Funny and Outrageous Comments

[Erlikkhan]

I have been posting stories here since 2001 and have received a lot of comments on my stories, both good, bad, and informative. I seldom delete a comment because I find most readers intelligent and able to sort through the crap on their own. Some I have found some hilarious and others outrageous or weird. I thought a thread to share comments you have received that fit into these categories would be worthwhile. I'll start with a few.

"Braindead fucked up characters written by a braindead writer. Who would want to be married to a bitch like this?"

"YOU SICK SADISTIC .... WAIT, i need to clean up the puddle of cum i left on my boss' leather chair ...right i was saying ... you are soooooooooooo sick ... and i enjoyed every minute of it..."

"Self Cuckolding loving husband is so pitiful and weak to anyone with half a brain especially to a man with any self respect - right author! Male Humiliation seems to be your bag author but it paints you as being more than somewhat numbly jaded and depraved as are those who need this to get off. See teenager and sicko comments."

"Wow Anonymous. It's called a FANTASY. I get that you don't like anal. Neither do I. But the whole point of stories like this is that the characters do shit we would never be able to or want to in real life. So here's an idea for yah - every time a story says ass, just think pussy. Then you can enjoy the story with us grownups."

 

[SimonDoom]

For me, it's a tie between:


"What the fuck is wrong with you?"

and


"Here, eat my condom."


Both were in response to the same story -- a Loving Wives story, of course.

 

[Hypoxia]

Comments inviting me to suicide show that I've really touched the bloke.

 

[BiscuitHammer]

I had some tweak tell me he intended to bump me off with a sniper rifle. That was amusing. I think it was because my webmistress had deleted an anon comment of his and he threatened to slit my throat if I did it again. I laughed about it either on here, or in some author's notes, and I guess he read it, because he then said he wouldn't slit my throat, he'd use said sniper rifle.

I wonder if his mom knows. I'll bet she's proud.

I received a completely irrelevant rant once on a story. The person raged at me about doing a horrible job of portraying m/m sex in my story.

Which was odd, because the story in question contained absolutely no m/m sex, and unless I have a serious case of DID, then I've never written any either. I'm assuming said rantling was extremely high, and meant to be shrieking on someone else's wall, and just happened to stumble into one of my stories before hitting thr comment button.

I've had since really racist vitriol plastered on my comment walls, but my webmistress is under orders to delete those, because I won't give pea-brained bigots a voice. To that end, I've shut off Anonymous reviews for now. I'd prefer not to, but silencing Nazis is more important to me than some reviews. Morals matter.

Hmmmmm, what else...

Oh! I had a girl offer to come to where I am and have sex with me, if I'd write her into my story. I wrote her in, but didn't take her up on her kindly offer, because she wrote entirely in lowercase, and that kinda made me question her legality.

Besides, she may have been a psycho who wanted to skin me like a deer and wear me as pajamas. And that doesn't suit me. Never meet your fans, they're usually bugfuck insane.

So yeah, incel snipers, racists, and cannibal teenagers. Maybe I should be worried about my fanbase...

 

[Zeb_Carter]

I got this one a about a week ago in a private feedback via email...

You my friend are an fucking asshole. I was looking for a woody and I found a couple of tears. I have read a respectable amount of stories here in Literotica and this is the first time I dropped a tear...… Well done!!

 

[BiscuitHammer]

I got this one a about a week ago in a private feedback via email...

I assume Anonymous? They're never brave enough to identify.

 

[Zeb_Carter]

I assume Anonymous? They're never brave enough to identify.

No, their email was posted with it and my thank you email was delivered.

The story did have a sad ending. My editor even cried when she read it.

It was Homeless.

 

[SynSlave]

So far the only thing I had to delete was a comment blasting me for my lack of "research"; I was also called lazy and told I shouldn't even bother writing fan fiction because of my lack of effort.

Sounds benign sure, except... it wasn't a work of fan fiction. So I'm guessing they either didn't read the story or hated it because it wasn't fan fiction? I tried to puzzle it out but i wound up with a slight headache after a few minutes.

I try to see other points of view but they have to at least apply to the correct story, no?

 

[BelleCanzuto]

I haven't had any really outrageous comments yet. There was one commenter, not anonymous, who posted that my characters needed to get divorced. Every comment of hers on my stories was the same - she needs to divorce him.

Until I posted this: Catharsis, and the same commenter wrote a really nice one about how she thought it was deep and a "really amazing read." So, who knows.

 

[RetroFan]

Comments inviting me to suicide show that I've really touched the bloke.

I got a comment like this on my Incest/Taboo story series 'Body Swap With Sister's Boyfriend' this year. It read - 'Kill Yourself - Get it through your head, it being a bullet.'

