girlfriend help

[Hurricane1484]

Hey all! I really need help with something. My hearts been broken before, but I dont know what to do here. See, my grilfriend and I met online and we were too meet 3 weeks ago. Well I waited around for her when I got there. We had a place and time to meet, but she never came. So a few days later I flew home and emailed her. She came back on and explained that something happened at home and she couldn't make it. Now would be a good time to say that we're both teenagers. But, I accepted a job in a place near her just for the summer a while ago just so we could be together. I tried to patch things up with her before I left to get closer with her. So, I got her number, or what she says is her number and set up another meeting time and place. The time came and she never showed. I called a million times and no one answered. So, I emailed her again and I haven't got a reply. I don't knwo what else to do. I really love this girl from the past year and couple months that we've been together.

And yes some of you think I'm stupid for staying with this girl through everything, but I really love her and I woudl do anything to be with her. She says she loves me and I believe her, but she says there's a problem, and she would explain it to me when we met, but its definitly not another guy. Thats a 100% certaintity. I just don't know what to do. I have a feeling she's gonna email me soon...I hope she does. I really miss her guys. I think she's just afraid of meeting me and even if we aren't together like bf and gf. I still wanna be friends, because she's such a big part of my life. I've treated her like a Princess and she always tells me she loves it. So I dont know. I could use suggestions, help, anything. I will be checking this tomorrow. Thanks in advance for everyones help.

 

[Guest]

Not to be mean ... but it sounds like she is leading you on in many ways . It only takes a moment to call someone and say you had something come up or that you changed your mind. And it only takes a moment to email someone . It sounds very inconsiderate that she hasn't done that to at least be honest with you instead of making someone that cares about her wait and wonder. Very inconsiderate.

 

[Noor]

Well there could be a lot of things. First of all you are young....

I have met quite a few people IRL that I had first meet on line and so far everything has turned out great, we have had a great time and remained friends. But I have never met an online romantic, sexual or love interest IRL with the intention of having a RL relationship with them, at least not until I knew them IRL as well.

Recently, I have met a couple guys I had known on line for a few years and spent the day with them, one who was up in my area and one in Chicago when I had to go there anyway. We had a good time, had long talks, walks on the beach, fun stuff and I will probably see them again when we are in the same town. I like them a lot but they have circumstances besides distance that would make a RL intimate relationship impossible, unfortunately some of those things you aren't always able to find out on line. If you go with an open mind and no preconceived ideas, it works better.

Strangely enough it works the other way too, a few weeks ago I was in CA with a group of people from a mailing list I am on and one guy whom I always liked but never considered on line had a lot of potential in real life, so...

I usually pick something to do like eating dim sum and going to the museum or go to the gardens and look at the model train exhibit. Something they would like to do even if they weren't with you, a focus that you both would like besides each other to give you space. It is a bit hard because you know the person so well in one aspect of their lives but often a person’s online life is more open than their RL so you must tread carefully.

So anyway, she may be scared, not sure what will happen. There is something she isn't telling you and maybe that is something that might make her fear that you will reject her. Maybe she likes your online relationship so much she doesn't want to risk spoiling it. I can certainly understand that.

From my point of view she should have called you or communicated in some way that she wasn't going to be able to meet you, it seems impolite to do otherwise. Many people these days seem to treat the people they care about with a more callous attitude than they would a stranger or business acquaintance. In business, if you do something like that and you are in serious trouble.

What to do? Talk to her, do some web cam with her so she gets used to seeing you, explain your expectations of when you meet and find out hers. Have her plan an activity for you to do when you meet. Have her call you. Have her instigate a meeting so she feels in control. Also realize that she might not to show up again. Decide what you want to do about that before it happens and explain it to her as well. So far not showing up has not had any serious consequences for her.

I hope this helps.

 

[lovechild27]

fairytale romance and love isnt real. Once that haze of 'wow...THIS IS SO GREAT' lifts, reality can smack you in the face. The point of me telling you that is this...she sounds like she realizes this. Things seem great on the net...but reality may be to much for her. There is more to a relationship that treating her like a princess as well. (although it helps) Your young...you have a lot of life left to live and meet people. Try to recoup your losses and move on! IM sorry...this has to hurt. Hugs~

 

[Hurricane1484]

It does hurt...beyond belief. SO far she is yet to respond to anything that I've sent to her. I've emailed her a handfull of times and still no response. Granted its only been a day. I appreciate the help, but I have tried everything with her. I let her pick out every place that we could meet and do things and she is never at a loss to figure something out.

