getting the wife to tell me more

[siddacat]

Hi all, my wife and I are both in our mid 40s and have 3 kids.. our sex is amazing even after all these years... When we were younger I was able to get her to talk more during sex and now she just wants her pussy licked until she cums and then to fuck (there are times we do more). One time when we were younger she told me about her and her sister and how they messed around (high school age) and they went down on one another.. I have never been able to get her to talk about those things as we get older.. Her sister is HOT and I want to hear about it, as we fuck.. Any ideas on how to get it out of her again? if you want to PM me answers as well, that works

 

[nfrrdscnnr1]

tough

That is a toughie. My only suggestion is that you might think about the possibility that she feels some guilt because of those acts. Assuring her that we all have things we maybe should not have done may help. Can you talk about your own episodes? Or, maybe you were perfect?
This is not uncommon in my experience limited as it is. My wife talked about how she cheated on her first husband but has been silent since.

 

[NightL]

if you want to PM me answers as well, that works

Why don't you tell her about all your attempts and requests for chat partners first? Looking at your post history...

 

[siddacat]

Why do you care about my post history? I am only looking for suggestions to my question.... If I wanted to find a chat partner, it would not be in the 'how to" section

 

[siddacat]

I am sure some of that "catholic guilt" has something to do with it.. that is a great point... She knows most of my past... and does not like talking about it.... I have tried that..
Thanks for the suggestion!

 

[NaughtyinVegas]

You may have to give up on her sister, but you might be able to find a way to get her fantasizing about other women again.

This is my suggestion. An old gf did this to me and three months later I had my first FFM. Start out by noticing attractive women when you're out together. Without implicating yourself, pick out two women in a crowd and ask your wife, "Do you think she's prettier, or she's prettier?"

If you can get her to start answering simple questions like that you should be able to determine what kind of women turn your wife on. Yeah, she's going to ask you for your opinion too so you're going to have to be careful and casual about your responses. In the beginning, pick ONE THING about one of the women, like her hair, her dress, her shoes, that you find "sort of" attractive.

Do this several times until you start to figure out what your wife seems to find attractive in other women. Make sure she's the first to start commenting on how "pretty" some are, or their breasts, legs, ass, etc. Women can sometimes be very jealous of one another so don't start off admiring some aspect of their looks before your wife does.

If that goes well, you can start picking women out of the crowd and asking your wife to guess how many sex partners they've had, when the last time they got laid was, and stuff like that.

Pretty soon after that she may start picking women out of the crowd, too. And if you're lucky, for more than just a guessing game!

 

[siddacat]

Great advise and insight!!! and sounds like it could be really fun.. I 100% agree on the being careful in my responses... don't want to poke a bear if you don't halve too...

 

[Domesticity]

You may have to give up on her sister, but you might be able to find a way to get her fantasizing about other women again.

This is my suggestion. An old gf did this to me and three months later I had my first FFM. Start out by noticing attractive women when you're out together. Without implicating yourself, pick out two women in a crowd and ask your wife, "Do you think she's prettier, or she's prettier?"

If you can get her to start answering simple questions like that you should be able to determine what kind of women turn your wife on. Yeah, she's going to ask you for your opinion too so you're going to have to be careful and casual about your responses. In the beginning, pick ONE THING about one of the women, like her hair, her dress, her shoes, that you find "sort of" attractive.

Do this several times until you start to figure out what your wife seems to find attractive in other women. Make sure she's the first to start commenting on how "pretty" some are, or their breasts, legs, ass, etc. Women can sometimes be very jealous of one another so don't start off admiring some aspect of their looks before your wife does.

If that goes well, you can start picking women out of the crowd and asking your wife to guess how many sex partners they've had, when the last time they got laid was, and stuff like that.

