Getting closer to older man

[greengamegirl]

I want to get closer to an older man but I’m worried he won’t take me seriously. He’s 12 years older than me. So I think he might see me as more of a little sister than someone he would date. But many older men like younger women so I’m not sure.

I have talked to him but I really want to go with him somewhere. But, not if he would think it was a joke. What can I do to make it clear I’m interested but not scare him away. Or maybe I should just keep it to myself, safer for everybody.

 

[ICM8781]

I want to get closer to an older man but I’m worried he won’t take me seriously. He’s 12 years older than me. So I think he might see me as more of a little sister than someone he would date. But many older men like younger women so I’m not sure.

I have talked to him but I really want to go with him somewhere. But, not if he would think it was a joke. What can I do to make it clear I’m interested but not scare him away. Or maybe I should just keep it to myself, safer for everybody.

He's probably just as intimidated to you as you to him. Just do it.

 

[nassauguy_2001]

I want to get closer to an older man but I’m worried he won’t take me seriously. He’s 12 years older than me. So I think he might see me as more of a little sister than someone he would date. But many older men like younger women so I’m not sure.

I have talked to him but I really want to go with him somewhere. But, not if he would think it was a joke. What can I do to make it clear I’m interested but not scare him away. Or maybe I should just keep it to myself, safer for everybody.

Just take a chance and go for it. Ask HIM out, it's 2019 for goodness sake.
Good luck!

 

[greengamegirl]

He's probably just as intimidated to you as you to him. Just do it.

Is there a way I can tell if he’s intimidated or if he would think I’m coming way out of left field?

 

[greengamegirl]

Just take a chance and go for it. Ask HIM out, it's 2019 for goodness sake.
Good luck!

I want to be able to ask him out but he might never talk to me again if he really does just see me as a little sister or something like that. But maybe it’s my only option...

 

[ICM8781]

Is there a way I can tell if he’s intimidated or if he would think I’m coming way out of left field?

Short answer, no.

It sounds like you've been close for a while. The reason he isn't giving any signals, is because you aren't giving any signals, and he's just as worried about the response.

Tough Love answer:
Suck it up and do it. You might be wrong. You might get rejected. You might get embarrassed. But, there is no way to know for certain without just doing it. That's the game of love. It's messy. Everyone is afraid of rejection and embarrassment. You have to work for what you want. If you want him, you have to try.

 

[Lost_Yonder]

I want to be able to ask him out but he might never talk to me again if he really does just see me as a little sister or something like that. But maybe it’s my only option...

Even if he sees you as a "little sister" and not a possible gf - he would tell you if he thought you were wanting more than he was interested in giving. Many older guys don't hit on younger girls they are attracted to because they don't want to be seen as complete pervs. Whereas if you were to make it known you were interested, he would be more comfortable on opening up and showing what may just be his hidden desires for you...

In short, make your interests known to him.

Good luck!

 

[EdEc]

I once worked with an attractive, married blonde woman who wanted to date an attractive single man who worked in our department. She told me that she'd do anything to have a date with him. I told her to walk up to him, put her hand gently against his crotch, squeeze very lightly and tell him that she wants to go out with him. She said she couldn't do that. I reminded her that she said she'd do anything to have a date with him. She divorced her husband and the young man became interestedd They married a short time later.

Addressing your situation. The NFL season has started. Games on Mon. and Thurs. nights and on Sunday afternoons and nights. Your ploy is that you don't understand the game at all and you feel that it's time to learn. Could you go to a sports bar with him for your first lesson?
Dress appropriately.

 

[jehoram]

I want to get closer to an older man but I’m worried he won’t take me seriously. He’s 12 years older than me. So I think he might see me as more of a little sister than someone he would date. But many older men like younger women so I’m not sure.

I have talked to him but I really want to go with him somewhere. But, not if he would think it was a joke. What can I do to make it clear I’m interested but not scare him away. Or maybe I should just keep it to myself, safer for everybody.

As an age difference, twelve years is nothing. In fact, the older the man is, the less concerned he is with any difference in ages, IMO.

So invite him out for coffee or something. Keep it light, and see if he wants to make the first move. The main thing is to consider yourselves equals, and don't let age differences sidetrack you.

 

[amofiga]

I want to get closer to an older man but I’m worried he won’t take me seriously. He’s 12 years older than me. So I think he might see me as more of a little sister than someone he would date. But many older men like younger women so I’m not sure.

I have talked to him but I really want to go with him somewhere. But, not if he would think it was a joke. What can I do to make it clear I’m interested but not scare him away. Or maybe I should just keep it to myself, safer for everybody.

So according to your profile, you're about 29-30 and the guy you're interested in would be about 42. That's not THAT much older than you. It's not like you're a daughter to him. I think 10-12 years is fine if you are a bit mature for 29 and not a bit flaky as say a 20 year old. If he were 20 years older, it might be awkward.

If you simply and honestly tell him that you find him attractive and would love to go out with him to see how things work out, he'd probably be flattered and would NOT consider you a sister. I had lady friends that were as much as 15 years younger than me (when I was in my 50's) and 10 years older than me (when I was in my 30's and 40's) and it was fine. Age is a number and shouldn't impact your relationship either sexually or non-sexually.

 

[nfrrdscnnr1]

A friend responded affirmatively to "Would you be interested in dating someone like me? Substitute "a relationship" or "connecting" for "dating if you wish.

 

[NightL]

A friend responded affirmatively to "Would you be interested in dating someone like me? Substitute "a relationship" or "connecting" for "dating if you wish.

⋀ ⋀ ⋀ ⋀
That

just keep it simple

12 year gap means less as you get older

 

[Jada59]

⋀ ⋀ ⋀ ⋀
That

just keep it simple

12 year gap means less as you get older

Very much agree.

