Gah.. Moral delemma in progress

[Endlessly]

Warning: The following is weird.

I quit one of my jobs-- the one at the T-shirt place-- because my last paycheck from there bounced, insufficient funds. Meaning being, I wasn't going to be able to make all the money I need to go back to college; more specifically, that I was going to be a few hundred short. After talking with my father, it seems that he'll be able to make up the difference.. We're just going to be broke for a while.

ANYway. Seemingly unrelated story: I used to date this guy-- smart, funny, cute, everything I wanted at the time, but it never worked out. I think he and I have dated and broken up three times in the last couple years.. none since Himself, though. He and I are still decent enough friends; he still loves me though, I think.

Today, he sent me a letter and 4 $50 bills, no strings attached, along with ten reasons why I shouldn't send the money back to him. (He knows me a bit too well.) He wants me to keep it, preferrably for school.

Should I send it back to him?
If I keep it, should I give it to my parents?
Should I keep it for myself, if I do keep it?
What should I tell him in either event?
What should I tell my parents, if I give it to them for college?

Argh............

And don't say "Gee, I wish I had ex-boyfriends like that." You don't, trust me.. It's strange and awkward, especially since he literally seems to have NO alterior motive beyond making me happy.

Example. I'll be on the phone with him, mention I'm hungry.. He'll say his mom wants him or something, be gone for a few minutes, and I'll still be on the phone with him 20 minutes later when a personal calzone with my favorite ingredients from my favorite pizzaria and a diet coke shows up at my dorm-room door.. Already paid for by credit card.

I live in Montana, and he called the pizzaria from where he lives in MISSOURI to surprise me. All this and he hasn't even blown up my car yet.. it's unnerving.

[Edited by Endlessly on 07-17-2000 at 12:35 PM]

 

[Siren]

NOW THIS IS A FRIEND

 

[April]

What Siren said about the paycheck, except I want to add this: Go to your ex-employer now, today, yesterday if possible! DO NOT wait on this, as it will only get worse! Trust me, I know. My last job stiffed me on my last paycheck, only I can't get the money because they went out of business! Tell them you want the money in cash. Ride their asses like the worst bitch you can imagine! Do not take this lightly. You earned this money! It's yours. You are entitled to it, and they better give it to you!

Um, sorry. Got a little psycho there. As you can see, I'm still bitter. As for your friend, I don't even know him, and it makes me feel weird.

 

[Endlessly]

*laughing hard at April's "I don't even know your friend, and it makes me feel weird" remark*

He's proposed to me before.. Kinda. He knows it's damned near impossible for me to pay for college, and since his dad is a tenured proffessor at SLU, he (and his wife, if he ever marries) can go there as long as they want for free.

The paycheck is irrelevanyt, guys.. I got the money, don't worry. All $156 for my last three weeks of work.. *shaking head, frowning* She had me cut down to 8 hours a WEEK if I was lucky.

 

[April]

LOL My day's work is done. I'm glad I could make somebody at least chuckle today. Makes me feel better.

 

[Whispersecret]

Endlessly, I would love to be able to help you with your problem, but I don't feel like I can give you valid advice without knowing the guy in a more--for want of a better word--"real" way. Because he sounds a little over the top in the kindness department, and because of your car explosive joke, it seems like he could be a little psycho, but I can't say for sure because I haven't met him or spoken with him...you know what I mean? On the other hand, he could just be a real nice guy. I just can't tell. I think you're the only one who's in the position to be able to judge that.

Are there non-virtual friends who can give you a take on this? If not, then all I can say is trust your instincts. If you have any inkling that this guy is strange/psychotic, give the money back. I know you have God in your life, so trust that He will make the money available for you if you are supposed to have it.

I wish you sincere good luck.

 

[Endlessly]

*LMAO* Strange? Strange is an understatement about this guy.. But he's harmless, I believe. He -is- a bit over-the-top in the kindness department though.. says it's because he was well-trained by a psychobitch of an ex-girlfriend. One day I told him point blank I didn't like the idea of him staying up nights trying to figure out how t make me happy.. His response: "Amateurs stay up nights. Thanks to my ex, this is now instinct."

The blowing-up-the-car bit was a bit of humor in poor taste at the expense of someone who no longer comes to this board by the name of Rodrigo. His ex blew up his car.

It was funny because it didn't happen to me.

 

[*Eve*]

Fisrt off you need to report that company to the better business bureau. I have work in a bank so it wasn't uncommon for companies not to have enough money in their account to pay their employee's. Go get your money girl!!
Second, keep the money. Never look a gift horse in the mouth. Just say thank you God, and keep it.

 

[Skitten]

Endlessly; I agree with siren and April it won't hurt you keeping the money he seems to just be overly concerned about you and wants the best and it trying to help you out with a bad situation keep it for now you can always send it back later saying that I appreciate the loan but here is your repayment, that way you can still feel ok about it.

Also about your boss go immedaiately to the employer and tell them outright that you need your money now. You deserve to be paid and you want it in cash NOW!

 

[FlamingoBlue]

Keep the $, but...

Send a short "Thank You" note because that's the right thing to do. If you would not have asked your Dad for $ if you had the $200 from this guy, then repay your Dad. As for the employer that stiffed you, try these options:
1. Sue the SOB in Small Claims Court and don't let him off the hook until you get paid, and
2. Report this Jerk to the State Wage & Hour Board. That should create some problems for him.

