Getting back to writing

[Aaron Dazer]

I'm back at the key board and would like some current reviews of my previous stories to know where to go with the new stuff.

One is under non-consent listed as My Sleeping Angel.

the other is A Walk in the Park under Erotic Couplings.

I'm asking for all types of Feedback. Content. Plot, readability ETC.. any and all thoughts thank you..

Aaron Dazer

 

[*Catbabe*]

I read the non-consent story and it left me slightly perplexed.

It was easy to read so you obviously don't really have any technical problems, that I noticed anyway. I just didn't buy that the woman wouldn't eventually wake up unless she was drunk or drugged. I could see someone sleeping through a few light touches but someone actually entering her body, I don't think so.

My second issue is what man would want to be so incredibly without a presence, without an impact when he was having sex with a woman that she was able to sleep through it? Seems like an odd goal to have in a sexual relationship.

I guess overall, I didnt really buy it as a non consent story as well, because the two people appear to be in a relationship, maybe even living together, so unless you write her saying no to him earlier in the evening, it seems like she would probably consent anyway if she was awake. It's like he is taking something that was already given to him.

Those are just my reaction as a reader though, so if it works for you and other readers, then totally ignore my thoughts.

Good luck,
Cat

 

[Aaron Dazer]

Thanks

You know i never thought of alot of what you said. yes the orginal Idea was she was drunk i some how didn't include that. but you picked up on one aspect it wasn't really a non-consent. That catorgory was put on by lit. I was thinking more of a Erotica coupling. it was a Passive Aggressive thing. that she for sure allowed. a Seconed Draft would have put the fact she was under the influnce of something in effect and make her in effect a roomate.

thanks though What i really learned from your feed back is i seriously had some holes in the story. I may rewrite and eloburate.

 

[*Catbabe*]

Your welcome

If you are interested in non-consent stories and power play, there are some pretty good examples in that genre right here on Lit. You should take a look at them, before you begin another story.

dr. M, Seattle Zack and Singularity are three that come to mind quickly. They create scenarios where the reader is able to understand the motivation of the characters involved in "unusual" activities and therefore, are willing to suspend their disbelief. I think the more extreme the actions of the characters are, the more the reader needs to understand why they are happening, otherwise you risk losing them. Power exchange scenes are both mental and physical and they don't work unless both elements are present.

http://www.literotica.com/stories/memberpage.php?uid=159353

http://www.literotica.com/stories/memberpage.php?uid=252344

http://www.literotica.com/stories/memberpage.php?uid=99844

There are the links to their member pages and story lists.

Good luck,
Cat