Girl Seaking Advice

[His_DirtySecret]

I'm not exactly sure where to post this.. Becasue it's a sexual thing but it's also kind of a relationship and moral thing...
So here goes...
I have been in a sort of friends-with-benefits situation for the past while now. With a good friend of mine whom I do care about and who cares about me. We are also both surrently single aside from each other. He will be leaving soon on a business trip that will last at least a year, possibly too.
Given the circumstanses I cannot go with him. On his return we will most likely start up again, possibly entering in a real relationship. The problem I face is wether to wait for him and not have sex while he's gone, or to date around and have sex with those men. I don't know if I want to have sex with anyone else but him... And I also don't know if it would be fair to effectivly use the other men involved just for sex and fun. Or if I should even tell those men they are bassically just a place holder.
My 'partner' will not be in a position to enter into any kind of relationship sexual or otherwise becasue of his business (don't ask... long story. Family Drama. ) And it is not that he has promised me he wouldn't but that he CAN'T. So is it even fair for me to go around having sex while he is in that position?

And any all help on this is welcome wether from opinion or experience... please PM me.

21 Female

 

[godfatherisback]

have fun live your life when he comes back if its meant to happen it will

 

[ProfQ1955]

The godfather knows best.

 

[ParkMinIn]

Will you be able to communicate with him while he is gone, through email, Facebook, etc.? If you can keep in touch with each other regularly and what the two of you have is real, then waiting for him might work best. That's just my two cents worth.

 

[jaxbrowne]

Well what's his thinking on the matter? Does he see a possible future for the two of you as well? And is he definitely returning, or will that year stretch into 2 or 3 or more?

 

[jonpatato]

If you are friends with beney, I would play around.
Because you are not comitted to each other.

 

[Jesella22]

Yolo!

Have fun. =) Its very thoughtful of you to not want to have sex with anyone but him, but a whole year of celibacy isn't a way to prove yourself. Have fun, have sex with other people and if you're not ready for sex at least date etc. That way you wont appear clingy or needy (which will put a damper on the relationship between you two anyways) when you do meet up again. If it's meant to work out it will.

 

[Msgrey]

Depends

on how both view the relationship. If you have strong feelings for him, think you love him and he loves you, and you both think you are it for each other, then wait. Not having sex for a year is not going to kill you if he's that important to you. To me, it sounds as if you are both sleeping with each other at the moment because you are both accessible, you're horny, so why not. But, if you are wanting to move your relationship to another level, you need to talk to him and see how he feels. Also, sometimes distance can put a wedge on a relationship so being apart may change your feelings toward him and vice versa.

 

[Mallory69]

on how both view the relationship. If you have strong feelings for him, think you love him and he loves you, and you both think you are it for each other, then wait. Not having sex for a year is not going to kill you if he's that important to you. To me, it sounds as if you are both sleeping with each other at the moment because you are both accessible, you're horny, so why not. But, if you are wanting to move your relationship to another level, you need to talk to him and see how he feels. Also, sometimes distance can put a wedge on a relationship so being apart may change your feelings toward him and vice versa.

That is very sound advice. I could not have said it better myself

 

[thedarkisz]

Don't Worry About It

If I've read your post correctly, you are only 21 years old. My advice is to not get caught up in this stuff. He may seem like a great guy, but you've met like 10 guys at this point. If he's leaving for an extended period then put yourself out there and see what happens, if he comes back and is still interested then an see where it goes. The point is, there is a fallacy among the young that there is only one person you are supposed to be with. Th truth is that there are probably hundreds of people you can be with at any given point in your life.

You may not even be interested in him by the time he gets back. Give yourself time to grow and explore who you are. Don't worry about missing out on an opportunity because if you're conscience enough about yourself you'll be able to meet someone.

