Gentle man?

[zotique]

When I started sleeping with my first girlfriend at 18, she was 21 and had had a few lovers already.

I touched her breasts softly, nuzzled on them a bit, petted her thighs, got her panties off and stroked her between the legs ...

"You're go gentle," she said that first night.

I thought that's how you make love to a woman.

Anyway, a few years later we split up and I slept one night with another older woman who picked me up hitchhiking.

We exchanged addresses and she wrote me a letter starting with "My gentle man."


That was a long time ago now, but I'm wondering, are most guys rough and brutal with the women they make love to?

 

[Nezhul]

I don't know about other guys for sure - I mean, it's not like I'm standing there holding a candle.

But I think that many young men have a wrong impression about how lovemaking should go based on porn. In fact, the term "lovemaking" is rarely used - it's all about sex or fuckery these days. They view women as toys, and the act as fucking. In their rush to get off (and make her get off) they forget to go slow and be gentle. At least that's what I heard.

Myself, I'm pretty much like you.

 

[FGB]

I am a naturally gentle man when it come to making love to a woman.

I had to learn how to have sex. I do rough sex on request or if it escalates into it.

Or if it takes me years to get into a woman's panties and she teases the hell out of me and I am thinking I'm only going to get some the one time.

 

[EyeCanSeeYou]

When I started sleeping with my first girlfriend at 18, she was 21 and had had a few lovers already.

I touched her breasts softly, nuzzled on them a bit, petted her thighs, got her panties off and stroked her between the legs ...

"You're go gentle," she said that first night.

I thought that's how you make love to a woman.

Anyway, a few years later we split up and I slept one night with another older woman who picked me up hitchhiking.

We exchanged addresses and she wrote me a letter starting with "My gentle man."

That was a long time ago now, but I'm wondering, are most guys rough and brutal with the women they make love to?

I hope not. But with the easy access to porn for kids online they get bad messages. Hey I'm female and I love sex and sexual conversations and maybe a little pat on my bare rare...but nothing that hurts or leaves me stinging. With all the violent stuff out there 18 year old young adults have unrealistic expectations and 18 year old young women think they have to do those things to have a boy friend.

 

[Jaime_H]

I hope not. But with the easy access to porn for kids online they get bad messages. Hey I'm female and I love sex and sexual conversations and maybe a little pat on my bare rare...but nothing that hurts or leaves me stinging. With all the violent stuff out there 18 year old young adults have unrealistic expectations and 18 year old young women think they have to do those things to have a boy friend.

Porn should be viewed as porn.

It is when porn is taken to be real life that it becomes a problem.

 

[StrongMaster7]

Notwithstanding my screenname...

I have had a mostly very tame, very vanilla sex life. And most or all of the few women I've had sex with were mostly very passive, very quiet. The best sex I had with these women was when I would give a full massage and lots of romantic foreplay including a lot of kissing. They would get aroused by the sensuousness and romance and they were more passionate.

Apart from an encounter or two with a subbie friend, I've NEVER had a woman ask me to be LESS gentle. As careful as I am, I still get told to go easy from time to time.

 

[chame1eon]

I hope not. But with the easy access to porn for kids online they get bad messages. Hey I'm female and I love sex and sexual conversations and maybe a little pat on my bare rare...but nothing that hurts or leaves me stinging. With all the violent stuff out there 18 year old young adults have unrealistic expectations and 18 year old young women think they have to do those things to have a boy friend.

Really?? I've always had the complete opposite problem.

 

[Jaime_H]

Really?? I've always had the complete opposite problem.

In what respect?

 

[chame1eon]

In what respect?

It seems that a lot of guys get the impression from somewhere that you have to be polite and romantic even to the point of hiding their true feelings. While I appreciate honesty and openness. That women want a lot of gentle foreplay slowly working up to sex but that bores me. That sex that isn't an expression of love is bad somehow.

I spend a lot of time trying to get them to just forget about what everyone has been telling them and to just do what comes naturally.

Also I just prefer raw rough sex. Gentle sex actually annoys me personally. Not sure how that works out typically.

 

[Jaime_H]

It seems that a lot of guys get the impression from somewhere that you have to be polite and romantic even to the point of hiding their true feelings. While I appreciate honesty and openness. That women want a lot of gentle foreplay slowly working up to sex but that bores me. That sex that isn't an expression of love is bad somehow.

I spend a lot of time trying to get them to just forget about what everyone has been telling them and to just do what comes naturally.

Also I just prefer raw rough sex. Gentle sex actually annoys me personally. Not sure how that works out typically.

I'd say by my limited experience that it isn't common.

Having said that, good sex is all about pleasuring and being pleasured. It's a case of knowing what your partner likes and communicating. Talking about sex is good. Lit hasn't done badly out of it....

 

[delicious_man]

All kinds of sex are great - rough or smooth, gentle or hard. As chame1eon suggests, the most important thing is to just do what comes naturally. Sometimes, long slow sex can result in really intense climaxes. Other times you just need it bad and it's impulsive, rough and desperate.

