funny emails

[Debbie]

> Queen of the Castle
>
>
>
>I shave my legs, I sit down to pee.
>And I can justify any, shopping spree.
>Don't go to a barber, but a beauty salon.
>Can get a massage, without a hard-on.
>I can balance the checkbook, can pump my own gas.
>Can talk to my friends, about the size of my ass.
>My beauty's a masterpiece, and yes, it takes long.
>At least I can admit, to others when I'm wrong.
>I don't drive in circles, at any cost.
>And I don't have a problem, admitting I'm lost.
>I never forget, an important date.
>You just gotta deal with it, I'm usually late.
>I don't watch movies, with lots of gore.
>Don't need instant replay, To remember the score.
>I won't lose my hair, I don't get jock itch.
>And just cause I'm assertive, Don't call me a bitch.
>Don't say to your friends, Oh yeah, I can get her.
>In your dreams, my dear, I can do better!
>Flowers are okay, But jewelry's best.
>Would you look at my face, Not at my chest!
>I don't have a problem, with Expressing my feelings.
>I know when you're lying, You look at the ceiling.
>Don't call me a girl, A babe or a chick.
>I am a WOMAN, Get it,you prick?!
>

 

[Debbie]

Love poem

>
>Tyron asked his work buddy Robert one morning, "Man, why you always
>so
>damn
>>happy when you come to work every day?"
>>
>>Robert replied, "That's because I make love to my wife every
>>morning
>before
>>work."
>>
>>Amazed, Tyron asked him how he gets his wife to make love to him
>>every
>>morning.
>>
>>"That's easy," Robert's said. "I just tell her this little poem
>>that I
>made
>>up. She loves it! It goes
>>like this:
>>"Blond hair, blond hair, eyes so blue.
>>I love waking up and making love to you!"
>>
>>Tyron was all like, "Man, you white guys is so dang sentimental an'
>>shit...."
>>But he decided it wouldn't hurt to give it a try, so he spent the
>>rest of
>>the day thinking up a
>>poem for his wife.
>>
>>The next day Tyron showed up with 2 bruised eyes, broken nose, fat
>>lip,
>the
>>works. Robert asked, "Man, what happened to you?"
>>
>>Tyron said, "I don't know, man. I went home and tried your advice,
>>that's
>>all. I just told her a poem...."
>>
>>Robert said "Well, what poem did you tell her?"
>>
>>Tyron told him:
>>"Nappy head, nappy head, eyes like a frog.
>>If I could roll your fat ass over, I'd do you like a dog."

 

[Lancaster]

Very good debbie. But haven't you forgotten something?

 

[Debbie]

Nope the genie hasn't forgotton your wish! just off to bed... your wish is my command but due to employee strike there will be a slight delay in delivery. Management apologizes for any inconvenience. normal services will be continued as soon as humanly possible.