Girlfriend can't orgasm!

[RedGasm]

My girlfriend and I have been trying to get her to orgasm. We've tried everything from missionary to kama sutra. I eat her out, I finger her. We've tried everything but a vibrator. She's had sex with other guys and no one else has been able to bring her to orgasm. She can't get to orgasm through masturbation either.

Anyone have any ideas? We're willing to try just about anything!

 

[SuicideSurvivor]

this sounds corney as hell, but tell her its no big deal, care about her, and tell her your not stoping til it happens. If you look i just posted about how I have a hard time myself, and thats what it takes. Someone who actualy loves me to be there and to stick with me.

 

[ladybugirl]

me neither....

okay so I have NEVER orgasmed with a guy.... never! i can do it to myself and the trick seems to be purely clit stimulation. When i have a silver bullet or just rubbing against something I go crazy but when my boyfriend fucks me crazy I love it but i don't cum. grrrr..... very frustrating. Sometimes we get close but he stops what he was doing too soon and i lose it.... it seems to be very fragile. Maybe get her to show you how she can make herself cum or play with things that vibrate and only use her clit.

hope it works for ya!

 

[Mistress K]

I agree with SuicideSurvivor and it's not corny at all.
Tell her that you care about her and are not going to stop trying until she does cum and when she does you will make sure that it happens over and over again

The best thing to do is practice practice practice. I'm sure that she enjoys it even though she doesn't cum - so I doubt that she will complain about the extra practice.

Try spending a whole night on it.
Start off with cooking a romantic dinner for two. Maybe a bit of music and some slow dancing. Don't go to the bedroom immediately... spend lots of time on foreplay and making her feel as good as possible. Concentrate on pleasing her - make the whole night about pleasing her and her alone.

Just one suggestion for you.

Good Luck

 

[Enodia]

There's a thing called a "butterfly". it's a vibrator you strap on over your thighs, and it rests on the area of the clit, but still allows access for intercourse. My friend swears by this, since she NEVER orgasms during sex. If I can find a link to the product, I'll post it for you.

 

[ReadyOne]

Tease.

When you think you're ready to move to the next base, don't!

There really is something to building tension up in females. You can stretch things out almost forever (even days) and they wind up tighter and tighter. They can become almost helpless, just waiting for the final touch that sends them over the edge. Or they can become more and more aggressive trying to get themselves off and start raping you.

See how hot you can get her before a single piece of clothes comes off. Then take a break (you go jerk off if you have to) and start all over again. When you do get your mouth to her pussy, keep it light and stay away from directly touching the clit. When you're ready to do something, wait some more before you sneak up on it.

Talk. Talk about sex. Start general and move to specifics. Tell her hot stories (read lit if you need to get some ideas) and get her feedback. Tailor them. Tell her what you'd like to do to her -- spin fantasies and share them. Find out what's inside her head. Make (keep encouraging) her talk to you. Get her to tell you what she would do to you, then have her tell you what you would do to her.

One shy girl got herself incredibly worked up when I got her past her reluctance to talk. A drink helped her loosen up enough to talk about sex, who was hot, what was hot, what was fun, etc. I kept her talking to me when we started making out, telling me how she felt and coaching her to ask for more. This normally quiet lady was talking dirty almost continuously just before she came, and said it was one of the best times she'd ever had.

Another girl friend just couldn't keep her hand off her pussy, so I tied both together over her head and kept on teasing her. She started cuming on the second or third stroke when I eventually deigned to enter her. Discovering that she liked being restrained led to even more fun!

And of course there's always Mr. G's legacy...

 

[College_geek]

I haven't had sex, but when I was first starting to masturbate and wanting to orgasm, I found that I couldn't do it for the longest time. I think I found that my problem was that I was concentrating on it too much and thinking about it too much. I think the talking that everyone suggested would really help in getting her mind off orgasming and just letting her enjoy the moment.

 

[ldlarry52]

How to Cum

Redgasm, my wife had similar problem when we first married. She came from a very coservative religious family and had very little exposer to sexual things.

I had to work with her for several months. She claimed she really didn't know how to cum and that she didn't feel like she deserved, too.

We talked and I continued to lick and finger her till at last she got that tingle and she came. She is now multiorgasmic. I can get her off orally four to seven times over several minuets. She is slow in cuming. It may take ten to fifteen minuets, but she usually cums.

Don't get impatient. Start with a full slow sensual body massage.
Once she is relaxed then start on her clit.