The site administrators later deleted it, but it was just one of many vitriolic comments against the story series which for the most part was written to make readers laugh. The strong negative reaction was actually quite amusing and in a way an impressive achievement for an amateur writer from Australia.

 

[CoffeeWithMonkeys]

I got this one a about a week ago in a private feedback via email...

That's a great comment!

 

[CoffeeWithMonkeys]

I don't really get many comments on anything. I did have an odd one once that was just random letters strung together which some people guess were acronyms but I couldn't decipher it.
It later got deleted by admin or whoever deletes comments.

I guess the oddest one I got was on the last chapter of Seredipity
'going nowhere
by Anonymous user on 12/03/2016
Sorry, I did not enjoy it. The plot needs more color , where were they, describe the city, the room, even the bed. I skimmed fast. The ring was a nice shot. She should hock it if it was worth something.'

It was obvious that they skimmed fast because it says in the story that the ring was worth maybe 25 cents since he got it out of a gumball machine.
Jeez. At least read the story if you're going to comment on it.

 

[BiscuitHammer]

Jeez. At least read the story if you're going to comment on it.

Heyyyyy, don't tell the readers how to do their jobs. That'd be like them telling we writers how to...

Wait. Never mind...

 

[CoffeeWithMonkeys]

Heyyyyy, don't tell the readers how to do their jobs. That'd be like them telling we writers how to...

Wait. Never mind...

LOL!!!!
I have had that too...
Recently had this on my No Such Thing As Time series.
'Disappointed
by Anonymous user on 10/06/2019
That’s it? She just found out her bestfriend fucked her “husband” and she just jumps right to sleeping with him? Sure she’s a bit insecure but I didn’t think she’d be that desperate. You would think with all the hormones in her system from her pregnancy she’d bitch slapped Amanda at least. nope, she tells her “husband” i love you and reassures him that they can talk later. Right. (He’d probably fuck Lynn too if he gets the chance. Gotta grab the oppurtunity before the world ends.) And then it’s just like nothing happened. Pathetic. Mara needs a backbone or they will continue seeing her as a doormat.
I had to endure reading about her making those cookies only to find out this bitch really is a push over.
Kick the three stooges out and let the new comers stay. Problem solved.'

 

[BumbleCat]

I had a comment on a story that had been up for a while where the anonymous commenter told me he'd only read one paragraph of my story but he thought my vocabulary was basically too flowery or something and that if I wanted more readers I needed to use more basic language.

My only regret is engaging with him. I didn't delete the exchange because it still amuses me that the commenter wasn't self-aware enough to catch that I was making fun of him.

 

[RetroFan]

The comments that make me laugh or shake my head are negative comments about subject matters that are clearly indicated in the story title, description or even by a disclaimer at the start of the story.

For example, say there was a Fetish story called 'Penny Gets Her Period On A Plane' and was about an attractive young female flight attendant named Penny whose very heavy period comes early and unexpectedly during a long flight, leaving her with menstrual blood on her white skirt. Clearly this is a period fetish story by title alone. So if you hated menstruation fetish material, why read the story in the first place, much less make negative comments about it?

There's lots of fetishes that I don't like and find weird. For example, say I logged onto Literotica, clicked on the Fetish section and there was a new story called 'Horace Humps a Hucow'. Now if Horace wants to go around humping hucows all day, that's entirely Horace's own business. If an author wants to write about Horace humping hucows and put it on the internet that is his or her own business. And if people get their rocks off reading about Horace's antics, again entirely their own business. But I know if I read a story called 'Horace Humps a Hucow' I would probably vomit, be unable to sleep for a week or be plagued by nightmares, and be at risk of a car accident or being run over by a bus or a tram due to my zombie like state of trauma and lack of sleep.

So why would I subject myself to something called 'Horace Humps a Hucow' and then make negative comments about how much I hated the subject matter? If I read a story in Romance presented as a serious historical drama about how a young soldier in WW2 falls in love with a single mother and as soon as it goes into the bedroom it degenerates into hucow fetishes with no warning this was about to happen, then I would have grounds to make negative comments. But if I knew full well what the story was about, I don't have much to complain about.

 

[Zeb_Carter]

That's a great comment!

I thought so too.

Way better than...

"Just some more cuck shit."

 

[ElectricBlue]

I've just had a physicist wander by and correct my mass computations for an astronaut on Titan. No comment about the alien (angels being imaginary creatures, on Titan as well as on Earth), but I've been corrected about gravity. My dramatic fourteen fall turns out (in one/seventh Earth gravity) to be equivalent to a two foot fall, like falling off a chair. Dang!

I've replied that my scientific authority for the next part (which I've actually started) will be Samuel Taylor Coleridge - which will probably make his head explode .

 

[BiscuitHammer]

I've just had a physicist wander by and correct my mass computations for an astronaut on Titan. No comment about the alien (angels being imaginary creatures, on Titan as well as on Earth), but I've been corrected about gravity.

