Get past my lines

[cuddlywife]

To keep it short, I am coming up on my 50th Birthday, my husband has planned a week in Jamaica for us to celebrate. I am excited to go and really want to make this special. We want it to be fun and very romantic.

The problem is I am very very concervative. It took nearly 4 years of marriage for me to let him do oral on me. Then 2 more before I would do it on him. I was a virgin when we married, at age 33 for me, 26 for him. I rarely dress provacatively as I was raised not to. My shortest dress is at my knees and cleavage is not something I am comfortable showing. I dont drink, smoke or do drugs.

So here is the question, How do I get over it all and give in to some of the things he wants to do and some of the things my body would love for him to do? I want to try some things and am slowly working out of my shell, but I dont want to wait any longer so I dont waste the trip.

Input is appreciated and stories of how you did it would be helpful as well. Oh, my the way, roleplaying is to hard for me. Cant imagine trying to be with anyone besides my husband. Sorry, tried that, did not work.

 

[sdineen]

nm

I have some ideas. I accept you dont want rp but would like to help.

 

[Eilan]

I have some ideas. I accept you dont want rp but would like to help.

Then why not post your ideas so that the OP and others may benefit?

 

[Lord Pmann]

Read some of the stories and threads here. The more exposure you have to this stuff, the more normal it seems.

How long do you have until the trip?

 

[RedHotMamaTN]

So here is the question, How do I get over it all and give in to some of the things he wants to do and some of the things my body would love for him to do? I want to try some things and am slowly working out of my shell, but I dont want to wait any longer so I dont waste the trip.


You said some of the things my body would love for him to do. Well what is some of the things you are interested in? Im sure you have read alot of different things on Lit and some things have sparked a interested in you. So what interests you?

 

[njlauren]

My problem is we don't know exactly what you are referring to...what is it you want to be able to do? Nude sunbathe? Have sex on the beach? Have a threesome? The problem is it is very hard to know what to tell you when we don't know what you are heading for..you don't have to go into the details, but what is it you want to do? Opening up covers a lot of ground......

A lot of it also depends on how ingrained your hesitations are, too....things like taboos, things we were taught that are 'what good people do', they are deeply ingrained, so it may not be that easy. I think for people to offer advice they need to know were you are heading so they can suggest things.

My suggesting? Find an experienced sex therapist to work with, they are experts in helping people work to where they want to go, I think personally if you have goals, that may be the best way to go with this, working with your husband to where you need to go.

 

[pplwatching]

I think that it's important to first realize that being conservative is not a bad thing. It's part of who you are, and one of the cornerstones of marriage is unconditionally accepting who we each are.

If there are things that you want to try, or change, then a great place to start is to talk to your husband. One of the wonderful things about marriage is that we can share our fears and desires with our spouse. Tell him what you want to try. Ask him to help you explore the things that you want to try in a way that makes you feel comfortable, safe, and loved. If he's a good lover he won't rush you or make you do anything that you discover you don't really want to do after all.

That said, there are some fantasies and desires that are best left as fantasies. If you are considering opening up your marriage to include additional sexual partners, then I would caution you to first understand the implications and the risks that you are creating in your marriage.

 

[silverwhisper]

cuddlywife, i think that it's great you're asking the question. however, in order to provide any kind of help, we need to know what exactly is meant by

cuddlywife queried:
how do i get over it all and give in to some of the things he wants to do and some of the things my body would love for him to do?

what kinds of things does your husband want to do with you, and what kinds of things would your body love for him to do?

if you can't articulate those things, there's a problem. you mention that you're approaching 50. that's certainly old enough that how you were raised has a lot less to do with who you are and how you conduct yourself than your vision for the woman you want to be now & in the future. if you allow your upbringing to define who you are today, you will not change and it's clear from the fact that this thread even exists that you want to change.

maybe it's as simple as giving yourself permission to be who you want to be and understanding that you are a sexual being who has wants and desires that you want to explore with your husband.

ed

 

[amofiga]

Sometimes I'm amazed at the sincere, sensitive type of advice that is offered here. I find it very refreshing to know that there are people willing to provide some understanding and thoughts to those trying to find there way through the sexual minefield or trying to expand their horizons. There has been a lot of sound thoughts above related to having open comminication, reading eroticam, and even seeing a sex counselor.

