Gay men - I need you!

[Vermilion]

More precisely, I have some questions and would like to talk to a gay man who lives (or has lived) a gay lifestyle. Is there anyone who wouldn't mind chatting to me and answering some (blunt) questions which may sound silly? I'm trying my hand at a new genre...

I'm good at keeping confidences if required and am a friendly happy sort of author to chat to - gimme a yell via PM if you wouldn't mind talking to me...
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[3113]

More precisely, I have some questions and would like to talk to a gay man who lives (or has lived) a gay lifestyle. Is there anyone who wouldn't mind chatting to me and answering some (blunt) questions which may sound silly?

This isn't fair! How can we listen in?

But you might want to try this website if you don't get any immediate responses. It's an "everything you always wanted to know about gay male sex but were afraid to ask" site: Minotaur's Sex Tips

 

[Vermilion]

This isn't fair! How can we listen in?

But you might want to try this website if you don't get any immediate responses. It's an "everything you always wanted to know about gay male sex but were afraid to ask" site: Minotaur's Sex Tips

lol - will go check it out, thanks

Would still like a person whom I can ask, though...


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[Vermilion]

The site is very informative, and I particularly like such commentary as

The need for careful stretching and loosening depends on a lot of things. How relaxed the guy is, the level of trust between the parties involved, experience, and alcohol level are just a few. Some guys need the whole shebang, from tongue to fingers to large envelopes full of cash before they're ready for action. Others require only the most cursory of preparation, such as dropping their pants.

but so far it hasn't answered those questions I do have...

 

[_Lynn_]

I ran across this and thought of your thread right away V.


http://i301.photobucket.com/albums/nn48/alexys_quinn/Gayville.jpg

 

[Liar]

As one who've played both fields, my perspective might not be what you're looking for, but here's my take on it:

Other than having sex with different logistics, and the occasional dodging of homophobes, I don't think there is a gay lifestyle.

Or are you talking about queer culture here? Can't help you there, it's incomprehensible to me.




Oh, and that's awesome, Lynn.

 

[_Lynn_]

As one who've played both fields, my perspective might not be what you're looking for, but here's my take on it:

Other than having sex with different logistics, and the occasional dodging of homophobes, I don't think there is a gay lifestyle.

Or are you talking about queer culture here? Can't help you there, it's incomprehensible to me.




Oh, and that's awesome, Lynn.

It's not even close to what I was searching for, but I couldn't resist showing her.

 

[Vermilion]

As one who've played both fields, my perspective might not be what you're looking for, but here's my take on it:

Other than having sex with different logistics, and the occasional dodging of homophobes, I don't think there is a gay lifestyle.

Or are you talking about queer culture here? Can't help you there, it's incomprehensible to me.




Oh, and that's awesome, Lynn.

By gay lifestyle I mean just fancying men is not enough - I want to ask questions about the practical physical aspects.
For instance I am a bisexual woman, but haven't had much experience of being with women and wouldn't be able to offer much advice on lesbian sex or relationships, do you see?

If you've been there and done that then you could probably help me

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[Vermilion]

It's not even close to what I was searching for, but I couldn't resist showing her.

I love that pic lynn - quality find!
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[Huckleman2000]

I'm not gay, but I've played gay men onstage a number of times, and so have asked my gay friends a LOT of embarrassing questions.
There might be an overlap between yours and mine.

 

[Liar]

I want to ask questions about the practical physical aspects.

If you've been there and done that then you could probably help me

If you say so. I just can't imagine with what. I find absolutely no difference in the relationship aspect. And the sexual difference boils down to more tabs, less slots. Not more complicated than that.

Sorry for knocking the romance out of it. But really.

 

[Huckleman2000]

Maybe this will help?:
Santorum? - towels.

 

[Safe_Bet]

Rent a copy of Brokeback Mountain...

 

[Stella_Omega]

Rent a copy of Brokeback Mountain...

Oh, puh-leeze.

 

[3113]

Oh, puh-leeze.

Hey, the writer did her research!

 

[sr71plt]

I sort of wonder what this "gay lifestyle" is. Something stereotyped, I take it?

 

[3113]

If you say so. I just can't imagine with what. I find absolutely no difference in the relationship aspect. And the sexual difference boils down to more tabs, less slots. Not more complicated than that.

Wellll, that's not altogether true. Slots are one thing, but hormones are quite another. There are chemicals that come into play before, during and after sex, and there are certain differences regarding *which* chemicals comes into play. For example, tests have shown that heterosexual men love the fragrance of women pretty much all the time. But most women don't like how men smell except at certain times of the month. Which means that some of the time a woman will say, "Eew! Shower!" to a sweaty male, but when she's fertile, she'll go burrowing right up into his smelly armpit.

I do not know for sure, but I'd bet money that the same is not true of gay men. Estrogen is not testosterone. And there are chemicals that make women want that cuddling, chemicals that women experience before and during sex, but men only experience after sex. And then there are erogenous zones. Some only women have, and some only men have.

Here's another difference: I used to read tarot cards for fun. Do you know what women almost always ask? "Will I find my soulmate." Or "Will I find love." Or "Will I find a man to marry." From childhood on, for better, worse, culturally or otherwise, their inclination is to find a guy to be their man. Forever and ever. Guys don't ask those questions. They ask the tarot reader, "How can I get that sexy woman interested in me and into bed?" Putting it another way, if men and women were the same in that regard, we'd have heterosexual cruising parks where men and women would standing around giving it away for free. The closest to that are swingers, and interestingly, single men aren't allowed at such gatherings. Swingers are committed couples who share, not singles.