For once, in all of recorded history, a mansplaining moment of 'Well, actually...' came with valid relevant data. Now I've seen everything. Every other mansplainer can now be rounded up and TWEEP'd (Terminated With Extreme Prejudice) as totally irrelevant. More so.

Still, no comment at all on your story? Bad manners...

 

[8letters]

One particular comment always cracks me up. It's on "Cycling Weekends With Sis". I had first gotten this comment:

Stupid story.
by Anonymous user on 08/31/2013
The writer hasn't cycled a mile in his life. The speeds over distance for an inexperienced cyclist are impossible. As impossible as the 12' cocks so beloved of ignorant US writers.

And then I got a comment that started with:

Not believable
by Anonymous user on 08/31/2013
This story is not even remotely believable.

I was like, "Oh no. Not this again." But the rest of the comment made me laugh:

Everybody knows that guy who spends thousands of dollars on a bicycle and drives a Subaru would prefer to suck cock than have anyhting to do with any pussy. I couldn't even make it past the massage in the motel. You need to rewrite this story, take the sis out and put this in the gay section where it belongs.

 

[OneAuthor]

I received this one from an anonymous reader, in response to chapter 5 of my Teacher's Pet story. For a bit of background, Amber is the main character, and a 12th grade teacher... and Polly is her 18 year old student.

Eventually, the apartment where Amber lives will become Polly's apartment as well when she has Amber order home delivered sushi, pizza and Italian food of her choosing for both of them. Amber is run ragged doing what Polly wants her to do, including ordering food deliveries, including replacement good if she doesn't like the original while perspiring profusely in her dress. And when Polly is curious about Amber's wardrobe in the closet, she will make Amber feel obligated to show her the clothes she wears, including asking her to model them and make a mess out of her closet while helping her decide which clothes she should keep for school or discard.

Finally, it will be Amber who will be told to kneel in front of Amber's comfortable chair while giving her an exquisite foot rub on each foot while Polly turns on a channel on Goth fashion for women which is totally repellent to Amber's sensibilities as she is told repeatily how to massage her aching feet while Amber is dressed in a sleeveless tank top as Polly thinks about exposing Amber to the Goth lifestyle to disabuse her of being prejudiced against people with not conservative mind sets. To be able to change Amber's appearance would be a powerful thing for Polly to do, given the leverage she has against her.

I have been "repeatily" giggling about this person's wild imagination... especially regarding the Goth fashion channel for women.

 

[MichaelGH]

Yeah I've gotten some crazy comments. Check them out:

It was good except for the 15k word defense of the policies of Jimmy Carter you inserted right into the middle of the story. You didn't even touch upon the Hostage situation, which is what he is mostly criticized for so your arguments don't have much weight. Overall it really broke up the flow of the story.

Yeah get a load of that dude.

I could be wrong but I think you may have wrote this story solely to advertise a health supplement. I mean there were sex scenes and what not but all of them had to do with that health supplement and how it made sex so much more invigorating. In fact there were countless scenes included that were specifically written to counteract the arguments of the health supplements detractors. I never thought I'd live to see the day in which erotica has product placement.

See what I have to deal with.

I don't know what has caused you to hate the people of Cambodia with such a fervor, but rest assured it is nothing that they did. I sincerely hope you manage to let the love within you triumph over the hate and that you make amends for all the people you have hurt.

I mean how do you even respond to that?

 

[oggbashan]

I have just deleted yet another negative comment from a Literotica user who does not allow contact nor has any stories posted. He has left several similar negative comments on my new stories within an hour of them being posted.

I don't see why I should accept such negativity from someone who will not let people respond.

 

[SucculentTreats]

I have just deleted yet another negative comment from a Literotica user who does not allow contact nor has any stories posted. He has left several similar negative comments on my new stories within an hour of them being posted.

I don't see why I should accept such negativity from someone who will not let people respond.

Trolls will troll. It sucks, but that is exactly what it is. How do you move forward despite the frustrations? Given the inherently dirty content of my two mediocre stories, while I've mostly received positive feedback, I've been 'attacked' by a couple of trolls. I would understand if it were constructive criticism based on my writing style, because I'm an average writer, but it is more-so nonsensical hateful crap. I think I will choose to move forward and attempt to ignore them.

 

[SimonDoom]

I was like, "Oh no. Not this again." But the rest of the comment made me laugh:

Quote:
Everybody knows that guy who spends thousands of dollars on a bicycle and drives a Subaru would prefer to suck cock than have anyhting to do with any pussy. I couldn't even make it past the massage in the motel. You need to rewrite this story, take the sis out and put this in the gay section where it belongs.

I think this is my all-time favorite Literotica comment.

Obviously, you struck a chord, but not one that anyone ever could have expected.