Funny sexual euphamisms

[Annisthyrienne]

Funny sexual euphemisms

Okay, I've been thinking about this topic, and I know how creative the people here are, so let's see if we can have fun with this and have a good laugh too.

Post your best euphemism, for anything to do with sex: sex acts, masturbation, sexual parts, etc. If your reference is somewhat vague and you want to explain with a word or two, go ahead.

I'll start it off.

Female masturbation:
Finger boxing the little pink speed bag.
Finger picking the ol' banjo.
Making the cricket sing. (One of my own devising. It might need explanation, but it's too involved for here.)

Male masturbation:
Wrestling the one-eyed, purple headed yogurt slinger.


There are plenty more out there, I'm sure. Let's hear them!

 

[Annisthyrienne]

Apparently I'm the only one who knows any, so here are a few more.


Taking the love luge on the inbound loin line.
In 'n' out, scream 'n' shout.
Getting a vitamin 'F' injection.
Tiptoe through the two lips.
Taking the bullet train through Yonker's tunnel.
Rubbing one out with my trusty Pink Pearl (eraser reference! Yay!)
Fertilizing the flower bed.
Plowing the furrow.
Abusing the wicked stick.
Arm-wrestle with your one-eyed vessel.
Auditioning your hand puppet.

 

[Annisthyrienne]

Here's one for the Star Wars fans:

Going Han Solo on Darth Vader's helmet.

 

[yeishia]

This is a lovely Idea for a thread unfortunately I know of none.

I do have a few in my Sexual Thesaurus thread I think *runs to look*

Can we make up our own? *giggles*

 

[Light Ice]

I always liked this episode of Extras featuring Kate Winslett where she calls a man's dick a "purple-headed womb ferret".

 

[Annisthyrienne]

This is a lovely Idea for a thread unfortunately I know of none.

I do have a few in my Sexual Thesaurus thread I think *runs to look*

Can we make up our own? *giggles*

Sure! We can all be as creative as we want. Some I've seen are pretty obscure anyhow, like:

Sending down for some mayo.

 

[Annisthyrienne]

That one made me laugh, LI.

 

[yeishia]

Sure! We can all be as creative as we want. Some I've seen are pretty obscure anyhow, like:

Sending down for some mayo.

Now that went right over my head at first . Lord I am a nit! lol

 

[Annisthyrienne]

I've got some more for your enjoyment!

Male masturbation: For some reason there are more of these than anything else, definitely more than for female. C'mon girls, we're just not trying hard enough!

Applying the hand brake.
Audition your hand puppet.
Caulking the cracks in the bathroom tile.
Caning the vandal.
Couch hockey for one.
Crank the love pump.
Dancing with the one-eyed sailor.
Fiddle the flesh flute.
Give your low five.
Helping put Mr. Kleenex's kids through college.

And for intercourse:

Haulin’ the ashes,
Making the 2-backed monster,
Starting a submarine race,
Humpty bumpty.
Making baby batter,
Plugging the bird bath,
Groin grinding,
"If you can’t cut the mustard, lick the jar."
Doing the laundry (that way if it is a small load you can do it by hand)
Horizontal Watusi

 

[Last_Rider]

I never really understood why some people referred to it as "Boffing"

However, I just watched Grumpy Old Men and Burgess Meredith's character has a few I can contribute:

Taking old one eye to the optomitrist
Putting the hot dog in the bun
Taking the skin boat to Tuna Town
Taking the log to the beaver
Slippin' her the old salami
Taking a ride on the wild bologna pony

 

[RockGod235]

I'm suprised Bashing the Bishop hasnt been said yet.

Here's some cockney rhyming slang from yours truly.

Going for a sherman
Having a J. Arthur
Off for a Barclays

 

[Annisthyrienne]

I never really understood why some people referred to it as "Boffing"

However, I just watched Grumpy Old Men and Burgess Meredith's character has a few I can contribute:

Taking old one eye to the optomitrist
Putting the hot dog in the bun
Taking the skin boat to Tuna Town
Taking the log to the beaver
Slippin' her the old salami
Taking a ride on the wild bologna pony

Those are all great ones. I loved that movie! Burgess Meredith was hilarious!

 

[Annisthyrienne]

I found some!

This is dedicated to all the 'ladies' who aren't always lady-like.

Grease The Gash.
Pink Slip Finger Dip.
Scratchin' A Record.
Tickle The Taco.
Juice Your Sluice.
Flickin' The Bean.
Two Finger Tango.
Slam The Clam.
Rubbin' The Nubbin.
Tickle The Prawn.
Applyin' Lip Gloss. (I love this one!)
Double Clickin' The Mouse. (Yay, Mac users rejoice!)

