Get her off

[MattHimself]

Hi there. Long time reader, first time poster!

I've been with my GF for coming up on 5 years now. We have a great relationship generally and tend to have a pretty rewarding (if slightly un adventurous) sex life.

There's just one thing. My GF can't cum.

She say's it's not me, and after various things I can quite believe her. I consider myself to be an extremely accomplished eater of pussy, and although that gives her immense pleasure it never gets her there. Ditto fingers, dildos, vibrators. Doesn't matter if I'm down there or she's having a go herself, full penetration in any position, etc etc.

The best way she can describe it is that her body really enjoys things to a point, and then a little voice somewhere in her head goes 'NO' and that's her done. Unfortunately that point always happens too soon for her. I've heard it said that some women have a lot of difficulty getting an orgasm, and need a lot of time and effort to work up to full arousal - yet if we try that, we both end up getting fed up with the whole process. At the end of the day, we both like our sex very hard, pretty rough and quite fast

She honestly claims to have never had a proper orgasm of any kind ever.

Is there anything I can do to help influence this? The longer it goes on the more inadequate I feel, but this has never been a problem for me before with women and I know it's not really her fault!

 

[rosco rathbone]

Plenty of women don't cum and still enjoy sex. You've done your best, now stop blaming yourself. It's not your responsibility to "make" her cum. You can only communicate and do the things that she thinks might help.

 

[Firebrain]

Firstly, I would try not to focus on her orgasm - not visibly to her, anyway. As a woman, I've felt pressure to orgasm; it often takes quite a while (half an hour of direct stimulation, much of the time) and that can make you self conscious. It never helps.

If she's never had one at all...I would imagine her issues are her own (and they are, sadly, quite common). There are some things you can do to make her feel good, though, and good things can only come from that. Maybe - just maybe - if you focus on her pleasure rather than the climax itself, she can relax a little more.

At the end of the day, we both like our sex very hard, pretty rough and quite fast

I like rough sex. However, the problem with it is that it tends to be over quickly and I am left wanting. You can still have a slow build-up that leads to a furious fuck. You can try:

Massages - give her a long, attentive full-body massage. Start with her scalp (some gread instructional videos on youtube for that) and spend lots of time there. Then, using lotion or oil, work your way down her body. Pay lots of attention to her breasts, the small of her back, her inner thighs and down the back of her calves. Don't touch her between the legs; only around. If you do this right, she will be incredibly aroused by the time you get to the real deal.

Spanking - can be lots of fun if you like rougher play. Try it when she's especially aroused and sensitive, like after the massage; a firm hand on the cheeks of my ass makes my pussy twitch and my clit swell. Feels divine. If she wants, you can spank her pussy too (starting gently, of course). You don't have to take this too seriously - have a laugh if it makes you feel more comfortable.

Toys - you can use something to stimulate her g-spot while you're licking her. I love the feel of my partner's fingers but there's something about having the toy against my spot that makes me gush everywhere. I would talk to her about the size she would feel comfortable with; if you get something with a bit of a curve to it, she can rock against it instead of you having to move it in and out (I'm guessing that liking rougher sex means she loves feeling you against her g-spot, so this might be the way to go). A toy with a vibrating attachment might be especially good for playing, too.

Compliments - tell her how beautiful she is, how good she tastes, how much you love touching her, the little things she does that drive you mad. Not just in bed - tell her all the time. Make her feel confident and deserving of your desire.

I hope all that is of some help - whether she orgasms or not, the point is that she feels good at the end.

 

[littlebabyclit]

Great advice, Firebrain- and with perfect details and expression.

 

[Mr.G]

Frustrating

.... Especially when YOU'RE doing all the right things apparently. I was biting my tongue here, hoping to help but the one thing that struck me was "the voice in her head saying, "NO!"" YOU have to turn off that damn voice but the thing I was thinking, I didn't think you'd (or she) would want to hear. "Beat her!" OK well not beat her but give her a good spanking. Then FIRE said it for me so ....

Lemmie 'splain.

