Funeral Blues

[scheherazade_79]

I went to my grandmother's funeral yesterday. It was a tough day, but I got through it. What struck me most of all was that everything was exactly how my grandmother would have wanted it to be. There were about eight preachers, a retired Bishop, the church service was in Welsh, there were lots of purple flowers, and more important than anything else - her MBE was acknowledged on the front of the funeral programme.

Sad thoughts aside, it got me wondering how other people would like their send-offs to be. It doesn't matter how fantastical or unachievable you think it is - I'd still like to hear.

In a perfect world, my funeral service would be at the Sacre Coeur in the artists' quarters of Paris. It would be dusk, and there'd be an orchestra and a choir inside, performing Faure's Requiem. Once it was over, I'd want a fireworks display worthy of an Olympic opening ceremony.

I'd then opt for cremation and have half my ashes scattered around the Welsh coastline, and the other half scattered in Amsterdam.

What about you guys?

 

[millennium_bard]

My fathers funeral was yesterday as well.
You have my condolences.

The one funny thing about my dad's will was that he had requested that his ashes be stored in an empty naval 5-inch shell casing that he had converted into an urn for that purpose years ago.
I suppose it was only fitting since he spent 30+ years in the navy.

I just got a smile thinking about your grandmother and my father standing in line together at the Pearly Gates, chatting away about their children and grandkids.

As for me, I have a nice quiet spot picked out with lots for me and my future wife and our children if we ever have any.
It's nice and peaceful and almost 50 miles from the nearest town.

 

[scheherazade_79]

I'm sorry to hear about your father, MB. I'm just hoping there isn't a queue system to get in through the pearly gates, because I'm not sure my grandmother would have appreciated hanging around with Yasser Arafat

 

[millennium_bard]

I'm sorry to hear about your father, MB. I'm just hoping there isn't a queue system to get in through the pearly gates, because I'm not sure my grandmother would have appreciated hanging around with Yasser Arafat

Somehow I think that Arafat took the express elevator downstairs

If he did manage to avoid that, I'm sure that he is at the back of the queue while our folks are near the front of the line.

 

[Guest]

you both are in my thoughts. as well as Impressive who lost her grandmother the other day.
my father had the funeral of his dreams. we had bagpippers who brought a dog with them...the stonemasons...all his family and friends eulogized him...it was most austere and what he wanted.
my mom died in september and we had a memorial gathering for her. i think thats what she would have wanted. we told stories about her life. i will scatter her ashes over the sound as soon as i get them.

for me, i would love to have a huge party. i dont care where. i dont want any crying. just a huge celebration. there must be music, everything i ever loved..i suppose most like an irish wake. thats where we came from so, that would be fitting. id love to have people tell stories about how i made them laugh or what have you...then the next day id love to have my ashes scattered over the block island sound...with my step sister singing as i am returned to earth.
yeah...that thought makes me happy.

 

[oggbashan]

My in-laws wanted a quiet funeral with no priests because they didn't believe. They also wanted their bodies to be of some use.

Because of problems neither 'donation' of their bodies to medicine could be accepted. Instead, and this was their request if the bodies could not be used, they had green burials.

They were buried in a field in bio-degradable coffins. A native tree was planted between them. Eventually the field will become a wood and the only marker will be a list of names and dates beside the gate into the wood.

At each of their funerals, their granddaughters told them their good memories of their grandparents, as did one of their daughters. The other daughter played each one's favourite melody on a clarinet. At my father-in-law's funeral his younger brother said 'thank you' for all the help his older brother had given him when their father had died while all except he had been at school. Copies of what each had said were left in an envelope on the coffins as the earth covered them.

Now their graves have grass and a few meadow flowers on them. The tree is growing well and will soon be their only marker. When we visit, finding the graves isn't important. We go to a field, now adorned with a few trees, to remember them. We don't need to go there to remember, but when we do remember them, we think of a quiet field. I think they would have liked that.

Og

PS. For the first funeral, my mother-in-law's, it had been raining hard for days. The grave had to have a portable pump running except during the actual interment. The mourners all arrived in waterproofs and green wellington boots. The funeral director's staff had never done 'a green funeral'. They were wearing formal black clothing and highly polished shoes. We had warned them that it could be muddy. One look at the mourners and they changed into glossy black (and obviously new) wellingtons. Just as well. We all had to wade through six inches of water on the way from the hearse to the grave. The sun shone briefly during the 'service'. The rain returned as we left.

 

[Guest]

...

They were buried in a field in bio-degradable coffins. A native tree was planted between them. Eventually the field will become a wood and the only marker will be a list of names and dates beside the gate into the wood.

At each of their funerals, their granddaughters told them their good memories of their grandparents, as did one of their daughters. The other daughter played each one's favourite melody on a clarinet. At my father-in-law's funeral his younger brother said 'thank you' for all the help his older brother had given him when their father had died while all except he had been at school. Copies of what each had said were left in an envelope on the coffins as the earth covered them.

Now their graves have grass and a few meadow flowers on them. The tree is growing well and will soon be their only marker. When we visit, finding the graves isn't important. We go to a field, now adorned with a few trees, to remember them. We don't need to go there to remember, but when we do remember them, we think of a quiet field. I think they would have liked that.

Og

...

oh Og...how beautiful. thank you for sharing that.

