Girlfriend's feelings about my guy-guy curiousity

[Runner_3]

Here is some background. Me and my gf have been together over 2 years. I eas her first sexual partner but she was not mine. Were both in our mid 20s. My gf is bi-curious and I am ok with that. I'd love to see her with another woman and she really wants to try it and is trying to find girls that are also willing. She has 2 in mind and she is trying to make plans with them. I told her I would even be ok with it even if I wasn't there because I know how bad she wants to do it.

Anyways, I have also been curious about being with a guy for awhile now. I want to give and receive oral, hj, and anal. I recently told my gf this and she did not like it at all. She thinks I'm not as attracted to her now along with being bored sexually with her. I assured her I was very attracted to her and that it is never boring with her and that I'm just curious about being with a guy much like she is with a woman. She said it was different. She went on to say that I think its a turn on for her to be with a woman but she said the thought of me being with a guy is a big turn off for her. She's not into guy-guy stuff at all. I also told her best friend and her friend, a girl, is very into it and she thinks my gf should be more open minded about it and should take advantage of it because a lot of girls have that fantasy but are not with guys willing to do it.

I would love any advice on what to do from here.

 

[Safe_Bet]

Here is some background. Me and my gf have been together over 2 years. I eas her first sexual partner but she was not mine. Were both in our mid 20s. My gf is bi-curious and I am ok with that. I'd love to see her with another woman and she really wants to try it and is trying to find girls that are also willing. She has 2 in mind and she is trying to make plans with them. I told her I would even be ok with it even if I wasn't there because I know how bad she wants to do it.

Anyways, I have also been curious about being with a guy for awhile now. I want to give and receive oral, hj, and anal. I recently told my gf this and she did not like it at all. She thinks I'm not as attracted to her now along with being bored sexually with her. I assured her I was very attracted to her and that it is never boring with her and that I'm just curious about being with a guy much like she is with a woman. She said it was different. She went on to say that I think its a turn on for her to be with a woman but she said the thought of me being with a guy is a big turn off for her. She's not into guy-guy stuff at all. I also told her best friend and her friend, a girl, is very into it and she thinks my gf should be more open minded about it and should take advantage of it because a lot of girls have that fantasy but are not with guys willing to do it.

I would love any advice on what to do from here.

I AM STRICTLY TALKING FOR MYSELF HERE!!!!

"Bi-curious" chicks like your GF piss me off. The only reason she would think that FF is okay and MM is wrong/nasty/a turn off, is because she is one of those "It's HOT to be seen kissing another girl at a party" kinda chicks. That makes her a user in my book and she can hurt somebody who might think that she is sincere.

Both you and she need to realize that when you are dealing with honest LGBT people they aren't freakin sex toys. You are dealing with real people who have real feelings and emotions. If you meet somebody and there is a "connection" and you hook up - fine, but FFS don't be doing it for the "rep" or bragging rights.

 

[Runner_3]

she's not the type to do it at parties and in front of people. She really is curious and not for the attention by any means. The 2 girls she has talked to about it, one is a lesbian and is in a relationship so she's not available to play with anyone else right now, and the other is also curious but they don't want it getting out.

 

[TXtom]

Welcome to the world of the double standard. It is very common for people in our society to think of lesbian sex as acceptable and even "hot", but man-on-man sex is gross. Why this is the case...well, I think the mainstream porn industry has some of the blame. I suspect there is some sexism involved as well. Two women going at it are not necissarily seen as compromising their femininity. With guys though, where one is usually taking on a receptive role, it does contradict society's idea of masculinity.

As to how to deal with your girlfriend's reaction - well, you have made the right first steps. The issue has brought up her insecurities, and you have tried to reassure her, tell you that you value her and the relationship. She may never be ok with you exploring that side of your sexuality, and if you stay comitted to her, you are going to have to live with that.

 

[RebeccaRose]

I don't think I can say anything more than TXtom has already mentioned. As much as I hate the double standards that so many people keep when it comes to same sex sexuality, I also have to agree, If you are both commited to each then sacrifices must be made. There in is the nature of all good relationships, I'm sure we all do things we aren't happy about to make our partners happy.

Incidentally, I don't believe in this case your situation with your girlfriend is a double standard issue per say. More than anything my guess is that she is worried that you might leave her for a guy, all you can ask for [considering you are letting HER explore her own feelings] is the same kind of consideration. Just reassure her that its not and never will be your intention to leave her for some one else.

I hope things turn out well for you mate ^^

 

[Runner_3]

Thank You TEXtom and Rebecca Rose. Double-standards suck and I don't get it either. I really want to do stuff with a guy but not at the expense of my relationship because it is a great one and were already talking about future plans since were both about to graduate college soon. I'm hoping she can come around a little. I keep thinking she may enjoy it more in person watching but I just hope she can open her mind up some.

 

[RebeccaRose]

I hope so too, for your sake dear.

 

[blue234]

you need to give her an ultimatum. ff is the same as mm. if one can experiment then both should have that option. you know damn well she'd object if you told her you wanted to sleep with a different girl. why can she have two partners whn you can only have one?

trust me, if you can get her to keep an open mind, she'll come around. my gf was weirdd out at first, but she loves watching/participating now.

