Girl... ...friends?

[The Squid King]

I am losing a girl friend(in the plutonic sense of the word). I am losing her to her new boyfriend who thinks I'm trying to fuck her.

The shitty part about this, is other than creating difficulties in our friendship. He is a nice guy, good to her, and generally makes her happy.

To set the record straight, though I did spend many evenings at her apartment sleeping next to her in her bed, I only ever had intercourse with her once, way back in the day. Now I don't expect to share her bed anymore, but to me, she is still one of the guys and I still want her around.

Other than a great friendship and a one night stand way back in the day before we became friends, I have had no other relations with this girl. She is the female version of myself. We are like clones, we are so alike, sex would be like masterbation.

I just don't know what to do. I want her to be happy, but not at the expense of our friendship. I feel selfish writing that, but its true.

 

[deliciously_naughty]

Sigh....this is the reason that male/female "friendships" are inevitably difficult.

To be honest, I somewhat consciously/subconsciously limit the number of straight men that I'm friends with (I would say I have three right now--1 from high school, 1 who was my last roomie, and 1 who I worked with a few years ago). Male friends create issues if you want a relationship with someone who isn't one of them, and of course even if he is one of them, it can still create jealousy issues.

My best friend who's queen of having male friends, has this problem constantly. And of course, it's also mixed up with the harry met sally complex: men and women can't be friends without sex being involved somehow.

No matter the truth, most of us believe that to some degree. I will admit that my 3 guy friends and I have tension, 1 unresolved (just never happened), 1 we had a relationship and it fizzled (although we flirt sometimes), and 1 who is also unresolved (in that he still wants me). Most friendships between men and women do have some sexualized element to them, whether past present or future.

A boyfriend will see that male friend as a threat b/c of his own insecurities. What do we do about it? Damned if I know. I'm just going to reimmerse myself in grad school and not do the relationship thing right now...too much stress, too much work, too much jealousy.

 

[Guest]

 

[Ambrosious]

Shoot out his tires.

 

[The Squid King]

Shoot out his tires.

It's a Catch-22. I can't win this one, and I can't make her choose.

 

[Rubyfruit]

Now I don't expect to share her bed anymore, but to me, she is still one of the guys and I still want her around.

I would suggest that you most likely wouldn't be sharing a bed with one of the guys.

Your relationship with this women, although not sexual, sounds very intimate. That could be threatening to her lover.

 

[Lancecastor]

This Just In...

He stole your grrlfriend, buddy, not your girl friend.

 

[scylis]

this just in

stupidity is on the rise.

 

[scylis]

let her make her own decisions (i need a Spelling Buddy reading over my shoulder). it's hard, i know, but just tell her that you'd still like to be her friend, but that it's up to her and you don't want to force her to do anything. it's her life, after all. it sucks, but that's life for ya.

and tell her that no matter what, you'll be there for her, as a friend. and try not to take is personally if she should choose to part ways with you for a while. relationships don't have a very high success rate these days.

 

[Private Vasquez]

Kick him in the jimmy and tell him that he's not the boss of her.

 

[The Squid King]

Re: Re: Girl... ...friends?

I would suggest that you most likely wouldn't be sharing a bed with one of the guys.

Your relationship with this women, although not sexual, sounds very intimate. That could be threatening to her lover.

You are right, I wouldn't share a bed with one of the guys.

However, a friendship like ours is born under a blue moon and only comes along once a lifetime. She is closer to me than any of my sisters, brothers, or friends. We are twins born to two different mothers.

 

[Rubyfruit]

I don't know, King. Re-read what you just wrote. That's more than "just friends."

I've heard you're supposed to feel that way about your life mate.

 

[Velius]

ONce he heard you slept with her, even once, that was a bad thought for him.


I personally have mainly male friends. I love men as friends.

Yeah I love women as friends.

 

[Guest]

Yeah I love women as friends.

Ditto.

They are all lesbians.

 

[Guest]

 

[Guest]

Not yet, I hope to become one when Igrow up

Meet me then. LOL

 

[SkyBluAngelEyes]

I have a male friend, who is my best friend actually. He is more than a boy-friend, and frankly, no one understands our relationship. We've been more than best friends for over 25 years and there is nothing that I wouldn't do for this guy. We met in high school. He is a very important part of my life.

We've never been intimate though. We kinda have that Will and Grace relationship without either one of us being gay. In fact, we lived together for a time, shared a bed, and we've seen each other naked, all without benefit of sex.

My ex accepted our relationship although he didn't fully understand it. I think if I had been sexually intimate with him, that would have given him reason to be jealous. This is probably where her bf is coming from.

 

[sufisaint]

I have had at least four very close girl...friends in my life and most of my friends are women, with the exception of two lifetime male friends and guys who I train with, and have basically lost them all to marriage. (losing the last now). Men just cannot handle that kind of friendship and to be honest I would have a hard time myself but would never do or say anything to come between them but i would be honest about how it would make me feel. All in all, I think its just enivitable. But people just come and go in your life...enjoy them while you can.

 

[phatcat]

Seems the decision isn't yours to make

Unless you're going to change the nature of your relationship.

Otherwise, don't change anything betweek you (reproaches, implorings, all will probably just drag you down).

 

[Nicki19]

let her make her own decisions (i need a Spelling Buddy reading over my shoulder). it's hard, i know, but just tell her that you'd still like to be her friend, but that it's up to her and you don't want to force her to do anything. it's her life, after all. it sucks, but that's life for ya.

and tell her that no matter what, you'll be there for her, as a friend. and try not to take is personally if she should choose to part ways with you for a while. relationships don't have a very high success rate these days.

I agree.

I have many male friends, and for the most part it works for me. I've had more problems with their girlfriends being jealous/insecure than with my boyfriends being uncomfortable with my male friends. Personally, when I begin a relationship (as more than friends), I let the guy meet and know about my friends. And I make it clear (although not in a menacing way) that if he can't handle my having friends, then we're going to have a problem. It's not just my friends themselves that are important, it's the trust and respect between my boyfriend and my boy friends. In particular, there's one male friend that I've been very close to. I care for him deeply, we were even friends with benefits for a long while. I've never hid this from anyone that I dated, and it's never been a problem.

I don't know if any of this is helpful, but just know that it does work out some times.

Good luck

 

[The Squid King]

I don't know, King. Re-read what you just wrote. That's more than "just friends."

I've heard you're supposed to feel that way about your life mate.

I know what it sounds like, but truth is truth. She is my twin. I know that it sounds like we are more than just friends, but there is no sexual tension there at all. I don't care who she dates, or what lovers she takes, and she is the same. It doesn't matter who I date or what lovers I take. We have signals to let other know that they are "entertaining" a guest.

All I want is for her to be safe and happy, and he makes her feel that way. So on one hand I am happy, she needs a good man and I know that I could never be that person. We would kill each other. I would never want her as my one and only either. We are great friends but make for terrible lovers.

On the other hand I want my friend back. Who am I gonna race in Gran Turismo 3 now? She is the only person I know who is as good as I am. Who am I gonna talk to about all those things you can't talk to other guys about. Like how do I look? Do these pants go with this shirt? Should I go meet with so and so tonight? You know, the things that only she knows.

My answer is self evident, I just don't like it.