Pretty soon after that she may start picking women out of the crowd, too. And if you're lucky, for more than just a guessing game!

eek! If my husband did this I would be so pissed. Lol. Of course, if I had a 3some it would be mfm so my opinion should be taken w a grain of salt.

to the op: how much older or younger is your wife's sister? Also, you say your wife's sister is hot but don't mention what the wife looks like now. There may be some really uncomfortable feelings that come up when she talks abt her and her sister depending on how mutual the act was. She may also just feel uncomfortable knowing you are lusting over her sister. I'd let that one go and maybe suggest some trips to a strip club or adult book store. That may start the ball running towards a real life fmf

 

[Lord Pmann]

After all, fucking your family is not really the norm anywhere other than Lit or Utah.

Ever been to Virginia?

 

[Lord Pmann]

No, but i have 3 friends now living there.

All cousins/lovers I bet.

 

[Domesticity]

All cousins/lovers I bet.

I lol 'd

 

[siddacat]

I'm constantly pointing out attractive women to my husband, or some extraordinary feature of them, usually boobs. That does not mean I want a threesome with any of them or I'll pick one out of the crowd and expect/want to take her home.

Some people are just not wired for bringing other people into their relationships or bedrooms. Perhaps your wife is one of those. Perhaps she has never entertained the option and you could just talk about it with her?

As for the sister...MAYBE your wife stopped talking about her sister because as she'ss grown up and matured she feels shame at fucking her family. You know? That would seem the perfect explanation to me. After all, fucking your family is not really the norm anywhere other than Lit or Utah.

My wife is very attractive actually, her sister is a news anchor and has "that look" about her.. and I am not really looking for a 3some... just to hear about what happened more and think about it while we fuck

 

[NaughtyinVegas]

I'm constantly pointing out attractive women to my husband, or some extraordinary feature of them, usually boobs. That does not mean I want a threesome with any of them or I'll pick one out of the crowd and expect/want to take her home.

Some people are just not wired for bringing other people into their relationships or bedrooms. Perhaps your wife is one of those. Perhaps she has never entertained the option and you could just talk about it with her?

As for the sister...MAYBE your wife stopped talking about her sister because as she'ss grown up and matured she feels shame at fucking her family. You know? That would seem the perfect explanation to me. After all, fucking your family is not really the norm anywhere other than Lit or Utah.

Yeah, this is totally true too. My wife does that to me but she's not into 3-threesomes. It's all about the journey of words, where it takes you.

I think Rain is totally right about the sister. There is probably a fair degree of guilt/shame under there so there's no sense poking at it.

It sort of sounds like you have enough to go on already, dude. Watch the evening news, pop a chubby, turn off the news ....

 

[twister947]

In your words, "our sex is amazing."

I'm mystified.

 

[siddacat]

In your words, "our sex is amazing."

I'm mystified.

what is there to be "mystified" about? Our sex is amazing... that does not mean there cant be more to spice it up from the norm

 

[subwannabe]

Personally I think she has suppressed or wants to suppress her feelings of guilt on the subject. If so it's probably better to let it go. I know my wife told me about a threesome she had when she was younger and she regrets telling me. I have to admit to being a little jealous in knowing that she had some wild times and now that she's older she doesn't want to do anything too much outside the box anymore. It kind of hurts and ticks me off a little bit as I married her thinking that I had found a wild one. Unfortunately, the wild one grew up and now is a responsible mother and husband. Damn!

 

[siddacat]

Personally I think she has suppressed or wants to suppress her feelings of guilt on the subject. If so it's probably better to let it go. I know my wife told me about a threesome she had when she was younger and she regrets telling me. I have to admit to being a little jealous in knowing that she had some wild times and now that she's older she doesn't want to do anything too much outside the box anymore. It kind of hurts and ticks me off a little bit as I married her thinking that I had found a wild one. Unfortunately, the wild one grew up and now is a responsible mother and husband. Damn!

I am right there with you!!!

 

[GiggLeGasm]

Why do men assume that women feel guilty about sex? She doesn't sound like a woman who feels guilty. She doesn't sound insecure.. or damaged.. She enjoys sharing a sex life with you as a part of your relationship.

Quite frankly, that's her story. She owns it. She doesn't have to gift it to you. Just take the message that you're crossing a boundary and leave it alone. If she's been as amazing as you say, she deserves it. At some later date, she may decide that she wants to tease you with her stories again - but that's really her call. If you push her, you just get to be some other creepy guy who cares more about getting off than being intimate.

