Getting started with BDSM?

[curious26TX]

So I've been getting more and more curious about BDSM and want to experience it. How would I go about even getting started?

 

[SimonBrooke]

So I've been getting more and more curious about BDSM and want to experience it. How would I go about even getting started?

BDSM is by its nature playing with stuff which is not safe. How not-safe you're prepared to play is to some extent up to you, but you do need to inform yourself of the risks first. You need someone to play with and on the whole it's better if that someone knows what they're doing. In your local large town there will probably be a 'munch' or a fetish club where the local BDSM people meet up. Go along, talk to people, get a feeling of who has a good reputation locally and who hasn't.

It's safest (if not most exciting) to meet the person you intend to play with for a coffee in a public place, to get to know them, before you meet them in their hotel room in the evening or a dark alley after midnight. At such introductory meetings it's quite accepted that you will have a 'safety call' - a phone call from a friend to check you're OK - and anyone who objects to this isn't someone you should trust.

Do not play with anyone who will not respect your safe word. Do not play with anyone who wants to gag you as part of your first session. Make sure that in penetrative sex condoms are used (at least until you know one another well and are committed to one another), and don't be afraid to ask whether the person you're playing with has been tested for infectious diseases.

Most important of all, have fun!

 

[where]

BDSM is by its nature playing with stuff which is not safe. How not-safe you're prepared to play is to some extent up to you, but you do need to inform yourself of the risks first. You need someone to play with and on the whole it's better if that someone knows what they're doing. In your local large town there will probably be a 'munch' or a fetish club where the local BDSM people meet up. Go along, talk to people, get a feeling of who has a good reputation locally and who hasn't.

It's safest (if not most exciting) to meet the person you intend to play with for a coffee in a public place, to get to know them, before you meet them in their hotel room in the evening or a dark alley after midnight. At such introductory meetings it's quite accepted that you will have a 'safety call' - a phone call from a friend to check you're OK - and anyone who objects to this isn't someone you should trust.

Do not play with anyone who will not respect your safe word. Do not play with anyone who wants to gag you as part of your first session. Make sure that in penetrative sex condoms are used (at least until you know one another well and are committed to one another), and don't be afraid to ask whether the person you're playing with has been tested for infectious diseases.

Most important of all, have fun!

isn't that a bit cart before horse-ish?

 

[Duncan1981]

Research is key here. Find out what you like, how you like it and don't be as open with just anyone in RL. Find someone you trust and make sure you state your limits with them. Again you can find more sites directed at teaching. But here is one that might help you out alittle.

 

[CuteBrat]

So I've been getting more and more curious about BDSM and want to experience it. How would I go about even getting started?

check out your local scene! Your profile says you are in Austin...I'm pretty sure there is a pretty major scene there. Do a google search, or join a site called Fetlife.com (it's free) and then look for Austin events.

Most dungeons have outreach, discussion groups, and trainings. They are very welcoming to newbies and will treat you with respect. Go watch how people play...see what turns you on and what squicks you out. But don't expect those benchmarks to stay the same. There is a Dom (who I think may be from Texas actually) who says "in BDSM, never is 6 months"...meaning the things you say today you would never do...may become big turnons in 6 months.

Also look for munches...which are basically vanilla (non-scene) gatherings of kinky folks. Usually at a place that serves horrible cheap food.

There are some good intro books ("The Loving Dominant" "Screw the Roses give me the Thorns" "SM101 by JayWiseman") but I think you will learn what you like MUCH faster by getting off the computer and out of your home, and seeing things in vivo.

good luck, and welcome down the rabbit hole!!

 

[where]

I would say start by getting a heaping plate of salt to consume with the advice you'll get here.



Not that I disagree Kybele, but I'm dying to know what "horse" you would put before that "cart."

the whole getting someone to play with cart. it implies a casual thing and at the risk of sounding like our most favoured loving dominant, it might not be the very best place to start.

I suggest lots of cybering and role play to start and then when you have a textual proficiency, move onto the live meat, so to speak.








not really. the last bit, I mean.

 

[ali0610]

a little nervous

So I've been getting more and more curious about BDSM and want to experience it. How would I go about even getting started?

I'm kinda in the same boat...but verrrry nervous about it. I'm very untrusting by nature, so feel intimidated and too scared to even try it...even though I want to :/

 

[RJMasters]

So I've been getting more and more curious about BDSM and want to experience it. How would I go about even getting started?

Can you expound a little on what about BDSM interests you? Perhaps if you explained a little about what's got you curious or what you might be interested in, then others might be able to help give you some advice on those topics or areas of intrest.

 

[MsDeanne]

I just found my squeak of a voice to join a local club..and was recommended fetlife.com as a way to explore and find other people in my community...
So far..very pleasant experience with lots of patient and knowledgeable people.
Been to a few munches and tonight is our first time watching and getting to see some scenes and what a safe environment looks like as well as proper manners.
Can't wait!

 

[CuZnDragon]

When I first started I did a lot of research on the web then looked for groups around the area and joined a couple to see how others were doing thing and what was offered in the way education/training.

GWNN ( http://gwnn.net/ ) is one in your area and if you are a DOM they used to have training that lasted a year that covered a lot of aspects of BDSM and paired you up with others to give practical experience in how to do things as safe as possible and I found I like things I didn't think I would.

If you have a significant other that is also interested then CTC ( http://ctc.armadillo.nu/ ) is also good as they have many demos and discussions on various topics that are couple oriented.

Another that is a bit south is SASM ( http://www.sasmtx.info/ ) not a lot of training but they do have a newbie session that covers what to be aware of as someone new to BDSM.

 

[sweepthefloor]

So I've been getting more and more curious about BDSM and want to experience it. How would I go about even getting started?

I have been asking myself the same question for over a year! All the while wondering: is there something wrong with me? I still have not done anything except in my own head.
What I have learned is this: I won't trust any man just cause 'I think he can'-
I am such a dork, I told my last lover on like the second date: Here is the deal: I want to be submissive and I want you to control me. He had no idea what I was talking about but said: Sure! I thought maybe he would read about it or something.

It was an awful experience, and it is my fault. I am back to the question: What is it that I want/need, and I start all over.

 

[DVS]

Sexuality.org is a very large web site with a lot of things to read about. Sexuality.org/l/bdsm/ is about BDSM.

I googled "Austin, TX munch groups" and "Austin, TX BDSM" and came up with...

http://www.bdsm-texas.com/state.htm

http://www.houseofdesade.com/links/states.htm#Texas%20and%20the%20Midwest

http://www.domsubfriends.com/cgi-local/wwwdir/db.cgi?db=org&uid=default&state=TEXAS&view_records=View+Records&ww=on

http://www.fetishscene.com/fetishscene/cgi/category.cgi?category=/texas&start=0

Just to mention a few. Find some near you and inquire about a visit. You'll meet new and exciting friends.

 

[karma9]

...I am back to the question: What is it that I want/need, and I start all over.

Knowing yourself as a sub answers your question 'What is it that I want/need'.

 

[karma9]

.....

 

[Wizard]

So I've been getting more and more curious about BDSM and want to experience it. How would I go about even getting started?

Read every web site and book you can. Find out what side of the kinks you wish to try and explore..... We have belonged to a local munch for 15 years or so , a great place to hang out with like minded folks...

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

Knowing yourself as a sub answers your question 'What is it that I want/need'.

Not really, but it's a good starting point.