Getting the old man to try new things

[Guest]

I've been married for a number of years. In the early days, my husband and I tried all kinds of wonderful new things. In the past few years, sex has gotten almost boring, to the point where I can take it or leave it. The man doesn't know how to take a hint, either. Just yesterday I was telling him how I enjoy having the skin between my nipples and armpits carressed. Did he touch that at all when we later fucked? Of course not! Also, I've come to dislike his way of kissing. He kisses my mouth the way he licks my clit. I'd rather have him kiss me with a soft tongue than this hard protruberance. I tried once playing a game in order to teach him to kiss me differently, but it didn't work. As men, how would you react to a partner that wanted to teach you a different way to kiss? And what should I do about the staleness of our sex life?

 

[sweetlittleass]

ME TOO!!!

Luvinit...

I'll be watching your post very carefully! I'm in the same boat. We have been together for 13 years, and we have a "routine" - he never deviates from it... BORING!!!! And I've recently noticed that his kisses have changed, from the point where I'd just love to neck for hours, to now, I almost never want to kiss him anymore. I feel like I'm being swallowed up sometimes, to others when I feel like I have a dog licking my face... what's up with that?

We did manage to liven up our sex lives for a little while when we introduced toys into it (he has lived a very sheltered life!)... but now he wants to use the toys allll the time... Another time things changed up a little was when we started talking about inviting another woman or another couple into our lives... but we never got any further than just talking. He knows I'm bi-sexual and would love to see it (so he says), but we've never made it happen. I think he got off more on the dirty talk than anything.

So there are a few suggestions I guess... try toys, dirty talk, but I don't know about the whole kissing thing... if anyone has any ideas, please let us know!!! Hope some of this helps...

Just as as you,
Baby

 

[dreamer]

talk talk talk

Talk to him. You don't have to be rude about it, or scream BORING!!, but I would definately suggest talking about it.

Men need to have things clearly and plainly wacked against their heads to get the idea (I know I do) As long as you communcate clearly your reasons for the discussion stem from your desire to share these things and joys with HIM, I think most guys would appreciate openness.

My question is how do people stay married and solve non-sexual problems without learning this in the first place? Both my failed engagements (don't ask) seem to have stemmed from poor/lack of communication and I for one am trying to learn from those not so pleasent situations.

Oh yeah...and be sure to bring this up when you have plenty of time to honestly talk about it and not be in a hurry.

Good luck, and I hope you BOTH end up enjoying each other more and more each day. Call me naive but I still believe that can happen, with enough open honesty.

 

[Romanticstone]

I've suggested this book to others, and here I go again...
"Mars and Venus in the Bedroom" by John Gray

It's realy designed for those in long-term relationships.

Get your significant other to read it too if you can, the author even suggests ways of doing this.

 

[The_old_man]

Ask around for someone who has gone on a "Mariage Encounter" weekend. Talk to them. It worked for us, we have been on three weekends.

Since they were started by the Roman Cathlic Church in 1970s all but the islamic churches have held weekends. On the weekend you will learn a method of communication that WORKS.

 

[Subdude]

universal problem

Isn't it interesting-most of the time you hear men whining about not "getting enough" or about the lack of enthusiasium. Aren't we humans a wacky & varied group? Isn't fate a cruel comic? Life would be a lot better if the boring ones found each other & us "Lit types" found each other in the first place!

 

[Overdrivenat40]

I've been married for a number of years. In the early days, my husband and I tried all kinds of wonderful new things. In the past few years, sex has gotten almost boring, to the point where I can take it or leave it. The man doesn't know how to take a hint, either. Just yesterday I was telling him how I enjoy having the skin between my nipples and armpits carressed. Did he touch that at all when we later fucked? Of course not! Also, I've come to dislike his way of kissing. He kisses my mouth the way he licks my clit. I'd rather have him kiss me with a soft tongue than this hard protruberance. I tried once playing a game in order to teach him to kiss me differently, but it didn't work. As men, how would you react to a partner that wanted to teach you a different way to kiss? And what should I do about the staleness of our sex life?

