[Gay Male] Story Feedback - New Series

[Richard_Hunter]

Just wondering if anyone out there could provide some feedback on the beginning of my latest series.

The stories are Gay Themed so if you aren't 'into it' - all good you aren't my target audience.
These are cruising adventures I have been on...
The Cruising Chronicles

At the moment 3 parts have been submitted - 2 published, third hopefully on its way. I do have many more tales to tell but was hopeful with guidance and feedback I can make some of the remaining tales better and more enjoyable reads overall.

 

[KeithD]

A bit too much of a slog grammatically for me to stick with it and too quick into unprepared action.

 

[Richard_Hunter]

A bit too much of a slog grammatically for me to stick with it and too quick into unprepared action.

Thank you. Much appreciated will work on that for future additions, and writing attempts.
I truly appreciate the feedback.

 

[yukonnights]

I read the three parts; In general, the execution is technically okay. There's a couple of typos but not that distracting. The one deficit for my taste is that the story was 90% descriptions of the sexual activity and only 10% the deeper story of how all of this impacted the main character's life. Like I said, this is strictly a deficit for my preferences in a story.

I know that many people enjoy the type of story you crafted. My only suggestion is that perhaps you might enjoy revealing the impact on the characters a bit more by exploring and revealing their feelings, thoughts, and emotions in greater detail. Truth is, there's so much porn available — both visual and in stories — that it can get somewhat redundant and boring. Rounding out the characters, showing how their actions make them feel, how it impacts their lives, etc. gives a story more depth and emotional impact on the reader. You did a small bit of that with the close call with the police, for example.

Keep writing, exploring and having fun with your new hobby!

 

[lovecraft68]

Thank you. Much appreciated will work on that for future additions, and writing attempts.
I truly appreciate the feedback.

Okay, let me help you out in the sense of who to listen to here. The person you quoted did not read your story, and it has naught to do with a grammar slog. He reads nothing here and has mentioned that many times. He's an attention whore who had to pop into the thread because its in GM

A category he has posted over 1000 stories in under different pen names, but your first effort has more comments and favs than most of his stories(unless they're old and gain over the years).

Point is, pay attention to the people who have actually read your story and have something of substance to offer, other than pettiness.

 

[Richard_Hunter]

I read the three parts; In general, the execution is technically okay. There's a couple of typos but not that distracting. The one deficit for my taste is that the story was 90% descriptions of the sexual activity and only 10% the deeper story of how all of this impacted the main character's life. Like I said, this is strictly a deficit for my preferences in a story.

I know that many people enjoy the type of story you crafted. My only suggestion is that perhaps you might enjoy revealing the impact on the characters a bit more by exploring and revealing their feelings, thoughts, and emotions in greater detail. Truth is, there's so much porn available — both visual and in stories — that it can get somewhat redundant and boring. Rounding out the characters, showing how their actions make them feel, how it impacts their lives, etc. gives a story more depth and emotional impact on the reader. You did a small bit of that with the close call with the police, for example.

Keep writing, exploring and having fun with your new hobby!

Thank you for the feedback I truly appreciate your time, effort and feedback.

You are right. The initial plan during the initial three-parts was to set the fast-paced, spur of the moment, don't know what's happening type of scene. The next couple parts involve the internal tug-of-war, end of the marriage etc while still delivering the 'cruising' aspect.

However, I do understand and appreciate your feedback. On reflection some of this storyline should've been added to the first three parts as well.

 

[PastMaster]

HI
I read all four parts published so far, while chapters 1-3 aside from a couple of typos, were good stories, part four to me didn't really make a lot of sense. Why were we only finding out about her affair when he got caught. Surely, despite his wanderings he would have been upset about it earlier, and also even introduced it as part of his rationale for straying. Even during the sex scene with his wife where you say they are growing apart - you don't mention the affair. It seemed to be an afterthought which brought about a rushed ending.
Having said that you have a good style, and from one relatively new writer to another - good job.