I'm making a crazy assumption here that you have discussed this with her at length and she does NOT know why that voice will not let her go any further. Is she a CONTROL FREAK. She doesn't have to be bossy or anything so obvious but if she requires her towels to be fold just such a way or she does the dishes "like THIS" and it annoys her or drives her batty if you do it another way ... she's a control freak. She may be that at work too but my point IS: THE one thing that freaks out a control freak is being OUT OF CUNTROL. Cumming - cumming HARD - MAY just be too much of a "danger" in her eyes.

Several VERY special women in my life have been CF's and in several cases stated that there is "NO WAY any man is going to SPANK ME!!" 26, 30, 34, and even in their 40's. NO WAY.(Let me say before I continue that each and every one of them absolutely LOVED - CRAVED even - getting spanked once they realized what it did to them and how it turned OFF all those annoying voices in their heads) They also had a great deal of difficulty in orgasming. Most could manage to get there themselves but with a guy - NOT happening or so rare (booze or a bit o'weed will give you give you a clue the thing that's not letting it happen is in THEIR heads not your techniques) that it might as well be never. In the END the spanking went from an occasional playful swat during sex to much more independent OF sex and an act alone. Once it becomes part of your sexual repertoire it almost always leads to sex or is so part of it that the spanking IS sex but that cums with time. It all kinda melds into one fun time. This is NOT an every time thing but you have to work that out yourselves. As far as the actual spanking goes ...

Here's where it gets psych-101-ie. A series of faaast bum whacks will discombobbulate her brain. As Fire stated, it will result in a tingling/swelling throughout the area concentrating around her clit and a lower orfice ooozing fluids. My guess it goes back to Neandrathalic days when sex was not so much a bunch of fun but being picked by the Alpha male of the "pack" (tribe - whatever) to breeed with. This was an honor and registered on the central core of the brain. Getting wet was a direct result of being turned on and making the "ordeal" more pleasant. We're talking about near animalistic breeding from 500,000 years ago before nicey-nice and PC existed. FUCK! BREED! FUCK! Like that. What FIRE and a few other have discovered is that THAT part of the brain STILL EXITS in each and every one of us today. Appeal to THAT or those parts of the brain and you can cirCUMvent the more modern part of her brain that is saying "NO" - for whatever reason.

Back to spanking. It doesn't have to be hard and you certainly don't have to be heavily into S&M&B&D or anything. Make it light BUT FAST. The brain begins to fry. Weird feeling as described to me but there is a concentration on THERE and only there that happens. A vibrator on her clit at the same time or stop every few swats and G-poke her and she may simply lose that voice in her head that is saying "NO"

Of course if she has been conditioned in some way to not want to orgasm for whatever reason(s) then I can promise you there is NOTHING as effective as a good spanking to RE-condition her thought process. "What do you mean you didn't / can't orgasm?" An give'er hell. I mean what do EITHER of you have to lose. There is also a part of her brain that will register YOU as her Alpha and that ain't all bad either!

Just make sure she isn't the type to completely misinterpret all this and have you arrested for ASSault the first time you whack her, OK. There CAN be complications but if you are both on the same track here this might work. Let her read this and let her know the WHYs and that she WILL be able to sit comfortably later and that you're not going to leave her with welts - unless of course she demands them!! ;-))

G'luck.

Oh just a quick story about "liking it."

I spanked one lady frequently. Not hard but she had a SOO sexy bum and I knew she enjoyed it. I could tell. Fluid would dribble down my leg. She on the other hand didn't seem to be aware of this so her brain was saying one thing and her bod another. I asked her one night what she thought of the occasional spanking and she said "They just hurt." So I stopped. Didn't do it for two or three weeks. One night she walks over to me, pulls down her pants, drapes herself over my knee and says, "You haven't spanked me in a long time." This time I pointed out that she became so wet and he li'll cunt was all a'quiver when I did it. She finally acknowledged all that and said it made her incredibly HOT - "down there". She was avoiding even recognizing what her own body was telling her because she thought the spanking made ME feel good and she was simply doing the good woman thing and letting me whack dat bum. When she finally realized what it did to/ for HER ...
well, just say we were both at a (w)hole new level of intimacy.