LDlarry52

 

[hurtme]

I have the same problem with not being able to orgasm...its not that sometimes i do, its that i never do....wth another person...on my own ,with my toys, i am multiorgasmic, however...so i am guessing its a mental block in my case.
Heres what i think...for some women, its not a big deal...I don't mind that i don't get off, i still enjoy sex and foreplay and everything else just as much...what really bothers me is a man who won't let it go. I understand he wants me to be happy and enjoy myself, but sometimes it seems like it goes from that to him trying to feed his own ego. I appreciate the thought, i appreciate the effort, but i am not a crusade, a battle to be won, and i hate feeling like i have to orgasm for him to be happy, to "accomplish his goal" like i am no longer a person, but a test, a bodily function that i am not all that worried about...it is what usually causes me to break down and fake, even though i never do to start out with...just so the guy won't sit around like a rejected puppy dog pouting about it...like i do it on purpose, or he doesn't turn me on enough or something...my point...make sure your not pushing to hard, it is a sensitive subject for some women...

 

[highguage]

You ahve to be patient and take your time. have fun trying new things and experimenting. Has she ever tried anal? if not that is a good way to make her cum. But if you are going to try make sure you know what you are doing so that you don't hurt her

 

[AvaAdore]

Re: me neither....

okay so I have NEVER orgasmed with a guy.... never! i can do it to myself and the trick seems to be purely clit stimulation. When i have a silver bullet or just rubbing against something I go crazy but when my boyfriend fucks me crazy I love it but i don't cum. grrrr..... very frustrating. Sometimes we get close but he stops what he was doing too soon and i lose it.... it seems to be very fragile. Maybe get her to show you how she can make herself cum or play with things that vibrate and only use her clit.

hope it works for ya!

so far i have only ever orgasmed during sex while rubbing my clit at the same time. sometimes without rubbing, i have felt that i was kind of close, so i think it's possible. i just havent managed yet.

 

[Lust Engine]

Quit letting her lack of an orgasm be an indictment on your love making skills.

See how many other people here can't orgasm? It doesn't mean their lovers are terrible nor should you be considered one too.

It just might take time. Good things can't be rushed at times.

Heck, one of my early girlfriends had never masturbated to an orgasm before I met her. After that she became a raving exhibitionist with her finger work & I was reaping the rewards!

Have patience & be supportive!

 

[Bobmi357]

Have patience and be supportive, yes, but within limits.

From personal experience I'll tell you that you can't help but think its an indictment of your love making skills after a while.

In all of the 12 yrs of my first marriage I can count on one hand all of the obvious orgasms my exwife had, and still have all of the fingers left over. The lack of a reaction, any reaction does take a toll on you. Personally if my woman said she never got off during our love making, including foreplay and me giving her oral. I'd want to find out why, I'd want to know if there was some medical reason, or some mental reason, something that can be helped.

If your SO isn't having orgasms sooner or later you start wondering if they are having sex only to shut you up about it. There are medicines and conditions which can inhibit orgasms in both genders, there are mental issues which also can inhibit them. But once you've explored all those possibilities and ruled them out, you end up sitting there wondering if its not her, then perhaps it IS you thats the problem.

Sure I'll say be patient and supportive, but if you give up, sooner or later both of you will come to regret giving up. Like everything else in a relationship, we have a responsibility to our partner to be the best we can, for them. If that means figuring out why you can't orgasm and working to fix it, then do so, with your partner's help and support. I think its wrong to simply shrug one's shoulders and say its no big deal. Because it is a big deal, to both of you whether you like it or not. Its a part of life, its a function of your body, and if it isn't working, doesn't it make sense to try to figure out why?

 

[Weird Harold]

Lots of good advice so far, but...

She can't get to orgasm through masturbation either.

The problem is probably what most everyone has diagnosed -- a psychological block. Something like 90% of arousal is in the mind and orgasm is almost totally in the mind -- if she continues to THINK she can't orgasm, she never will.

However, there ARE medical conditions that can block orgasm as well as psychological conditions.

A frank talk with her OB/GYN would seem to be the first step to insure that there isn't a physical problem. At the very least, she'll have an official opinion that orgasm is possible.

One thing you might try:

Tell her you plan to tease and tittilate her as close to orgasm as you can get her, but also will make a determined effort to stop short of orgasm. Perhaps the thought that an orgasm would be denied even if she reached it will trick her into an orgasm out of spite.