With that already said, I might suggest some of the more commercial "how to" or similar sorts of books on sex that one can find in regular bookstores like Barnes and Noble ,that relate to new erotic experiences that you can try. It's best if both hubby and wife are willing and interested in reading and that full and open communication and respect are offered and received. It's ok to laugh and take it with some humor, but don't make it a joke, especially if either partner or both are serious about wanting to open up new horizons. I've had too much experience, both first and second hand, where intimacy can be negatively affected when one or the other partner makes the other feel stupid or perverted or crazy or "dirty" for wanting to try something new. It's important to lay a solid groundwork and be respectful of each other's feelings and possible insecurities.

It's also important to start small and take steps. It can be pretty shocking if you've had a pretty conservative sex life and one day you or your partner blurts out that they want to have a threesome or invite another couple or two over for a mini orgy or gang bang. Probably the best way to start is with new positions or expanding into more oral or anal if those things haven't normally been on the menu of activites and make sure you can feel comfortable expressing and listening to whatever objections, fears, reservations, etc that the other might have. The OP originally said something about wanting to open up new horizons on this trip to Jamaica. Why wait till then unless maybe a clothing optional beach, or a moonlignt blowjob on the beach, or swinging with other couples is on the list of things to consider? Expanding sexual horizons works as well at home as it does in a hotel. Whatever the intent or expectation, good luck and I hope it all works out.

 

[BeachMomma]

There's already a lot of good advice here. One of my suggestions would be for you to be aware that your husband is probably programmed a little differently than you are. Of course he loves you and wants to please you, but have you considered the fact that he may be interested in being more adventuresome with you? Most of my male friends say that they love being with a woman who's a lady in public but a woman (slut, whore, whatever you want to call it) in the bedroom. It's a big turn on to them that their woman only lets her hair down for her husband. They get to see the erotic side of her that nobody else gets to see.

Communication really is the key. Take a chance and tell him how you feel. He may surprise you.

 

[cuddlywife]

Update for Thread

I am not trying to do anything to wild and crazy, well not in terms of what you see here.

Few of the things:
Bikini--I have never exposed that much skin in public
Lingerie under cloths in public--It has always been for the bedroom
Short slinky dress--Never owned a dress shorter than my knees till last winter
Topless--He would love to find a secluded spot for some topless fun in the sun
***Dress hot and sexy without being a slut--Want to for him, but dont know how to be sexy without looking or feeling like a slut

I was raised in an environment where none of this stuff was talked about. In fact, when I got married, my now husband had to give me the sex talk because mom would never talk about it.

I am a professional and dress professional everyday and have for 30 years. Trying to find a way to break out of it.

By the way, trip is over Valentines in 2013.

 

[monkeyman057]

That's not nearly as ambitious a list as a few of us thought it might be. Which is not to make light of your situation at all. It's scary putting yourself out there.

I think your biggest obstacle is going to be learning to be indifferent to the people around you - other than your husband that is. Some folks are raised to think that how other people view them is the most important thing in the world. Many people get along just fine without giving a hoot about other peoples opinions.

I think you've got to get yourself a little closer to that place and your hesitation will likely diminish greatly.

You only live once. Sometimes it just takes a leap of faith.

Incidentally - what you might consider slutty, some people might think of as conservative. It's all subjective.