One of the best things is sex which starts out all soft and gentle but escalates until you reach this urgent state where all that matters is making your girl cum over and over and you're pounding each other like brutal wild animals. That's pretty electric.

 

[Dribble]

Why is there a concept that women dont crave exactly what men crave? Every women desires to walk that knife edge just as every man. What that edge is varies.

 

[Nezhul]

Why is there a concept that women dont crave exactly what men crave? Every women desires to walk that knife edge just as every man. What that edge is varies.

I don't think it's about what women desire or not. Sure, some like hard sex, some like soft and romantic, gentle sex. That's not even the question.

The problem is rather that young men don't tend to ask, as far as I can tell. They just go for "hard" stuff, for fucking rather than lovemaking, as well as expecting all sorts of strange stuff which is made to seem almost mandatory by porn.
I heard many women complain that many of their lovers tend to expect anal sex as if it's a given, and even complain if they refuse. As well as pussy-to-mouth and even ass-to-mouth stuff. Spanking a girl's ass (hard) seems like totally OK by today's standards.
I don't even mention general posessive attitude towards a female, wanking her body around on their dicks as if she's a masturbator toy.

I mean, I don't say those things are bad. What's bad is that there's a growing misconception that they are normal. We are now at a point where slow sex seems more like a fetish, "teasing" - not a norm of lovemaking. The norm is take your clothes off, kiss 1 or 2 times, then go directly for oral sex, then put her in position and fuck at a pace of no less than 1 stroke per second.

Or so it seems to me. I don't know.

 

[RunningJib]

Hmmm

I hope not. But with the easy access to porn for kids online they get bad messages. Hey I'm female and I love sex and sexual conversations and maybe a little pat on my bare rare...but nothing that hurts or leaves me stinging. With all the violent stuff out there 18 year old young adults have unrealistic expectations and 18 year old young women think they have to do those things to have a boy friend.

Is our sluty tease a sensitive individual?

Well said. Expectations are unrealistic and too much pressure for teens.

 

[blackmohammed]

I don't think its a question about do most men do one thing or another because we all have a different Idea of what we would call rough or gentle, also depending on the person that you are having sex with rough and gentle can mean different things.

Personally I enjoy having slow steady fuck sessions because I can feel all of the minor changes that happen when our two bodies come together and it helps me keep focused and not just lost in how I feel.

I have had girls demand that I fuck them like a beast and that can be fun because they are often the ones that thrash about the most and really get into our fucking and when they cum it is very satisfying.

Others have treated me like I was going to split them in half just after a few pumps and I have to slow down to let them adjust to the feeling of me penetrating them but in return they are the ones that moan and clamp down on me the best so a slow grind feels amazing.

In short you have to find your our rhythm and her preference.

 

[1bigMystery]

I like variety. There are times when I really want slow and sensual, intimate and caring.. but there is no way I could handle that all the time. I need the intense and rough, the pounding animalistic sex that just takes your breath away. In my younger years (early 40's now ) it seemed guys were too timid. I've been out of the game too long now to know what it's really like out there.

 

[Asian_Flower]

I like variety. There are times when I really want slow and sensual, intimate and caring.. but there is no way I could handle that all the time. I need the intense and rough, the pounding animalistic sex that just takes your breath away. In my younger years (early 40's now ) it seemed guys were too timid. I've been out of the game too long now to know what it's really like out there.

Yes, I would have to agree with this. My husband is very good at reading my mood and what I want during sex. With a few whispered words or strong thrusts he can quickly determine how to proceed. Of course at times I leave him in doubt as to what I want.

 

[suckonsimon]

All kinds of sex are great - rough or smooth, gentle or hard. As chame1eon suggests, the most important thing is to just do what comes naturally. Sometimes, long slow sex can result in really intense climaxes. Other times you just need it bad and it's impulsive, rough and desperate.

One of the best things is sex which starts out all soft and gentle but escalates until you reach this urgent state where all that matters is making your girl cum over and over and you're pounding each other like brutal wild animals. That's pretty electric.

I go with Delicious Man!

My woman often needs some 'help' from me to allow the release of her inner animal. That might be by a quite early on sudden change from gentle petting or caressing to some action with masculine drive and urgency in it, just as a fore-taste from me of what I really want to do with her. Or else the same is achieved by what I whisper to her about what I'm going to do to her. That kind of talk, when we are still dressed, can get her biting at my cock through the denim in no time and then it's urgent stripping and raucous clawing, thrusting and grinding the whole session!

So, yeah, a gentleman needs to 'read' where his woman is at and where she may want to move on to. Sometimes [probably rarely] she wants it gentle all the way; other times [in my experience much more often] she is looking to her man to engage his testo impulses in such a way that the intensity and energy for her as well as him get ratcheted up into the wild stuff.

 

[delicious_man]

Nezhul and EyeCanSeeYou make good points about the influence of pornography on young men's approach to sex these days. I'm sure this can't be a good thing.