Have you tried the 'escape' routine? Going to the mountains for the weekend (even for ONE night it helps)...........

Communication is the key, tho it is difficult to broach these subjects. I know.

Offer up your nipples to him (you on top) and guide him to that erogenous zone you described above..............hopefully he isn't totally clueless and will show some affection there..........then SIGH/GRUNT/COMPLIMENT so he knows it feels good.

PS, I'm the 30 minute reloader - finally registered.


MWM - 40 - too many hormones

 

[alvin462]

boring sex

I am a 55 year young man with lots of ideas but my wife is in a rut . I try to get her to do new but she is not interested . Old ways work she says . Don't beat up on us older loving males please .

 

[Luvinit]

Don't mean to beat up on anyone...

All of our experiences are different. I'm 5 years older than my husband and have traditionally "led the way" with sex and trying new things. I suppose part of this is wishing he would just TAKE ME. Grab me from behind and lean me over the kitchen table. He's passive where I'm aggressive.

Since posting this, I have asked my husband to make a trip to the local adult book store. He came home with a few videos which we enjoyed together. Thanks to this site, I got the idea of having him come home for lunch, then sit at the computer naked and download porn while I service his manhood. I think he liked this idea since he got quite hard. We ended up having some great sex. It looks like it's going to continue to be up to me to keep things fresh and exciting. Otherwise, I fall into that rut and nothing sexual seems to interest me.

I still haven't figured out how to approach the kissing issue. Any more ideas?

Overdriven, hubby came home from work and asked if I'd like to go out with him tomorrow. Gosh, a real date! Maybe we'll find a nice hotel after dinner so I can make a lot of noise without worrying about those teenaged kids of ours hearing. Oh, and I suggested this afternoon that we take some pictures of us in different fucking positions and posting them on the internet. Oh my, did his eyes ever widen with pleasure at that idea. At least the guy's open to ANY suggestion! He's leaving town for a couple of weeks and I think I'm going to get a tattoo next to my mound. I've never had a tattoo and I'm 43 years old. I think it'd be a surprise he'd enjoy. I also thought of getting a tattoo on the small of my back. Something he can look at while he fucks me doggy style.

Have I mentioned that I absolutely love this site?

 

[NoRegrets]

I’m stuck with the flip side.

I got used to having sex 2-5 times/wk through 2 LTRs. Both of them loved sex and felt open about it. If not interested, we helped each other get off. Well earned trust lead to many fun and safe ways to have very powerful sex. I am grateful to them both, they are both probably complaining about their current loves in this thread.

My current S/O claims we should do it more but always has an excuse. I introduced a few things that started a great week and she has thanked me several times but it never lasts. Now 3 nights per week are out because her son is with us. I understand that he is older now but we have a lock on the door and can have lots of fun without noise. I think she is just not as highly sexed a person as I am.

I have been very lucky in my past LTRs but they broke up for other reasons. Now I found someone I can live with and she doesn’t like to fuck. She has never had a vaginal O, the G spot stuff “feels a little funny”, and even mild anal stimulation is just unappealing. (They used to begged for this) She claims to be a little bi curious with a hint of experience but there is no drive. I love her very much but I’m not ready to give up sex.

Being responsible for sex is like being responsible for a conversation, you can pull it off occasionally but how can this last? We are best friends and enjoy spending a lot of time together but this needs HELP.

I am happy to be of any assistance possible and hopefully some of you can offer me some suggestions. Maybe this is the oversexed partners club for the mismatched. Pour your hearts out, I feel your pain!


BTW - She loves the way I kiss

 

[Snork Maiden]

rekindle the flame...

I have to admit I don't think I know anyway sure fire way to improve your partners kissing. Which is a shame, I am sure I posted before that men don't realise the power of a lingering soft kiss.

Your opening message has a very strong atmosphere of discontent and almost contempt for your partner.

You 'fuck', instead of 'making love', you have nothing but critism for his ability, you say nothing of his strengths.

Personally I get the feeling that you are a very impatient person, your partner, God bless him, is probably feeling pretty crushed.

