Gay not Bi? Confused. Help me.

[SickCyren]

Hi all.

I hope this place is friendly...I just, need a bit of support.

Recently I turned 18, and it really got me down more then usual. I've had a constant depression for many years now, and well...yea.

When I was 12-13 I thought I was Bisexual. I'm a guy by the way. Except, I was confused then...and I'm confused now, over 5 years later. Thing is, I'm shy. I have never had any close friends, and especially never had a boyfriend or girlfriend. Lately though...I'm getting more sexually confused. I think about guys in real life, and I even dream about them now.(I've never dreamed of a woman.) Thing is, I had a dream where I had a boyfriend, and just held him...and it was the greatest dream I've ever had. I also love guys, how they look...how they smell. I'm more comfortable around them. I like touching them.

I don't like girls like that at all. In fact I just like being cor to a girl, but im not effeminate. I just...am...it's odd. In everyway I love guys more then girls. Alot more. I actually only like the odd girl, here and there.

I just...I still prescribe to the label Bisexual, but it's not really fitting. All my attention is on guys now. All of it. I can't even get aroused really looking at pictures of naked girls on the net.

garrrr....Maybe I'm Bi, maybe I'm gay...Maybe I'm just depressed and insane. Gup....help!

 

[Luna_Wolf72]

Hello and Welcome

It seems to me that you are a very confused person and it's not all due to how you should label yourself. Like you, for the longest time I considered myself bi-sexual (tri-amorous) because though I wasn't drawn to guys for intimacy, I did like hanging out and having sex every once in a while. Obviously, I couldn't be a *Real* lesbian, could I?

The fact that you want a guy for more than just sex, the fact that you are inately drawn to men means (to me) that you are bi sliding towards gay. Why? Becayse you have been drawn to a few girls. The question is were you drawn to them because you were trying to be *normal* or were you drawn to them because of who they were? (genatalia notwithstanding) If the answer (deep down) is the former, then you are probably gay. If it's the latter than you are bi, you just prefer guys for intimacy and relationships.

If it seems as if I have given this a bit of thought, it's because I have. I like guys, but I love women. Always have. I never knew HOW to classify myself because in my heart I never felt *bi*. I always felt like a soft butch that liked to play with boys every now and again.

Take your time. There is no rush at all. You are still young and your hormones will be in an uproar for quite a bit longer. Your shyness might make it harder to talk to people but at least learn where young bi/gay/lesbian people hang out. The more you immerse yourself in the culture etc. the easier it will be for you to decide just where you need to be to be happy.

Good luck to you.

Luna

 

[Samuelx]

You might be a bi-sexual who largely prefers the members of the same sex.


I am a bi-sexual guy myself. I was shy as a kid. I liked girls and felt attracted to them but could never really relate to them emotionally, though I remained sexually drawn to them. I liked guys emotionally but not that much sexually. I have liked 2 or 3 guys in my life.


I've done some sexual experimenting with some girls. maybe 5 or 6 of them. It was fun. It was rushed. It was ok.
No regrets. Not that fun, though. I did some sexual things with 1 guy. It was fun, also rushed.


I am attracted to tomboys and shemales. I dont like effeminate men. I'm a tall black guy and what you would call straight-acting.


I like girls and this year I actually went out with some and it was ok.
Girls check me out. I check them out. There was only one girl that I found that I could relate to on an emotional level.


Her name is Lauren B. She is 19 years old, white and she goes to my school. She is cute. I talked to her a lot this year and I liked her a lot but she had a boyfriend. I went with various girls but never really felt much for them.........except for Lauren. She had qualities rare in both men and women. She liked sports. She could listen, as opposed to just talk incessantly like most women do. She wasnt quick to judge. She had a good head on her shoulders.


I had dreams of her. In one dream,
I am living with her and we have kids. In another, she talks me into coming out. I am bi-sexual but it's women that I like most sexually so coming out would be a bad thing for me. I am not one hundred percent gay and have no desire to live with a gay man 24/7.


At the same time that I met Lauren, I also liked a guy named Karl. He was cool. He was cute. He had a girlfriend. He liked sports. He was masculine. I hate effeminate gay men. Something about them ticks me off. I would never date/fuck one. They are disgusting.


Karl was a good friend to me and so was Lauren. I fell in love with both of them but couldnt have either of them.


I loved them.


