Gay Night at the Local Bar

[ApprenticeApril]

In my town we only have one bar that welcomes gays, and it's only for one night a week. So, as you can imagine it can get pretty packed. I've been there when it's been busy and when it's been slow.
They also have a drag queen that puts on a comedy skit / dance number that is just freaking awesome.
I myself am bi, as is my boyfriend. I've been in with my ex-girlfriend (we still play occasionally) and my boyfriend and the two of them together. Plus lots of gay, bi, and straight friends. We usually have a decent sized group. I myself am bi, but very very feminine. (Skirts, curled hair, lots of pink, that sort of thing.)
I really love going in, and occasionally (although this is never our goal) my bf and I have found a guy (or girl) that we have brought home with us.
BUT... I always feel weird. The crowd is mostly gay males, with a few lesbians, and a small sprinkling of bi/straight males and females. I feel like I'm being looked at like I shouldn't be there. Totally uncomfortable. Of course after a few rounds of shots I don't really care and I have fun anyway.
I guess my question is, is this all in my head? Am I just being too self-conscious or is there anyone else who has felt the way I am? Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I really don't want to give up these Tuesday nights!

 

[none2_none2]

For what it is worth, I'm a gay male and I hate bars. I don't drink, don't smoke, and don't care for loud music. I also don't care for the prices of drinks. I also hate how they tend to be dimly lit to the point that you cannot even read the gay rags that are usually at the front door. Even in my youth, I never could understand how someone could hold a bottle and just stand and pose for minutes that lead into hours...

That being said, I found that when I had something to participate in to occupy my time, I didn't feel so out of place. I'm not really excited by C&W music, but when a bar in the city had lessons night, I loved to participate. For single and/or shy people, line dancing is enjoyable as you don't need a partner to participate.

I suppose that there are gay male bars that may be a little uncomfortable around women, just like I suppose there are lesbian bars that may be uncomfortable for men. However, since most gays & lesbians know all about gender bending, I seriously doubt that is very common. I don't know as much about lesbian bars, but do realize that there are gay men who have best friends that they take to the bars that are women (usually referred to as fag hags). Many of those gay men wouldn't patronize a bar where their lady friend didn't feel welcome.

If you don't ever get to the point where you feel at ease at this bar, you might see if there are other things to do. Private parties work better for some people. Perhaps you might even want to host your own where you work to make the environment that you wished that you found at the bar.

 

[wetlilsweettart]

Aw, hon, don't feel bad about being looked at, I myself am a very feminine bi girl who essentially lives in pink! I have a feeling the gay men are saying "that girl has style!" and the girls are thinking "hot damn I want to lick that ass!"

I know we all feel like we're being looked at in a bad way, and 9/10, we're usually not!

 

[emap]

What she said.

The whole bad looking thing is all in your head, there probably are only maybe three lesbians in the bar who are with someone staring at you in a not nice way because they are afraid you will steal their girlfriend away.

Honestly, be glad they are looking, it means your looking hot and sexy.

 

[ApprenticeApril]

Well we just went back tonight, and I felt way more comfortable tonight. i think maybe it's just a small community and I had to work my way in ???
Anyway, it was tons of fun tonight, so maybe it was all in my head...
and wetlilsweettart - i want to meet you!

 

[BiDrew42]

I've been in gay bars where there were only men present, and when a female came in they did get looked at by some as if they shouldn't be there. The hostility was so evident in one bar I was in that the females who did come in left quickly.

On the other hand, I've also been in gay bars where there's an equal mix of males and females and everyone was having a great time and everyone was welcome. I love going out with a large group of gay and bi friends.

Drew