Agreed sex should be fun and enjoyable, having your performance critiqued and scored on tasks performed, tasks skipped after every session would certainly make me more self concious and probably more inhibited, infact I wouldn't tolerate it, I'd be out looking for someone more appreciative of the things I do have to offer.

So I guess I haven't been much help to you. However before picking faults with your partner, perhaps you should stand back and have a good look at your own performance. You can't have sex on your own, unless you prefer an inflatable partner that doesn't argue or have a mind of it own.

SM

 

[Luvinit]

Maybe you're right...

Maybe I'm too demanding. When we met, I was quite a bit more experienced than him. I have to add that I don't criticize him in the least. I tell him how wonderful he is and how sexy he is and so forth. Shoot, telling him I'm unsatisfied would be a sure way of pushing him toward someone else! That's why I tried playing the game to teach him a new way of kissing. I've tried being open: "Honey, I love having your lips here or here, and he's usually quite accomodating. I urge him to ask me for things, too.

After 17 years, though, one starts running out of ideas. I guess I've just run out of ideas. I want our old sex life back! I used to stay wet all day long just thinking about him! I still get wet over the man, but not to the intensity that I once enjoyed.

Since starting this thread, I've really tried to be more of a woman for him. I asked him last night if he'd like to take me shopping for lingerie, which we'd never done before. Off to the mall we went and he really seemed to like helping me pick out things he'd like to see me in and I'd like wearing for him. I think he also got a kick out of paying for them, too. Something about the sales girl carefully folding each item, slipping it into a bag, then him sliding his credit card across to her.

I guess sex has to be a giving thing. If each person is ready to give his or her all, it makes the sexual experience that much more wonderful. Thank you for your comments. They do help me to look at what I might be doing to make things stale. It takes two to tango. By the way, I offered to call my husband at work and give him some good phone sex. It's been years since we've done that!

 

[Snork Maiden]

Hi Luvinit,

Firstly, let me apologize if my last post was over critical, it wasn't an attack on you personally but an observation based on the structure of your initial comment.

It's also probably fair to say that as a young woman in a stable relationship but unmarried I am not the best qualified commentator to answer your problems. However still being relative fresh in my relationship (3 years) it is difficult to imagine how we (my partner and I) will evolve over the next 14 years.

I like to think that things will be the same as they are now but that seems wholly unreaistic to me. I expect as with many couples our relationship (if it lasts that long, I hope it will) will strength with a bond of friendship and companionship.

Doesn't everybody look back into the past and remember halcyon days. I know I do. The summers are not as nice as they were when I was a child, the winters not as much fun. But its an illusion, in reality we are much better at remembering all the good things an fortunately not so good at remembering the mediochre.

There is a I think the danger in a well established relationship that partners become complacent to the needs of each other. Its a slow process which takes time to evolve and then one day you suddenly look back - at those 'halcyon days' - and think oh my goodness look how we've changed. I don't think it's a deliberate thing it just happens with familiarity, we lose respect for each other, take each other for granted and take liberties we maybe shouldn't.

It's such a quagmire and difficult to navigate the 'safe' path because we build our own expectations and barriers which confine and limit our available courses of action.

Don't I ramble

The point I am trying to make, I think, which is fundemental in most problem solving schemes, is to determine what has changed in 17 years. It's less likely that you or your husband have changed in yourselves but the way you relate to each other. As I mentioned earlier you are more likely to make assumptions about what your partner will like and vice versa. What you may try to do is act as if you were still fresh in your relationship.

I have a few suggestions which I am sure you will have done in the past.

Take a bath together, a splashy wet bath, have some fun
or shower.

Re enact your wedding night, dig out some white stockings and lingerie. If you still have your veil wear that too. Fill the room with scented candles.

Buy some Hershey's chocolate syrup - you get the idea. Be outrageous, don't worry about the mess it all washes out.

Most importantly you have to keep up the momentum, do you smile at each other in the morning when you wake for example, it's all those little things that slowly disappear because they seem unimportant that REALLY are IMPORTANT.