She also gave me the wrong phone number the first time I wanted to call her...and she did it on purpose too. Then I asked for her real one and she was very hesitate and I believe its the real thing. But, I think it pretty obvious she has caller id and won't answer the phone. I know her parents (dad mainly) isnt to kean on this whole relationship. I know she is scared but she won't talk to me about it...hell she won't talk to me at all right now. So, I may have no choice but to go on without her. I'm sure everyones had a broken heart before, its just really hard when you've done nothing wrong and when you see someone you love soo much who needs your help wont even explain whats wrong. I've always been taught to follow my heart and my dreams. Thats why its soo hard for me to give up like this. I'm here for god sakes, even if she doesnt want a relationship, I can be friends. I've told her that countless times. I love companionship and I would rather have her as a friend than not to have her at all.

I don't know what to do to move on here.

Thanks again for all your help.

 

[peachykeen]

I'm here for god sakes, even if she doesnt want a relationship, I can be friends. I've told her that countless times. I love companionship and I would rather have her as a friend than not to have her at all.

Don't kid yourself, pal. That sounds very nice and all but it's a crock. Stop lying to yourself.

Walk away.

Yeah it hurts. Why do you think there are so many songs about being brokenhearted?

Go rent the movie "Better Off Dead" with John Cusack.

 

[Noor]

I didn't realize she purposedly gave you the wrong phone number.

To move on:

cry, burn any letters, remove her from your buddy list, your messenger lists, your address book, everyplace you have info on her and also remove anything that reminds you of her. If you need to keep her emails put them in a not very accessable part of your hard drive, somewhere that you won't easily see them. She can still email you if she wants but remove her contact info from your daily life.

Meet new girls on the net and in RL. Meet new people in general. Do fun stuff you like to do. Explore the town you are in for the summer.

I think moving on is a good thing, you have given her a couple chances and she has blown them, rudely even. Even if she comes crawling back on her hands and knees I would be very hestitant to let her back into your life and your heart. She does not take care of your relationship even on a friend level. She may have problems and be damaged in some way but that is no excuse to treat you badly and she has treated you very badly.

 

[DuckLover]

I'm afraid I have to agree with the others-- this situation does not look promising. I will recommend one last, clear email, using this format:

I want to check out a perception I'm having. Over the past [time period], I've noticed that you 1) gave me a false phone number, 2) agreed to meet me at [first time/date/location] but did not show up, 3) agreet to meet me at [second time/date/location] but again did not arrive, and 4) have not written to me for the last [time since last email]. I am interpreting those actions to mean that you are, for some reason, no longer interested in getting to know me either in real life or online. Is this interpretation correct?

If she responds "You're right, I'm not interested." or doesn't respond at all, than you know that she's not interested. Do something cathartic, purge her from your hard drive, and move on. It sucks, it hurts, but it's temporary.

Go rent the movie "Better Off Dead" with John Cusack.

Peachy's idea is excellent too! (Part of the catharsis perhaps...) This movie is hilarious and optimistic!! It's late 80's-ish.

"I want my two dollars!!"

 

[Hurricane1484]

You guys are right

You guys are all right. Every single word, every single sentence, every single phrase is exactly right on the nose. Sometimes I know the answer is really clear, but I often need someone to point it out to me. I have trouble giving up on things...and people even more. I think that may be the reason I am having such a hard time with this.

I am going to give her the rest of today (sunday) to reply to me, if she does not I will email her one more time with Ducklovers advice, then give her a chance to reply one last time for one day. If that does not happen then I will completely follow everyones advice. Is that the right thing to do here?

I am going to try and meet new people in this town. Its pretty big. Orlando is full of vacationers though. Anyway, does anyone know any good sites to look for singles in an area?? Or those internet meeting things. Its nice to have more than one way to meet new people. Just like Noor suggested.

I'll keep you guys updated, and you if you guys can help me any more you know I welcome anything. I appreciate it as always. Thanks for helping me. It realy does help to talk about these things and to know that I'm not alone.