But there are plenty of gay cruising areas where single, gay men have anonymous sex.

I'm not saying that sex can't be casual between heterosexuals, and, likewise, there is certainly the desire for romance, love and commitment between gay men. But I have talked to gay men at length, and what is decidedly "male" can and often does create a different sexual and relationship dynamic between single gay males than what we do not commonly see between single heterosexuals. Especially if we move into the leather scene where the men are very macho and want partners who are equally macho. At that point, you get into what, to me as a woman, is alien territory. One where testosterone is king and female hormones and chemicals almost don't come into play at all.

 

[Safe_Bet]

Wellll, that's not altogether true. Slots are one thing, but hormones are quite another. There are chemicals that come into play before, during and after sex, and there are certain differences regarding *which* chemicals comes into play. For example, tests have shown that heterosexual men love the fragrance of women pretty much all the time. But most women don't like how men smell except at certain times of the month. Which means that some of the time a woman will say, "Eew! Shower!" to a sweaty male, but when she's fertile, she'll go burrowing right up into his smelly armpit.

I do not know for sure, but I'd bet money that the same is not true of gay men. Estrogen is not testosterone. And there are chemicals that make women want that cuddling, chemicals that women experience before and during sex, but men only experience after sex.

We have Estrogen Flood Insurance for our house. Even the cats are females!
(and I'm pretty sure they're queer too cuz they cuddle all the time... )

 

[3113]

I sort of wonder what this "gay lifestyle" is. Something stereotyped, I take it?

Stereotypes yes, if we assume ALL gay people act the same way. But if we take a general view, that is, "most" rather than each and everyone, then I think we can find some valid and documented differences when discussing single gay men/women who are dating and seeking sex/relationship as compared to heterosexual dating and seeking sex/relationships.

Which is NOT to say that there is no overlap at all, far from it. Just to say that there might be some differences.

Once a gay couple is in a relationship, however, I think that the differences shrink or vanish altogether. Again, there have been a lot of studies done on human chemistry when it comes to attraction, lust, etc. This includes studies on parts of the brain in play between devoted couples. As men and women *seem* to have the same parts of the brain in play when they are devoted to each other, that would imply that there is no difference between gay and straight when we're talking about couples.

However, as certain chemicals as well as parts of the brain are in play during the first part of any relationship, (meaning what attracts us to another person, and how we feel before, during and after sex with someone new), and these chemicals that come into play are often are different depending on gender, then I don't think it a stereotype to say that there may be a gay lifestyle as compared to a straight lifestyle, at least not when we're discussing singles on the prowl.

 

[3113]

We have Estrogen Flood Insurance for our house. Even the cats are females!
(and I'm pretty sure they're queer too cuz they cuddle all the time... )

My kitty's a thesbian, no question. She tolerates my husband, but it's me she loves and adores. She gets between us when she can, often lays claim to his side of the bed, and glares at him resentfully if he tries to cuddle with me.

 

[Safe_Bet]

My kitty's a thesbian, no question. She tolerates my husband, but it's me she loves and adores. She gets between us when she can, often lays claim to his side of the bed, and glares at him resentfully if he tries to cuddle with me.

Does she wear flannel shirts, work boots, like power tools and rub your crotch in public?





no wait... that's Amy.... nevermind....

 

[sr71plt]

My kitty's a thesbian, no question. She tolerates my husband, but it's me she loves and adores. She gets between us when she can, often lays claim to his side of the bed, and glares at him resentfully if he tries to cuddle with me.

Our cats (both female) are thespians--just to extend the word progression. They act up a lot.

On the gay issue--just talk among yourselves.

 

[Huckleman2000]

[...]But there are plenty of gay cruising areas where single, gay men have anonymous sex.

I'm not saying that sex can't be casual between heterosexuals, and, likewise, there is certainly the desire for romance, love and commitment between gay men. But I have talked to gay men at length, and what is decidedly "male" can and often does create a different sexual and relationship dynamic between single gay males than what we do not commonly see between single heterosexuals. Especially if we move into the leather scene where the men are very macho and want partners who are equally macho. At that point, you get into what, to me as a woman, is alien territory. One where testosterone is king and female hormones and chemicals almost don't come into play at all.

Exactly. I did a show that took place in a men's restroom in a public park at night, and the atmosphere is like a locker room on steroids, with no talking. There's hardly an act that, if done between a man and woman, wouldn't fit the legal definition of rape. There's nothing effeminate about it at all. It was like watching silhouettes of cave men at times. I delivered one monologue while behind me, one guy was "blowing" three others next to the urinal. It was an incredible experience - one that touched something "male" even deeper than one's sexual orientation. I know of no female corollary to this behavior, yet it happens in men's rooms all over the world.

 

[Xelebes]

I ran across this and thought of your thread right away V.


http://i301.photobucket.com/albums/nn48/alexys_quinn/Gayville.jpg

Hm, don't know a Gayville around Vermillion here.

 

[bb_peaks]

More precisely, I have some questions and would like to talk to a gay man who lives (or has lived) a gay lifestyle. Is there anyone who wouldn't mind chatting to me and answering some (blunt) questions which may sound silly? I'm trying my hand at a new genre...

I'm good at keeping confidences if required and am a friendly happy sort of author to chat to - gimme a yell via PM if you wouldn't mind talking to me...
x
V

I was thinking of dong something just like this because I'm gonna be tackling that category in the near future. I'm still trying get my comfort zone categories filled up first for Survivor before I travel out of my comfy zone though.