 

[Mr.G]

Some women would feel guilty about stories from their past. Some might find it a tad too kinky or be worried that their lover might get jealous or hold iyt against them one day when they're fighting.

If you're in a secure loving relationship it shouldn't be a problem. EXPLAIN that just hearing about that stuff makes you HOT!

Years ago when I was dating stewies (flight attendants, today) several times we discussed other lovers and what they had enjoyed or not and what they had done, how etc etc. I found myself incredibly turned on a few times. There was no jealousy but the mere descriptions of what they'd done actually made a section of my brain heat up ... I could feel it. As stewies, even when they were young, were incredibly self confident, several of them I'm sure, went into get great description when they realized it turned me on so much.

I guess, just as some people get turned on by voyeurism there are some who are turned on by AURALISM (new word?) ... hearing sex or hearing about sex. As it was first person it was right from the horses mouth so to speak. To a self confident woman she would simply realize this was one more thing she could use to turn him on and NONE OF US has ever learned ALL the tricks there are. We are ALL different so the "research" and experience continues pretty much until we croak.

 

[bailadora]

The only way I know of to encourage a partner to share sexual thoughts, fantasies, or stories is to create a positive, conducive environment, by letting them know that you won't judge them for whatever it is they choose to relate to you. You could also add that you would most likely be aroused by such information. After that, leave it the hell alone. No amount of pushing, coaxing, or cajoling on your part is going to get them there until they feel the time is right. It might happen somewhere down the road, or it might not happen at all. Whatever the case, it has to happen on their time table, not yours.

I don't know about you, but if someone was bugging me to relate things I wasn't quite ready to or didn't want to share at all, I'd get pissed off. And I'd be less likely to want to engage in sex, regardless of how amazing it might be. YMMV

 

[Que]

Hi all, my wife and I are both in our mid 40s and have 3 kids.. our sex is amazing even after all these years... When we were younger I was able to get her to talk more during sex and now she just wants her pussy licked until she cums and then to fuck (there are times we do more). One time when we were younger she told me about her and her sister and how they messed around (high school age) and they went down on one another.. I have never been able to get her to talk about those things as we get older

Yeah, there is an applecart that I would be a little protective of. You are just about the right age to have that turn on a dime if some obsessive behavior ends up killing the golden ardor.

 

[amofiga]

Siddacat

Getting a sex partner to talk about his or her past experiences can be tough. I know. I've tried to get my wife to open up more. She's reluctant and she doesn't like hearing about mine. Often people just want to move on with their lives and live in the present. Sometimes the past has painful memories or a person may feel like that was a "different person in a different time" and not want to dwell on the past. That's not a bad thing. We all change with time and sometimes we just want to let go of the past.

The other issue in discussing one's "secrets" is that the communication MUST, ABSOLUTE MUST be non-judgmental and objective but respectful and caring. If someone opens up about something that is perhaps a bit out of the "normal boundaries" as defined by the bulk of vanilla society, it's imperative that "no big deal" be made of it. Admitting something like girl on girl sex with a sister would make many people cringe and talk about how "perverted" it is. Or go so completely over the top that it makes YOU seem like a drooling pervert. Do that, make the other person feel strange and weird and it's a certain way make them want to close down about anything else. If your wife's stories of her sister either made her feel "bad" or made her feel like you were lusting after her sister, it could have been an off switch for her.

 

[GiggLeGasm]

I think you've missed the point of the guilt/shame that has been suggested. It has been suggested she may have guilt or shame surrounding having sex with her sister in the past. Not around everyday sex. I would think that would be a fairly common emotion for any person to experience if they had sex with their siblings. I don't think it's too far fetched to suggest such a thing. I would most certainly feel shame at that past and not wish for it to be part of my ongoing sexual dialogue with my husband.

I thought after I wrote it that it may sound a bit harsh and you're right. thank you for opening the door for me to revisit…
I think my point was more toward what Query wrote about pushing her. I think that when we attach labels or try to find the reason.. we can become focused on that part and forget that there is a person on the other side of the story.

But you're dead on with calling me out on that one.