getting tired

[y=mx+b]

How can I get my wife to act on her sexual impulses? (its the age old question, how can I get my wife to initiate sex more)

For the most part, I am a stay at home husband and feeling a little ignored in the area of sex/sexual attraction. Its not that my wife doesn't like sex, its just that I am getting frustrated with seemingly bending over backwards trying to woo her into the bedroom.

I feel like I am the one who is always taking the first step, or planning an intimate evening.

I try to do all the right things. I help out around the house, I try to give her hugs daily, I tell her I love her daily, I periodically suprise her with love notes and fresh picked wild flowers.

sad and dejected, I feel like I am at the end

I have brought this up before and it is a point of frustration for both of us. Time has come again where I feel I should bring it up again but everytime the subject is mentioned we get no where and it remains unresolved for next time.


She is a great lover and a beautiful women but I feel low on her priority list.

I tell her this and she becomes that much more insecure about her sexual self.

Its as if she doesn't know how to act, or how to be sexy. I think she is afraid she will look foolish.

I have mentioned this site, particularly this forum for guidance
but I don't think she has checked it out for herself.

She says she is trying to become more bold in takeing the first steps but her efforts are short lived and once again I feel as if I am left with the responsibility of us both getting laid.

 

[SexyChele]

Has this always been the case with her, or is it a recent development? If it is recent, then perhaps there are other stresses in her life at moment? If this is something that has been going on since forever, it can be very tough to change things. You could to talk to her and let her know that she doesn't have to initiate sex every time, but maybe just a little affection? Then, when she gives you that unexpected hug or kiss, simply return it and let her know you liked it. Once she realizes that not all of her "initiations" necessarily must lead to sex, she may open up more.

Dunno, but hope you find the help you want!

 

[Psia]

It sounds like you are trying to do all the right things, but just not getting the result you want.

Do you know IF she has sexual impulses? Some people are just much less sexual. It might not be something that she thinks about very often.

The other thing I wonder about is how often you have sex or an intimate evening. It might partially be a sex drive issue, that hers is just lower than yours.

In the end, if it is a really touchy relationship issue, maybe you could go get some professional help.

I hope that this works out for you!

Psia

P.S. You Lit name cracks me up, I love it.

 

[y=mx+b]

Psia,

How many times per week should sex occure?

I know that everyone prescribes to a different quota.

It feels like such of a typical guy thing for me to say that we are not have sex enough. If I were to put a number on it, I would say one, maybe two times in seven days. Being male, this may be an underestimation, but that is what it feels like to me.

I really don't want to make my wife sound like a poor lover. I just don't know what to do to make her more sexually interested in me.

I tell her what I like to see, she knows my kinks, and what I am interested in, I just can't get her to act them out without a blatent request.

All I do is give, everytime I wait to recieve I find myself feeling forgotten.



p.s.
Thanks for liking my lit name. I think a lot of people are put-off by it and dismiss me as a troll.

 

[Psia]

y,
I don't think there is a specific "normal" number. But it definitely sounds like you are well within the normal range. That's about what my husband and I do, though I'm the one who wants it a little more (maybe 3 times...)

It's kind of sad to hear you say that you feel forgotten. It just seems like there is a breakdown in communication. You say she doesn't want to play unless you make an outright request. Do you think she gets your subtler symbols?

(For instance, a few months ago we had a similar conversation about why my husband doesn't initiate as much. He got mad and said he tried to initiate the previous night and I ignored him. He was rubbing one of my breasts while we spooned in bed, it felt good and I fell asleep. I didn't realize it was a sexual overture!).

It doesn't sound at all like you think she's a poor lover. Sounds like you love her and like the sex you have, you just want more.

By the way, do you know what her kinks are?

Psia

I think the name is clever! I don't know why it makes me smile. Fun-geeky in the way I'm geeky.

 

[jenlovesamy]

You didn't answer Chele earlier when she asked if her apparent lack of a sex drive is a new development or if it's always been like that. I don't know why but I agree with whoever said it earlier, maybe she does think all the hugs and kisses are meant to initiate sex. She may be really stressed right now and think that everytime you touch her you want sex. Try this. If you know when she's coming home, like if she comes home the same time every night, have a hot bath waiting for her, with candles and scented oil in the water, maybe a glass of wine. Tell her that's just for her, that she should relax and do whatever she wants for the rest of the night, but most important, LEAVE HER ALONE. Don't hug her, touch her, anything. Let her initiate anything. If after a few days she does nothing, then talk to her again. Say you've been leaving her alone, that maybe your displays of affection were making her uncomfortable so you stopped hoping she would come to you. Ask her if she's stressed at work, if she wants to talk about anything.

And maybe for her, twice a week is alot. Was she ever sexually abused? She might have been and maybe repressed memories are coming back. It could be anything. I think though, maybe leaving her alone will make her realize that you have been making an effort, and she will definitely notice when you stop. Good luck.

 

[y=mx+b]

Yes, stress is a part of it I guess. As a recent college graduate, this is her second month at a new job. Also she recently took a national licensing test, so yes stress has been a major factor in her life.

I do my best not to push sex on her, and I try to give her as much time to her self to unwind and relax as she needs. I also do my best to keep sexual affections separate from everyday companion affections. (I don't expect sex everytime I hug her or kiss her)

I guess I just have to wait it out some more. I get frustrated sometimes. Her being buisy with her career I feel like I am getting the leftovers .


thanks everyone

 

[jenlovesamy]

I'm sorry, I didn't mean to imply that you wanted sex everytime you touched her, but with her being stressed, she may interpret it as that. You know how us women are, we're insane! Try the bath thing though, especially when you know she's had a really bad day. If you can, do it later in the night and rub lotion on her feet, things like that. Then don't make any other moves, just show that you're there for her.

 

[watergirl]

I just have to say I think jenlovesamy has GREAT advice.

good luck, hon.

 

[y=mx+b]

jenlovesamy

No offense taken. I know a lot of guys who think that if they hug their significant other sex should follow.

I had some time to think it all over. I am being impatient and insensitive to what she may be going through.

 

[jenlovesamy]

I just have to say I think jenlovesamy has GREAT advice.

good luck, hon.

Thank you!

And, btw, if I had a man like you at home that cleaned the house and waited for me to come home every day, hell, just for cleaning, I think I'd have to blow you as a thank you, but that might just be me. Your wife is lucky to have you, I hope she understands that! Since she is in a new job which, as you say, is very stressful, just ride it out. Let her know you're there for her mentally and physically, and let her make the moves. She'll appreciate it, and if she doesn't, then say something. Most importantly, good luck!