GLBT mommies and daddies/parents-to-be/aspiring parents thread

[PaperAutumn]

Just wondering if there are any other members who are raising a family in a same-sex home, or who are planning on it? I'd love to have a little support group to share experiences, words of advice, and what have you?

As some of you may know (I'm turning into one of -those- parents. Ugh) my partner and I adopted a beautiful little girl just over a year ago. Bunny (not her real name - I'm not that cruel! I just don't feel comfy giving her name out to the vast abyss of the internet ) was 6 years old when she came into our custody, and the hearing went through about 6 months later, making her our daughter officially. She'd been bounced through the foster system for years, since being relinquished from her birthmom when she was just a toddler.

It was a tough decision to make, whether or not to adopt an older child. Originally, we did try in vitro treatments, but after I suffered several miscarriages, I couldn't do it anymore. After taking a long hard look at ourselves and our lives we realized that it was what was right for us. We had so much love to give, why not support a child who really needed it?

I don't know what I'd do without my daughter now. We have had a few hiccups along the way, but things are going very smoothly now. She loves her new school and is meeting lots of new friends. For the first few months, she called us by our first names, but lately she's taken to calling both of us Mommy! (which does get confusing, but we're so grateful that that's how she thinks of us).

Surprisingly, she hasn't been made fun of at school because of how different her family life is. One of her friends was over last week and commented "I wish I had two mommies as well. Then my house wouldn't smell like my dad's old running shoes and I'd get to use the computer all the time!" Uhh...not quite.

Anyway, that's enough rambling from me. What do y'all have to say?

 

[Safe_Bet]

Just wondering if there are any other members who are raising a family in a same-sex home, or who are planning on it? I'd love to have a little support group to share experiences, words of advice, and what have you?

As some of you may know (I'm turning into one of -those- parents. Ugh) my partner and I adopted a beautiful little girl just over a year ago. Bunny (not her real name - I'm not that cruel! I just don't feel comfy giving her name out to the vast abyss of the internet ) was 6 years old when she came into our custody, and the hearing went through about 6 months later, making her our daughter officially. She'd been bounced through the foster system for years, since being relinquished from her birthmom when she was just a toddler.

It was a tough decision to make, whether or not to adopt an older child. Originally, we did try in vitro treatments, but after I suffered several miscarriages, I couldn't do it anymore. After taking a long hard look at ourselves and our lives we realized that it was what was right for us. We had so much love to give, why not support a child who really needed it?

I don't know what I'd do without my daughter now. We have had a few hiccups along the way, but things are going very smoothly now. She loves her new school and is meeting lots of new friends. For the first few months, she called us by our first names, but lately she's taken to calling both of us Mommy! (which does get confusing, but we're so grateful that that's how she thinks of us).

Surprisingly, she hasn't been made fun of at school because of how different her family life is. One of her friends was over last week and commented "I wish I had two mommies as well. Then my house wouldn't smell like my dad's old running shoes and I'd get to use the computer all the time!" Uhh...not quite.

Anyway, that's enough rambling from me. What do y'all have to say?

After a couple of miscarriages (and before a couple more miscarriages) Amy and I "created" a couple of perfect twin girls that are just finishing up 1st grade. We went the IUI route and were super selective on the "mystery dad" sperm donors profile. They actually have a lot of Amy's facial characteristics and coloring.

We run a "normal" two parent house hold with the kids (being kids), me (being mom) and Amy (being the "Pappi" AND another big ass kid). We also are greatly involved with the kids school. I am an active member of the PTA (MUAHAHAHAHA!!!!) and Amy attends / helps / sponsors a LOT of their activities. Just a "normal" four woman family...
Some time I'll tell you about the Father / Daughter Dance the Amy and the girls attended! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!

 

[PaperAutumn]

Aww! How old are your girls now?

It's funny how kids take on a lot of the features of their parents, regardless of their genes. We compared pictures of Eden and Bunny at the same age, and they do look like they could be related. She doesn't look much like me though (thank God) but we do have a similar sense of humor. It drives Eden a bit crazy at times.

We're finally starting to get settled into a "normal" routine. It's hard having missed out on a lot of crucial milestones in Bunny's life, but we're creating all sorts of new ones!

 

[Safe_Bet]

Aww! How old are your girls now?

It's funny how kids take on a lot of the features of their parents, regardless of their genes. We compared pictures of Eden and Bunny at the same age, and they do look like they could be related. She doesn't look much like me though (thank God) but we do have a similar sense of humor. It drives Eden a bit crazy at times.

We're finally starting to get settled into a "normal" routine. It's hard having missed out on a lot of crucial milestones in Bunny's life, but we're creating all sorts of new ones!

They turn seven in June. Is as they are several months older / bigger / more mature than many of their class mates (we had the option of starting them a year earlier which would have made them some of the youngest and smallest kids in the class) they don't get much and tolerate 0% crap about their parents (including from other parents). I've watched them tell another parent whom they heard making a smart comment "Sir, please don't say things like that. It is rude and silly!" Course Amy was there a nano second later politely but firmly asking if he had a problem that he'd like to discuss to "her face" (Nah... he wussed out... ).

 

[Tymeless]

As a transgender I love hearing your stories it makes me happy. I intend to have kids when I find the right partner. Please keep sharing all your stories.