SM

 

[marksgirl]

Just a few iedas

I reading how after ?-17 years no one is having fun anymore. I guess I'm just lucky or something because I've been married for 16 years and the night before last was just as hot as on our honeymoon! We still play everyday, from the second he walkes in the door, straight to me with a kiss and hug.

We still grope each other, he still has a thing for my boobs.

I'll stradle him while he's watching TV and give him hot, deep, loving kisses.

We read e-mail together and have fun.

We PLAY on the computer and have FUN!!!!

He still takes me on dates.

We reserve one night a week just for us to PLAY!

I know one thing that is true, it works both ways. He gives, I take. I give, he takes. We share ourselfs with each other.

Our kids think we are funny because we play (carefully, nothing sexual) in front of them, but I want them to know just how much I love him, I want the same for them one day, a happy, loving partner.

I proabably didn't help out any, I guess what I'm trying to say is yes it is a two way street.


LOL

 

[Wolf_Song]

Discovery

~Discovery of selves in all areas will bring more to be known.~

We are all upon a journey of love in this life that some appreciate more than others and are known as romantics. Romance is definitely missing from those above whom have complaints and to be blunt your not with the right partner or they are not ready and may never be ready for such.

Take a look at and get to know self firstly is usually the best as was mentioned above. Which can be done many means of mainstream or those off what some "normal" people call the beaten path. Psychologists, psychiatrists, marriage and various counselors may come to mind by those whom think "normally".

Yet a better means to get to know ones self is spiritually and not in the patriarchal sense of many modern religions. Though some matriarichal and more open minded/hearted faiths are worth learning from in this. Lets face it a celibate priest/ priestess isnt worth talking to in matters of intimacy or romance. Astrology, numerology, psychics ( spiritualists ) are the better to really get to know more of ones self. As these are what the above mentioned "normal" sciences and practices have evolved from and can divine more truth at much cheaper cost and ultimately bring more inner fulfillment and in some cases, what you really didnt want to hear.

Two books that would recommend for learning more of self and of others in any and all type of relationships are as follows;

- The Secret Book of Birthdays, ISBN 0-670-85857-9
- The Secret Book of Relationships, ISBN 0-670-87527-9

The first book looks at individual birth dates and the second is as title says about relationships. In all areas that one would encounter with others lovers, marriage, friendship, co-worker, parent-child and more. Simply taking the ISBN number to a book store or another means where can order books is the easiest. As well it can be done on line if one wishes for more discretion via many possible payment means.

Tis said the eyes are the windows to the soul.. which is true when ones opens of self in spirit to fully understand. With the heart as the voice and more of the spirit. As for those that dont believe that there is souls/spirits.. they really dont know any better. And the greatest of love is that of the soul/spirit mate which regretably not enough learn early on in life.

Will also include herein a page that an on line sister showed me, but was later removed for unknown reasons. Twas so enjoyed that had made a copy of then later brought it back to the web. With of course the original authors copyright credited therein. It has many truths about soul mates, but also know some things therein as with age differences of soul mates is inaccurate. As there is no differential age range when comes to soulmates. To worth keeping in mind is that it could be at any age that soul mates are met, from childhood to senior citizen. But it does have lot of accuracies still with standing and worth perusal.

Not every one gets the happy ever after with soulmates for various reasons. But are predestined to meet and regretably some times one of the partners is to distracted for personal, professional, trauma and many other possible reasons. Worth mention to are those whom we meet that are easily mistaken for such a love and are actually soul friends or family.

The page above mentioned is worth a read, as follows;

http://www.angelfire.com/ab2/Freedom/SoulmatesPicnic.html

There are many more intricacies of love and spirit along with other various aspects of self, society and universe as a whole that I could write indefinitely about. But realization comes when one discovers more of life and love in experiences, conversations, researchings and journies. Society in the greater whole of much of the world are very blind to what really matters in the big picture and in the simplest joys of life. Once one realizes there is more to life than just material matters then the explorations and enlightenments really begin. Ask yourself if your really ready, then follow your heart from there.