I gotta try some of these.

 

[Veroe]

I read a book about about two spaceship traders, and when it got to the sex all it said was: "...And then they entered into some very strenuous negotiations."

From Buffy the Vampire slayer
the classic that made Season 2: "...One moment of true happiness..."
From Season 4 episode: Restless.
Xander: Tara and Willow are back there. They're witches. Sometimes I think of them doing a spell, and then I do a spell.

 

[Annisthyrienne]

I found some more for the girls.

Washing The Cucumber.
Playing Cuntry On The Clitar.
Fingas In Da Hood.
Saying Hi To Miss American Pie. (Don Mclean likes this one!)
Rub It Lucky.
Wax On, Wax Off. (I think I must be a kung fu master by now!)
Do The Dew.
Flick The Bullet.

 

[Niriate]

I've come up with another one.

Putting your Rolls Royce into the safehouse. (can exchange with any car type that is appropriate)

 

[ShadowFighter15]

I've come up with another one.

Putting your Rolls Royce into the safehouse. (can exchange with any car type that is appropriate)

It's also pretty apt if you're both fans of the GTA series.

I can only think of one and it's for Alchemicals in Exalted:

Employing the Piston-Driven Megaton Hammer.


P-DMH is an ability Alchemicals can get; just makes them do more damage in hand-to-hand combat. Remembered it because of this entry in "Things one is not allowed to do in Exalted"

29. I am not allowed to design, and install somewhere quite unmentionable, an Array containing Piston-Driven Megaton Hammer and Thousandfold Courtesan Calculations. I am not allowed to call this Array the 'Mr. Stud Sexual Implant'.

 

[Annisthyrienne]

Top 11 Geek references for sex:
11. Scrolling down (for lady geeks)
10. Boldly going where other men may have gone before
9. Injecting malicious code into open port
8. Reaching the final boss level
7. Practicing what's in the hidden folder
6. Taking a break from the Internet
5. stack.Push(); stack.Pop();
4. Torpedoing the womp rat
3. Instantiating the baby object
2. Activating the special Wonder Twin powers
1. RTFM without reading the manual

 

[Annisthyrienne]

Okay, here we go with the ones most people would rather not mention, but anal sex is part of the deal too. Here are ten for you.

The Brown Glove Treatment

The Meat-Missile Mud Bath

Lookin’ for Love in All the Wrong Places

When One-Eye Met Brown-Eye

Taking a Trip Up the Eerie Canal

Finding Out What Brown Can Do for You

Admitting the Weapons Inspector Without Unsealing the Silo

Bogeying Hole Number Two

Playin’ the Flip-Side

Drilling for Oil on the Moon

 

[Proximus]

OK... some of my favorites....

Female masturbation
- Finger Painting

Male Masturbation
- Playing Tug-o-War with Cyclops
- Shining your Helmet
- Spanking the Monkey

Fellatio
- Smoking the Sausage
- Playing the Skin Flute

Cunnilingus
- Muff Diving
- Going Snorkeling

 

[kittenofdeath]

To quote the bloodhound gang:

Vulcanize the whoopee stick
In the ham wallet

Cattle prod the oyster ditch
With the lap rocket

Batter dip the cranny axe
In the gut locker

Retrofit the pudding hatch
Ooh la la
With the boink swatter

Marinate the nether rod
In the squish mitten

Power drill the yippee bog
With the dude piston

Pressure wash the quiver bone
In the bitch wrinkle

Cannonball the fiddle cove
Ooh la la
With the pork steeple

 

[LifeofRiley2010]

Funny stuff!

male masturbation
waxing the carrot
The boys were camping and in the middle of the night Joe screamed - "WTF Ed's beating his johnson!"

female masturbation
tickling the bearded clam

anal sex
"I didn't have a condom so I had to use the trademan's entrance."

 

[SquiresBoy]

I really like "Paddling the pink canoe."

;-D

 

[Siren_Smiles]

Sex:
Bumping Uglies
Baby Dancing

Masturbating:
Doing deep knee bends in the Cucumber patch

Either Category:
Sinning Vigorously

 

[Annisthyrienne]

anal sex
"I didn't have a condom so I had to use the trademan's entrance."

Sex:
Baby Dancing

Masturbating:
Doing deep knee bends in the Cucumber patch

Either Category:
Sinning Vigorously

I love all these! Thank you for the posts.