Getting my man to try new things....

[Guest]

(This question is, I believe, stereotypically the problem a man has with his female partner). I would welcome answers from either men or women, as this is a pretty difficult problem for me and causing alot of sadness for me in my relationship. My man and I have been together 4 years and the sex, which was originally pretty exciting, varied, and frequent is now staid, unchanging and infrequent. I should probably mention here that he is 18 years my senior and I am 32. I am very experimental and sexually uninhibited and would like to get opinions from others on how to improve this. Talking about it only brings about responses such as, "Yes, let's try new things and make love more", and then it's back to the same infrequency and the same position. Notice I said position, not positions. Any help out there would be appreciated. Thanks for responding.

 

[Golden]

Hi Tessa,

you'll get pleny of creative advice on this BB, so let me start with some obvious stuff - which you probably know already but what the hell!

1. you two aren't the first couple in history to have this problem
2. It won't go away unless you both want to solve this.

First a question - is your partner as bored or turned off by lovemaking as you are at the moment or his he still getting off? Best if he also perceives a problem even if he isn't yet good at talking about it

Non-talkers often respond to action; you say you are stuck with the one position; have you tried abandoning talk and manoeuvring into another position? After all your lovemaking WAS varied and exciting, and you make it sound as if he is in total control of the action and is dictating the new dull version even though you are uninhibited... what happens when you sit your pussy on his fsce or go down on him or sit in his lap - or whatever those positions are which are now abandoned??

If he really won't talk or budge or change ... then fact is girl you are (now) with the wrong guy. Sad indeed.

[This message has been edited by golden (edited 02-01-2000).]

 

[Fallen Angel]

Let's see first I doubt that it is sterotypically a male problem. Everyone tends to be a little bit lazy and gets in a rut.

My advice is to take the initiative and be the one to start it and then lead it where you want it to go. Your mate is not a mind reader and not the only person involved.

I know that there have been times in my marriage when I was tired of being the one to have to start our love making. I would lay in bed and wait for my wife to give me some sign that she was intrested, when she didn't I felt mistreated. These feelings would snowball and create distance between us that was apparent in bed and in the fact that I looked for some reason to be mad so as not to expect sex at night. A few big fights and some long heart to heart talks and now we both initiate sex. Either of us can tell the other what we want for the night and usually get it. It is practical not romantic but the honeymoon only lasts so long. She would love it if I came home with roses and threw her on the kitchen table and made wild passionate love but it isn't going to happen (ok maybe for her birthday). With all this we still have one favorite position and use it most of the time.

My parting words would have to be:
If you want sex start it
If you want variety lead it

 

[Fletch_99]

Now i wouldn't call what i'm about to say advise, just an opinion. If talking doesn't get a rise of what you want, although he has agreed to try different varieties of sexual content. Then be dominate with him, slow him down a notch or two, slowly. Change your approach towards him, slowly, do different stuff that you wouldn't normally do during your sexual incounter.

 

[Skitten]

I agree with the other posts too. Sometimes you have to tell your partner what you want maybe he is scared to try thing because he doesn't want to scare you off. You have to explain to him that you are willing to do what he and you agree on be open and have trust that if you guys don't like what you are doing neither one will get mad at the other. But you have to try to be open and honmest with one another just keep the communication between you open. And explain to him that you need him more and would like to experiment with him and maybe just maybe he will want to make you happy and in the long run he will enjoy himself also. It is worth a try good-luck.

skitten

 

[Gary1]

Read the book, "Light His Fire" ... it says it all and answers the questions you are asking. Then buy him "Light Her Fire" ....

 

[robertreams]

i have a little trick that will probably work for one time only. One evening, before you go out for teh night, put a dot on the base of is thumb with a magic marker. Tell him every time he sees the dot to think about what will happen when you get home.

When you get home, give him a blow job with no regard for your own satisfaction. MAKE him cum in you mouth and swallow it all.

A few nights later, while he is glued to the TV, sit where he can see you, but not blocking his view. Be naked or in a very short skirt. spread your legs wide so he can see your pussy. Masturbate yourself until you orgasm.

If this doesn't get a rise out of him, you've got a man with no imaagination. good luck.