 

[hurtme]

you know, its very typical...and this is just what i was saying before...you boys learn very early on that if your woman doesn't get off, then there must be somethign terribly wrong with you, and it suddenly becomes a crusade...we become a project, now your male ego rides on us...and it is so unfair. Not to mention, every tom dick and harry has the same line...I mention to friends that i don't orgasm during sex, and gods forbid that a guy in the room doesn't know it, because he will leer at me and say something along the lines of "well, you obviously haven't met a real man yet" Actually, yes i have, i have even had sex with more than a few...its annoying as hell, when i asked a close male friend why they say this, then invariably bring it up again, he said its because its like i throw down the sexual gauntlet, and every man wants to win...
But hey, guess what, its not about you, it has nothign to do with you, it has to do with me, my problem, and i don't need to be paraded in front of doctors and shrinks to be told i have mental problems, i am aware thank you...and i am OK with not orgasming, I still get hot, i still get wet, i still love sex...if i need to get off, i have a lovely little toy that doesn't ask me "are you close" thirty times a session, doesn't make me feel like a freak and doesn't want to get to the root of the problem so it can feel more like a man. See why i used to just fake, its so much easier that way...

 

[lilnymph28]

I love ReadyOne's advice, and I completely agree. Lots of teasing, and getting inside her head would do the trick for me perfectly. Finding out what strokes her brain is the best way to stimulate her body.

I can remember when I first started having sex, I never had an orgasm with another person. I could always get myself off, and I certainly enjoyed my experiences with a partner, but they were never cataclysmic. As time went on though, and I learned more about my own sexuality, and most important, learned that it was ok that I had sexual needs, I became more and more orgasmic. My first orgasm came from the generous tongue of a good friend who simply refused to stop until I was begging for mercy from over-stimulation Now, I've reached a point where I am incredibly multi-orgasmic, both vaginally and clitorally, and can even cum from having my nipples stimulated on occasion.

So there is hope out there... just be patient, giving, and sensitive to her needs. Don't put any pressure on her. Orgasms are different for every woman, and they are different each time.

 

[Weird Harold]

you know, its very typical...and this is just what i was saying before...you boys learn very early on that if your woman doesn't get off, then there must be somethign terribly wrong with you, and it suddenly becomes a crusade...we become a project, now your male ego rides on us...and it is so unfair.

Yes, there is a large element of Male Ego in the hhope that we're the "Greatest Lover Alive and God's Gift To Women."

But do you really prefer the type of man who doesn't think of his partner at all?

Personally, I like to believe I can bring any woman to orgasm, If she wants one, and I'm willing to expend a bit of effort to do it. However, I'm NOT going to force a woman who doesn't want an orgasm to have one -- I might pity her, or doubt her sanity, but I wouldn't force her.

 

[Eating_Scarlett]

I don't orgasm through sex alone,, though I can with the assistance of a vibrator.

I know a lot of girls that don't.

I've never orgasmed via oral either. He's come close to getting me there but the whole thing is so precise, and if he moves even a centimetre everything is thrown off.

When he gets in his moods and decides that we're on a quest to orgasm I get anxious and know it'll never happen.

However I can attain the big O on my own.

Still, I fucking LOVE having sex with him, and whether I come or not I don't get a complex. Thankfully, neither does he.

 

[kiwis29]

[I can remember when I first started having sex, I never had an orgasm with another person. I could always get myself off, and I certainly enjoyed my experiences with a partner, but they were never cataclysmic. As time went on though, and I learned more about my own sexuality, and most important, learned that it was ok that I had sexual needs, I became more and more orgasmic. My first orgasm came from the generous tongue of a good friend who simply refused to stop until I was begging for mercy from over-stimulation Now, I've reached a point where I am incredibly multi-orgasmic, both vaginally and clitorally, and can even cum from having my nipples stimulated on occasion.

Totally agree with you on this, but I was told that when you are young, (which is when I started having sex), that women don't have orgasms because they are not in a deep committed relationship with this person. Which now that I look back on it (speaking for myself here) the guys that I slept with never loved me. I thought they did and when it came to sex it was all about them. As I got older, ( I am old now) and I became fullfilled in the relationship, you know the usual, love, honesty, trust, comfortable enough to fart in front of (seriously) that is when my orgasms were awesome ( with my husband now) I am 30 and have 3 children and it took me along time to get to this. Don't get discouraged. I can't say that it wasn't fun though..HA Ha..Have a little patience it will come..

