 

[mia_erotica]

great news

 

[mia_erotica]

Congratulations on placing in the contest! Hope you have another up your sleeve for the summer lovin' contest.

Mia

 

[Jaymal]

Summer Lovin'

It's brewing, Mia. Maybe Daniella and Eric, maybe something else. Maybe Daniella and Eric PLUS something else. We'll see...

 

[Madelaine]

Hi, I'm really new to posting on the forums (in fact, this is my first post!) but I've been reading stories on Literotica for a long time. I just wanted to say that I really enjoyed what you wrote. BDSM is not an area I know an awful lot about and I generally don't read this type of story. Daniella Defiled however had me hooked right from the start.

Your writing is so descriptive and I was massively impressed by the way you managed to express what Daniella and Eric said in such a way I could imagine the urgency, its an area I always struggle with... this bit in particular (If you'll forgive me for copy/pasting directly from your story!)


'Forgot the lube,' he explained tersely, as he ransacked the fridge's contents. 'Need to improvise. Butter - too damn hard. Got to be something... Here we go, shit, this is fucking perfect. And it's full, too.'

I could 'hear' Eric's voice in my head at this point and it made me smile.

If there was just one tiny thing to comment on, I wonder whether the story could do with one more read through for tiny little mistakes in spelling (the 't' missing from the word 'to' for example)? I apologise for being so picky, for some strange reason, I tend to pick up on those little things and they bug me, probably should have been a proof-reader or something!

I'm adding you to my favourites, thank you for writing Daniella Defiled and for sharing it too

 

[ilike2read82]

My good friend mia_erotica (check out her Fox Hunt entry to the Nude Day contest) suggested a role reversal in the characters' games, which struck me firstly as conceivable, then inevitable. And potentially a lot of fun. Let me know what you think...

That sounds like a great idea. I'm not really into BDSM (only read the "Danielle" stories because of your recommendation above) but I do find a bit of mild femdom to be a turn-on. I think your Eric and Danielle make a great couple.

 

[Jaymal]

Madelaine - thanks for your comment, glad you enjoyed Eric and Daniella's games. Quite a few people who don't normally read BDSM have commented positively. I think it's because the story is character-based and that the characters are experimenting rather than adopting a lifestyle. As for the typos, AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!!! Just when you've got them all ironed out... Yes, I need a proof-reader most definitely.

ilike2read - I hope to take Eric and Daniella's story further in the near future and if I do, Eric WILL be the one tied up. For at least some of the time. Now that the two of them are achieving an understanding, who knows how they'll feel able to play?