gay angst

[robertreams]

I am interested in the feelings negative and positive that people, especially men experience in dealing with sexual orientation, not so much with sex change, though that is interesting. Ever wonder, worry: Am I straight, gay, bi? How come if I am straight, maybe married, I crave or am intensely curious about cocks?
My brother was gay and went through hell, trying to be straight. My brother-in-law had some of the same experiences. I myself was tortured for several years, trying to define myself. While everything is emotionally fine for me now, I wish to recapture that teenage angst over sexual identity for my writing. Anyone have experiences to share?

 

[PG564E]

I have experiences that I might share about my erotic lust for men's erect penises to be in my mouth and ass.

Will be out of town for awhile, should be back Oct 13th though.

I sent you a role play reply a few minutes ago, so between you and I my name is Tom. You can check my profile if you like, I don't usually give out a lot of information.

 

[oralgami]

I was 45 and unhappily married in a sexless relationship. I had had a few flings with unhappily married women but they were rather dangerous and fraught with emotional peril - expectations were unattainable, risk of husband's wrath too high, and office speculation and drama was unavoidable despite best efforts to be discrete. Long story short, I started fantasizing about oral exchanges with other guys -- no romance, foreplay or other formalities - just two strangers sucking each other simply for the thrill of doing something dirty, forbidden and pleasurable with only the tiniest chance of discovery. I had had some adolescent experiences but they held no significance other than regret-free memories and a wish that I had had more opportunities than I did. I was comfortable with the idea of doing such things again. Nevertheless, I was concerned about crossing the line into gay territory and thus I pictured myself having purely equal encounters where each party gives the same as was given. Also, no cumming in my mouth - voluntarily permitting a man to ejaculate in your mouth was an act so blatantly submissive as to be clear evidence of homosexual inclinations. I could accept the possibility of bisexuality since I indisputably got turned on by the idea of giving oral sex to another man, while I still loved sex with women. However, I had to reassure myself I wasn't gay. Regardless, I wanted to have oral with another guy and I was ready to make fantasies become real.

Long story short, I found another married guy willing to help a newbie have his first experience. The moment of truth was at hand and I told my partner that I had had a fantasy about how I wanted my first encounter to unfold. He was willing to go along and I began to re-enact how I fantasized how my first time would play out. The key moment of my fantasies was pulling down my partner's underwear and seeing his genitalia for the first time - the moment when fantasy becomes real. Before that moment, the graphic things that were freely discussed become in emails are now hard to mention face to face. Now that your potential partner is in front of you, It's difficult picturing him even having a dick. It's now time to press forward over that threshold. I explain that I want my first experience to happen a certain way as I drop to my knees. Without any degree of urgency I untied his shoes and toss them aside. Next I took his socks off and tossed them aside. I then unbelted his pants and unzipped them and once, loosened, I pushed them down to his ankles. As he lifted first his right foot and then his left, they were slipped off and tossed aside. I suggested that he take off his shirt and once he did so, only his underwear remained. I gently fondled the font of his underwear with my hands as they made there way from his inner thighs, directly up the middle and then to either side of the waistband on his underwear. I couldn't wait any longer and my hands took hold of the elastic and pulled them out far enough to clear the anatomical obstacles as I pulled them down. I was now staring at his dick just inches from my face - I had never been so close to a guy's junk before and I reached over and wrapped my hand around it and began to get familiar with it's contours. The moment was at hand - would I be a gay "cocksucker" if I allowed my lips to make contact? Was I about to do something that would forever define my sexuality? Could I ever claim to be straight once contact occurred? Fuck it-- I had thought about this moment many times before and decided to proceed to do what I had long accepted I wanted to do. I looked up and heard my voice say out loud for the first time "I want to suck your dick" just before doing so. Those words sounded so dirty as they exited my mouth in my voice. I quickly focused on the intensity of the experience I was having and was no longer concerned about labels. I did what I did, I liked it, was willing to do it again, and still liked girls. Call me what you want - I was happy to do again what I had just done - and couldn't care less if you wanted to call me gay, bi or just straight with a penis fetish. At the end of the day, we are what we are - regardless of whether we act on our sexual desires or pretend they don't exist. You might as well enjoy the pleasures that come from being yourself.

 

[debycha1968]

so true

I was 45 and unhappily married in a sexless relationship. I had had a few flings with unhappily married women but they were rather dangerous and fraught with emotional peril - expectations were unattainable, risk of husband's wrath too high, and office speculation and drama was unavoidable despite best efforts to be discrete. Long story short, I started fantasizing about oral exchanges with other guys -- no romance, foreplay or other formalities - just two strangers sucking each other simply for the thrill of doing something dirty, forbidden and pleasurable with only the tiniest chance of discovery. I had had some adolescent experiences but they held no significance other than regret-free memories and a wish that I had had more opportunities than I did. I was comfortable with the idea of doing such things again. Nevertheless, I was concerned about crossing the line into gay territory and thus I pictured myself having purely equal encounters where each party gives the same as was given. Also, no cumming in my mouth - voluntarily permitting a man to ejaculate in your mouth was an act so blatantly submissive as to be clear evidence of homosexual inclinations. I could accept the possibility of bisexuality since I indisputably got turned on by the idea of giving oral sex to another man, while I still loved sex with women. However, I had to reassure myself I wasn't gay. Regardless, I wanted to have oral with another guy and I was ready to make fantasies become real.