 

[blksoldier]

I'm not exactly sure where to post this.. Becasue it's a sexual thing but it's also kind of a relationship and moral thing...
So here goes...
I have been in a sort of friends-with-benefits situation for the past while now. With a good friend of mine whom I do care about and who cares about me. We are also both surrently single aside from each other. He will be leaving soon on a business trip that will last at least a year, possibly too.
Given the circumstanses I cannot go with him. On his return we will most likely start up again, possibly entering in a real relationship. The problem I face is wether to wait for him and not have sex while he's gone, or to date around and have sex with those men. I don't know if I want to have sex with anyone else but him... And I also don't know if it would be fair to effectivly use the other men involved just for sex and fun. Or if I should even tell those men they are bassically just a place holder.
My 'partner' will not be in a position to enter into any kind of relationship sexual or otherwise becasue of his business (don't ask... long story. Family Drama. ) And it is not that he has promised me he wouldn't but that he CAN'T. So is it even fair for me to go around having sex while he is in that position?

And any all help on this is welcome wether from opinion or experience... please PM me.

21 Female

It is so much pressure to place on yourself at such a young age. I would talk it over with your partner, maybe its best to agree to do your own thing until he comes back and then plan your life together. don't make promises that you can't keep.

 

[ambiguityperson]

If I've read your post correctly, you are only 21 years old. My advice is to not get caught up in this stuff. He may seem like a great guy, but you've met like 10 guys at this point. If he's leaving for an extended period then put yourself out there and see what happens, if he comes back and is still interested then an see where it goes. The point is, there is a fallacy among the young that there is only one person you are supposed to be with. Th truth is that there are probably hundreds of people you can be with at any given point in your life.

You may not even be interested in him by the time he gets back. Give yourself time to grow and explore who you are. Don't worry about missing out on an opportunity because if you're conscience enough about yourself you'll be able to meet someone.

That's the best advice I've seen so far. And let me add, if you're worried about the moral implications of "using" men for NSA sex, you really need to open your eyes. There's only about a billion guys in the world that would jump a mile at the chance to have some NSA sex with a 21-year-old woman. Me included.

But I will say this: the basis of any healthy romantic relationship is honest communication. Talk to him about it openly. That way you can go forth with a clear conscience, however you go. I've had relationships that failed because of poor communication and unclear expectations. My marriage works because I hide nothing from my wife, and I'm well assured that she hides nothing from me. And I don't understand how it could possibly be "unfair" to have a fling or two while he's gone, even if he's not able to do so. Any man that would want you to be unhappy and lonely while he's gone is not worth waiting for.

That's my two cents.

 

[cyberian34]

camming is not cheating

 

[oldiebutgoodie5]

Everything has an expiration even life.

 

[Yookeroo]

There's only about a billion guys in the world that would jump a mile at the chance to have some NSA sex with a 21-year-old woman. Me included.

Seriously. Just make it clear that it's NSA from the start and you'll have no problem finding fun.

 

[ElijaRDC]

You're 21... be young while you are young.

 

[36524]

Um, why don't you just talk to him about it? lol

You're obviously feeling this FWB is some sort of serious relationship, otherwise there wouldn't be a moral dilemma. An FWB doesn't come with morals or commitment unless specified.

 

[GimpyIntellect]

Um, why don't you just talk to him about it? lol

You're obviously feeling this FWB is some sort of serious relationship, otherwise there wouldn't be a moral dilemma. An FWB doesn't come with morals or commitment unless specified.

You probably could've saved the day if you offered this advice last year.

Where were you?

 

[ConstantineIII]

From a moral consideration, you have no obligation to wait for him. Also, given the relaxed nature of your relationship, it sounds like he would not be offended if he found out that you were sleeping with other guys; therefore, I would say enjoy yourself. When he comes back, if you want to start things up again, and it gets serious, there shouldn't be any negatives to you enjoying yourself in this time apart.