When I was younger, I had a wonderful guy friend who was 12 years younger than me. I loved him so much but never told him that, for two reasons. The age difference was one. The other was the fact that he was Chinese. He told me that his mother forbade him from dating anyone who wasn't Chinese.

We were physical with each other. We hugged and kissed a lot. Not French kisses. We used to snuggle up under a blanket. I let him open my shirt and play with my breasts. Sometimes he would just sort of lay his head there and I'd stroke his hair.

In looking back now, I see that he had made several attempts at having sex with me but I just wasn't picking up on his clues.

I wound up marrying another man. When Sam found out, he was devastated. He held me tightly, cried and said he could never see me again because he loved me.

To make this story worse, I got a divorce 1.5 years ago. I found out from a mutual friend that Sam worked just up the street from where I live now! I was sooo excited! I said as soon as my divorce was final, I would go see him and see if I could put things right. But... He had just gotten married and had a baby girl. *sigh*

I still love him. I always have.

My other story is the BF who was 15 years older than me. I was with him just before I met Sam. We met in a bar. We were together for a year. Ours was a very sexual relationship. The subject of love never came up.

So two very different stories. If only I had followed my heart with the first one.

An age difference can be viewed as wrong by society. I get that a lot because I tend to like younger guys and sometimes they very obviously flirt with me. I have gotten nasty comments from others about that.

I say she should go for it! Make a move and see what happens.

 

[IsItBad]

I want to get closer to an older man but I’m worried he won’t take me seriously. He’s 12 years older than me. So I think he might see me as more of a little sister than someone he would date. But many older men like younger women so I’m not sure.

I have talked to him but I really want to go with him somewhere. But, not if he would think it was a joke. What can I do to make it clear I’m interested but not scare him away. Or maybe I should just keep it to myself, safer for everybody.

just tell him you are interested in him

its really that simple

he will take you seriously

many people would not care about a 12 year difference......i mean....if you are 3 and he is 15 ….that might be an issue.....but if you are grown what difference does it make really?

 

[greengamegirl]

More information

I work with him so I’m hesitating. He’s not my boss and there isn’t a rule against dating. I just don’t want things to be awkward if I’m not his type or something.

I don’t want to add too many details, on the off chance he happens to come across this. Probably the odds are low but just in case.

 

[ElectricBlue]

I work with him so I’m hesitating. He’s not my boss and there isn’t a rule against dating. I just don’t want things to be awkward if I’m not his type or something.

I don’t want to add too many details, on the off chance he happens to come across this. Probably the odds are low but just in case.

If you are uncertain about what to do in a work environment, be cautious. In this day and age of political correctness and workplace blah blah blah, any misguided or failed attempt at a pick-up or even harmless flirting can end up with an ugly harassment claim (which can go either way).

This seems to me to be a bit of a crush, though. You wondering whether he might regard you as a "little sister" isn't really an adult response to attraction, that just sounds odd.

What kind of signals are you sending out? People aren't stupid, most people can spot when someone is attracted to them. Even men.

I'd say, if you've tried a little gentle flirting and he's not picked up on that, then he's either seen it and it's sending all the wrong signals, or he's not interested, or he's oblivious. Whatever you do, consider your work place, your career, his career, and be sensible. Coming to Lit for advice probably isn't your cleverest move - go talk to your bff, surely .

 

[greengamegirl]

Something seems to be there

I’m not going to go into too much detail but I’ve helped him multiple times when he was hurt or sick. If something is bothering him I try to help him. If I come across something he might like, I try to share it if it is shareable.

He also does the same thing. He checks on me to make sure I’m ok. He helps me if I’m not. But he’s also a little protective but not so much that it’s scary or anything. He also finds things I might like.

we already seem close, but it seems I might have to be more clear if I want to get any closer. Or maybe he’s just being nice and it’s all in my head. Could be something I’ll laugh about years from now, who knows.

 

[ElectricBlue]

I’m not going to go into too much detail but I’ve helped him multiple times when he was hurt or sick. If something is bothering him I try to help him. If I come across something he might like, I try to share it if it is shareable.

He also does the same thing. He checks on me to make sure I’m ok. He helps me if I’m not. But he’s also a little protective but not so much that it’s scary or anything. He also finds things I might like.

we already seem close, but it seems I might have to be more clear if I want to get any closer. Or maybe he’s just being nice and it’s all in my head. Could be something I’ll laugh about years from now, who knows.

Sounds to me that you're more than just colleagues at work. Why don't you suggest having lunch together occasionally, no big deal, nothing "too formal" and just see where it takes you. That happens all the time in the work place. Don't overthink it .

 

[NightL]

Don't overthink it .

"Would you ever consider going on a date with someone my age?" said with a cheeky smile is a simple question that will get a simple reply.

The only answer that may change your working relationship is if he says "yes". Maybe that is what you are really scared of?

"Don't overthink it "

 

[NightL]

are you just looking for complex ways to avoid simple communication?

Do you want to drag this out for weeks or know the answer in 10 seconds?

 

[greengamegirl]

I think I know what I’m going to do. Will update with results.

 

[Thatdurtydawg]

I hope it works out for you!

 

[Zeb_Carter]

Rule 27: Never date a co-worker.

 

[ICM8781]

Rule 27: Never date a co-worker.

Screw that. You spend a third of your life at work, and most people take the rest of the time to decompress after work. If you meet someone at work that makes you happy and makes that 1/3 of your life easier, go for it. The real rule should be don't take a breakup from somebody at work so seriously.

 

[SissySalina]

Invite him to a park (amusement) or some nice place, worse thing is a no.