Give it to me...

[Widow_C]

straight.
I have 4 stories here so far, I enjoy writing, but would like to know more from the readers...what's the trick?
I am looking for feedback...
Winston Ridge Academy Should I continue with the school year? There are 9 months left...
Then there is A Gentleman and the Widow, again...write the next chapters? Is it worth trying to publish?
Please give feedback, please vote...an inquiring writer wants/needs to know
Enjoy!

 

[CWatson]

what's the trick?

The trick for what? Writing more? Deciding whether to post? Well, I tell you the truth: you write more, you post more, if you want to. Writing is about one thing and one thing alone: your heart and its desires. Is there a story you'd like to tell? Then tell it. Is there a kink you want to explore? Then explore it. That's what fiction is for.

If the trick is to get more feedback or higher scores, that's different.

The best way to do that, from where you're standing right now, is to improve on your technicals. You use a lot of commas and almost no other punctuation, and you don't always capitalize when you should. A new line of dialogue, for instance, must always be capitalized, no matter what came before it.

"Sorry, I was going to the store," she said.

This is kind of the traditional structure: attribution rider (IE he said, she said) after the dialogue itself. But if you put it in front of the dialogue, or have anything preceding it:

She said, "Sorry, I was going to the store."

The dialogue still has to start with a capital letter, as though it were the first word of a sentence. Because it is, from the speaker's mouth at least.

You also tend to elide your backstory a great deal. There's a rule, "Show, don't tell." It means to describe things instead of just claiming they happened. For instance, of these two, which is more compelling?

She raised the gun, and Bob knew suddenly that it was over, that she hadn't been kidding, that there was nothing he could do. Still, his limbs reacted in gelatin panic, trying to fling himself sideways. Stupid, stupid--muscles cannot outrun bullets. And they did not today. There was a bang, a line of searing pain through his chest, and as his wild dive brought him thudding to the floor, the thought came to him with terrifying clarity: I have just been killed.

Or?

Then Sandra shot Bob.

One describes the event--"shows" it--and one merely lets us know it happened--"tells" it. You do a lot of telling.

She stood at the door greeting students as they arrived. She gave the same speech five times to introduce herself and set the classroom rules. She smiled so much her face hurt. She stood so much her feet hurt. And she quickly found out that the plans she had made, lasted for the first half of class only. So much for all the preparation college gave you, it was never enough.

These few sentences cover a period of weeks. Couldn't you stand to describe them in more detail? I'll be honest, sex is sex: penis goes into vagina, goes in and out, climax, confetti, etc. There's only so much you can do to make it interesting. What makes your story unique will be what happens before the sex, why it happens, under what circumstances. And yet you've rushed over those unique circumstances in an effort to get to the sex. Not perhaps the greatest choice, wouldn't you say? =)

Now, I'm sure that you are thinking to yourself, "There must be one more trick, a way to get readers to like me, and CWatson's going to tell me what it is. That magic element that makes a story popular." (See how the dialogue was capitalized there, by the way?) Well, I've got bad news for you, hon: there isn't. And if your goal is primarily to get readers to like your story, then to be perfectly honest I suggest you stop writing now. Writing has to be about you and nobody else. If you try to please "The Reader," that schizophrenic mob of idiots, you will merely drive yourself insane. They cannot be pleased, because they want different and self-contradictory things. What's the story tailor-made to impress all of them? Well, it's not NC/Reluc, because I personally hate power-plays in sex... But others are super turned on by them and won't do anything but. Look at that: The Reader likes two, mutually-exclusive things. Sorry, but it just can't be done.

You cannot please The Reader. The only things you can do are write well and clearly, and write to please yourself.

And paradoxically, that will get you more readers than pandering ever could. =)

 

[Widow_C]

Thanks!

Just thanks