 

[hilton1958]

Can I suggest something that might be a first step in breaking some of the taboos hanging over your head. get a good sex game to take with you on your holiday, not an over the top number for a group of swingers, I inadvertently bought one of those, and it went straight out in the trash. Do you have an android device? I ask, because a couple weeks ago I downloaded a free game called Foreplay for Couples, and it is brilliant. There are at least a hundred activities. which your device (in my case a tablet) picks at random for you or your partner to perform on/for the other. The beauty of this particular game, is that all the activities can be edited, so if any of them are too risque for you, you simply change them, or disable them, and the best of all, in my opinion, is that you can create and ad your own new activities, something I have had great fun doing.
Hope this helps, enjoy your holiday, and come back more in love than ever!

 

[BeachMomma]

Few of the things:
Bikini--I have never exposed that much skin in public
Lingerie under cloths in public--It has always been for the bedroom
Short slinky dress--Never owned a dress shorter than my knees till last winter
Topless--He would love to find a secluded spot for some topless fun in the sun
***Dress hot and sexy without being a slut--Want to for him, but dont know how to be sexy without looking or feeling like a slut

I was raised in an environment where none of this stuff was talked about. In fact, when I got married, my now husband had to give me the sex talk because mom would never talk about it.

I am a professional and dress professional everyday and have for 30 years. Trying to find a way to break out of it.

By the way, trip is over Valentines in 2013.

You've got plenty of time to work your way up to some of the things you want to try. I'd start by buying an outfit that you'd LIKE to be able to wear, but you know it's not conservative enough to wear in public. Get all dolled up, and be waiting for him dressed like that when he comes home from work. I'd bet cold, hard cash that he'll show his appreciation.

It's ok to look - and act - slutty for him. It really is. I was raised the same way - by very conservative Christian parents. It took a little work for me to get past that too, but I somehow managed it. I won't wear a bikini either, but I love to go out with my husband and whisper in his ear that I'm not wearing any underwear under my very conservative outfit. That's another good way to start; nobody else needs to know other than the two of you, and again, I guarantee it'll rev his motor.

I think once you get used to looking a little sexier in the privacy of your own home, it'll be easier to dress up like that to go out in public. Besides, keep in mind that you're going somewhere that nobody knows you, and most of the women there will be dressed far sluttier than you.

 

[Red Sonja]

I am not trying to do anything to wild and crazy, well not in terms of what you see here.

Few of the things:
Bikini--I have never exposed that much skin in public
Lingerie under cloths in public--It has always been for the bedroom
Short slinky dress--Never owned a dress shorter than my knees till last winter
Topless--He would love to find a secluded spot for some topless fun in the sun
***Dress hot and sexy without being a slut--Want to for him, but dont know how to be sexy without looking or feeling like a slut

I was raised in an environment where none of this stuff was talked about. In fact, when I got married, my now husband had to give me the sex talk because mom would never talk about it.

I am a professional and dress professional everyday and have for 30 years. Trying to find a way to break out of it.

By the way, trip is over Valentines in 2013.

Bikini-- start with a tankini. It's a two-piece, but can have the appearance of a one-piece. It's a mid-point. You can then raise the midriff bit by bit.

Lingerie under clothes in public-- you're already wearing bra/panties so... get some sexier ones as a way to start bridging the gap. Find out what hubby likes, and use those.

Topless-- if it's an option, (kids, etc.) start spending some time at home topless with/for him. It will make it easier to do on your trip.

Just my thoughts on how to start the process... taking it slow, and perhaps consulting with a personal shopper or an image consultant for advice on colors etc., and how to update your wardrobe.

 

[akatrex]

To keep it short, I am coming up on my 50th Birthday, my husband has planned a week in Jamaica for us to celebrate. I am excited to go and really want to make this special. We want it to be fun and very romantic.

What side of Jamaica? We have been there and loved it.

Check out http://www.realbeauty.com/health/advice/101-tips-for-better-sex#slide-1 (Hit the Print button for some interesting reading)

Some of the idea's may not be apropos, but its a good start.

Sandal's are Romantic resorts, Beaches is Family and Hedonism a Nudity Drunk Fest.