 

[lovechild27]

She really doesnt deserve even the extra time to get back to you. Say she does mail you... that doesnt exactly cancel out everything else. You deserve better...you sound like a sweet guy. On the flip side, be glad you realized this now. The way she is acting you probably dont know her half as well as you think. Give yourself time to be sad, but dont wallow in it! There are a bjillion other available girls out there!

big huge hugs~

 

[PinkOrchid]

 

[lovechild27]

there's a difference between getting over someone and moving on.

Orchids a smart smart woman

 

[dizzy]

I have a rule that keeps things real for me with women online or here in town. Personally I don't want to be one of those guys that calls and calls or emails and emails so I have some assumption rules.

Three strikes and your out. Otherwise, if I call or email said person three times with no response then I write her off and move on. Sometimes it hurts, sometimes it doesn't, but its kept me straight for years and it doesn't make me feel foolish. If a woman communicates to me after the third strike then I talk to them and its cool but I'm highly skeptical.

If I were you, I'd write off this girl and notch it up as experience. Every experience you have is always a positive thing because you learn something about yourself and learning something about yourself is ALWAYS positive a positive thing (even if the result was negative). Just keep that in mind and things will go easier for you.

Dizzy

 

[Void]

Yea forget her she was a waste of time. If she ever replies tell her she can bring her sorry ass to you or she can crawl in a hole and die. Yea it's rude but that's me being nice.

 

[lovechild27]

Yea forget her she was a waste of time

Not rude...honest!!

 

[Hurricane1484]

She really doesnt deserve even the extra time to get back to you. Say she does mail you... that doesnt exactly cancel out everything else. You deserve better...you sound like a sweet guy. On the flip side, be glad you realized this now. The way she is acting you probably dont know her half as well as you think. Give yourself time to be sad, but dont wallow in it! There are a bjillion other available girls out there!

big huge hugs~

Thank you! You're absolutly right. I need some time to get over her. ahhh I'll reply to this thread later. I just have to get outof here for a while.

 

[SexyGiggles]

I agree with everyone else's responses so far, but I wanted to address one thing you said in your original email...

...So, I got her number, or what she says is her number and set up another meeting time and place. The time came and she never showed. I called a million times and no one answered. So, I emailed her again and I haven't got a reply...

Could your constant attempts to get ahold of her be seen as a bit stalkish? Might scare her -- or bring up a previously bad experience that is similarly stalkish...or perhaps her father (who you said isn't thrilled by the relationship) has seen how often you are calling on the caller ID and has said she can't be in contact with you...

If you haven't done so already, back off. Move on to something or someone else. She hasn't responded, so she doesn't deserve you, but she also doesn't deserve to be continually called and emailed like this. Back off and move on...

Good luck!

 

[Lust Engine]

Be true to yourself first & foremost.

One of the best questions I got hit with when I broke up with a girlfriend eons ago was...

Would a friend do this to you, much less a lover??

Once I honestly & sincerely answered that, I knew it was time for me to move on. It's never easy but for your own survival, you have to. And while it could be a bitch going through it, you will emerge that much better for it in the long run. You WILL discover so much more about yourself & what you deserve through this period of hardship. What doesn't kill you will only make you that much stronger they always say.

 

[PinkOrchid]

 

[SexyChele]

She says she loves me and I believe her, but she says there's a problem, and she would explain it to me when we met, but its definitly not another guy. Thats a 100% certaintity.

I'm curious as to how you know this is a "100% certainty"? As long as you've not met her, and her actions have been as they are, I would say it is almost a "100% certainty" that there is another man involved. And I would even be willing to be bet he goes by the nickname, "my husband."

People lie on the internet. They live other lives they couldn't otherwise live. They don't think of it as "real". And it is not uncommon for people (both men and women) who are married to create entire personalities that are young and single to "spice" up a marriage that has gone a bit tired.

Don't bother with her. She has already proven herself a rude person who lies. There is nothing there to love. Go out, mingle, get to know others, and find some one who you can see on a regular basis.

Good luck!

 

[lovechild27]

if u ever want to talk Hurricane...pm me and Ill give yu my aim or msn name so we can talk....always nice to have someone to vent to in thes situations!