Isolde
Guardian's Desire
- Joined
- Dec 27, 2000
- Posts
- 4,432
The second day of a diet is always easier than the first. By the second day
you're off it. - Jackie Gleason
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
- Red Buttons
I have a daughter who goes to SMU. She could've gone to UCLA here in
California, but it's one more letter she'd have to remember.
- Sheckly Greene
A conference is a gathering of important people who singly can do nothing,
but together can decide that nothing can be done. - Fred Allen
A cement mixer collided with a prison van on the Kingston Pass. Motorists
are asked to be on the lookout for sixteen hardened criminals.
- Ronnie Corbett
They think they can make fuel from horse manure... Now I don't know if your
car will be able to get thirty miles to the gallon, but it's sure gonna put
a stop to siphoning. - Billie Holliday
I date this girl for two years -- and then the nagging starts:
"I wanna know your name!" - Mike Binder
Advertising: The science of arresting the human intelligence long enough to
get money from it. - Stephen Leacock
I have a great diet. You're allowed to eat anything you want, but you must
eat it with naked fat people. - Ed Bluestone
Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you? But
when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window.
- Steve Bluestone
Everything is drive-through. In California they even have a burial service
called Jump-In-The-Box. - Wil Shriner
The day you take complete responsibility for yourself, the day you stop making
any excuses, that's the day you start to the top. - O.J. Simpson
you're off it. - Jackie Gleason
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
- Red Buttons
I have a daughter who goes to SMU. She could've gone to UCLA here in
California, but it's one more letter she'd have to remember.
- Sheckly Greene
A conference is a gathering of important people who singly can do nothing,
but together can decide that nothing can be done. - Fred Allen
A cement mixer collided with a prison van on the Kingston Pass. Motorists
are asked to be on the lookout for sixteen hardened criminals.
- Ronnie Corbett
They think they can make fuel from horse manure... Now I don't know if your
car will be able to get thirty miles to the gallon, but it's sure gonna put
a stop to siphoning. - Billie Holliday
I date this girl for two years -- and then the nagging starts:
"I wanna know your name!" - Mike Binder
Advertising: The science of arresting the human intelligence long enough to
get money from it. - Stephen Leacock
I have a great diet. You're allowed to eat anything you want, but you must
eat it with naked fat people. - Ed Bluestone
Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you? But
when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window.
- Steve Bluestone
Everything is drive-through. In California they even have a burial service
called Jump-In-The-Box. - Wil Shriner
The day you take complete responsibility for yourself, the day you stop making
any excuses, that's the day you start to the top. - O.J. Simpson