 

[PaperAutumn]

They turn seven in June. Is as they are several months older / bigger / more mature than many of their class mates (we had the option of starting them a year earlier which would have made them some of the youngest and smallest kids in the class) they don't get much and tolerate 0% crap about their parents (including from other parents). I've watched them tell another parent whom they heard making a smart comment "Sir, please don't say things like that. It is rude and silly!" Course Amy was there a nano second later politely but firmly asking if he had a problem that he'd like to discuss to "her face" (Nah... he wussed out... ).

We have the same issue with Bunny - she was born at the end of November, so she'll be turning 8 a few months after starting second grade. Amazingly she's still one of the tiniest in her class!

Other closed-minded parents are no fun. Your daughter and partner handled it well though, lol! Most of them are too cowardly to do anything about it - thank God.

When we take Bunny to the park we've gotten asked if we were sisters by other parents, but we politely explain that we're both her mothers. Usually we don't get too much trouble, apart from a few awkward looks.


Tymeless- It's wonderful that you plan on being a parent! There needs to be more transgendered moms and dads out there. All the best of luck for fulfulling your dream. It's totally cliched, but being a parent really is the best job in the world.

 

[Tymeless]

I totally agree. Nothing more fulfilling then being someone important to a little one.

 

[Safe_Bet]

We have the same issue with Bunny - she was born at the end of November, so she'll be turning 8 a few months after starting second grade. Amazingly she's still one of the tiniest in her class!

Other closed-minded parents are no fun. Your daughter and partner handled it well though, lol! Most of them are too cowardly to do anything about it - thank God.

When we take Bunny to the park we've gotten asked if we were sisters by other parents, but we politely explain that we're both her mothers. Usually we don't get too much trouble, apart from a few awkward looks.


Tymeless- It's wonderful that you plan on being a parent! There needs to be more transgendered moms and dads out there. All the best of luck for fulfulling your dream. It's totally cliched, but being a parent really is the best job in the world.

In our house Amy is the dad and the girls call her "Pappi." We decided that having one "daddy" and one "mommy" worked better for US (not making any comments about how other couples work it out, but this is best for Amy and I based on our relationship, mentalities and characters).

It really isn't too bad here. So. Cali can be more liberal than the "heartland" (except those fine, wonderful SMART people of Iowa!) so other than a couple of issues at the beginning of their kindergarten year, most of the parents know and actually like us. What's funny is the women parents uniformly DON'T like Amy (but get along fine with me) and the guy parents love Amy (guess cuz she can scratch her crotch and spit with the best of them ).

One thing that I would encourage EVERY queer couple with children to do is to get involved with the PTA. Seems stupid, but it gives you a chance to let the school's administrators, the teachers and most of the "involved" parents have a chance to find out that you don't have horns and a tail. Makes a HUGE difference on how they interact with you and your children.

 

[Tymeless]

In our house Amy is the dad and the girls call her "Pappi." We decided that having one "daddy" and one "mommy" worked better for US (not making any comments about how other couples work it out, but this is best for Amy and I based on our relationship, mentalities and characters).

It really isn't too bad here. So. Cali can be more liberal than the "heartland" (except those fine, wonderful SMART people of Iowa!) so other than a couple of issues at the beginning of their kindergarten year, most of the parents know and actually like us. What's funny is the women parents uniformly DON'T like Amy (but get along fine with me) and the guy parents love Amy (guess cuz she can scratch her crotch and spit with the best of them ).

One thing that I would encourage EVERY queer couple with children to do is to get involved with the PTA. Seems stupid, but it gives you a chance to let the school's administrators, the teachers and most of the "involved" parents have a chance to find out that you don't have horns and a tail. Makes a HUGE difference on how they interact with you and your children.

That is awesome advice

 

[PaperAutumn]

In our house Amy is the dad and the girls call her "Pappi." We decided that having one "daddy" and one "mommy" worked better for US (not making any comments about how other couples work it out, but this is best for Amy and I based on our relationship, mentalities and characters).

It really isn't too bad here. So. Cali can be more liberal than the "heartland" (except those fine, wonderful SMART people of Iowa!) so other than a couple of issues at the beginning of their kindergarten year, most of the parents know and actually like us. What's funny is the women parents uniformly DON'T like Amy (but get along fine with me) and the guy parents love Amy (guess cuz she can scratch her crotch and spit with the best of them ).

One thing that I would encourage EVERY queer couple with children to do is to get involved with the PTA. Seems stupid, but it gives you a chance to let the school's administrators, the teachers and most of the "involved" parents have a chance to find out that you don't have horns and a tail. Makes a HUGE difference on how they interact with you and your children.

I've definitely heard of parents assigning "daddy" and "mommy" roles within same sex couples. That's really awesome! We tried to think of what we wanted Bunny to call us, but we left it up to her. She uses Mommy as a plural a lot of times too. If she needs one of us but doesn't care which one she yells "MOMMY!!!!" But other times it gets totally confusing. We hope she'll start differentiating between us somehow, but we're not forcing anything. It'll evolve in time.

Bunny goes to a tiny private school, so there's no typical PTA. There is a board of governors that you have to be elected onto though. We do try and volunteer at the school as much as possible. Maybe once our names get out there we can get elected on in a few years.

I also live in a fairly liberal part of the country - just outside NYC. I dread to think what would happen if we lived in the south.