 

[monteJ]

from what i understand alot of women think mm is hot, as long as it does not include someone that they have an emotional connection with, it's important to remember that emotions are to woman what gas is to cars, as men we can separate (for the most part) our feelings from the act of having sex.
i can understand that to you she's just going to have sex with a girl.. no emotions attached, but because she attaches emotions to you're sex (as a couple) she thinks what you want to do with another guy is going to be an act of emotions, and it couses alot of jealousy and insecuritys.
this is my opinion, take it as just that.

 

[littlegrizz02]

My wife's thinks the same as your girlfriend. She plays with girls, but when I told her I wanted to play with a guy, she thought I was gay. Every time we have sex (which isn't that often anymore) she says she can't get the picture of me wanting to be with a guy out of her mind, and it grosses her out. So she can't get in to sex.

I still want to suck a cock and try anal but I guess I need to find a woman that would help me find a guy. I want the girl to be there telling me what to do.

 

[yoyome100]

The sad double standard raises its ugly head. Ideally what's good for the goose should be good for the gander. You've been honest with her which is paramount. She may get over it. Good luck.

 

[infinity706]

I AM STRICTLY TALKING FOR MYSELF HERE!!!!

"Bi-curious" chicks like your GF piss me off. The only reason she would think that FF is okay and MM is wrong/nasty/a turn off, is because she is one of those "It's HOT to be seen kissing another girl at a party" kinda chicks. That makes her a user in my book and she can hurt somebody who might think that she is sincere.

Both you and she need to realize that when you are dealing with honest LGBT people they aren't freakin sex toys. You are dealing with real people who have real feelings and emotions. If you meet somebody and there is a "connection" and you hook up - fine, but FFS don't be doing it for the "rep" or bragging rights.

Honestly, being a sex toy is fun sometimes, including showing off my blowjob skills for an audience a few times. Exhibitionism can be a lot of fun as long as everyone involved is ok with it.

Rep can be nice, too. I've landed a couple very nice fuckbuddies that I might not have otherwise. Sure, I know it's not for most people, but I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one.

 

[littlegrizz02]

The sad double standard raises its ugly head. Ideally what's good for the goose should be good for the gander. You've been honest with her which is paramount. She may get over it. Good luck.

It's been two years and she's still HATES the idea. I even told her that I don't want to suck a cock, I just said that because I thought she'd like it with her being bi. (thats a lie but I want to save my marrage). I will sucxk one if I ever get the chance.

 

[Safe_Bet]

Honestly, being a sex toy is fun sometimes, including showing off my blowjob skills for an audience a few times. Exhibitionism can be a lot of fun as long as everyone involved is ok with it.

Rep can be nice, too. I've landed a couple very nice fuckbuddies that I might not have otherwise. Sure, I know it's not for most people, but I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one.

Meh. Just makes you the same as his GF.

 

[gaymm]

I AM STRICTLY TALKING FOR MYSELF HERE!!!!

"Bi-curious" chicks like your GF piss me off. The only reason she would think that FF is okay and MM is wrong/nasty/a turn off, is because she is one of those "It's HOT to be seen kissing another girl at a party" kinda chicks. That makes her a user in my book and she can hurt somebody who might think that she is sincere.

Both you and she need to realize that when you are dealing with honest LGBT people they aren't freakin sex toys. You are dealing with real people who have real feelings and emotions. If you meet somebody and there is a "connection" and you hook up - fine, but FFS don't be doing it for the "rep" or bragging rights.

No, you are not (just talking for yourself)...and +10

To this OP, this is going to eat at you. Your feelings will not go away. If anything they may become more acute and suffocating. No, I am certainly not advocating you "cheating" on your gf with another man, but you have expressed a "curiosity," which I have seen in many other men, especially men who have come-out later in life, and many of whom who were married.

Only you know how you truly feel, and the only advice I can offer is that first you be totally open and honest with and to yourself, no matter how much you may dislike the truth. Putting aside your upbringing and expectations from family and society, (I know it is difficult), and what do you want? You will eventually end up there, it is just choosing the path to get there.

Good luck
chris

 

[Runner_3]

monteJ, you brought up a great point and I have not looked at it that way before. Thank you. It makes sense. She says her being with a woman is strictly about the sex and she worries that if I did something with a guy I would like that more than stuff with her. I assured her that would not be the case. I also told her she could do some similar things to me like finger me and use a strapon but she's not comfortable with those yet. I wouldn't want her having sex with another man and she wouldn't want me having sex with another woman.

littlegrizz02, sounds like we need to get our women together and let them play while we play haha.

Me and my gf talked more last night and it went better. She said if its something I really want to do then I should do it but I shouldn't expect her to approve of it and be there and get turned on by it. I would love it if she was there and I think she would enjoy it more. Her best friend told her she would love to watch me with a man haha. She said it was ok if we both had some different sexual interests. She said she would want to know if I did something with a guy, but not a lot of details. I do want to do things but I also don't want to risk our relationship because it is great and I think we got a long future together.

gaymm, I think you are right. I don't think these feelings are going to go away. Last night was a good conversation and maybe we can have more of them and she can accept it more in time.