I still do. I think next year at college I will still talk to Lauren if I can. She seems to be some kind of special. So does Karl. Both of them piss me off sometimes but I would love to fuck them. Or make love, whatever.



Dude, my words to you :


Dont act effeminate. Most gay and bisexual men hate the fem guys and not without reason.


If you like a girl, talk to her and ask her out. Get to know her. If she likes you, cool. If she doesnt, her loss. If she is psycho, run !!!!!!!!!


If you like a guy, make sure to ask about his HIV status. (same for a girl). Ask if he is married or not. I dont date gay or bisexual married men. Use a condom. Always.


Dont worry about not having a boyfriend or girlfriend. Men and women can be a pain. I've only began to learn about men, women, human sexuality and stuff this year and the year before.


Enjoy life.

Check out this site :


www.straightacting.com

 

[John Doe]

What they said.

Oh and on a side note, Luna_Wolf72 has a nice ass.

 

[RavenSpirit2k4]

Gay or bi? Maybe you'll spend most of your sexual life with guys and an occasional girl. Or maybe you'll get into girls more later. Don't worry about it. Don't fall into the trap of "I shouldn't be attracted to her because I'm gay" or vice versa. Just be.

I'm 33 years old and I figured I was straight until I was about 29. I've been mostly attracted to men, but every once in a while I encountered a woman who really turned me on. Then I figured I was bi. Thing is, I'm still more often attracted to men than women - but I'm attracted to women much more often than I was when I considered myself straight.

About a year and a half ago, a guy on another board was talking about the labels society puts us under and how we tend to try to label ourselves. He said those magic words, "just be". That's when I said to hell with it. I don't care if I'm straight or bi - whatever.

I'm much happier now than I was then, and I don't worry about it if I am or not attracted to someone of either sex. I just find out if I am and go with it.

 

[Rhys]

"Just be" is extremely good advice. I am 31 and it took me a long time to work it out too. Follow your heart and just relax.

 

[gumby123]

Oh and on a side note, Luna_Wolf72 has a nice ass.

I was just thinking the same thing.

 

[Samuelx]

Why label yourself ? Just have fun !!!

 

[anne27]

I agree with most of what's been said ('cept about Luna's ass which I haven't seen, unfortunately ).

Labeling does little except to cause people to exclude certain others from their potential partners/playmates.

You are still very young. You don't have to have everything figured out right now. It took me until last year to figure my sexuality out and I'm 39 *gulp!*. Give yourself a little time and don't box yourself into one catagory, hon!

best of luck!

 

[Mikijl Dragon]

Don't worry about how you label yourself. Your not a food group.

Be true to yourself, follow your desires and do what makes you happy. Don't worry what others think. The moment you release yourself from the worry of what others think you will find your shyness goes away and the oppertunities for fullfilling relationships come more easily.

 

[mansome]

labeling isn't a good thing....

putting a neat package on who you are and calling it a name isn't the best thing to do... hell especially if you are confused... just be who you are and do what feels right...

Hell, if I had to label myself i'ld be a straight man who enjoys sucking cock every once in awhile.. and that doesn't fit in any neat package.. *L*...

have fun, experiment, that's what being your age is about.. but of course be safe......


mansome

 

[Raimondin]

B - B - Be!

Looks like your balance scale has been tipping more toward guys. Just go with that and with your feelings and stop worrying whether you're gay, bi, tri, straight or whatever. Enjoy it and have fun with it and the rest will pan out You're still young so time is definitely on your side. Please use that precious time to enjoy life and not waste it trying to find the right label.

 

[TennesseeMe]

Re: labeling isn't a good thing....

putting a neat package on who you are and calling it a name isn't the best thing to do... hell especially if you are confused... just be who you are and do what feels right...

Hell, if I had to label myself i'ld be a straight man who enjoys sucking cock every once in awhile.. and that doesn't fit in any neat package.. *L*...

have fun, experiment, that's what being your age is about.. but of course be safe......


mansome

Does it really matter what we call ourselves just be yourself with the person or people you want to be with.

 

[ReadyOne]

I've always liked the "1 to 5" scale (or is it 5:1) where "bi" is actually the middle three numbers 2 - 3 - 4. That lets someone who definatly isn't gay (the endpoint) decided between "ocassionally"/ "either/or" or "mostly prefer".

Now if were could label the center three? "ocassionally OS", "ambisexual, " and "frequently OS?"

Or are these some good labels/descriptions already?