PS Hearts blessings to your journey with sweet passions wished


Unto the wind I go, not knowing when will return.. adieu

 

[Tallfella]

Re: universal problem

Isn't it interesting-most of the time you hear men whining about not "getting enough" or about the lack of enthusiasium. Aren't we humans a wacky & varied group? Isn't fate a cruel comic? Life would be a lot better if the boring ones found each other & us "Lit types" found each other in the first place!

The interesting point here is that a lot of women in their twenties aren't always that keen on sex my ex certainly wasn't and used to get her mother to call us at about 11pm every night and I used to end up going to sleep. Ok so having gone thruogh that scenarion the woman then blossomns in here thirties but if her man has been around for a long time it becomes a pavlovs dogs situation she say's no and eventually he stops asking . So What to do get nasty get as nasty as you can tell him what you want in basic terms and then go for it. if that dont work threaten to have an affair
.

 

[ifitsfundoit]

As men, how would you react to a partner that wanted to teach you a different way to kiss? And what should I do about the staleness of our sex life?

As a man, I like nothing more than a woman to give me hints on what to do. There's little sexier than a woman who know what she wants.

The best thing about being given "instructions?" is that it can only lead to greateer pleasure for my partner.

And what should I do about the staleness of our sex life?

Men can be pretty obtuse at times. I know I can. Keep going with the hints. He'll get there eventually.

Best of luck


Ifits

 

[Mrcanada]

Well I can see that there is a big problem here, I know that i maybe a bit young (21) but I am a shy conservative guy and know how it can feel. The trick that my girlfriend taught me and that we both have learned to perfection(I think) is to write a letter or an email or even a note to each other. I find that as a guy its much easier to express myself to my love through writting. I know that this will not work for every one but its worth a try. in these letters we express our love, our sex dreams, what we like and what we dont like and things that we would like to try. I find that it keeps our sex life full of great things. So for a useless tip give this a shot.

 

[ronde]

As a 35 year veteran of mostly marital bliss, I have to comment.

If you've been married 17 years and have kids, you probably have spent the last 17 years as concerned with them as with each other. As kids grow up and leave, couples have to learn about each other all over, because everyone changes with time. When you have all that kid stuff to do, it's hard to keep up with where your partner is going on a personal basis. Don't forget that sexual appetites change with time, also, but the fire can be rekindled given the right tinder.

I know you talk to each other, but do you communicate? After all these years with my lady, sometimes I hear her words, but I don't hear what she's saying. Now, don't all you girls jump on me about selective hearing. I know about that, too, but as many researchers have discovered, men and women do speak different versions of the same language. Neither is wrong, but both have to learn to listen, and you may have to talk his language while you're teaching him how to listen to you. I'm not condeming, just making an observation from experience.

We men think most reasonably normal women, especially the ones we're married to, to be wonderful, beautiful creatures. If you show him that you think you're sexy, I guarantee that will turn him on. The lingere shopping was a great idea. Try meeting him at the door in something skimpy, or maybe wearing the clothes in which you were born. We men are like the mule and the ballbat; you have to get our attention before you can teach us anything.

Dates are great if you make them a date. That means all the stuff you used to do in high school, like holding hands, kissing in public, a little petting in the car, or maybe a night in the nearest cheap motel. Anybody under 20 will think you're nuts or perverted, but why should you care?

I don't recommend renting porn movies, as some do. They don't qualify as training films unless you are both contortionists who dissolve into lust in five seconds, and can have 15 orgasms per hour. At my age, that stuff is hazardous to my health. Why not try making your own? It'll be better to watch, and a whole lot more fun than a trip to the rental place.

Ask him to give you a bath. This is kind of like the shower thing, but just relax in the tub and let his fingers to the scrubbing. You can keep saying, "I feel really dirty here".

Go swimming, wade out neck deep, drop your top, and encourage him to play. If you drop the bottom, just make sure you know where it is. Bottomless exits can be embarrassing. This works best in lakes. You'd probably get thrown out of a public pool.

There are a lot more good ideas on this thread, and most of them are great. We haven't done them all, but we still have a few oats to sow before we retire the waterbed.

Have fun, I'm sure he will.