I just turned 40 and my wife is 36. Getting her in the mood has been hard lately. Usually we watch Tv then go to bed, and I have to initiate any moves from there. She dresses very conservitive and I can't remeber the last time I saw her naked in the light! She seems to think she doesnt look good as she has added a few pounds. She was a size 8 and is now a size 10, big deal. I mentioned once that guys are very visual people and like to see nakedness, hence the porn mags and the internet. How can I get her to be more open and interested in trying to be more sexy. Iv'e bought several issues of Cosmo and showed her different article as well as men's health. she doesnt seem to get the clue? HELP!
getting wife more in the mood
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Monazwx
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Reassure her that she's beautiful and that you love her.
Mentioning the porn mags. were probably not the best thing.
Let her know that you're interested in spicing things up, slowly of course. Maybe a nice romantic dinner, bubble bath (they're always good) and a little oral hmmm. She'll be so entranced, she won't even realize that the light is on.
Mentioning the porn mags. were probably not the best thing.
Let her know that you're interested in spicing things up, slowly of course. Maybe a nice romantic dinner, bubble bath (they're always good) and a little oral hmmm. She'll be so entranced, she won't even realize that the light is on.
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Romance should be an all-day affair. Loving notes stuffed in briefcases, naughty emails, a quick hug in the morning with whispered thoughts about what the night will bring, etc. Quickies are terrific, but a bit of planning is also very nice!
You didn't mention it, but do you have children? Are the responsibilities of her job, your job, kids, money stresses, getting in the way? Does she have to handle all the household duties and the children by herself? It sounds as if she isn't happy with things these days. It's difficult to become aroused when you aren't happy!! Getting away for a weekend could help things, at least temporarily.
I am completely turned on by my husband when he takes the kids in the morning and lets me sleep in, or does a job (load of laundry, dishes, whatever) that I'm expecting to do. We always try to share household and kid duties - it's too much for one person to handle alone.
Loving looks, the occasional leer, lots of gentle touching, kissing more than just a morning goodbye - these are all wonderful things!! He makes me feel beautiful all the time. I know he loves me, and he shows me many ways - not just by giving oral sex (though he does that quite well, too!)
You didn't mention it, but do you have children? Are the responsibilities of her job, your job, kids, money stresses, getting in the way? Does she have to handle all the household duties and the children by herself? It sounds as if she isn't happy with things these days. It's difficult to become aroused when you aren't happy!! Getting away for a weekend could help things, at least temporarily.
I am completely turned on by my husband when he takes the kids in the morning and lets me sleep in, or does a job (load of laundry, dishes, whatever) that I'm expecting to do. We always try to share household and kid duties - it's too much for one person to handle alone.
Loving looks, the occasional leer, lots of gentle touching, kissing more than just a morning goodbye - these are all wonderful things!! He makes me feel beautiful all the time. I know he loves me, and he shows me many ways - not just by giving oral sex (though he does that quite well, too!)
OK... We are on the right track>>
We have (1) 12 y/o girl, wife does work (3 - 12h shifts, nights) and the job is stressful, however I do much of the household duties, laundry, cleaning, cooking, etc.
Would love to try the weekend getaway but this time of year it is hard. The best we can squeeze out is a night kid-free and that was last weekend and the same scenario happened, we had the chance to make-out and have sex all over the house but watched tv then hit the sack with me initiating sex. I even lovingly mentioned when i found out the house would be ours that night that we could relax and have fun, but that did not phase her.
I am hoping for some more good ideas on theis, you guys so far have been great Thanks
We have (1) 12 y/o girl, wife does work (3 - 12h shifts, nights) and the job is stressful, however I do much of the household duties, laundry, cleaning, cooking, etc.
Would love to try the weekend getaway but this time of year it is hard. The best we can squeeze out is a night kid-free and that was last weekend and the same scenario happened, we had the chance to make-out and have sex all over the house but watched tv then hit the sack with me initiating sex. I even lovingly mentioned when i found out the house would be ours that night that we could relax and have fun, but that did not phase her.
I am hoping for some more good ideas on theis, you guys so far have been great
Thanks
amsterdam
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Brick...
Try putting a brick through that TV of yours - it seems to be getting in the way a little too much! I'm sure a more subtle breakdown would probably work just as well though! LOL
If you MUST watch TV, why not slip on a saucy film. Something that your wife would get turned on by. Think about what she's into and fantasises about.
Good luck!
Try putting a brick through that TV of yours - it seems to be getting in the way a little too much! I'm sure a more subtle breakdown would probably work just as well though! LOL
If you MUST watch TV, why not slip on a saucy film. Something that your wife would get turned on by. Think about what she's into and fantasises about.
Good luck!
BreadMan
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Well Fence Dude, its just my opinion. But i think there only a couple of options.
1. You can live like this for the rest of your life and get over it.
2. You can stop initating sex and see where that gets you.
3. Start masturbating in the bed, might get u in trouble but she'll see your point.
4. Marriage Counseling.
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It sounds to me like you have tried everything. Its like that for me sometimes. Good luck. `
1. You can live like this for the rest of your life and get over it.
2. You can stop initating sex and see where that gets you.
3. Start masturbating in the bed, might get u in trouble but she'll see your point.
4. Marriage Counseling.
-------------------------------
It sounds to me like you have tried everything. Its like that for me sometimes. Good luck. `
I'm with amsterdam - turn off that dang TV! In your words, "we watch Tv then go to bed, and I have to initiate any moves from there." Say what?!?!