 

[impressive]

The only "marker" I want is a tree. My ashes can be placed in the hole where it's planted. No "funeral" or "memorial service" necessary.

A big party would be nice -- and everyone in attendance would get a notecard bearing the link to my Lit member page. Then, instead of grieving, folks could marvel about how little they actually knew me. (A few would spend a significant amount of time praying for my eternally damned soul.)

 

[rgraham666]

Irish wake for me.

Have a party people! Get drunk, laugh, remember me.

As far as my body goes, grind it up fine and spread it on a farmer's field somewhere so I can do something good in death as well as life.

Very sorry to hear about your losses scheherazade, millennium and imp.

 

[Guest]

Scheherazade, Millennium and Imp, my condolences.

As for my own funeral, I dunno. I'm not sure I'm that bothered, really. I think I'd just want my family and loved ones to mark my departure in any way they chose. I've always believed that it is the ones who are left behind that matter, and they should do whatever best helps them say goodbye, or whatever.

I must say, Og, what you described sounds quite beautiful. I think something like that would be quite fitting for me.

Lou

 

[BigAndTall]

I want a really fun funeral.

I mean silly. I want people to laugh and forget to be sad. Lots of fun folk music. Drinks. "Lousy T-shirts" A bumper stick on my coffin that says "I'd rather be living" and fake nose and funny glasses on.

Though I am told that the nose thing won't happen

I am a jokey guy in life. Thats how I want to be remembered.

 

[matriarch]

My father in law was a fanatical amateur cricketer. He also adored the singing of Kathleen Ferrier.

At his cremation service, his entrance was marked to the sound of Kathleen's majestic voice singing 'Blow the Wind Southerly', (unaccompanied...if you haven't heard it, I recommend it,), which sent tingles up my spine. At the end of an emotional service (he was a very popular man), we exited to the sound of the music played by BBC for their cricket coverage, and I can't for the life of me remember what it was. But it made everyone smile.

Himself had driven back to the family home when it was obvious his father was dying, and been with him when he died. He then stayed with his mother, helping her sort out all the paperwork, and arrangements. In all, he was with her fro around 2 very difficult weeks for him. I wouldn't have wanted it any other way. Mmy mother in law, bless her (gritted teeth ), very loudly, in front of the assembled 'wake' back at the house, politely thanked me 'for allowing XXXX to stay with her'. To say I was speechless, was putting it mildly.

I put on my coat and went for a long walk, until the urge to punch someone's face had subsided a little.

Father in Law's ashes were eventually scattered, bu daughter and son, over the cricket pitch where he had played and umpired for 50 years.

Himself is a keen competitive cyclist, and has been to France to watch the Tour for the last 15 years. He wishes to be cremated with not a trace of 'ridiculous religion', and he will leave enough money for his two sons to take his ashes to the top of Alp D'Ues, and scatter him to the winds, 'so I can watch that incredible stage forever.'

Myself, I love the idea of the 'green funeral', followed by one hell of a 'knees up'.......no religion (my oldest friend is an ordained priest, and I have told her she can only take part as a friend, not a priest, and is forbidden to wear her clerical garb. She agreed.). The other alternative is a cremation, with AC/DC as my chosen music to go out to.....and my ashes scattered over the waves, along the beach which is such an integral part of my life.

 

[mismused]

such an unusual thread.

I keep trying to learn about this existence, the whys, the wherefores, and still don't have all the answers.

What I do have is some unusual new perspectives, and, for now, a simple cremation will suffice.

Don't want anything special, just to go with a mind that is wondering what is really next, and hoping that when I am gone from this existence, that whatever it is that I truly am does remember this now, and uses it profitably if able to do so.

Thanks for making up this particular thread -- it made me think some more.

mismused, but with condolences to all who have recently lost a loved one.

 

[cloudy]

I've actually thought about this. Morbid, I know, but sometimes you just can't help it.

I've always thought that current funeral customs, at least here in the US, are barbaric. I realize that family and friends need to say good-bye, but if someone puts my empty body on display after I'm long gone, I swear, I'll come back to haunt them. I think it's horrible. I've gone to funeral homes to express my feelings to the family of people that have gone on, but I can't bring myself to look in a casket and make appropriate responses, and it has nothing to do with a dead body phobia or anything. It's simply that the person who was is no longer there, and I feel that at some visceral level.

I want to be cremated. No gravesite for family or friends to feel like they have to visit, or feel guilty if they haven't. I mean, I'm not there, so no big deal.

Take my ashes, and scatter them wherever....just as long as it's someplace wild.

 

[Pornofan420]

Sympathies to all y'all making the graveside visit recently.

I'd like to go out cremated nekkid in a cardboard box. No reason to ruin a good set of clothes. Dispose of the ashes someplace sanitary.

As far as a wake goes, I'm torn. On the one hand, I'll be dead and won't care much. Besides, wakes are for the living and it seems not quite right to have an opinion on how a party you're not going to attend is thrown.

On the other hand, I think it would be excellent to have a combination of loud, Hawaiian shirts & dresses, black t-shirts & jeans, tiki-shaped candle holders, a bartender mixing cocktails, abundant marijuana, and a poker game going at any party thrown in my honor.

I mean, if you're going to remember someone, remember them accurately.