Surely the key thing has to be the underlying feeling or intent. I know its old fashioned but I like the term 'making love' rather than the more commonly used terms like 'fucking' or 'screwing'. For me, this gets more to the essence of what sex actually is. What a girl wants to feel when you're making love is that she is the most desirable being in the entire world and that during those moments there is nothing else that matters. She is the embodiment of everything you want. That feeling can be conveyed in different ways, but equally well, through either slow, passionate love making or something more urgent and aggressive.

 

[littlecordelera]

I like gentle sex. I like rough sex. I like gentle sex that becomes rough sex. As others have said, it's all about my mood. What I don't like is degrading sex or even the hint of it, and there is way too much of it in porn these days.

And I will add that if a guy is always gentle or always rough, that gets boring.

 

[StrongMaster7]

I always seem to be an outlier. Maybe it's my age, 57.

When I was dating, I never ran across a woman who was open about looking for sex. It seemed to me that most women were looking for a guy to go to dinner, movies, parties, etc. with. They wanted personality, compatibility, looks, money, etc. Maybe deep down they were looking for sex like I was, but they hid it very well. They seemed to be looking for relationships, friendship, and romance.

So I played this game with limited success. The few serious girlfriends I had were from "serious relationships". By the time I had met, got acquainted, dated casually, and then "gotten serious" enough with a woman to go to bed with her, you can bet I was super-careful not to blow it by scaring her away with anything like kink. And through conversation most women would communicate that they weren't into anal, other women, groups, toys, etc.

And once you've established the 'ground rules', it's impossible to change them.

Maybe somewhere there are sexually more aggressive women. I've only heard a few women ever openly express sexual desire and I was firmly in the 'friend zone' with them. Maybe I should have been more of a 'caveman'. I had a friend who would walk up to women and as if they wanted to fuck. I don't think he had much success, but maybe the few women who responded to this are the ones who were open sexually and would go for some kink.

Who knows?

 

[Nezhul]

Nezhul and EyeCanSeeYou make good points about the influence of pornography on young men's approach to sex these days. I'm sure this can't be a good thing.

Well... Porn itself is not a bad thing. Let's face it - it will always be there, and as years go it will become more and more available, in all shades and forms.
Also you need to acknowledge the fact that porn is the way it is for a reason. I myself adore gentle sex in the bedroom, but when porn is concerned I find it extremely boring. When there's no emotion to drive that slow lovemaking - watching it is boring (sometimes you are in the mood, but for me its rare). Porn producers recognize that fact, and so they make porn as spicy as they can, giving the audience something to substitute the emotion.

So to summarize:
- Young men will be watching porn.
- They will take it as a point of reference if none other is available
- Porn will always be largely about screwing and fucking and not lovemaking.

That's how things stand.

Now some people prefer to bitch about it, starting motions to ban porn or whatever. Criticizing the industry. But that's useless bullshit in my opinion.

What people SHOULD be doing is paying attention to the upbringing of their children. Your children WILL watch porn sooner or later, period. What you can do is not forbidding it (when have it ever worked?) but instead allowing them to have another outlook on sex, on intergender relationships. Teaching your boys that they need to be gentle with a girl, putting her above themselves. Teaching girls how to talk to their boys and explain what they need, instell of going with the flow.
It's not about the infamous sex talks that leave everyone weirded out. It's about non-sex talks, proper intergender understanding, insights into the needs and wants of another sex that kids just don't get on their own. I don't know what my parents did right, but there surely was something because miraculously I grew up with an understanding that acting aggressive with girls, shouting at them - was poor taste. That pampering them a bit, giving them lots of attention and love - is good taste. And on top of that they didn't make me into a suck-up to all females, somehow I grew up quite dominant...

What I'm saying, that nowadays we have forgotten of a simple thing. Of Gender INequality. Not in a bad way as "women have no rights" - but in another respect that genders are different in their needs, strengths and shortcomings. And THAT understanding is what I think is crucial for young people to understand.

That's what I think.

I hope this post of mine won't be banned my some hysterical paranoic moderator who sees underage porn in it.

 

[LIVINRFANTASIES]

Dollie

Why is there a concept that women dont crave exactly what men crave? Every women desires to walk that knife edge just as every man. What that edge is varies.

That just sounds dangerous. What if I slip and straddle the knife?

I like gentle sex. I like rough sex. I like gentle sex that becomes rough sex. As others have said, it's all about my mood. What I don't like is degrading sex or even the hint of it, and there is way too much of it in porn these days.

And I will add that if a guy is always gentle or always rough, that gets boring.

These are mostly my feelings too. But as I've aged, I do enjoy some degrading sex and being used. In my mind, I know it's just a game.

I never know if I should mention this, I was raped when young and abused until I married. My husband was the first man I ever dated and I think it was because I had known he was gentle. From our first kiss to our sex he was careful not to hurt me. He'd ask often. Sometimes it hurt but I loved the sex and said no it was okay.
Over many years he's been rough, I've had others rougher, but slow and easy is always best of all.

And yes, I've seen porn. Lots of it and lots of early porn. To me it's like watching wrestling, all fake.