 

[Missouribiguy]

Being the single virgin bisexual guy, I don't really know what to say. I guess you would make a deal with her or something.

By the way, your pics are pretty nice.

 

[texharley]

Here is some background. Me and my gf have been together over 2 years. I eas her first sexual partner but she was not mine. Were both in our mid 20s. My gf is bi-curious and I am ok with that. I'd love to see her with another woman and she really wants to try it and is trying to find girls that are also willing. She has 2 in mind and she is trying to make plans with them. I told her I would even be ok with it even if I wasn't there because I know how bad she wants to do it.

Anyways, I have also been curious about being with a guy for awhile now. I want to give and receive oral, hj, and anal. I recently told my gf this and she did not like it at all. She thinks I'm not as attracted to her now along with being bored sexually with her. I assured her I was very attracted to her and that it is never boring with her and that I'm just curious about being with a guy much like she is with a woman. She said it was different. She went on to say that I think its a turn on for her to be with a woman but she said the thought of me being with a guy is a big turn off for her. She's not into guy-guy stuff at all. I also told her best friend and her friend, a girl, is very into it and she thinks my gf should be more open minded about it and should take advantage of it because a lot of girls have that fantasy but are not with guys willing to do it.

I would love any advice on what to do from here.

People have a certain view of themselves and they do nt like it when that view is challenged. My wife is the type she claims she does not like seeing other men naked that it is gross because they pee out of that thing but she claims mine is okay because she is married to me. If she knw I came on here and talked about sucking cock and other bi sexual things she would freak. She has loosedned up a lot inour 16 years of marriage but she is still prudish. I know as a woman she must like seeing men's cocks we attend functions like biker rallies where there is a lot of nudity and she cannot help but see other men.

I know her view of herself is very straight, very commited to our marriage, very Christian, very faithful which is okay but damn I would like to think she is human also. I am very bi but also very faithful to her and commited but I do admit to my sexuality.

Your gf may just have a certain view of herself as well.

 

[Runner_3]

Glad you like my pics.

texharley, I think you're right. My gf does have a certain view but the conversation went better last night so I'm gonna keep taking it easy with her and hope she comes around fully.

Thanks everyone for the advice. Feel free to keep offering.

 

[Runner_3]

Here is an update. My gf is still uneasy about me doing stuff with a guy. She says it just doesn't seem natural to her. She still says if its something I really want to do than I should but not to expect her to fully support it. She even said she'd rather be do stuff with another girl than a guy and that surprised me. I've got her and so I'd rather play with another guy. I hoping as we keep talking bout it, she will become more comfortable with it.

 

[xyzzxzx]

Many, probably most, women are deeply insecure when it comes to matters sexual. It is wired into their psyche that sex must revolve them and their needs. You as a male having interest in another male pushes all the wrong buttons. "Maybe I am not needed". Who knows, perhaps this derives from stone age days when a female not needed by the male would be left to her own resources and most likely perish. Whatever the reason, most women can't or won't handle male-male sexual interaction.

There are exceptions, and those few seem to be women with particularly high self-confidence, able to enjoy sex without having to be at the center of it, always, themselves.

 

[Safe_Bet]

Many, probably most, women are deeply insecure when it comes to matters sexual. It is wired into their psyche that sex must revolve them and their needs. You as a male having interest in another male pushes all the wrong buttons. "Maybe I am not needed". Who knows, perhaps this derives from stone age days when a female not needed by the male would be left to her own resources and most likely perish. Whatever the reason, most women can't or won't handle male-male sexual interaction.

There are exceptions, and those few seem to be women with particularly high self-confidence, able to enjoy sex without having to be at the center of it, always, themselves.

What a freakin gross generalization! You got any basis or facts you can share to bear out this hogwash or is this all out of your own sexist mind???

 

[human_male]

Even if she believes it's different for guys than it is for women how can the double standard be lost on her? I think she's being unreasonable if she still intends to have her flings while insisting you can't have yours. It's up to you how comfortable you are with that, and how you want to proceed. If it were me I would not risk a happy relationship to satisfy my curiosity. But I would object to her having affairs after her response. But if you give her an ultimatum it will likely lead to resentment on her part.

I guess all you can really do is talk to her and (gently) try to make her understand that it's not fair that she can have affairs but you can't. But maybe you could come to some compramise, that she could be with another woman if you were involved in some way. If you can't come to a compramise I can see one of you being left feeling very resentful.

 

[Runner_3]

Thanks human_male. You have the same points I have brought up to her. I told her its not fair if she can play with women but I can't play with someone else. She said it was different cause we both get turned on when she plays with women but only one of us gets turned on if I play with someone else. It is a double-standard but she sees that its not fair and does agree I should be able to do something. Its a work in progress. I probably could do stuff and not tell her but I don't want to lie and keep things from her. I also don't want to ruin a relationship just because I want to play with a guy.

 

[nolaboy]

well runner, if it makes you feel any better, my wife isn't too keen on my wanting to be with another guy either....at least you're not alone out there...too bad you're not closer, your cock looks amazing!