Long story short, I found another married guy willing to help a newbie have his first experience. The moment of truth was at hand and I told my partner that I had had a fantasy about how I wanted my first encounter to unfold. He was willing to go along and I began to re-enact how I fantasized how my first time would play out. The key moment of my fantasies was pulling down my partner's underwear and seeing his genitalia for the first time - the moment when fantasy becomes real. Before that moment, the graphic things that were freely discussed become in emails are now hard to mention face to face. Now that your potential partner is in front of you, It's difficult picturing him even having a dick. It's now time to press forward over that threshold. I explain that I want my first experience to happen a certain way as I drop to my knees. Without any degree of urgency I untied his shoes and toss them aside. Next I took his socks off and tossed them aside. I then unbelted his pants and unzipped them and once, loosened, I pushed them down to his ankles. As he lifted first his right foot and then his left, they were slipped off and tossed aside. I suggested that he take off his shirt and once he did so, only his underwear remained. I gently fondled the font of his underwear with my hands as they made there way from his inner thighs, directly up the middle and then to either side of the waistband on his underwear. I couldn't wait any longer and my hands took hold of the elastic and pulled them out far enough to clear the anatomical obstacles as I pulled them down. I was now staring at his dick just inches from my face - I had never been so close to a guy's junk before and I reached over and wrapped my hand around it and began to get familiar with it's contours. The moment was at hand - would I be a gay "cocksucker" if I allowed my lips to make contact? Was I about to do something that would forever define my sexuality? Could I ever claim to be straight once contact occurred? Fuck it-- I had thought about this moment many times before and decided to proceed to do what I had long accepted I wanted to do. I looked up and heard my voice say out loud for the first time "I want to suck your dick" just before doing so. Those words sounded so dirty as they exited my mouth in my voice. I quickly focused on the intensity of the experience I was having and was no longer concerned about labels. I did what I did, I liked it, was willing to do it again, and still liked girls. Call me what you want - I was happy to do again what I had just done - and couldn't care less if you wanted to call me gay, bi or just straight with a penis fetish. At the end of the day, we are what we are - regardless of whether we act on our sexual desires or pretend they don't exist. You might as well enjoy the pleasures that come from being yourself.

I love your last line. I find it very true to life. Many people have these desires but do not act on them and think that defines them some way. We are what we are regardless of labels.

 

[shelbakk]

Brilliant

I was 45 and unhappily married in a sexless relationship. I had had a few flings with unhappily married women but they were rather dangerous and fraught with emotional peril - expectations were unattainable, risk of husband's wrath too high, and office speculation and drama was unavoidable despite best efforts to be discrete. Long story short, I started fantasizing about oral exchanges with other guys -- no romance, foreplay or other formalities - just two strangers sucking each other simply for the thrill of doing something dirty, forbidden and pleasurable with only the tiniest chance of discovery. I had had some adolescent experiences but they held no significance other than regret-free memories and a wish that I had had more opportunities than I did. I was comfortable with the idea of doing such things again. Nevertheless, I was concerned about crossing the line into gay territory and thus I pictured myself having purely equal encounters where each party gives the same as was given. Also, no cumming in my mouth - voluntarily permitting a man to ejaculate in your mouth was an act so blatantly submissive as to be clear evidence of homosexual inclinations. I could accept the possibility of bisexuality since I indisputably got turned on by the idea of giving oral sex to another man, while I still loved sex with women. However, I had to reassure myself I wasn't gay. Regardless, I wanted to have oral with another guy and I was ready to make fantasies become real.

Long story short, I found another married guy willing to help a newbie have his first experience. The moment of truth was at hand and I told my partner that I had had a fantasy about how I wanted my first encounter to unfold. He was willing to go along and I began to re-enact how I fantasized how my first time would play out. The key moment of my fantasies was pulling down my partner's underwear and seeing his genitalia for the first time - the moment when fantasy becomes real. Before that moment, the graphic things that were freely discussed become in emails are now hard to mention face to face. Now that your potential partner is in front of you, It's difficult picturing him even having a dick. It's now time to press forward over that threshold. I explain that I want my first experience to happen a certain way as I drop to my knees. Without any degree of urgency I untied his shoes and toss them aside. Next I took his socks off and tossed them aside. I then unbelted his pants and unzipped them and once, loosened, I pushed them down to his ankles. As he lifted first his right foot and then his left, they were slipped off and tossed aside. I suggested that he take off his shirt and once he did so, only his underwear remained. I gently fondled the font of his underwear with my hands as they made there way from his inner thighs, directly up the middle and then to either side of the waistband on his underwear. I couldn't wait any longer and my hands took hold of the elastic and pulled them out far enough to clear the anatomical obstacles as I pulled them down. I was now staring at his dick just inches from my face - I had never been so close to a guy's junk before and I reached over and wrapped my hand around it and began to get familiar with it's contours. The moment was at hand - would I be a gay "cocksucker" if I allowed my lips to make contact? Was I about to do something that would forever define my sexuality? Could I ever claim to be straight once contact occurred? Fuck it-- I had thought about this moment many times before and decided to proceed to do what I had long accepted I wanted to do. I looked up and heard my voice say out loud for the first time "I want to suck your dick" just before doing so. Those words sounded so dirty as they exited my mouth in my voice. I quickly focused on the intensity of the experience I was having and was no longer concerned about labels. I did what I did, I liked it, was willing to do it again, and still liked girls. Call me what you want - I was happy to do again what I had just done - and couldn't care less if you wanted to call me gay, bi or just straight with a penis fetish. At the end of the day, we are what we are - regardless of whether we act on our sexual desires or pretend they don't exist. You might as well enjoy the pleasures that come from being yourself.

You have describes my fantasy. I have not crossed the threshold yet