It is interesting that you already knew the answers to your moral question. You really didn't need our help, but thanks for asking.

blue

 

[~justin]

what they said.

well, sorta. keep the cash, because if he didn't want you to have it he wouldn't have sent it to you. the things he does may be a bit over the top, and, i admit, guys can be somewhat... misguided... sometimes in their attempts at acts of kindness... and we ~can~ go, uh, overboard...

but his heart's in the right place (i.e. slightly to the left of his breastbone, nestled by his lung ). the bottom line is that somone he cares about needs a hand with something that he can help them with. and that kind of guy is the kind of guy who just does it. it's not something you think about, really. so you should let him, at least in this case, where it's something important to you.

i dunno. maybe i'm some wacked-up psycho too. that's just my $0.02.

 

[Cg1369]

Endlessly: I don't post very often, but this caught my attention. I have been known to send unsolicited funds to friends that I knew were in need, without them asking or hinting. It's just in my genes I guess to help those that I know need help. I have never expected those friends to return or repay the money. The way I look at it, one of these days I might be in need, and an unexpected gift might be a godsend. My suggestion: accept it as a gift from a caring friend. Drop him a "thank you", and remember his thoughtfulness later in life when a friend needs help, and help them as he's helped you. No strings, no questions.
Just an old farts $.02 worth
Budman

 

[Sammyjo]

I was dating a guy in high school for 2 1/2 years. We are still friends to this day...It's hard to believe that we've known each other for 15 years. He would do anything for me. He's offered me money on numerous occasions. He's paid to have my car fixed when I couldn't afford it. He's practically adopted my daughter. Yet, we haven't been together in sooooooooooo long.

Some men are so incredibly kind that they would do just about anything to see to it that their friends are happy.

I think we've got this one in common too...maybe we are twins separated at birth (and how many years? hahaha)

Keep the money. He wanted you to have it...and if you give it back to him, he'll probably charge your tuition on his credit card...heehee...send him some flowers or something special to let him know you are grateful.

 

[Slut_boy]

Hi Endlessly,

It's been such a long time since we chatted. So, I was pleased when I saw your posting. I actually tried to e-mail you a few months back - did you ever get it? Anyway, onward to my advice......

I think that it is risky for outsiders (like us) to advise somebody (like you) on how to deal in their personal relationships with other people - afterall, we have little or no real understanding of this good samaritan. Perhaps an important question to ask (and only you may have the answer) is whether by your acceptance of his generosity you are creating an expectation in his mind.

I am always very conscious of the reaction caused by any action / conduct. You could, unintentionally, forge a link to this person that may bind you - links like this can be positive (for example it may cement an already very special friendship in that it confirms his care for you), or, it could be negative (for example, he may want something in return that you are not willing to give). But the answer to that is within your heart alone because surely his reaction is dependant on the material from which he is made - and you know his make-up far better than we do.

But, a paradox is apparent, Endlessly, and that is the need that you had to seek out advice, when advice couldn't be given. Perhaps you know what you want but seek redundant confirmation - as a type of moral redemption. This, I would suspect, calls for intraspection because advice from the outside is meaningless without the inside information that only you are a party to.

Anyway, good luck honey.

Love,
Slut_boy

 

[Endlessly]

Slutboy! Cripes, I've missed you. *huge hugs* Didn't get the E-mail, not since that chain of a dozen or so when your pic wasn't sending. *LOL* Try again sometime. *grin*

Hmmmm.. Is this really a subject on which people can't advise, though? I'm curious to see what other's reactions would be if they were in my shoes.. Friends or more, I've always been taught not to accept large gifts, especially monetary, from guys. I'm just trying to figure out if this is a special situation..

Sammyjo: *LOL* We HAD to have been separated at birth. I mean, we certainly weren't TOGETHER at birth..

 

[Slut_boy]

Thanks for the hug, and here's one for you too *Slut_boy reaches over and hugs Endlessly - with not only one arm, but both of them* LOL. There is actually a photo of me put up on this site by Laurel for you to check out - yeah, I still don't know what happened all those failed transmissions. And I still have your pics too.

Right, that's enough. I am off to get some coffee.

 

[Gingersnap]

There have been times when I have sent money in response to something said in passing. It was usually to help someone better their human condition. Once to help a drug addict obtain treatment and that sort of thing. I usually did this on the QT so they never felt an obligation to me. Perhaps your ex is trying to help you, it is difficult to say not knowing either of you. I do know that when I was homeless and too young to work someone helped me by giving me a place to stay and shelter. Perhaps your ex does expect something from you. Perhaps he expects you to reach your goals and for you to always remember that he had a part in your dream coming true. I think if you look within yourself you will have the answer. You are a bright intelligent person and seem very kind. Good luck in school!!!

 

[Deborah]

Endlessly, take the money and run, honey. You didn't get all goofy when I sent you the Magic. Hey, I'll send you another present and make you feel really guilty. Because you will be one of the select few who has ever seen slut_boy in panties. Actually, you will probably feel more jealousy than guilt, I know I did, because slut_boy looks so damn good in those panties.

Hey! Hey! Hey! slut_boy!!! What do you want to talk to me about? You need more panties?

 

[~justin]

i dunno, if you return the money, what'll stop him from just doing something else for you?

 

[Endlessly]

You're right, Deborah.. Sorry slutbaby, I'm going to go in my corner and pout.. You just look too damn good in those panties.

But Deborah.. There's a difference. You didn't send me $200 worth of magic.

Ach.. I told my mother, though, and she thinks (for once) I should keep the money. So I am.

And once again I think I'm going to use it irresponsibly! Hee hee.. Oh, the joys of being eighteen.

 

[Slut_boy]

LOL. Silly girls.

 

[Siren]

SLUT_BOY !!!!

 

[Gil]

My two cents:

If your friend from Missouri can afford it (and if you're sure of this), keep it and send him a thankyou card or better yet phone and thank him. He sounds like a good friend, the kind that last a lifetime.

If your parents are strapped for funds, tell your dad that you won't need his cash after all and leave it at that. Hopefully, you've already told him that your "T-shirt" employer made good on his check.