When I meet a woman through an ad on Lit, I like to get to know her well, and understand her essence. I used to believe that all that was required here was to look into how well we match, regarding what I wrote into my signature posts.
I just realized (painfully) that this will not help all that much. A woman and I can harmonize wonderfully regarding everything there, and still fail to really "connect", to use a term popular here. Because a real connection, or harmony, or what I call a "deep resonance", can develop only, when both people have developed a kind of "tolerance" to misgivings, which can come up on the way to happiness. And when they know how to deal with them; when they are in fact committed to get them out of the way, with empathy for one another.
Perhaps such empathy is hard to come by, when you feel hurt by something the mail partner just told you. After all, when you have not yet understood that other person as much as you'd need to, in order to grasp his or her whole personality, you tend to work with "short cuts", as Kahneman and Tversky have illustrated so well in their work on Behavioral Finance theory.
But regrettably, short cuts don't give you real understanding.
So lack of sufficient empathy, sometimes on my part, sometimes on hers, which would be needed in order to overcome hurt feelings, which can come up here and there on the way to getting to now one another really well and deeply, has been the root cause of failures that have happened to me.
So at least I have gained a new "piece of" understanding just now. A positive result of an attempt that has failed.
In case you should be a woman looking for a connection here, and if you made it through reading my post up to this point, and if you have understood what I am talking about also, I would very much like to get to know you. Maybe you and I can achieve the empathy for and with one another that has been missing in my previous attempts so far.
I just realized that you should be a grown-up woman also, who has acquired a certain amount of maturity already. Age is secondary, but you should have made it through one or the other period of reflection in your life already, questioned your previous approaches to relationships, and learned something from it all.
.
I just realized (painfully) that this will not help all that much. A woman and I can harmonize wonderfully regarding everything there, and still fail to really "connect", to use a term popular here. Because a real connection, or harmony, or what I call a "deep resonance", can develop only, when both people have developed a kind of "tolerance" to misgivings, which can come up on the way to happiness. And when they know how to deal with them; when they are in fact committed to get them out of the way, with empathy for one another.
Perhaps such empathy is hard to come by, when you feel hurt by something the mail partner just told you. After all, when you have not yet understood that other person as much as you'd need to, in order to grasp his or her whole personality, you tend to work with "short cuts", as Kahneman and Tversky have illustrated so well in their work on Behavioral Finance theory.
But regrettably, short cuts don't give you real understanding.
So lack of sufficient empathy, sometimes on my part, sometimes on hers, which would be needed in order to overcome hurt feelings, which can come up here and there on the way to getting to now one another really well and deeply, has been the root cause of failures that have happened to me.
So at least I have gained a new "piece of" understanding just now. A positive result of an attempt that has failed.
In case you should be a woman looking for a connection here, and if you made it through reading my post up to this point, and if you have understood what I am talking about also, I would very much like to get to know you. Maybe you and I can achieve the empathy for and with one another that has been missing in my previous attempts so far.
I just realized that you should be a grown-up woman also, who has acquired a certain amount of maturity already. Age is secondary, but you should have made it through one or the other period of reflection in your life already, questioned your previous approaches to relationships, and learned something from it all.
.
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