One thing ya gotta realize: most women need a bit of time to be "revved" up. Men can get in the mood almost immediately. If I've been watching TV all evening, when it's time to go to bed, that means sleep for me.
Turn off the TV and spend time focusing on each other - even if it is only talking. Share a bottle of wine, talk about your day, reconnect.
Good luck!
One thing ya gotta realize: most women need a bit of time to be "revved" up. Men can get in the mood almost immediately. If I've been watching TV all evening, when it's time to go to bed, that means sleep for me.
Turn off the TV and spend time focusing on each other - even if it is only talking. Share a bottle of wine, talk about your day, reconnect.
Good luck!
AttentionWhore
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To echo what has been said, making love is not something that takes 30 minutes in the evening, after the TV has been turned off, before rolling over and going to sleep. Making love is bringing her flowers, a card, filling her car up with gas, taking one chore she hates and doing it for her without bitching. You can make love to your wife 24 hrs a day, 7 days a week, without the physical contact. Or, you could try talking to her and asking what she needs from you to be receptive to your advances.
It's the little things that count.
It's the little things that count.
SexyChele said:
How about this idea in conjunction with the other reat ones you guys have given me:
Take some suggestive articles from different mags (cosmo, menths health, etc), cut them out and insert them into a card with a sexy or romantic note?
fencedude said:
Skip the articles - it only seems like you are trying to make some sort of case. Instead, just stick with the romantic note, perhaps write out exactly what is on your mind and what you would like to do. I would much rather hear what is on my man's mind than to read an article he found in some magazine. (Not all women are into the Cosmo thing, btw.)
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BreadMan said:
Nope. Too harsh. I don't think you're in need of counseling - just communicating with each other!!
Question - has it always been this way? If not, when did things change to this "TV until late, go to bed sleepily, then hubby nudges wife into sex" type of pattern? It probably coincided with new job, or new house, or new baby, or some such, and then you never got out of it. This is certainly a fixable problem!!
I agree with breadman,Marriage counseling is NOT going to put her in the mood. If you stop initiating sex, then most likely you won't be getting any.
Let me ask you a question, do you hound her to initiate sex? If you do , then it's a complete turn off. When I attempt to initiate it, he always beats me to it. It takes the fun out of it. But , if you have to ask for it, theres no fun in that either. So, whats the solution? Masturbation! You can do it just about anytime and you can take your time to enjoy it, and not feel rushed. It may not be the same but its better than nothing. IMO
Let me ask you a question, do you hound her to initiate sex? If you do , then it's a complete turn off. When I attempt to initiate it, he always beats me to it. It takes the fun out of it. But , if you have to ask for it, theres no fun in that either. So, whats the solution? Masturbation! You can do it just about anytime and you can take your time to enjoy it, and not feel rushed. It may not be the same but its better than nothing. IMO
Lust Engine
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I'd go back to those silly little things that won her over in the early stages of when you were dating. They might seem silly but lavish the praise you use to when you first met. Make her feel comfortable with herself. Remind her of those early infatuation days and that you're still infatuated with her. All those things like the notes, flowers, special dinners & nights out are only a part of the re-romancing of her. Re-kindle the kid in you again too.
Don't bring the porn, the studies, polls and all that scientific hoo ha into this to convince her. Prove it to her; make her the special object of desire and while I know you don't mean to, bringing all that hard data might be doing more damage than good. She's not a number.
Good luck!
Don't bring the porn, the studies, polls and all that scientific hoo ha into this to convince her. Prove it to her; make her the special object of desire and while I know you don't mean to, bringing all that hard data might be doing more damage than good. She's not a number.
Good luck!
hotNnasty
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Lust Engine said:I'd go back to those silly little things that won her over in the early stages of when you were dating. They might seem silly but lavish the praise you use to when you first met. Make her feel comfortable with herself. Remind her of those early infatuation days and that you're still infatuated with her. All those things like the notes, flowers, special dinners & nights out are only a part of the re-romancing of her. Re-kindle the kid in you again too.
Don't bring the porn, the studies, polls and all that scientific hoo ha into this to convince her. Prove it to her; make her the special object of desire and while I know you don't mean to, bringing all that hard data might be doing more damage than good. She's not a number.
Good luck!
I second that.
Trollin' LE
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fencedude said:
Just curious - are you having any success? Best wishes!
DAMN! Had some great sex all weekend. You folks forgot one thing in your suggestions, TAKE HER SHOPPING! Of course the rose on the pillow and the suggestive card helped too Thanks for all your help, maybey now we can get back to our sex life the way it used to be. Thanks again
Thanks for all your help, maybey now we can get back to our sex life the way it used to be. Thanks again
Lust Engine
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hotNnasty said:
I'll wine & dine HnN and prove to you folks how easy it is!
michaelmt1
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Fencedude,
When was the last time you undressed your wife. Slowly and seductivly removed her cloths. Kissing each inch of newly exposed flesh. Tell her how good she looks how sensual she is.
I think its worth a try
Mike
When was the last time you undressed your wife. Slowly and seductivly removed her cloths. Kissing each inch of newly exposed flesh. Tell her how good she looks how sensual she is.
I think its worth a try
Mike
freshrope_69
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Go for broke....
just play Dom/subbie games...
Tell her you want her to give you a gift....herself....
have code words to stop anything she is uncomfortable with...
always respect her and treat her like gold....
from your friendly neighborhood clitlicker...
...freshrope_69
just play Dom/subbie games...
Tell her you want her to give you a gift....herself....
have code words to stop anything she is uncomfortable with...
always respect her and treat her like gold....
from your friendly neighborhood clitlicker...
...freshrope_69