 

[Superman2008]

Skype... that's all you need. If you care for each other use skype to stay in ... " touch "

I was in a long distance relationship years ago IF skype had been around it MIGHT of worked out. Technology is a wonderful thing. lol

I'm not exactly sure where to post this.. Becasue it's a sexual thing but it's also kind of a relationship and moral thing...
So here goes...
I have been in a sort of friends-with-benefits situation for the past while now. With a good friend of mine whom I do care about and who cares about me. We are also both surrently single aside from each other. He will be leaving soon on a business trip that will last at least a year, possibly too.
Given the circumstanses I cannot go with him. On his return we will most likely start up again, possibly entering in a real relationship. The problem I face is wether to wait for him and not have sex while he's gone, or to date around and have sex with those men. I don't know if I want to have sex with anyone else but him... And I also don't know if it would be fair to effectivly use the other men involved just for sex and fun. Or if I should even tell those men they are bassically just a place holder.
My 'partner' will not be in a position to enter into any kind of relationship sexual or otherwise becasue of his business (don't ask... long story. Family Drama. ) And it is not that he has promised me he wouldn't but that he CAN'T. So is it even fair for me to go around having sex while he is in that position?

And any all help on this is welcome wether from opinion or experience... please PM me.

21 Female

 

[RuneBlade]

If I've read your post correctly, you are only 21 years old. My advice is to not get caught up in this stuff. He may seem like a great guy, but you've met like 10 guys at this point. If he's leaving for an extended period then put yourself out there and see what happens, if he comes back and is still interested then an see where it goes. The point is, there is a fallacy among the young that there is only one person you are supposed to be with. Th truth is that there are probably hundreds of people you can be with at any given point in your life.

You may not even be interested in him by the time he gets back. Give yourself time to grow and explore who you are. Don't worry about missing out on an opportunity because if you're conscience enough about yourself you'll be able to meet someone.

This. Whether you sleep around or not says nothing about your feelings for this guy. What if you wait 6 months and he has a girlfriend and you're torn up about it and missed out on some great opportunities for nothing.

Go get laid, have fun and find out what you like. Don't tie yourself down to an ideal he might not even share.

 

[ForHerToUse]

There are plenty of men who would appreciate a candid conversation about your relationship and your needs in the context of said relationship. If a woman came onto me and said that she wanted a sex partner to keep her company while her potential man was away, I for one would be excited. A woman that knows what she wants is a true find.

 

[photobuff56]

Your saying he is a friend with benefits not a boyfriend. You should both go have fun no guilt trips, your to young to be tied down to a long term relationship with someone who is so far from home. When its all said and done and you still feel the same about each other then resume your friendship.

 

[ElijaRDC]

The godfather knows best.

Precisely what I was thinking. I so wish Lit had a "like" button.

 

[ElijaRDC]

I'm not exactly sure where to post this.. Becasue it's a sexual thing but it's also kind of a relationship and moral thing...
So here goes...
I have been in a sort of friends-with-benefits situation for the past while now. With a good friend of mine whom I do care about and who cares about me. We are also both surrently single aside from each other. He will be leaving soon on a business trip that will last at least a year, possibly too.
Given the circumstanses I cannot go with him. On his return we will most likely start up again, possibly entering in a real relationship. The problem I face is wether to wait for him and not have sex while he's gone, or to date around and have sex with those men. I don't know if I want to have sex with anyone else but him... And I also don't know if it would be fair to effectivly use the other men involved just for sex and fun. Or if I should even tell those men they are bassically just a place holder.
My 'partner' will not be in a position to enter into any kind of relationship sexual or otherwise becasue of his business (don't ask... long story. Family Drama. ) And it is not that he has promised me he wouldn't but that he CAN'T. So is it even fair for me to go around having sex while he is in that position?

And any all help on this is welcome wether from opinion or experience... please PM me.

21 Female

Do you want to "wait for him," or don't you?

If not, tell him so, but be prepared for the potential that he may not wish to "start things up" again when he comes back.