 

[hurtme]

no, in fact, i do enjoy when a partner cares about my needs, in fact, i demand it of them...but when it comes to my orgasming, after i have explained myself to them throughly, i don't expect they are going to go all crazy about it and make me feel like shit if i dissapoint them by not orgasming even though they are trying, i was in a relationship with a guy like that, morethan one actually, but i iwill use this one for an example...I explained to the guy that i hadn't ever orgasmed with a partner, and never vaginally at all...he seemed ok with it, but after the first few times we had sex, he got all wierd about it...like everytime i didn't get off it was because i didn't want to, becuase i didn't care about him, because he was trying his best, but i wasn't trying at all...mind you he didn't say that, he didn't treat me like crap or anything, but thats how i felt about it...and that sucks, and its not the first time i have gotten that reaction, men talk it up like i just need a real man and they can showme how its done properly...and then they seem surprised that they are not the god of fuck after all and that realization is somehow my fault...

 

[Weird Harold]

he seemed ok with it, but after the first few times we had sex, he got all wierd about it...like everytime i didn't get off it was because i didn't want to, becuase i didn't care about him, because he was trying his best, but i wasn't trying at all...mind you he didn't say that, he didn't treat me like crap or anything, but thats how i felt about it...and that sucks, and its not the first time i have gotten that reaction, men talk it up like i just need a real man and they can showme how its done properly...and then they seem surprised that they are not the god of fuck after all and that realization is somehow my fault...

Sounds like you're battling cultural conditioning as well as "Male Ego."

For most of us, our partner's orgasm is the signal that we're "done" and it's frustrating to NOT have some identifiable "finsh line" other than our own orgasm.

Perhaps what you need is a man who doesn't have that subconscious impression of where the 'finish line" is?

Of course, MY male ego is suggesting that you might be projecting feelings on your partners that they don't have, too.

 

[hurtme]

its always a possibility...but perhaps i wouldn't project if the canvas wasn't there...meaning i am already highly concious about not orgasming...and i haven't met a single guy yet who didn't make me feel like it was a contest, and a few have actually suggested it (the contest i mean)...I don't think you get my point though....they can be the sweetest guy in the world, they can be everything a girl could want , they could not say one damn thing about me not having an orgasm...but they still want something that at this point i can't give to them...so i have a choice between lying to them and feeling guilty about it, or telling them the truth and facing that some male egos really can't stand up to that...its not about me, its not about how i feel or react, it is all about them, their needs, their egos, and so on...when i think it should be my own problem and not affect them...since it has nothing to do with them...

 

[ReadyOne]

It is frustrating to not know where a good stopping point is.

Is she close? Will just a little more let her cum? If I stop now, will she be disappointed because she was so close?

Is she way away from the edge? Does she want a break but still going because wants me to cum? I could cum right away then and we'd both be happy...

Is this the right spot to hit, the right rhythem, the right pressure? I think I did something right a while ago but I'm not sure what it was. Just tell me when I've hit a good combination and I'll try and hit it again!

Why the heck won't she talk to me? Just a little clue, please. This guessing sucks!

Moral: The more you knows about the level of a partner's arousal, the better it will be for both of you. Communicate, even if you just agree on a signal that you're ready to stop.

 

[hurtme]

I communicate until i am hoarse...I talk soo damn much about what makes me feel good you would think you could write a book about it...if something feels good, i will tell my partner, loudly...if i felt close to an orgasm, if i was in the situation where i could, i will tell my partner what he can do to help the situation (harder, etc...)I am not exactly shy when it comes to what i want, communication is not the issue...because i know how much it sucks when you DONT know what you are doing that pleases your partner...

 

[Angler]

My girlfriend and I have been trying to get her to orgasm. We've tried everything from missionary to kama sutra. I eat her out, I finger her. We've tried everything but a vibrator. She's had sex with other guys and no one else has been able to bring her to orgasm. She can't get to orgasm through masturbation either.

Anyone have any ideas? We're willing to try just about anything!

--------------

If you "enjoy" her ... she will "enjoy" you.

Start with an old fashioned back massage. Concentrate on her shoulders and the back of her neck. Slow, strong pressure. Enjoy the feel of her.

When she's so relaxed that she's almost asleep ... ASK if you can suck her breasts.

Now ... concentrate on one breast only. Suck her breast the way you would like her to suck your cock. Slow, deliberate with a genuine hunger. While you're sucking her ... hold her.

Never mind telling her how much you love her breasts ... MOAN while you suck her. Moan the way you moan when you're really hungry and you take that first bite of a great meal. That says a lot more than, "You've got great tits."

As you go up and down on her breast (yes it's like a blow job for her breast) use your whole tongue on her nipple... not just the tip. Remember you're "blowing" her whole tit ... not just licking her nipple.

Keep doing that until she TELLS you to stop. Then do whatever she tells you to do. Her orgasm is just around the corner.

Enjoy!

Angler